Author blind_otter Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 I'm praying!!! Say a little one for me with the job interview today at 4pm. Definately. We have a little prayer circle going! Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I realized that my friends who moved into my upper respiratory tract should not be made to feel welcome. So I put Mr. Burns hallucinating up, instead, because I feel so sickly. Remember the episode where they find out that Mr. Burns has so many deathly illnesses inside his body that he is at homeostasis, so he is invulnerable? Was that even an episode of the simpsons? coughing fit. Yes that was an episode. The avatar you're using though is from the episode where Homer thinks he's sighted aliens but it turns out to be Mr.Burns wandering after his various treatments to keep him alive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 3, 2006 Author Share Posted May 3, 2006 Ironically, I post under KC's last post to me! Oh well. I can't say I'm not bummed but whatever, I can't stop being who I am. My Dad's surgery went OK. It was 4 hours long, and they took his left lung, and 3 ribs as well because the cancer had spread. He is in a lot of pain. I am feeling like s*** and guilty because I can't see him. I can't really takl to him because he's in a lot of pain and out of it and I'm not allowed to go see him. I just want to see him and know that he's ok and my Mom isn't pullingsome line of BS with me again, which is the usual thing because they are so f***ing secretive that it's ridiculous. Anyways I am thinking about leaving LS. My boyfriend thinks that I post on here too much, and he may be right, and while I appreciate many of the people who are on here, the few that I am not on good terms with sour the whole experience. And maybe I'm just really emotionally fragile right now and I am not my usual self. I don't really know what to do because on one hand I may be doing my usual thing where I pull away from everyone and become a hermit for months because I'm depressed and stressed out, or whether it would be a healthier thing to pull away for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 B_O you know what is best for you. You do what you feel is right. If a break from LS is what you need then step away with the door cracked to come back when you need it. You and your family will continue to be in my prayers. Ironically, I post under KC's last post to me! Oh well. I can't say I'm not bummed but whatever, I can't stop being who I am. My Dad's surgery went OK. It was 4 hours long, and they took his left lung, and 3 ribs as well because the cancer had spread. He is in a lot of pain. I am feeling like s*** and guilty because I can't see him. I can't really takl to him because he's in a lot of pain and out of it and I'm not allowed to go see him. I just want to see him and know that he's ok and my Mom isn't pullingsome line of BS with me again, which is the usual thing because they are so f***ing secretive that it's ridiculous. Anyways I am thinking about leaving LS. My boyfriend thinks that I post on here too much, and he may be right, and while I appreciate many of the people who are on here, the few that I am not on good terms with sour the whole experience. And maybe I'm just really emotionally fragile right now and I am not my usual self. I don't really know what to do because on one hand I may be doing my usual thing where I pull away from everyone and become a hermit for months because I'm depressed and stressed out, or whether it would be a healthier thing to pull away for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 3, 2006 Author Share Posted May 3, 2006 The problem is I don't really know what's best for me. At least I don't trust that I know. But I will figure it out. I haven't been happy with Loveshack for a while, so I guess a breakup is in order! It's been surreal. Funny and sad, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 3, 2006 Author Share Posted May 3, 2006 If anyone reads this, there are a few of you that I tried to PM but your boxes were full, so clean up your boxes, damnit! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 B_O keep intouch through PM's so I know how you are and how your dad is. I am sorry to see you leave here though...But, I guess a time comes if this place is not serving you much good, then one has to leave. I'm sad..... I just hope you are leaving for the right reasons and not because of what your boyfriend says. This place has been theraputic for you too! So, come back if you need to. My thoughts are with ya sweets. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Bo it is normal to want to withdrawl a bit. I do this myself. Lately I've been wanting to just drive somewhere and be alone for a couple days. I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 3, 2006 Author Share Posted May 3, 2006 I'll be lurking and checking my PMs so if anyone wants to get in touch with me, just send me a PM. Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 i guess i will just have skittles to remind me of you and our love child floccingpine Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Take care BO! ***Taste the rainbow....!*** Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 haha, thank you LK. I just stopped by to let everyone who has been prayingfor my Dad know that he was up and walking yesterday, and it's only been a day since his surgery. THe miracle of modern healthcare. We are hoping that he stays in this mindset. According to Dad, it's easier to bear excruciating pain if you know that you are healing, and there is an end in sight. I tend to believe him. I also wanted to stress that I'm not taking a break just because of my BF. He merely brought it up and I took that and ran with it. I haven't been entirely happy with this website because of a very few individuals that are very vocal. It was brought to my attention recently that there are actually a lot of people on this site who are unhappy with my style of writing and the way I express myself. They perceive almost all of my replies to other people as direct attacks. Regardless of whether this is true or not, I guess I don't really like the idea of posting on a website knowing that a lot of people just don't like the way I express myself. I am sure that if I try hard enough I can find a group of like minded individuals. Being the reactive person that I am (and all things considered, I am being especially bitchy lately considering that I am quitting smoking cigarettes after a 12 year habit, and my Dad is very sick, my Mom is sick but won't talk about it, and I have bronchitis and I feel like total ass!) - I can't stop myself from getting irritated and I don't think that's the best thing in any way. Hell, I was crying about a stupid PM I got yesterday. CRYING! That's bulls***, I shouldn't be that upset about a website, and so I won't. I won't let it. I have also noticed a steady stream of people that I dearly love to write to and with leaving this site. I don't know if it's the quality of the postings, or the fact that it gets old? I do love and appreciate a lot of you on LS and I feel like we share a special bond! .......But not everyone. So I slept on it last night and decided that I really should take a break. I'll check my PMs, and thank you to those who sent me their email addresses I will keep in touch. If anything happens with Dad I'll post it on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Otter?! Where are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Otter?! Where are you? lurking in protest. I wanted to PM you but your PMs are not enabled. AUgh! ARGH! UUUUGH! I would post my email address, but I think that's against the rules, and Gawd knows what kind of hatemail I would get in my personal email account, much less my dirty LS box. PM me when your PMs are enabled. i promised I would check my box reguarly. And I'm still addicted anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 I just wanted to update for those who have been saying prayers for my Dad -- it has worked out so far, he just came home today! I talked to him on the phone, as usual. He is doing relatively well but sleeping alot. They had to change his meds from morphine to percoset because he was having flashbacks to Korea and he thrashed around and what was left of his left lung (he had 75% removed) collapsed and they had to suction him. He also went into respiratory arrest and had to be revived, but by a MIRACLE he has survived. There is some question about chemo, whether he will be able to handle it, he didn't have any blood transfusions during the surgery so he's still very weak. But he was eating pancakes and sausage 2 days after the surgery, and was up and walking the DAY after surgery, so he's still fighting. I am so proud of him. He is holding up so admirably it makes me look up to him even more. It has been one of the most difficult things for me, in my life, to see him go through this because I love my Dad so much. I wish that he could somehow transfer his cancer to me. I would rather be sick and know that he was going to be OK. I know he would want the same thing for me but he has been through so much. He doesn't deserve to be in pain. Thank you for the prayers they were very much needed. I hope and pray that he can beat the odds and be one of the 35% that lives an extra 5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I wish that he could somehow transfer his cancer to me. I would rather be sick and know that he was going to be OK. I know he would want the same thing for me but he has been through so much. He doesn't deserve to be in pain. B_O.... I know that you are feeling a lot of pain. I don't know what to say. Do what you can, and give only as much as you can. Do not wish for more... it will only hurt you more in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
grateful Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Take good care of yourself. Give your dad all your love and support. You are doing a good job in a very hard situation. Go ahead and tell him that you are proud of him. I'm wishing for the best for you and your dad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 11, 2006 Author Share Posted May 11, 2006 Thank you for the replies (and to those who emailed me ). It's good to know that people care. I have been really really depressed lately. My heart has been very low and I am keeping it together for Dad. I don't want him to worry. He needs all of his strength. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 Keep strong BO. We'll all be here still praying for the both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 Otter, I havent read this whole post to its entirety....and yesterday I got to thinking why. I realized that I was scared. Scared to read about the suffering of others. scared to read about your father, his suffering, his pain and torment, your families sadness, and your personal hurts, fears, and suffering. I hate suffering. It tears me up inside. What I hate more than anything else, is other people suffering. It was my own selfish reasons why I chose to stay away and not lend my support, and love and concern. And I do care, Otter mine, even though I know you not. I felt that my advice wouldnt count because I never stayed in one place too long to ever experience the hurt and pain of others going through suffering....But I secretly kept checking back in on your thread, telling myself that maybe tomorrow I will post..... BUT...you need to know today....You need to know that I lit a candle for you, your father and family, and said a silent prayer of guidance and love, serenity and warmth. You need to know that I am here for you too. Regards, Typical Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 BO - I am so happy that your Dad is doing well after his surgery! I was apprehensive about checking in on this thread because I so much wanted it to be only good news. I am happy that it is good news. Stay strong and I will say more prayers for you and your family. XO 2sunny Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 11, 2006 Author Share Posted May 11, 2006 BUT...you need to know today....You need to know that I lit a candle for you, your father and family, and said a silent prayer of guidance and love, serenity and warmth. You need to know that I am here for you too. Regards, Typical Thank you so much, you made me cry. But it was good tears. I am crying all the time lately. PMS. among other things. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I needed to read that. I needed to cry and smile at the same time instead of my lower lip sticking out like a big baby. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 instead of my lower lip sticking out like a big baby or a catfish! :p Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 BO I am so happy that you finally got to talk to your dad. That must have been nice. You are amazing and are holding together very well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 11, 2006 Author Share Posted May 11, 2006 I don't feel together! Hahaha. I feel like I'm going batty. But thanks for the compliment. I'm juggling I guess. I keep throwing one thing up in the air and trying to handle the other 3. Link to post Share on other sites
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