Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 well... i woudl start by picking her up... we would go to a nice restaurant... talk .. have dinner... it was all great then we would do some kind of activity... like a dance... movie... bowling.. something like that... then we would end it at something liek a park.... or star gazing or something like that... that is what I miss the most.... I guess we were so compatible fro each other I don't still understand why she needs to be "single" again? It makes no sense and being long distance makes it that much worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 aren't I already on the back burner.... i don't know maybe my thinking process is different BUT... that e-mail to me would say ... alright hes moved on... time for me too as well.. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 no the email doesn't say that--- she is checking to see if you have moved on or not. let her wait in anticipation for the answer. ever see that movie 'hitch'? go rent a copy--- Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 what if she doesn't care.... Havn't I already told her the answer in the first e-mail??? I have seen Hitch... great movie.... Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 next you need to think of some non-romantic but exciting things to do on a date with a different girl. ideas like--renting a motorcycle or scooter and taking a trip, going to a music festival, or anything active and a little dangerous. something that you did NOT do with her. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 what if she doesn't care.... Havn't I already told her the answer in the first e-mail??? I have seen Hitch... great movie.... so take the movie to heart--go rent it again and take it to heart this time. you have to SHOW her that your words were real. don't worry if she doesn't care you will be having fun anyway and getting over her a heck of alot faster. even if she doesn't get back with you i guarantee that she will think about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 What words???? What words that were real? Areyou saying the stuff that I put in the e-mail I setn to her about datign other people... How do I show her those are real if she is so far away... and isn't that a little jerkish... i don't know... I don't want to hurt anyone else Are you saying I told her... so I now need to show her?? That I don't really need her and that I have moved on? Link to post Share on other sites
LN8840K Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 " what if she doesn't care.... " Trust me bud when they don't care " you've got mail " is something you just don't hear Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 after you have rented the movie and gotten some date ideas, you need to find 2-3 girls to ask out this week, with the idea that at least one will say yes. the easiest way if you don't have other prospects in mind would be the online dating thing. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Are you saying I told her... so I now need to show her?? That I don't really need her and that I have moved on? that is exactly what i am saying. if you feel a little jerkish doing that, then you need to get over that feeling. I will tell you when you are being a jerk, believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 What words???? What words that were real? Areyou saying the stuff that I put in the e-mail I setn to her about datign other people... How do I show her those are real if she is so far away... and isn't that a little jerkish... i don't know... I don't want to hurt anyone else Are you saying I told her... so I now need to show her?? That I don't really need her and that I have moved on? Something you just don't hear???/ So you think she stilldoes care about me?? Then why did she do this in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 " what if she doesn't care.... " Trust me bud when they don't care " you've got mail " is something you just don't hear exactly. he gave her space and said he was moving on. that is why she feels interested enough to email him. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 now we need to give her a little suspense waiting for his answer. she needs to wonder for awhile why you are not immediately emailing her back. you probably never have waited very long to reply to her before, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 That is definitly true..... I hav ealwasy relied immediately back to her until she broke up with me... but it has never been as extreme as a couple of days. Are you sure that it isn't guilt that is gettin hold of her... How do I show her that I am "moving on" if she is 900 miles away... I mena willthe e-mails do it enough.... I don't know.... please don't leave me guys... thanks for all your help Link to post Share on other sites
LN8840K Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 You're evil cygny ....... telling kjo to delay sending her an email so she can sit around and wonder what he's doing, who he's with and if she made a mistake..... she will probably sit around and think about him untill he responds ....shame on you < laughing > Like advertisers say " it doesnt matter what the consumer thinks about a commercial as long as they think about it " Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 That is definitly true..... I hav ealwasy relied immediately back to her until she broke up with me... but it has never been as extreme as a couple of days. Are you sure that it isn't guilt that is gettin hold of her... How do I show her that I am "moving on" if she is 900 miles away... I mena willthe e-mails do it enough.... I don't know.... please don't leave me guys... thanks for all your help so you need to break some patterns. that will show her that you are different and have moved on. first thing is to break the pattern of immediate response. there may be some guilt but there is also a great deal of curiosity there that you have aroused in her. she can't believe that you are really moving on so easily. that is why she emailed you, to see if it was true and there is also a teensy bit of anxiety that a really great guy is getting away from her. that is a very good thing. trust me. i need to go now. you have your homework. you need to take those steps and the sooner the better. i'll check in again tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
igotmyphilosophy Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Speaking as a girl who just broke up with a pretty great guy because I wasn't really feeling the 'spark' enough, i totally agree with all cygny is saying. Guys are always asking why girls are just attracted to b*stards, but I don't think this is really the case. I wouldn't go out with a guy who wasn't basically decent, but it's hard to feel that initial 'buzz' of excitement with a guy if there's no mystery there at all. I always try to hold off replying for a while every now and then or keep a guy guessing about exactly what I'm doing sometimes even though i'm basically a decent person (in my opinion ) and would never actually do anything to purposefully hurt or decieve him. You have to see the difference between actually being a jerk and just trying to create a bit of mystery and excitement. The best idea is to make sure you are actually going out and having a great time doing your own thing every now and then and then you don't even have to pretend! I go salsa dancing with a couple of my girl friends every week and can always come back and honestly say I've had an excellent time. This kind of thing also helps if you ever do have to be in the non-contact zone or finish it completely because you still have lots of things you love to do in your life that you don't need them for, slightly lessening that 'my life is so empty without them' feeling that I'm sure we all get at some point when these things end. I'd actually like a bit of advice on this subject myself. As I said I just broke up with a guy, we got on really well and i'm a lot more compatable with him than with other guys i've been with but like I said he's pretty straightforward in the fact that he really likes me and always replies to texts etc straight away etc. I know it seems ridiculous to complain about this, but as cygny says, and most of my friends agree, you need a little bit of flirty gameplay at least in the initial stages to keep that spark and attraction going. I don't really want to lose this good guy but the thought of carrying on and the relationship getting more serious with me feeling like this was starting to freak me out. How can I make him understand that I appreciate him being the guy he is but i just want a bit more of the mystery and suspense from him? i'm never much good at articulating these things, and i don't want it just to come out as 'if you were just meaner to me we'd be great together' I'm not sure it'd be the same if i actually have to tell him to do it anyway... What do people think? I know lots of people have to deal with worse things than their partner being too 'nice' to them, i just know me and i know that i'll end up dissatisfied in a relationship that didn't even start with much of an exciting 'spark' on my part in the first place. But anyway, back to kjo314, i say definately listen to cygny, it may not seem to make much sense to you but what can i say, girls are crazy... Link to post Share on other sites
igotmyphilosophy Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Speaking as a girl who just broke up with a pretty great guy because I wasn't really feeling the 'spark' enough, i totally agree with all cygny is saying. Guys are always asking why girls are just attracted to b*stards, but I don't think this is really the case. I wouldn't go out with a guy who wasn't basically decent, but it's hard to feel that initial 'buzz' of excitement with a guy if there's no mystery there at all. I always try to hold off replying for a while every now and then or keep a guy guessing about exactly what I'm doing sometimes even though i'm basically a decent person (in my opinion ) and would never actually do anything to purposefully hurt or decieve him. You have to see the difference between actually being a jerk and just trying to create a bit of mystery and excitement. The best idea is to make sure you are actually going out and having a great time doing your own thing every now and then and then you don't even have to pretend! I go salsa dancing with a couple of my girl friends every week and can always come back and honestly say I've had an excellent time. This kind of thing also helps if you ever do have to be in the non-contact zone or finish it completely because you still have lots of things you love to do in your life that you don't need them for, slightly lessening that 'my life is so empty without them' feeling that I'm sure we all get at some point when these things end. I'd actually like a bit of advice on this subject myself. As I said I just broke up with a guy, we got on really well and i'm a lot more compatable with him than with other guys i've been with but like I said he's pretty straightforward in the fact that he really likes me and always replies to texts etc straight away etc. I know it seems ridiculous to complain about this, but as cygny says, and most of my friends agree, you need a little bit of flirty gameplay at least in the initial stages to keep that spark and attraction going. I don't really want to lose this good guy but the thought of carrying on and the relationship getting more serious with me feeling like this was starting to freak me out. How can I make him understand that I appreciate him being the guy he is but i just want a bit more of the mystery and suspense from him? i'm never much good at articulating these things, and i don't want it just to come out as 'if you were just meaner to me we'd be great together' I'm not sure it'd be the same if i actually have to tell him to do it anyway... What do people think? I know lots of people have to deal with worse things than their partner being too 'nice' to them, i just know me and i know that i'll end up dissatisfied in a relationship that didn't even start with much of an exciting 'spark' on my part in the first place. But anyway, back to kjo314, i say definately listen to cygny, it may not seem to make much sense to you but what can i say, girls are crazy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 no it makes perfect sense and I wish I would have seen it myself.... I was not aware of it due to my inexperience in relationships.... I just hope that it is not too late.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 Also what is this "mystery" that you speak of?? Link to post Share on other sites
salmagundi Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 I agree you really need to listen to Cygny. as to mystery, I think mystery is on the one hand when they just dont know everything about you, about your life, about what you think and what you do, especially when they're not around. But more importantly, on the other hand, is their IMAGINING what you're doing thinking etc...when they're not around. The effort to imagine what you're about, the anxiety of imagining that in you're interesting life you have all sorts of opportunities to meet all kinds of other interesting guys/girls makes you more...well...mysterious than when you are always around them, when you are an open book to them, when they never have to imagine what is going on in your head or in your life that they dont know about. When this happens, you're just no longer a challenge. And so this means, for instance, that you don't need to flat out tell them or clumsily imply to them in your email that you're seeing other women. That would be a mistake because she could see it as a bulls**t plot to make her jealous. Very adolescent. All you need to do in your emails is give her the impression that you COULD be seeing other people. That your life is fun. That your life affords all kinds of opportunity for you to meet other people. This will make her do the work for you...of imagining what you're up to and worrying/thinking that you really are going to meet someone else and forget about them. this will create mystery and make you more interesting, less predictable, less transparent and more of a challenge. yours, salmagundi Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 Does that really happen?? It is weird to me how that happens??? Does that get those "feelings" back? It is weird sometimes how things like this work Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 yes it sometimes happens. she lost that spark for you because you were too predictable and too nice, not enough of a challenge and not interesting enough. she loves your good qualities rationally but just doesn't feel it. women feel more for a guy who is slightly dominant. don't be a jerk or an ass but be in control. do not give her the impression that she is on your mind now or that you even care--you need to create the impression that you have completely accepted the situation, dropped whatever feelings you had for her and have moved on. your relationship with her now is one of mild interest or slight boredom. on the other hand you are doing great and couldn't be better, having much more fun now that you don't have to go down to florida every weekend and sit around talking about her frickin' therapy. you need to make fun of her just a bit if you want to recapture her. you need to show her another side of you to regain her interest. a side that is less caring, more exciting, a little rough and maybe a bit of a jerk but only in a fun teasing way not a real jerk. she needs to know you are not at her beck and call, that she threw away something great, that you don't need her and can easily get another woman that is better than she is. this is not going to be easy because you haven't done it before. it is a fine line. most guys go overboard and come off like its a bluff and then they fall back into mr bland and needy. it is essential that you actually start dating other women. have you gotten a plan together yet? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 I'd actually like a bit of advice on this subject myself. As I said I just broke up with a guy, we got on really well and i'm a lot more compatable with him than with other guys i've been with but like I said he's pretty straightforward in the fact that he really likes me and always replies to texts etc straight away etc. I know it seems ridiculous to complain about this, but as cygny says, and most of my friends agree, you need a little bit of flirty gameplay at least in the initial stages to keep that spark and attraction going. I don't really want to lose this good guy but the thought of carrying on and the relationship getting more serious with me feeling like this was starting to freak me out. How can I make him understand that I appreciate him being the guy he is but i just want a bit more of the mystery and suspense from him? i'm never much good at articulating these things, and i don't want it just to come out as 'if you were just meaner to me we'd be great together' I'm not sure it'd be the same if i actually have to tell him to do it anyway... What do people think? I know lots of people have to deal with worse things than their partner being too 'nice' to them, i just know me and i know that i'll end up dissatisfied in a relationship that didn't even start with much of an exciting 'spark' on my part in the first place. But anyway, back to kjo314, i say definately listen to cygny, it may not seem to make much sense to you but what can i say, girls are crazy... hey why don't you start a new thread, it's a good topic but we need to keep this thread on topic for kjo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 I won't go overboard.... but I need your help.... yes I am working on the whole date thing... trust me... I went to a party last night and had a ton of fun.. talked to a couple women... it was fun Are my chances slim to none or do I actually have a chance of getting this woman back? I know this is the best no matter what the outcome is but.... I don't want to hurt her. I just can't imagine a slighty assholish or jerkish guy being a turn on to some women... I don't know.. Maybe I am a wuss. Link to post Share on other sites
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