LN8840K Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Why does she break my heart with this kind of e-mail.... I don't think she sent it with the intention of breaking your heart, it's just not what you wanted to hear .... she does not want a relationship and sounds like she cares about you enough to not want to hurt your feelings ..... one of my ex's, lets call her SANTANICA, would answer all my calls let me buy her flowers and basicly chase her, then when she knew I was hooked and when she thought she could crush me, dropped the I don't think we should talk anymore card on me, blindsided me, she had no remorse and I could hear the happiness and excitement in her voice as she shattered my dreams... she enjoyed it man, thats a cold blooded vengeful ho there, be glad this girl is not out to hurt you. sorry did not mean to hijack your thread, just wanted to point out your ex could have been worse peace out and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
happymadison Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 she's in therapy? there's your answer Bud.......dump her, dump her now and forget her. there are plenty of healthier fish out there,so go get one. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Why do guys who beat their g/f's and all this ruin it for the shy ones.. It is like that is a desirable trait I don't understand it... I am very imdependent... I really am... I own my own house and car and I am still in college and only 21. I work in sales and make a good living... what am I doing wrong? you're not doing anything wrong at all-- and there are good women out there who can appreciate a shy guy but i think your best qualities are fantastic for deeper and long-term relationships, you sound like a dream man for that but maybe not the initial flirting stuff-- so if you want to get out there and meet some women you may have to come out of your shell a little and create an ambiance around a woman so that she can respond to something and get to know you better. and develop the deeper feelings. Initially a little excitement and mystery is a good thing. btw the three-month mark is almost a cliche that people break up then, i think because it takes that long for deeper feelings to develop-- Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 What ambiance... how do you do that??? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Why does she break my heart with this kind of e-mail.... I don't think she sent it with the intention of breaking your heart, it's just not what you wanted to hear .... she does not want a relationship and sounds like she cares about you enough to not want to hurt your feelings ..... one of my ex's, lets call her SANTANICA, would answer all my calls let me buy her flowers and basicly chase her, then when she knew I was hooked and when she thought she could crush me, dropped the I don't think we should talk anymore card on me, blindsided me, she had no remorse and I could hear the happiness and excitement in her voice as she shattered my dreams... she enjoyed it man, thats a cold blooded vengeful ho there, be glad this girl is not out to hurt you. sorry did not mean to hijack your thread, just wanted to point out your ex could have been worse peace out and good luck that really is bad. oh and yeah i had a guy do that to me too. it really feels bad. we all go through it at some time or other i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 What ambiance... how do you do that??? by being playful and flirty and a bit challenging. make it a game, not in the player sense of trying to hurt someone but like in sales you have to create excitement for your product etc right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 How do you make it a game... I have never had someone chase after me... How do you make them want to? Link to post Share on other sites
LN8840K Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 KJO, you sent the email that's good, you should plan as though as she won't respond and move on with your life. she WON'T come back unless you let her go.you can't pretend to let her go, you need to really let her go. don't waste time trying to change yourself or play games. Don't base your self esteem or confidence on a choice she made, we have all rejected someone, did you think any less of the person you rejected, notta they were still people, just not the right one for you, nothing personal right ? getting rejected, gets easier the more it happens..it's a numbers game just like sales is so get out there and get some numbers and start living again, when you start living again SHE WILL BE BACK, funny thing will happen though , when she does come back, you're not going to want her. I'm 36 been thru a lot of relationships and trust me THEY ALL COME BACK sometimes years later but they do. PEACE OUT Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 How do you make it a game... I have never had someone chase after me... How do you make them want to? you flirt with them and make them have fun and then leave them a little wanting, and wondering whether you really like them and how much. i don't mean this as in playing games to con people or be a jerk, but more like enjoying the flirting, a game as in the sense of not taking it so seriously, just having fun with it. making jokes with the girl. flirty ones. girls are doing the same thing to you. i'm NOT saying to make the girl chase you, i hate that in a guy, i really do. You be the man and do the chasing but don't do it too much, you have to find the balance, the middle zone, because until her deeper feelings have kicked in it will feel like pressure or smothering to her --that's probably what happened with this other girl of yours, too much too early, not enough cat and mouse, too one-sided you were doing ALL the chasing--but be a little less eager and be a helluva lot of flirty fun- to make her want you and want you to call her. don't try to win her over exclusively by being such a good guy, mix it up with a little danger-- in the early stage of romance you have to win her over with charm and excitement, then if she likes you the good guy stuff will win her heart for a deeper relationship. women want good guys they really do but they first off need to feel an emotional connection --not be expected to make a rational choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 OK guys I got another e-mail I don't know what to think or do... I just emailed you to see how life in the world of Kenny was doing? I just had my first week of classes and and I am still reeling from it all. I had my first practicum class, but all they did was go over the kind of paperwork we need for each client so I didn't get to see anybody. I thought I might get to teach this semester, but it turned out all the positions were filled by returning teachers so I will have to wait and see about next semester. I am still holding out for one more assistantship opportunity which I hope I get. I would be helping my fave prof teach a class, so I really hope I get it! I have a really long weekend this week with not too much homework so I've just sort of been chillin'. I went out for pizza with my grad school buddies yesterday and then watched a movie with them later. I am trying to be more sociable, so I am having a movie night at my place tomorrow and hopefully people will show up! Speaking of people, I am getting a third roommate unfortunately. She is moving in on Monday. We were kind of forced into it, but at least she is nice and not too weird. Even if she is weird, I can deal with that. We are all a little crazy in the mental health profession. Grits is good, she starting making these noises around us that doesn't resemble anything that a dog should be able to do. And I don't know why she does it, but its hilarious. Other than that, life has been pretty low-key. I've been trying to adjust to the new semester and helping my friend, Stephanie, plan her wedding. She is getting married March 4, and needs ideas. It's fun. We got a new girl, Kate, in our program from New Orleans. I think I might hang out with her tonight. I might also get a job where my friend, Sharmeen works at the YMCA. She teaches/watches kids and they need somebody. I figured since I want to work with little kids it would be a good thing to do. How are things with you? How are the kids at Alexander? What's life like in Athens? What's the latest gossip? Are you graduating soon? How's the family?? Feel free to call if you want to chat or need anything. Tell me what you think I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 Please resond as I don't really knwo what to do anymore and could use all the advice I can get Link to post Share on other sites
LN8840K Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 answer her email like you would any other friend ...NO EXPECTATIONS don't bring up the relationship.................. let her make all the moves and dont trip on your dick good luck Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 when did you email her last? what did you say? let it go for a few days before you do anything. then send her something very short, flirty and a little challenging. if you email her like any other friend that is exactly what you'll be to her. if that's what you want then go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 What should I put in the e-mail... I e-mailed her like 2 days ago with the e-mail suggestion in this post.... then she gave me this e-mail today.... Please read it again and give me some kind of e-mail idea I can send to her??? I still want us to work out.... It sounds like there is still a chance but I don't want to chase somethign that won't come back... Thank you guys so much.. Link to post Share on other sites
LN8840K Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 she choose to cast him into the friendzone and only she can bring him out ..... by acting as her friend all pressure is gone and she can see him as he was before he started clinging on ........ Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 ok you are doing GREAT...the reason she emailed you is because the last email you sent her was a bit of a challenge. so PLEASE do not mess up and email her right back it will ruin it all. TRUST me on this I am a woman I know how we think WAIT til thursday or even a whole week like a week from monday. do NOT email her on the weekend that will make it look like you in fact are not dating other girls like you should be. That will give you some time to compose a nice short little email and we can help you on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 she choose to cast him into the friendzone and only she can bring him out ..... by acting as her friend all pressure is gone and she can see him as he was before he started clinging on ........ This situation calls for something a little different... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 What should I put in this e-mail... also cygny doyou have an AOL screename or anything... I would love to IM you sometime for some advice Link to post Share on other sites
LN8840K Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 play games with her and when she decides to play your game and wait days to return your email .....the shiyat will hit the fan he will crack up, start smothering her and get the friend speech again Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 play games with her and when she decides to play your game and wait days to return your email .....the shiyat will hit the fan he will crack up, start smothering her and get the friend speech again please do NOT smother her. that will indeed get the friend speech. kjo you will have to develop a new sense of discipline and timing to pull this off. this is not about playing games but about giving her some space and something interesting to respond to and be attracted to. no i do not have an aol name but you can pm me if you have posted 50 times. Link to post Share on other sites
LN8840K Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 I am a woman I know how we think then you should consider writing a book, because you would be the only person to have figured out that secret < laughing > Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 kjo in the last email you said you'd be going out with other women and doing crazy things. so that is what you in fact need to be doing in real life. so get out there and start dating. do online dating if nothing else. as for this email, it should be very short and sound like you are having fun. while you don't need to say it directly, there should be the implication that indeed you are going out with other girls and doing crazy thiings just like you said you would. your first task is to get out on a few dates and do some out of the ordinary things. then refer to it obliquely in the email. think you can do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 i am not one to respond in a clingy way... She did that too me at the endo f the realtionship.. I will not do it this time... I have too much to do in my life However... I need to figure out what to send back to her... any suggestions or some kind of "basic" e-mail idea tosend ot her. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 don't worry about the email right now, you don't need to send anything back for at least a week--she needs to get the sense that you have indeed moved on, accepted the way it is, and are focused on other things, ie dating others. so, you are a bit too busy to email her back right away. focus on creating a more interesting persona. what was the typical date you would do with this girl? Link to post Share on other sites
LN8840K Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 KJO Ignore my earlier advice . I had forgotten you sent her that email ....... Cygny is right you need to play hard ball with this woman or she will put you on the backburner as soon as she figures your email was a bluff........ stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
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