The real truth : Domestic Violence

[littlekitty]

How true, how true. I was one of them.. A few times I almost fell back into this role with different men after my XH.

 

Thank God I found my stubborn, strong-headed, logical, self respected strength that I didn't realize I had..

 

How true Pada. It's easy to find oneself trapped in the cycle of the abused. Especially if you don't immediately recongnise the abuse for what it is.

 

I too found what a strong, stubbon, confident women I was and was able to remove myself from the cycle, and start on a happier course of life.

 

In the end we win. We are happier, and leading happier lives.

 

The abusers will forever have that "issue" that makes them feel the need to abuse and control those around them, effectively, and likely eventually, pushing most people away.

[SmoochieFace]

This isn't a thread about Alpha.. SF your view of Alpha doesn't need to be posted

 

Go ahead and make the rules, AC, you obviously are quite adept at it.

 

Would you be happier if I put a f***ing bullet in my brain? That's what you f***ing want, isn't it? You don't want me posting here, you don't even want me to exist even, do you?

[Art_Critic]

Go ahead and make the rules, AC, you obviously are quite adept at it.

 

Call him on his BS.. don't make it personal

[littlekitty]

How true Pada. It's easy to find oneself trapped in the cycle of the abused. Especially if you don't immediately recongnise the abuse for what it is.

 

 

How relevant to what A_C posted regarding his situation.

[SmoochieFace]

Call him on his BS.. don't make it personal

 

That's what I'm doing... guess you're blind to it too.

[loony]

Call him on his BS.. don't make it personal

I agree.

 

SmoochieFace, I understand you have Asperger's syndrome, and I hope you are in therapy. If not, I think you really should consider it.

[basscatcher]

As a former Battered Husband I believe this to be BS.. When I was punched in the face by a bipolar wife or kicked or slapped or the many other things she did to me... the reason I never came forward is that I never realized it was abuse.. as I had never encountered it before and as the man I felt embarrassed if I started to feel I was abused..

I would just blow it off and move on to the next day...

 

Only therapy in an Anger Managment course did I realize that my then wife was an abuser and she fit almost the entire domestic abuse profile.

When I looked at this pie chart wheel of traits I was floored that I was looking at my relationship.

 

Yep, I was becoming abusive as well to my XH. I was giving it back to him just as he gave it to me. I started to throw shyt at him (anything I could get my hands on-including lamps.) He would retort some nasty words and I would haul off and take a sucker punch to his face.

 

Two weeks before I finally left him after 11 1/2 years I snapped and caught myself. He had barracaded me in the kitchen. (Very narrow and small kitchen with an isle about 2 1/2 feet wide. He stood at the end of the counter yelling at me at the top of his lungs. I asked him many times to let me go, to let me leave the kitchen. (I had been doing the dishes and was finished and wanted to go into the living room.) He refused to allow me to leave. I insisted him let me leave and he refused. His yelling was making my ears hurt terribly. They were ringing and he was slandering me and verbally attacking me because I was upset for him going out the night before and not coming home till 6am that morning totally intoxicated. He pushed me back and grabbed my arm. I jerked myself away from him and he started to verbally threaten to hit me for real (because my body language apparently showed my fear of him.) He told me he would give me something to be scared of. His yelling I swear made me deaf at that time. I remember feeling panicy, confused and desperate for him to leave me alone, not to touch me, to shut up and stop yelling at me. I remember starting to black out from the stress and the last thing I remember is staring at the Butcher Block of Knifes. I was focusing in on the big butcher one thinking "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP".

 

When I came consious of myself he was gone and I was still standing in the kitchen staring at the knifes. I became scared of myself... I knew then if I didn't leave I would either kill him or he would eventually snap and kill me. I went and sat on the living room couch and my son (7 years old) came to me and put his little hands on my knees and looked me in the eyes and said 'Mom, It's time for us to leave!.'

 

Two weeks later with the help of one friend who stood by me 24/7 I was out of that house and never never never returned. My XH tried to get me to come back. I refused to look back. I knew I didn't want to live like that and I knew he wasn't going to change because he was and still is to this day in denial that there is anything wrong with him. He has only become worse.

 

So a battered woman can also become a batterer from years of being abused. She starts to defend herself and then she could start to relaliate and attempt to take back her control. In turn she takes back more; she becomes the batterer too. So the two persons begin to batterer each other and it becomes a vicious cycle of power, control and anger..

 

It is not healthy..

[Outcast]

Originally Posted by loony

Buddy, you're also giving me the headaches...

 

Originally Posted by Art_Critic

This isn't a thread about Alpha.. SF your view of Alpha doesn't need to be posted

 

I don't know what either of your problems are. EVERYBODY has remarked on Alpha's comments and Smooch didn't 'make it personal'. It's just obscene that one poster can so consistently post misogynistic BULLs*** and be thought witty and fun by others who don't understand that the poster is NOT joking. He has dismissed Mary's and others' posts with the typical smartass BS that we see so often. It's NOT funny and IMHO he deserves to be called out on it.

[newbby]

I agree.

 

SmoochieFace, I understand you have Asperger's syndrome, and I hope you are in therapy. If not, I think you really should consider it.

 

loony, do you have pmt?

[Art_Critic]

I don't know what either of your problems are. EVERYBODY has remarked on Alpha's comments and Smooch didn't 'make it personal'. It's just obscene that one poster can so consistently post misogynistic BULLs*** and be thought witty and fun by others who don't understand that the poster is NOT joking. He has dismissed Mary's and others' posts with the typical smartass BS that we see so often. It's NOT funny and IMHO he deserves to be called out on it.

 

Outcast.. you called Alpha on his bs without the personal comments about how people here treat him..

 

SF did not.. he made it personal.. I understand that he is an Aspie.. But as you called Alpha on his BS.. I have called SF on his and simply asked him to not make it personal so this thread doesn't go down the toilet

[SmoochieFace]

I don't know what either of your problems are. EVERYBODY has remarked on Alpha's comments and Smooch didn't 'make it personal'. It's just obscene that one poster can so consistently post misogynistic BULLs*** and be thought witty and fun by others who don't understand that the poster is NOT joking. He has dismissed Mary's and others' posts with the typical smartass BS that we see so often. It's NOT funny and IMHO he deserves to be called out on it.

 

I dunno either... maybe some people just aren't comfortable with brutal and cold honesty.

 

I do not understand why there seems to be this frivolous attitude towards abuse. I was emotionally abused as a child and it is said that emotional abuse can be as bad or even worse than physical abuse. There is absolutely nothing *funny* or *joking* about it - and comments such as *abuse or be abused* are stunningly ridiculous. Why can't there be a different option - to NOT abuse at all?!

[Outcast]

Read it again, AC. He said what I said - that people will still think Alpha's just a funny 'badass'. You don't like Smooch so he can say nothing right in your eyes.

 

As for the thread going down the toilet, misogynists dismissing the real problems of abuse are what's making it do that.

[Craig]

When I looked at this pie chart wheel of traits I was floored that I was looking at my relationship.

Ditto.....

[loony]

I dunno either... maybe some people just aren't comfortable with brutal and cold honesty.

This is exactly what is getting on people's nerves, the constant insinuation that the rest here are idiots, not smart enough, morally corrupt and lower than the lowest scum, while you are the immaculate saint who is 'just' speaking out the truth. We are all stupid and worshipping Alpha, because unlike you, we are brainwashed by the media. Blablablablabla....

[JS17]

Like everyone else I didn't even know it was happening to me but mine was emotional not physical. I still have a hard time believing it sometimes.

[whichwayisup]

Then the rest of her life she can **LIVE**. She lives free now.... Drama free. She is abuse free for 8 years now.

 

She is ME

 

I'm proud of you Mary! I hope you continue to be strong, live life without worry and fear.

[Craig]

I dunno either... maybe some people just aren't comfortable with brutal and cold honesty.

 

I do not understand why there seems to be this frivolous attitude towards abuse. I was emotionally abused as a child and it is said that emotional abuse can be as bad or even worse than physical abuse. There is absolutely nothing *funny* or *joking* about it - and comments such as *abuse or be abused* are stunningly ridiculous. Why can't there be a different option - to NOT abuse at all?!

From my perspective emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse. At least the physical wound heals (in most? cases) but the emotional wound can lay open for decades.

 

This discussion is a good one, there are different points of view, misinformation, disinformation, bold faced lies, truths and opinions floating around here but it is getting a discussion going and that in itself is a good thing. Perhaps one small step towards the option "to NOT abuse at all".

[Outcast]

This is exactly what is getting on people's nerves, the constant insinuation that the rest here are idiots, not smart enough, morally corrupt and lower than the lowest scum, while you are the immaculate saint who is 'just' speaking out the truth. We are all stupid and worshipping Alpha, because unlike you, we are brainwashed by the media. Blablablablabla....

 

Loony, go eat some chocolate. This is about personal animosity, not about what Smooch said here.

[SmoochieFace]

This is exactly what is getting on people's nerves, the constant insinuation that the rest here are idiots, not smart enough, morally corrupt and lower than the lowest scum, while you are the immaculate saint who is 'just' speaking out the truth. We are all stupid and worshipping Alpha, because unlike you, we are brainwashed by the media. Blablablablabla....

 

Sounds like you have some issues of your own. Your post can be considered *abusive* as well.

 

No one (including myself) has said that everyone here is 'stupid' and 'worshipping' Alpha HOWEVER there are those here who do. Do not say that EVERYONE here is like that simply because a few here are.

 

And I certainly am no *immaculate saint*... ... but I am flattered that you would think so. If you knew me on a deeper level you would discover that I am quite far from being ANY saint.

 

Still a little sore about the 'media' comment I made long ago I see...

 

If you have any other *issues* with me, loony, you are free to PM me at any time. We do not need to be hijacking this thread.

 

Apologies for the sidetracking... back to topic.

[SmoochieFace]

At least the physical wound heals (in most? cases) but the emotional wound can lay open for decades.

 

Absolutely true. I am still dealing with my past and it certainly isn't easy.

[littlekitty]

Yep, I was becoming abusive as well to my XH. I was giving it back to him just as he gave it to me. I started to throw shyt at him (anything I could get my hands on-including lamps.) He would retort some nasty words and I would haul off and take a sucker punch to his face.

 

Two weeks before I finally left him after 11 1/2 years I snapped and caught myself. He had barracaded me in the kitchen. (Very narrow and small kitchen with an isle about 2 1/2 feet wide. He stood at the end of the counter yelling at me at the top of his lungs. I asked him many times to let me go, to let me leave the kitchen. (I had been doing the dishes and was finished and wanted to go into the living room.) He refused to allow me to leave. I insisted him let me leave and he refused. His yelling was making my ears hurt terribly. They were ringing and he was slandering me and verbally attacking me because I was upset for him going out the night before and not coming home till 6am that morning totally intoxicated. He pushed me back and grabbed my arm. I jerked myself away from him and he started to verbally threaten to hit me for real (because my body language apparently showed my fear of him.) He told me he would give me something to be scared of. His yelling I swear made me deaf at that time. I remember feeling panicy, confused and desperate for him to leave me alone, not to touch me, to shut up and stop yelling at me. I remember starting to black out from the stress and the last thing I remember is staring at the Butcher Block of Knifes. I was focusing in on the big butcher one thinking "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP".

 

When I came consious of myself he was gone and I was still standing in the kitchen staring at the knifes. I became scared of myself... I knew then if I didn't leave I would either kill him or he would eventually snap and kill me. I went and sat on the living room couch and my son (7 years old) came to me and put his little hands on my knees and looked me in the eyes and said 'Mom, It's time for us to leave!.'

 

Two weeks later with the help of one friend who stood by me 24/7 I was out of that house and never never never returned. My XH tried to get me to come back. I refused to look back. I knew I didn't want to live like that and I knew he wasn't going to change because he was and still is to this day in denial that there is anything wrong with him. He has only become worse.

 

So a battered woman can also become a batterer from years of being abused. She starts to defend herself and then she could start to relaliate and attempt to take back her control. In turn she takes back more; she becomes the batterer too. So the two persons begin to batterer each other and it becomes a vicious cycle of power, control and anger..

 

It is not healthy..

 

You have my respect Pada. How strong you must have been to walk away. You're an amazing lady!

[alphamale]

This discussion is a good one, there are different points of view, misinformation, disinformation, bold faced lies, truths and opinions floating around here

I agree CRAIG....but if were going to talk about the real truth of abuse then we must mention that its not all about the women here. Men are abused emotionally and mentally each and every day by women. But no one mentions that.

 

It pisses me off royally that whenever this "abuse" discussion comes up it is usually about how women are mistreated by men. In reality men are abused just as much as women, if not more.

[littlekitty]

I agree CRAIG....but if were going to talk about the real truth of abuse then we must mention that its not all about the women here. Men are abused emotionally and mentally each and every day by women. But no one mentions that.

 

It pisses me off royally that whenever this "abuse" discussion comes up it is usually about how women are mistreated by men. In reality men are abused just as much as women, if not more.

 

You'll notice I used the term abused 'people'. Man, women, child, animal. Anyone can be abused. It is sad fact that abuse of women seems to have a higher profile than that of abused men.

 

However, as a self confessed abuser of women, what right do you have to get all sanctimonious about abused men? Just because you're a man abusing a women does that make it any different to a women abusing a man?! NO!!

[Outcast]

Men are abused emotionally and mentally each and every day by women. But no one mentions that.

 

Try reading the whole thread. Spartaciss, Smoochie, and Art Critic have all spoken to the issue of abused men. So kwitcherbitchin because it doesn't cut it.

[littlekitty]

There is absolutely nothing *funny* or *joking* about it - and comments such as *abuse or be abused* are stunningly ridiculous. Why can't there be a different option - to NOT abuse at all?!

 

Precisely what I said.