She came back

[Tagalz]

Hey!

Seems like I cannot proceed writing on my previous thread about this Girl name Victoria I think I call her in this story? So I feel like I need to write a short reminder for those new readers

Well for those of you who wants a reminder and for those who are new I recommend reading previous thread called «update» 

Reminder: I dated this girl from January-march and she broke up with me because I’m careful and not the dominant type. As most of you know we agreed to stay friends after breaking up and one month after (april) later she asked me to come online to play games on console but after that I sent her a text saying we cannot be friend because the dynamic is weird. Meaning I was cutting all contacts with her just having her on social media. 
 

MAY comes around and she accidentally thought I was writing to her on snapchat but I did not. When writing the person get’s notification. I was drunk and clicked on her chat so that’s why she got notification. I did not send anything. Just clicked on wrong chat. Was supposed to click on my friends chat and ask if he’s joining us. BUT altough she did see me writing she proceeded to send: «Hey I see you writing. Is there anything you want to say?»

I replied: «No clicked on your chat on accident. It’s nothing but I’m writing to you know. Do you want to say something?» 

She: «No was nothing, just curious.»

31F and she divorced her EX Husband on in 2024 but got into a relationship in 2025 that lasted 6 months with her EX. Then she met me

NOW Speeding up to this day and the reason why I’m writing this is she CAME BACK. 

It’s the middle of June and she sends me a text late at night: «I miss you, good night» that’s how it came about. I answered back with «U miss me because you need attention or you miss playing games with me?» She writes: «No I miss you and want to meet it’s not that I want attention» She was straight to the point asking if I have time saturday. I said yes and I choose the place and time. 

Even if I said yes I did not have any expectations. Just meet her and look at her as friends. We Catch up. Was nice but after that we went to a bar and had drinks. No we were not drunk. She asks me if I was speaking to someone and if I’m available. I said that I’m not speaking to someone but was on a date couple of weeks ago. She said the same. 

She asks: I want to come back to you. I feel the attraction, the chemistry, we have lots in common and the conversation is flowing. What do you think? 

I say that I was really hurt by the first breakup and need time to think about it. 

I then takes my time to think. I took about 2 days going back and forth. I’m a person who believes that everyone deserves a second chance and we humans make mistakes. I accepted it and we are trying to make things work this time. 

lots of thing has happened from there. We are chatting and speaking on the phone almost everyday. 

it’s worth to mention that just 1 weeks after we came back to each other we are having the SAME conversation about me being not the ones who is leading and me being careful. «She started the conversation on facebook by asking: Do you feel like you have to be perfect for me? Like you’re saying sorry for something you don’t have to, you have the same interest in me and I feel like you’re following me. Also I can see that you are unsure of yourself and have low-selfesteem. 

If I’m trying to explain this it’s that she wants to understand me more. I tell her that confidence is what I’m working on and the reason for my low confidence is that I’ve lost lots of jobs and feel that I’m in a place in my life where I need to figure out what I want instead of working labour jobs. I also tell her that I don’t want to be perfect for her. I’m being myself and that me saying sorry is really spot on but I don’t have to now that I know. It can be sometimes I say it without me realizing it I tell her.. so I’m making myself clear and confirm to her that’s true whatever she wrote. She answered saying it makes sense and that it’s also because of my past. HONESTLY I felt like she were going to breakup with me AGAIN just 1 week after. My feelings is that she was still UNSURE of me even if we got back together.

TURKEY: she then goes on 2 weeks vacation to Turkey. Here is what’s changing. We call and we chat like we used to but more flirting and more sexting and intimate pictures. She is straight forward saying she’s been horny. She even said she has boyfriend when people in Turkey were trying to hit on her. It’s sweet of her. We were never couple as we did not have the conversation. We dated exclusively.

In Turkey we are having a conversation about the SAME topic. «Careful and «not leading» is keywords. We talk about what we want from relationships. She explains she wants a man that are dominant, confident and can lead. Reason being is that she used being the «Alpha» in previous relationships. It’s like her nature to lead. She just wants a man who can take that role.

I ask her to tell me more about what she means by saying «Leading» and «Careful» 

This is what she is saying: She wants a man to be confident, to lead, be dominant. The ones who sets up dates, spontaneous etc.. 

The Careful part: She says that she can feel that I need confidence. She feels like I’m afraid of her because I apologize alot. 

I said: I don’t have issues leading but you got to give me space. Just sit back and let me takes initiative. I’ve told her that I have already been doing what I can taking initiative to set up dates and plan it, make food and pick her up at the airport etc.. 

This is not part of conversation but I think she has been so used to takes charge in previous relationships that it sort of comes naturally.

MONDAY: She come home from Turkey. I pick her up. She complains about having headaches, tired and hungry. I stand there with painkillers, food and drinks. I help her carry her luggage and purse all the way back to her home. 

When we arrived at her home she asks if I want to go out and eat so we do. Nothing really happends. She was not interested in talking so most of the time we enjoy each other company. After we were done she takes initiative to ask if I want to meet tomorrow (last tuesday) To be honest I had  no idea she would ask that. My thinking was to give her space and relax after vacation. 
 

TUESDAY: Tuesday early morning. I say let’s make homemade pizza at your place. She said what about dinner outside? I say yes and I choose time and place. We meet at the restaurant. Same thing just slow start, surface level convos. We flirt and get horny. We both know what to do for us to turn on the switch. We both thinks we are good in bed. She then says: «you’re making me so wet I can bring you home we have time.» 

I replied with: «I’m not that desperate»  

It was rude of me to reject her when she’s interested so I did apologize the day after. If you ask me why I said what I said. I did not have the confidence to follow through and I wanted to play it cool since we are in a public restaurant. People can hear.

After I came up with this comment she went to the toilet. Probably to collect herself. She come back and leans into me. I’m the big spoon. 
We then finish eating and leave the restaurant. She takes my hand and place it on her ass. I grab it and say: «Nice ass»

we watch movies and then have beers at a bar. She could not be there for long because she had to wake up early next day. I did kiss her neck and try to make her horny so I could have sex. When we were finished I said «Let me follow you home» and she said «No I’m fine» 

that was the last time I saw her.

looking back. That comment may be the reason for her breaking up atleast some part of it. It is more. She were not hurt by the comment «Not desperate» she were more thinking about me not having confidence. Also IMAGINE since June to July. We did not have any sex and she straight up said she wanted sex and when it did not happend obviously she thinks this is more friendship. 

Sex or not I do not think it would change anything. It would just delay the breakup. 

Her opinions of me being careful and lacking confidence and sex are two different part. REMEMBER: I cannot change her opinion of me. We got to look back in January when we dated. Lots of sex too but STILL she breaks up with me for the SAME REASON SECOND TIME. And she were already unsure of me 1 week after we came back. 
 

She’s a women who know what she wants and I don’t have these qualities. She prefers a masculin, dominant and a man who leads. I know I am that type but because I’m in a difficult period in my life it would be great if she could take the lead but it’s not like I was doing nothing. I did what I can do. That reason for breakup is fair from her.

For me I’ve been also communication honestly and open about my mental health and struggles I experience now. I’ve done nothing to hurt her and she says that even ln the breakup message that I’ve been treating her good and the worst thing for her is to hurt someone she cares about. She had develop feelings for me but not that in romantic way but friends so she is happy for me. 

IF SHE CAN’T ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM AND TO BUILD UP more of what we had then it’s her fault and her loss. She’s x’ing out a potential relationships because she feels unsure.

I’m the person who believes you have to build up relationships but she wants everything on a silver platter having a man that has good paying job, good careers, steady etc.. 

Some people I spoke to say she broke up with me because she not patient enough, that she feels like I’m not ready for relationships which I disagree. I can still be at a tough place in life and still treat her good as most woman wants. It’s not about being fckboy or bad boy. 
 

I’m going to write more and the next text is her message to me

 

[Sony12]

The majority of the time when people try to get back in touch with an old flame it's because things ended with someone they did like and they are indeed looking to replace that person.

You two clearly aren't very compatible and if she ever tries to get back in touch with you again just say thanks but no thanks.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

This is just more of the same chaos. 

All the details aside, this is not the recipe for a healthy, solid relationship. Hopefully you see that now and steer clear of women like her in the future.