She came back

[basil67]

7 hours ago, Tagalz said:

"Having a dominant party is itself an unhealthy dynamic

Agree. She's just used to that in previous relationships. She has to at some point leave it and let the other person take the lead. Fighting for dominance is unhealthy. I can honestly say that I felt it at times that I had to fight for it and that it was a battle I was sure to lose. 

Why would you fight for dominance if you agree that it's an unhealthy dynamic?  Either have a goal of teamwork, or end the relationship

[Tagalz]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Why would you fight for dominance if you agree that it's an unhealthy dynamic?  Either have a goal of teamwork, or end the relationship

I won't be fighting for it anymore, She already broke up with me  

[Tagalz]

I'd say this after having reflected. This relation with her has been really useful for me to gain experience. She's more adult and a woman who knows what she needs and she have learned alot through her past experiences when it comes to dating life. She has high standards and are not willing to compromise. I'm glad that this ended now rather than later otherwise I would be even more hurt but at the same time really sad that I cannot offer her what she need, not right now. It hurts to say that being confident and secure in myself is something I was alot of the times before. Now that I'm going through personal things in my life it has affected my self-esteem. If only me and her met at a different time in our lifes, things would look different I think but I don't know. She knows I'm going through things and I also understand why she's not patient because she has been in a relationship before when the partner has problems. She just does not want to work it together with me as she lost herself helping her past partners.

I've learned that being myself is crucial in order for people to like you for who you are. I've learned that common interest for me is something that helps me take conversation from surface level to much deeper level to connect by hobbies, that attachment styles has something to say in how we humans behave and react in relationships. I'm anxious and she's avoidant. I've learned to not regret giving my all the beginning because if you never try, you never know. It just shows that I'm still able to love after being hurt. I've learned that romantic feelings for woman cannot be explained, it has to come NATURALLY. It does not matter what I do, if a woman does not have any romantic feelings then there's no way the woman can look at a man in a romantic way and develop feelings. 

I've learned that during healing process it's more damaging to check snapscore or even check their Instagram profiles. That journaling is crucial for me to see things at a different perspective but also to not be so harsh on yourself. We live inside our bodies and mind for the rest of our lifes, it's important to speak to us with empathy during difficult times. I've learned that being distracted will help you take your mind away from what's hurting you. Usually there is reasons not to go back to an ex but I'm glad both me and her gave it a shot because now we both got it confirmed that we are not a match. For me the second time around was more difficult in a way that I was not fully healed so I was not being myself when I were overnalyzing and overthinking. I do overthink usually but this got way out of hand and I just got exhausted + also needing to use my time and focus to her was not good. I got drained energy out of me. I lost a little bit of myself. I say that because I'm living inside of my head alot lately and I struggle to me more presence in the daily life. 

I've learned having good sex life is a good sign that a relationship will last. Ours sex life was good, we have common interest, but she still does not want to be with me or accept me for who I am. This is her loss. 

I'm moving on with my head held high. I did what I could for my capacity, I did gave it my all, I was authenthic while beind kind that's why I attracted her, I put boundaries, I communicated my needs, I was vulnerable and I treated her well. There is alot of positives that outweighs the negative. She is just x'ing out an potential relationship just because she wants to rush things. That's how I feel. She wants a man that has every box checked, then she can go and find it elsewhere. It's rare to find a man who treats her well, have common interest and someone she can have good sex life with but hey? She made the decision and she needs to stand firm on it. I'm just stating this as a man who knows my values. 

Most important: To be more confident and to trust yourself is something I learned is crucial in relationship. That is also something I'm working towards

ANYWAYS it has been enjoyable to be with her, to speak with her and she are someone that will stay with me forever as I'm glad that I met her. I grown to like her as a person. 

 

Edited August 5 by Tagalz

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Tagalz said:

She's more adult and a woman who knows what she needs

Really?

You must not have met many truly mature women if this one seems "adult" to you. Where I stand, she engaged in a lot of nonsense and displayed some pretty immature behaviour of her own with you. 

[Tagalz]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Really?

You must not have met many truly mature women if this one seems "adult" to you. Where I stand, she engaged in a lot of nonsense and displayed some pretty immature behaviour of her own with you. 

Now that you mention this, it is very true

[Tagalz]

36 minutes ago, Tagalz said:

Now that you mention this, it is very true

Forgot to write: what makes you think that she engaged in a immature behaviour? 

[Tagalz]

On 7/29/2026 at 5:18 AM, Gebidozo said:

But you have the answer. She either didn’t like you enough to begin with or lost whatever interest she might have had. Especially after you told her having sex with her was akin to despair.

Also, probably your constant overanalyzing annoyed her. Even I’m slightly annoyed by how you keep asking the same questions, mulling over the same thoughts, and trying to fit complex human relationships into simple schemes. And trust me, women usually dislike that stuff more than men.

 

 

 

I’m reading every comment again right now. I might have missed this one. 

she obviously did like me and was interested which is why she came back. It’s also as she told me. That it’s familiar and wanted to feel if her romantic feelings could develop. I think the last one is more accurate that she lost interest along the way. I can only assume she lost interest because I was being careful and boring?

The interesting part is where you wrote that me overanalyzing annoyed her. How do you know? And why makes you write that? 

I read that you’re also annoyed by me asking the same questions, mulling over the same thoughts and trying to fit complex human relationships into simple schemes. I do not know what you mean by that. Probably language barrier. Please elaborate if you’d like

Edited Wednesday at 11:31 AM by Tagalz

[Tagalz]

On 7/30/2026 at 3:53 AM, Acacia98 said:

Look, I have no doubt that you have weaknesses. We all do. And that includes her. I don't see any mention of what faults on her part may have led to the breakup and what she has done to address them. When two people reconcile, that's usually one of the conversations that happens. Both people are supposed to do an amount of introspection and to ultimately come together understanding what both of them need to do differently to make things work this time.

Troubled Relationships

However, much of the interaction seems to be about how you don't measure up to her standards and need to change. Do correct me if I'm wrong.

i’m writing this again because In forgot to add more

Yes we did have a conversation where we both tried to reconcile and makes this relationship work. She was asking lf I have those qualities and she were trying to understand the way i am.

Key points:

Me: 

• Told her that I would need trust

• Asked her to date exclusively in order for me to trust her and that she updates me once in a while on what she is doing.

• Told her that she’s very dominant in conversations and it would be nice to give room to me so that I can have the words

• Told her that I’m going through personal things in my life which resulted in me having low self esteem. I explained and were vulnerable

Her: 

• She told me about previous romantic partners where she was more dominant and she would like a partner that is like that. This is her saying what she needs

• She tells me what she feeling - that I’m stressing to make everything right for her 

• She asking me why I’m careful

 

[Tagalz]

She jumped to a relationship with her ex shorty after divorcing her EX husband. Judging by that she either cannot sit with herself, she is rushing to get married or she is a strong woman who has self awareness and can get over a breakups easy because of her experience. From my understanding most woman uses the phrase: " I'm not over my ex" just to get rid of the male partner who she thinks is not a right fit. In this case when she told me that the first time she broke up with me, she also said: "I need time to figure things out". I'm mentioning this as a example that this woman is a bit different in that sense, but in a good way. She's been honest with me the whole time. 

Am I wrong to think like this?: That when we first met, I was intended to be a FWB to her. She's not someone who sleeps on first date and if we are judging by her character, she is honest. So this leads me to believe she wanted to go on 3 dates with me so see where this goes (She even said that herself) and during our dates she found out we have lots in common and the sex was good so she decided to keep me around. We went to the same bar for 2 and the 3 date and we always make out outside of her door. It was obvious she wanted to bring me home but she had boundaries. So there was intimacy from the start. BUT During those dates she mentioned her EX so I had a thought that she were not fully over him but she were still able to focus on me. She has an avoidant attachment. She likes the closeness but once things started to get real and serious she were pulling away. It was too much for her to handle feelings of missing her EX and the potential of a new partner which was me at the time. 

And from there onwards we met to watch cinema, eat dinner outside, make dinner at her place and even have movie nights at her place. It often ended with intimacy. The PROBLEM with this is that when you have FWB with someone YOU do not ask them to do activities mentioned above.  

Because she broke up with me not having to be able to develop romantic feelings I'd say that our connection was not REAL. She did not have her 100% focus on me the first time we dated and that is not her fault. She needed to get over her EX and be fully healed and once she was she came back to me in June. But when she did we had our roles reversed meaning I was now the person who NEEDED to come over her and be healed from the first time she broke up with me 

 

[Tagalz]

I feel like now she's going to go out more, have fun and sleep with other guys and heck even go on dates to sleep with them too. Obviously I do not know if that's the case and I'm aware that she can do whatever she wants. I don't know why I feel like that. Because I feel like she's not ready for relationship and she needs to work with herself too 

Edited Wednesday at 01:21 PM by Tagalz

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Tagalz said:

Forgot to write: what makes you think that she engaged in a immature behaviour? 

You genuinely have no idea?  

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Tagalz said:

I feel like now she's going to go out more, have fun and sleep with other guys and heck even go on dates to sleep with them too. Obviously I do not know if that's the case

Well, yes. She's single and free to do what she wants, so there will probably be other men. 

Whether or not she's ready for a relationship with any of them isn't important. What's important is that you heal and find an effective way to manage your looping and instrusive thoughts. 

[Tagalz]

51 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You genuinely have no idea?  

All I can think of is that she were immature in a way that she were unsure of what she wanted and were giving me lots of stress behaving hot and then cold. That she jumped into a relation with me while she knew very well that she was not over her ex. I felt used in some kind of way. Other than that I can not think of any 

[Tagalz]

48 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Well, yes. She's single and free to do what she wants, so there will probably be other men. 

Whether or not she's ready for a relationship with any of them isn't important. What's important is that you heal and find an effective way to manage your looping and instrusive thoughts. 

I can also do the same. It's not that I'm sad thinking it but just trying to understand her.  I hope that she will find her man and I wish her all the best. 

Edited Wednesday at 03:12 PM by Tagalz

[ExpatInItaly]

42 minutes ago, Tagalz said:

All I can think of is that she were immature in a way that she were unsure of what she wanted and were giving me lots of stress behaving hot and then cold. That she jumped into a relation with me while she knew very well that she was not over her ex.

Yes, exactly. 

This is not the behaviour of some "adult" woman who has any idea what she wants. I'm concerned this is what you think an adult woman with a good head on her shoulders and firm boundaries looks like. She is essentially the opposite of that. 

43 minutes ago, Tagalz said:

just trying to understand her.

You likely never really will. You two are very different and you will find peace when you let go of trying to make sense of her. 

[Tagalz]

48 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, exactly. 

This is not the behaviour of some "adult" woman who has any idea what she wants. I'm concerned this is what you think an adult woman with a good head on her shoulders and firm boundaries looks like. She is essentially the opposite of that. 

You likely never really will. You two are very different and you will find peace when you let go of trying to make sense of her. 

Thanks, ExpatinItaly

[Tagalz]

The thing that would hurt the most is that I think she's right person but wrong timing. I know that I can be confident and direct. I'm having a hard time because I'm trying to look inwards of myself and look at what I could have done better but also What I can learn from this relationships. Yes It lasted for a short time but I'm still hurt and not over.

Only thing I can take from this and learn is to think twice before speaking. And to be better at social skills, stop being people pleaser and believe in myself. 

There has been alot of talking about her and not alot of "Me". Ultimately I think it's what I want and what she wants were not the same. I'm still stuck on thinking she used me as a "Sneaky link" or it could be that she genuinly gave it a second try. She's not the type of woman who has a man on a speed dial. She focuses on monogamous. And I assume as well that she's fully healed and ready to date. Maybe sneaky link is wrong word to use, but she played with my feeling because I was the second choice. She knew where this was going. Woman can typically feel that and foresee a little bit into how it will work out. So by her breaking up with me she can start "Fresh" with other people. NO nothing about exes, NO nothing about EX husbands and NO nothing about me who was her second choice

We have established that wether or not I made the comment, sex or not - outcome would be same. But If I reframe it. Let's say. I changed. I was more direct. We reconciled. I look at this as clean slate. Would you say that things would work out? I assume answer will be "No" And if I did not change but we were able to reconcile I assume most will answer with "No" 
 

Edited Sunday at 06:18 PM by Tagalz

[Gebidozo]

On 8/5/2026 at 7:31 PM, Tagalz said:

she obviously did like me and was interested which is why she came back.

No, she came back because she was bored or lonely or ran out of options or just had no idea what she wanted. Or all of the above.

 

On 8/5/2026 at 7:31 PM, Tagalz said:

The interesting part is where you wrote that me overanalyzing annoyed her. How do you know?

Because I’m like you in that respect, I tend to overanalyze everything - or at least used to. My experience tells me that women, in general, don’t like that. 

[Tagalz]

8 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

No, she came back because she was bored or lonely or ran out of options or just had no idea what she wanted. Or all of the above.

 

Because I’m like you in that respect, I tend to overanalyze everything - or at least used to. My experience tells me that women, in general, don’t like that. 

No? she did come back because she was lonely and she were familiar with me. She tried and lost interest. She broke up with me for the same reason. She was not that into me. She used me as a safe place to get over her EX. When she was over both her ex husband and ex then she just threw me away. Nothing was real. Only sex was that’s why she wanted that and then she would break up because she could not even develop romantic feelings and how could she develop it at the time she was vulnerable? 

Yea Woman hate when we men overanalyze but that’s not suprising of her hot and cold behaviour

[Tagalz]

On 7/28/2026 at 3:05 AM, Gebidozo said:

as a result overthink things, hesitate, and appear to be somewhat passive. I definitely don’t excuse that girl’s hot and cold behavior, but I can see why she became disinterested.

So you’re saying that is one of the reason she broken up? That’s fair. 
 

But to be honest and by all means respectful of your opinion but no there is no excuse to her hot and cold behaviour. She behaved like that which is obviously she not being herself due to the fact that at the time she were speaking to me and her EX. No wonder why she broke up the first time saying she’s not over him

[Tagalz]

Okey so forget about my previous comment xD

[Tagalz]

I'm not stuck anymore. I've come to accept the reality and move on. I've spent some days without checking her socials and leaving my phone. Been really getting back together and feeling myself. Obvious it's a process. One day at a time. 

She came back because she were lonely and that she had no other options. She was familiar with me as we dated earlier this year but that also meant I was the second choice or WTF even third choice. Reason for that is she told me she got back with her EX after breaking up with me in March and then she went on a date couple of weeks later in June. I did not WORK with her EX and it did not WORK when she dated the unknown guy after her EX. Which means I was never her to begin with.

She's not mature. A woman that jump into relationships without healing would only cause more heartbreaks

She was just not that into me. Romantic feelings are something that has to arise naturally. We were not compatible and not a match. 

Sex or no sex. My comment or no comment - same OUTCOME. She would still break up for second time. 

What me and her had was NOT REAL. Just FWB with other benefits as doing friendly activities. This was more of a FWB. 

Healed or not, her EX husband and her EX will always be in the picture and inside of her mind as those previous romantic relationships has been toxic and chaotic to her. The fact that she is USED to that means she are naturally drawn into relationships that are toxic because it's so familiar. Even if I did overthink I could still offer her security in this relationship because I've taken care and been treating her well despite overthinking. When she so USED to toxic relationship and meet a guy like me who has those qualities like a gentleman she feels insecure inside. Almost a reaction saying: "Oh he's so secure. I don't know what to feel." Yea she has even said that she feel secure and safe. This may sound stupid but sometimes you can't make the right choice even when it's clear that it's not right. It's just that the experience is so familiar that she get's pulled back in to a toxic relationships because it's chaotic. She wants the type of relationships where you see in those love movies. 

A very unhealthy dynamic where I had to fight for the dominance, where I had to be her therapist, where I was her safe space, where she used my ear so that I can listen to her, and used be for SEX. If she were to be my GF I would not like to be in a relationships LIKE that. 

I obviously need to be believe in my more, to stop people pleasing and to have clear boundaries but also think twice before speaking