Author blind_otter Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 B- Gosh, I've got tears. I've somehow missed this thread. I rarely come into this section. I'm so sorry I haven't been here sooner. Forgive me. He's given you an incredible legacy and I think printing that out would be an awesome present for him. One question, forgive me for saying this, but do you think you're getting the full story from Mommy Dearest?? I know how she is about stuff........ I'm praying for your dad and for a miracle for him, and for you, because I know how much he means to you. My grandmother was to me like your dad is to you. She was my world. When she died it started the downward spiral that ended in me being in the hospital, the affair, the divorce all of that drama. I can relate to the helplessness and the utter lonliness of losing the only person who had ever put me first, ever REALLY loved me like I wanted to be loved. It was like a lifeline was gone. I don't want to see this happen to you. I'll be praying for strength for you as you go about this journey. Let us know how he is. If I could reach you, I'd be there with ya 100 percent! Awww thanks Mz. P. For some reason, after I wrote out that list, I felt really settled. I printed it out using "YOU" instead of "he". I am calm and accepting at this point in the struggle, and I am going to see him tonight (if he's up for it) to give him the list. My Mom is falling the hell apart, man. It's sad and weird. Her hair is all crazy and she's not wearing makeup (she is like me, always dressed and hair done unless she's discombobulated in some way). She's lost. I see it. Something inside of her has deflated, too. She was crazy for many reason. Partly because she is an intensely codependent enabler for my Dad with his drinking and smoking. He was quiet and never abusive, so she rationalized his unhealthy coping. She filtered her identity through him. Now that she is losing him, she is losing herself. She is terrified. I feel for her. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Didn't your dad have a CT Scan yesterday? or something like that... Have you heard the results? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 Didn't your dad have a CT Scan yesterday? or something like that... Have you heard the results? He had his PET scan yesterday - 2 hours in a coffin, it must have been awful. Talked to mom yesterday and she said she's meeting the oncologist today after she gest off work at 4, so I'm calling this evening to see what's up. I will keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Please do........... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 sorry to hear about your father b_o....try to stay strong for him. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Don't let anyone tell you when you're supposed to be over it either. I've gotten that a few times when I've woken up and forgotten that she's gone, or I've wanted to call her with questions about things. You don't have to let him go. this is so true – the priest (who was from a neighboring parish) did my granny's funeral, and he said the same thing. That there may be a lot of people grieving because of someone's illness or death, but each person is going through something so unique because of their relationship with the other person. That each person has his own way of coming to terms with it, and in his own time. And to not to listen to anyone who tells you how it "should" be. Grief is very, very personal. BF's mom, whose own mom died about 10 years ago, said she still picks up the phone to talk to her, even going as far as dialing the number at the farm before she realizes that it's not possible anymore. And that it's very hard each and every time she does it. I don't think you ever quite give up hope that you'll find that person you love just waiting for you. ) It's gotten to where I avoid my dad's bedroom in our old house because there's a part of me that feels I'll find my mome back there, waiting to gossip with me. Makes me sad, but in a way, I'm happy that I have her this close to me even if she's not on this physical plane. Then again, I'm a firm believer that even death cannot tear loved ones apart because they're so much a part of you *because* of that love. billy joel has a lovely, lovely song called "Lullabye" – in it he talks about how the love he has for his little girl, and she for him, is like a lullabye ... it goes on and on even if daddy isn't there anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Author Share Posted April 13, 2006 Well there's some hope, I think. I heard back today that Dad's cancer is supposedly contained in one lung, and they are discussing surgery with a surgeon tomorrow to take out his left lung. Which is still scarey. But better than what I was thinking before. But then I worry about him and surgery since he is so frail. I would be freaked out if I were the surgeon. So there is some hope, I guess. My BF pretty much broke up with me, though. I know it's hard to be around me right now - I am irritable and snappish about little things. But I guess I am not surprised, and I don't really have the energy to care right now. For some reason after I got off the phone with my Dad I was so upset that I cried and cried for an hour or so. It was cathartic, but weird. I guess I've been saving that up. I felt a lot of things, there was relief, and then worry again about the surgery, and this whole other prospect I hadn't considered, of losing him suddenly, and this other idea of having him for another 5 years or so (the 5 year survival rate was like 35% or so.), and what that would mean, and the condition he would be in. I know, that was me going overboard because jeeez that's a lot to think about. But it all went through my head and I cried about it, took a shower, and talked to a friend on the phone. I'm planning on where to work after tax season and putting my trip to Europe on hold indefinately. The lady I rented the house from in Italy is being very understanding and I had already wired her the money, so she's offered to wire it back, but said she would wait to hear what happens because I told her I desperately want to go, I just don't know when. She's nice enough to help me figure out a good time and let me reserve it in advance. Dad was so much happier when I talked to him this evening after work. He was even getting burger king for dinner! I was like, uh is this the best way to celebrate? But whatever, let the man eat his burger for God's sake. He actually has an appetite today! He's on a new painkiller, which may be contributing to his jovial nature, ha ha. He seemed optimistic, though. He said, so there's hope! First thing, on the phone, and it was good to hear that. He still has some fight in him yet. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 I'm glad you have some good news you can accept. I too wished and prayed I could get a few more years with my dad. I think I'm getting it and he is turning out to be a pain in my a$$. He complains constantly about life.. Ughhh. I still love him though and I'm glad he is here to worry about me. I am saddened that he has to live in a nursing home (he hates it) and his paralysis is getting worse, slowly. I will continue to pray for him and you. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 this is fantastic news about your dad – makes things less scary knowing that the cancer is contained. And the stimulated appetite? Wow – that brings on a sense of normalcy after all the upsetting news. In the meantime, just soak up all these good feelings, otter, you deserve to. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Good news BO. Glad to hear both you and he are feeling stronger and more positive. HUGS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Author Share Posted April 13, 2006 thanks for the support. I really needed it and you guys have been great. I am still upset, in some ways, but I'm working on accepting whatever happens. I know I can deal with it. I just don't want to. Who does? I'm drained. At least I get 2 paid days off next week after taxes are due! I'm going fishing. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 I'm going fishing. I'm jealous... I haven't been fishing in 4 years dang it... (My favorite hobby next to dancing...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Author Share Posted April 13, 2006 I'm jealous... I haven't been fishing in 4 years dang it... (My favorite hobby next to dancing...) I wish I could take you with me, especially with the way the weather is down here. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 I wish I could take you with me, especially with the way the weather is down here. Originally Posted by padameckla I'm jealous... I haven't been fishing in 4 years dang it... (My favorite hobby next to dancing...) Damn.. women that fish.... I think I'm in love ... Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Damn.. women that fish.... I think I'm in love ... B_O wish I could go... A_C--oaring (no motor) out on a smaller lake in the middle of no where, anchored boat along a early season weedbed line with my bait and bobber. The small boat rippling on the surface of the water. The loons calling out. Fish jumping afar. The wind gently blowing on my face and the warmth of the early morning sun. The air fresh and crisp as I watch my bobber gently move back and forth then dip under the surface for a moment. It goes still. The dance of a Bass playing with it's forbidden prey that will lead to his filets being in my frying pan with melted butter flavored Crisco, laden with whipped egg and crushed saltine crackers. Down the hatch.. Hmmmmmmmm Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Damn.. women that fish.... I think I'm in love ... Just bring the bass glove. That's what I do when hubby and I go fishing at the Cottage...I don't wanna touch those greasy things once I catch'em! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 thanks for the support. I really needed it and you guys have been great. I am still upset, in some ways, but I'm working on accepting whatever happens. I know I can deal with it. I just don't want to. Who does? I'm drained. At least I get 2 paid days off next week after taxes are due! I'm going fishing. Have fun and go relax. Just take it all day by day. That's all you can really do, isn't it. Enjoy the good days with him, keep him laughing too! He needs it as do you too. Hugs B_O. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Just bring the bass glove. That's what I do when hubby and I go fishing at the Cottage...I don't wanna touch those greasy things once I catch'em! Bass glove????? WTH !! Hmm, I like to get my hands dirty. :lmao: I do bring rags to wipe my hands hands off.. I do bring a pair of needle nose pliers to remove the deep hooks. Link to post Share on other sites
brightskies Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Well there's some hope, I think. I heard back today that Dad's cancer is supposedly contained in one lung, and they are discussing surgery with a surgeon tomorrow to take out his left lung. Which is still scarey. But better than what I was thinking before. But then I worry about him and surgery since he is so frail. I would be freaked out if I were the surgeon. So there is some hope, I guess. For some reason after I got off the phone with my Dad I was so upset that I cried and cried for an hour or so. It was cathartic, but weird. I guess I've been saving that up. I felt a lot of things, there was relief, and then worry again about the surgery, and this whole other prospect I hadn't considered, of losing him suddenly, and this other idea of having him for another 5 years or so (the 5 year survival rate was like 35% or so.), and what that would mean, and the condition he would be in. Dad was so much happier when I talked to him this evening after work. He was even getting burger king for dinner! I was like, uh is this the best way to celebrate? But whatever, let the man eat his burger for God's sake. He actually has an appetite today! He's on a new painkiller, which may be contributing to his jovial nature, ha ha. He seemed optimistic, though. He said, so there's hope! First thing, on the phone, and it was good to hear that. He still has some fight in him yet. Otter, Just found this thread. When I first started reading it, I didn't know what to say, and just about cried for you and your father. But I'm so happy that you now have some good news about his health. I know that you love him more than anyone else in the world, and the prospect of losing him is beyond terrible. Just remember that if you need support, or simply to vent, or anything at all, we're here for you. As dorky, neurotic, bitchy, and annoying as some (!) of us are, we're still here for you. Big hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 14, 2006 Author Share Posted April 14, 2006 I had a terrible nightmare last night, that I was a little girl and I was laying down in the crook of my Dad's arm, like I used to when I was little....he would recline in his recliner and I would climb up into his lap and he would put one arm around me. In my dream I was sleeping and woke up and his arm was cold, and he was dead. It was the 21st of some month, I remember that clearly from the dream. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 I had a terrible nightmare last night, that I was a little girl and I was laying down in the crook of my Dad's arm, like I used to when I was little....he would recline in his recliner and I would climb up into his lap and he would put one arm around me. In my dream I was sleeping and woke up and his arm was cold, and he was dead. It was the 21st of some month, I remember that clearly from the dream. Fear of losing him which you know is inevitable. You were remembering a time when you were at peace and comfortable with him. Good memories. Happy moments.. You are seeking comfort in a time of fear. This is my point of view. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 14, 2006 Author Share Posted April 14, 2006 Fear of losing him which you know is inevitable. You were remembering a time when you were at peace and comfortable with him. Good memories. Happy moments.. You are seeking comfort in a time of fear. This is my point of view. I think you're right. I am confronting the fact that in times of fear and stress, I have always looked to him for comfort and support, and now he can no longer give that to me (at least right now) -- so this is my fear of abandonment realized in the flesh. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 I'm really sorry to hear about that Whilst wishing him the best of luck, you might want to think of anything you want to tell him while you have the chance - a lot of people after someone has passed away regret things they didn't do together or say to each other. So as well as being supportive, maybe get a few things off your chest, and also tell him you really feel about him. Just a few words can make a lot of difference. As for your trip, yeah I think it would be best to postpone it. You can always visit Europe another time. And I think staying behind to be with him regularly would be really appreciated & mean a lot to him. Anyway, fingers crossed and I wish you strength in dealing with this. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Bass glove????? WTH !! Hmm, I like to get my hands dirty. :lmao: I do bring rags to wipe my hands hands off.. I do bring a pair of needle nose pliers to remove the deep hooks. I don't like the feel of the slimey fish and also some fish gills stab you when you take 'em off the hook. Originally posted by B_O I think you're right. I am confronting the fact that in times of fear and stress, I have always looked to him for comfort and support, and now he can no longer give that to me (at least right now) -- so this is my fear of abandonment realized in the flesh. I know I felt the exact same way when my father had cancer. It's an awful feeling... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 14, 2006 Author Share Posted April 14, 2006 Thanks WWIU. PS - I use gloves, too. My hands get really pruney if I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
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