I feel rejected and not sure if it was my fault or simply his lack of interest in me

[Fun2BMe]

Wonder how it went last night... hopefully it went great.

I appreciate everyone's feedback. I had no idea how off the base I was with my thinking. I was thinking he had rejected me and torturing myself figuring out why, then you all tell me otherwise! Very interesting...

 

He had rented a movie and a documentary for us to watch with popcorn. It was needless to say very late by the time it was over. My buzz was gone and I was about ready to pass out and thought to go home. Then he made some moves and even though I wanted to say no, I didn't want to hurt his feelings and felt it would be rude to turn him down, so it turned sexual even though I had told myself not to go there. It was very late and I ended up staying at his place. He voluntarily told me that he has had to work the past few weekends, he has no idea I have been unhappy not to see him on the weekends. He said he will finally have this coming weekend off but did not say if he wanted to see me which still upsets me.

 

He was very caring and attentive to me. Most of the night I was very uptight and still bothered by the whole waiting around not getting calls from him. He seemed sensitive enough to ask many times if something was wrong. In the morning I was in a hurry to leave even though he asked if I wanted to stick around for a little while.

 

Then around noon he sent me a nice email that he was happy to see me and all that and sensed I was tired last night. I wasn't sure if I should've taken that opportunity to vent and tell him I was unhappy to see him so late and that's why I was so dam tired, but instead I sent him a similar kind email. Now I'm wondering if that was the right thing to do. Isn't it bad to pretend everything is ok when I am feeling upset for a reason at him? I still find no justification for him to have wanted to see me so late at night and feel maybe tricked by his charms maybe he is just into me for the sex and acts all nice and caring which has succeeded to get me to like him. I don't want to be that someone he sits around talking to his friends about as an 'easy' catch.

 

This will be the final test if he asks to see me this coming weekend now that I know he is free from work and has an open schedule. On a side note, after I left my house last night looking very nice I went to the gas station to fill up my car. A very handsome gentleman approached me, he offered to fill up my car which I said ok to as long as I didn't have to tip him, and he asked for my number which I gave him.

 

Mind you this was while I was still very upset at having to go meet the original date at a late hour so I was open to the flirting. He said he would call me tonight and make dinner for us and we could sit in his hot tub. I will turn him down. He also asked what I like to do in my spare time, if I had a boyfriend and seemed very interested in me. I will have to turn him down when he calls tonight giving the other guy a chance to prove himself to me.

 

I do regret sending a nice email back to him today and not giving him my venting which all of you have been telling me to hold off on so far but it is building up on one end, on the other things might have pretty much come to an end had I given him a piece of my mind instead of the nice email yesterday. You all are determining my fate lol

[LN8840K]

Hey do this guy a favor and get out of his life, him or any other man has no chance in hell of meeting your expectations

 

 

He said he would call me tonight and make dinner for us and we could sit in his hot tub. I will turn him down.

 

 

He also asked what I like to do in my spare time, if I had a boyfriend and seemed very interested in me. I will have to turn him down when he calls tonight

 

my crystal ball says you will get no call this weekend, unless he is as insane as you are in which case you will live happily ever after

 

get some therapy before hitting the dating pool again please

[Fun2BMe]

Hey do this guy a favor and get out of his life, him or any other man has no chance in hell of meeting your expectations

 

 

He said he would call me tonight and make dinner for us and we could sit in his hot tub. I will turn him down.

 

 

He also asked what I like to do in my spare time, if I had a boyfriend and seemed very interested in me. I will have to turn him down when he calls tonight

 

my crystal ball says you will get no call this weekend, unless he is as insane as you are in which case you will live happily ever after

 

get some therapy before hitting the dating pool again please

I'm trying hard to make things work with the guy I have had the few dates with who I made the mistake to sleep with so soon. You think I should cheat on him and go out with the man I met at the gas station? I know things are new with us, but I am putting a lot of effort to make it work and after seeing him last night, when the other man calls me tonight I am going to tell him I am not available. Why do I need therapy? For being loyal and trying my best? Or should I date the other guy too at the same time just in case the other doesn't work out? That's not my style.

[luvtoto]

"I was open to the flirting..."

 

I think you are creating your own drama here, and this is caused from not having any boundaries. Find out what you want in a man and then stick to your guns! Be good to yourself.

[LN8840K]

Fun2

 

The more this guy trys, the more unhappy you will become ... you will never be satisfied that he cares enough ....ever ! he or anybody else will never make you happy untill you work out the issues, OK ?

 

I dont think it has anything to do with sleeping with him or anybody else for that matter.........

You are unable to accept love, this is obvious, I dont know who hurt you, but someone did a number on you, you are insecure and your self esteem is in the crapper.

 

get help and thats not meant to be an insult

[LN8840K]

luvtoto

 

" I think you are creating your own drama here, and this is caused from not having any boundaries."

 

I agree 100% but you can't even begin to create boundaries unless you accept yourself for who you are as you are

 

 

[luvtoto]

Fun2

 

The more this guy trys, the more unhappy you will become ... you will never be satisfied that he cares enough ....ever ! he or anybody else will never make you happy untill you work out the issues, OK ?

 

I dont think it has anything to do with sleeping with him or anybody else for that matter.........

You are unable to accept love, this is obvious, I dont know who hurt you, but someone did a number on you, you are insecure and your self esteem is in the crapper.

 

get help and thats not meant to be an insult

 

I agree, Fun2's self-esteem is suffering....but, in her defense, how is this guy trying?! He calls her late on a Sunday night for a date..correction, bootie call. I would be unhappy with him, too! Hell, I would have NEVER gone to his house in the first place. She's settling for a dog. Fun2, I think you should be more discriminating to the men you allow in your life.

[bigbrowneyes]

I hate to admit it but I think you're on to something here LN8840K! I was anxious to see how the evening went and if I was a betting girl, I'd be alot richer today...sex again. Of course he wanted to see you at 9:30 to have sex. I think you are in denial Fun2Bme. The guy is obviously feeding you one line after another to get you in the sack. At 37 one would think you'd be wise to his tactics. You've only been out with him a few times...cut your loses now and take the other guy up on his dinner invitation...but try not having sex this time! You may be surprised that men will treat you with respect when you respect yourself. I hope you have some more wine for the weekend...you may need it.

[LN8840K]

You don't know this man and you're calling him a dog .....

 

lets not forget she rejected this man, yeah it may have been a 9.30pm date but let us not forget she emailed him at 3pm sunday afternoon and to expect an imediate response is unrealistic at best. The fact she received a response at all is a glaring fact He is making an effort but its not in accordance with your policies so he must be a dog.

 

she is pissed because she slept with him and just like last time, next time and every time after that, he will not meet her expectations and nobody ever will

[Fun2BMe]

Fun2

 

The more this guy trys, the more unhappy you will become ... you will never be satisfied that he cares enough ....ever ! he or anybody else will never make you happy untill you work out the issues, OK ?

 

I dont think it has anything to do with sleeping with him or anybody else for that matter.........

You are unable to accept love, this is obvious, I dont know who hurt you, but someone did a number on you, you are insecure and your self esteem is in the crapper.

 

get help and thats not meant to be an insult

I am interested to find out why so many all of a sudden think that I am the one creating drama. What makes you think that I am insecure and have low self esteem? I am trying to be careful. I don't want to be taken advantage of by a man because I feel like I like him a lot and get blinded by his charms.

 

Maybe I am old fashioned, but I am used to men I am dating to call me on a regular basis and ask to see me during the day or at a reasonable hour in the evening. So far it was on odd nights with infrequent contact. I was patient, gave it another shot, he ends up wanting to see me to my dislike at an unreasonable time, at 9:30pm on a Sunday when he was not working the whole day.

 

I spread myself thin to give it a shot. I was prepared to get mad at him but people here sided with him so I decided to try again. If I had low self esteem I would be ok and happy with any amount of attention I would get by a guy I feel strongly for, but instead I don't want my head in the sand. My gut is giving me mixed signals becaise if he is into me he would have invited me for maybe Sunday brunch, or a date at 5, 6 or even 8pm, not 9:30pm on a Sunday night. That is why I seek your opinions to help me sort this out. On the surface it appears to be a booty call, but he is so nice and caring and seems very interested in me when we are together.

 

You say "the more this guy tries the more unsatisfied you will become" "you will never be satisfied that he cares for you" until I work on my issues. I really need help then for you to tell me what my issues are. Are my expectations really that high? Do women settle for any crumbs that are thrown their way these days? I'm supposed to be grateful for seeing him at 9:30pm?

[Outcast]

LN884 you're dead on.

 

Now I'm wondering if that was the right thing to do. Isn't it bad to pretend everything is ok when I am feeling upset for a reason at him?

 

Ordinarily I'd say no, that you don't dump all your inner crap on someone just because you have it, but in this case you probably should have told him off again. He needs to know what kind of person you are.

 

I still find no justification for him to have wanted to see me so late at night

 

He had to work!!!!

 

You blew him off for the other date. When you emailed him in the afternoon, he saw you THAT EVENING. How much more do you want? He was probably tired, too, having worked all evening but he went out and got a DOCUMENTARY - not even a porn flick. If that didn't persuade you of his good intentions, nothing should.

 

I'm afraid to say that you sound like one of those people who are chronically displeased with everything. You have a set of expectations and unless people meet them exactly, you're upset or tired or sulky or sullen or ticked off or whatever.

 

I agree that you really need to get yourself figured out before you try to date people or you will just end up causing yourself and anybody you date total misery.

 

You never answered my question. You're 37 - have you never dated? Been in a relationship? Where have you been all these years?

[Fun2BMe]

I hate to admit it but I think you're on to something here LN8840K! I was anxious to see how the evening went and if I was a betting girl, I'd be alot richer today...sex again. Of course he wanted to see you at 9:30 to have sex. I think you are in denial Fun2Bme. The guy is obviously feeding you one line after another to get you in the sack. At 37 one would think you'd be wise to his tactics. You've only been out with him a few times...cut your loses now and take the other guy up on his dinner invitation...but try not having sex this time! You may be surprised that men will treat you with respect when you respect yourself. I hope you have some more wine for the weekend...you may need it.

I hope you are wrong bigbrowneyes. I think he likes me. I need to know how to handle my emotions and I am learning how to. I am learning not to have too much expectations as the others are telling me and maybe they are right. I will cater to his schedule then and try to suck in my negative feelings to prove I am not high maintenace. I thought it was wrong of him but I guess I was wrong and can accept his choice of times to see me.

[Fun2BMe]

You blew him off for the other date. When you emailed him in the afternoon, he saw you THAT EVENING. How much more do you want? He was probably tired, too, having worked all evening but he went out and got a DOCUMENTARY - not even a porn flick. If that didn't persuade you of his good intentions, nothing should.

I suppose I will give him credit for that. It was on a topic I am interested in and I was surprised he remembered I was into that hobby as far as the content of the documentary was concerned.

 

I'm afraid to say that you sound like one of those people who are chronically displeased with everything. You have a set of expectations and unless people meet them exactly, you're upset or tired or sulky or sullen or ticked off or whatever.

Now you sound like my mother. She used to tell me that but it went in one ear and out the other. Maybe I should think about that. How can my way of thinking be so off. I thought I could read people but I am obviously clueless.

 

You never answered my question. You're 37 - have you never dated? Been in a relationship? Where have you been all these years?

I have missed many opportunities looking back to be with men who now I see were good catches. I was too picky on too many things about them. Then I was alone for many years, then most recently I was in an on again - off again relationshp for a few years that ended a few months ago. I thought he was too good to be real, but the more he did and gave, the more I expected. Then I would read into things. If he said he was doing one thing and unable to see me, I would think he was trying to avoid me or cheat. Things ended for good and up until this new guy came along I have not dated. Sometimes I wish I could track down the men I shunned in the past who seemed much more interested in me than any I meet these days. I don't know why I don't meet those types any more. I am unfortunate in that department.

 

One minute I am happy I got to see him last night. The next I feel miserable like he is taking advantage of me. One minute I am happy he emailed me today remembering how upset I was not too long ago when he didn't, the next I am unhappy I responded so happily not letting him know I was upset I saw him so late. I feel utterly tormented.

[LN8840K]

" he ends up wanting to see me to my dislike at an unreasonable time, at 9:30pm on a Sunday when he was not working the whole day."

 

you email him at 3pm and expect him to drop everything just to calm you insecurity

 

we all know this is your world and we are just renting space, it's either that or you have really high expectations.

 

My gut is giving me mixed signals becaise if he is into me he would have invited me for maybe Sunday brunch, or a date at 5, 6 or even 8pm,

 

and if he would have called you for a 6pm date the only thing that would have been different in your response would have been the times

 

Are my expectations really that high?

YES

 

Do women settle for any crumbs that are thrown their way these days? I'm supposed to be grateful for seeing him at 9:30pm?

 

this guy could hire circus clowns, juglars and skywriters and you still would not be happy

 

do him a favor and start dating the gas man

[Outcast]

Go get yourself any book by Dr. Albert Ellis. Also look up his website. He is the guru of teaching people how they screw up their lives through how they choose to view life.

[Fun2BMe]

" he ends up wanting to see me to my dislike at an unreasonable time, at 9:30pm on a Sunday when he was not working the whole day."

 

you email him at 3pm and expect him to drop everything just to calm you insecurity

 

we all know this is your world and we are just renting space, it's either that or you have really high expectations.

 

My gut is giving me mixed signals becaise if he is into me he would have invited me for maybe Sunday brunch, or a date at 5, 6 or even 8pm,

 

and if he would have called you for a 6pm date the only thing that would have been different in your response would have been the times

 

Are my expectations really that high?

YES

 

Do women settle for any crumbs that are thrown their way these days? I'm supposed to be grateful for seeing him at 9:30pm?

 

this guy could hire circus clowns, juglars and skywriters and you still would not be happy

 

do him a favor and start dating the gas man

I am taking your comments seriously and into consideration. I never thought starting this thread that I had any problems but I am looking at my actions and expectations. Your words are very harsh. Try to remember how it felt when you liked someone but was feeling hurt over some things that they did or didn't do. I have feelings and even though it is easy for you to type, they come across razor sharp. I won't date the gas man, I think I need to take a break and figure out what I am doing wrong. Also the feelings I have are for the other guy.

[Outcast]

I have feelings

 

Your feelings result from the way you think about things. And they CAN be changed.

[Fun2BMe]

Go get yourself any book by Dr. Albert Ellis. Also look up his website. He is the guru of teaching people how they screw up their lives through how they choose to view life.

I am checking out his books on amazon and making some purchases. There is one by him called "Sex Without Guilt in the 21st Century." There are no reviews for it, but I will pourchase to read his take on women having sex and men frowning on it which has turned out to be part of my situation.

 

Another of his titles I'm purchasing is "How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything--Yes, Anything". In the review someone highly recommends David Burns' "Feeling Good" and "Ten Days to Self Esteem". I will be busy drinking and reading in the near future until I get my head straightened out. Thankd for the recommendation.

[LN8840K]

" Your words are very harsh "

 

I am sorry to get harsh with you but the kit glove approach did not seem to be working, and in reality it's none of my business, but I have been where you are and sometimes I still am. So although I don't know I do know how you feel

 

" Try to remember how it felt when you liked someone but was feeling hurt over some things that they did or didn't do. "

 

I am constantly remembering how it feels I have been on both sides of your coin and niether side is a good one to be on.

 

" I have feelings and even though it is easy for you to type, they come across razor sharp. "

 

Like I said I have been where you are at, if I could not sympathize, I highly doubt I would have had the energy to respond to your posts.

[luvtoto]

Isn't it ironic how our strong desire for love pushes us to take actions that leave us lonely in the end?

[luvtoto]

" Your words are very harsh "

 

I am sorry to get harsh with you but the kit glove approach did not seem to be working, and in reality it's none of my business, but I have been where you are and sometimes I still am. So although I don't know I do know how you feel

 

" Try to remember how it felt when you liked someone but was feeling hurt over some things that they did or didn't do. "

 

I am constantly remembering how it feels I have been on both sides of your coin and niether side is a good one to be on.

 

" I have feelings and even though it is easy for you to type, they come across razor sharp. "

 

Like I said I have been where you are at, if I could not sympathize, I highly doubt I would have had the energy to respond to your posts.

 

Nice post LN. At the risk of cancelling out everything I posted...I wanted you to know I am seeing your point of view more clearly.

[Fun2BMe]

" Your words are very harsh "

 

I am sorry to get harsh with you but the kit glove approach did not seem to be working, and in reality it's none of my business, but I have been where you are and sometimes I still am. So although I don't know I do know how you feel

 

" Try to remember how it felt when you liked someone but was feeling hurt over some things that they did or didn't do. "

 

I am constantly remembering how it feels I have been on both sides of your coin and niether side is a good one to be on.

 

" I have feelings and even though it is easy for you to type, they come across razor sharp. "

 

Like I said I have been where you are at, if I could not sympathize, I highly doubt I would have had the energy to respond to your posts.

I appreciate your feedback and concern. By the time I read all these books I will make a new year resolution to work on myself. Maybe I will finally be able to let myself be in a happy relationship, before I'm 40 if I'm lucky.

[Fun2BMe]

Isn't it ironic how our strong desire for love pushes us to take actions that leave us lonely in the end?

Very well said. I try so hard when I like someone that I blow my chances, think irrationally and end up alone. When I'm not so interested in someone as was the case at the gas station, he was coming on stronger and stronger. Hard to control our emotions sometimes and it comes back to bite us. Now that I think about it, I can't believe I've been wanting to tell off the guy I like so much. How much can I expect in such a short period of time? Even if he ends up not calling me tonight, or even emailing, I will try to be ok with the fact that he at least emailed me this afternoon. I think I might finally be learning something.

[LN8840K]

73 posts and all that ever really need to be said was relax he likes you

[bigbrowneyes]

You don't know this man and you're calling him a dog .....

 

lets not forget she rejected this man, yeah it may have been a 9.30pm date but let us not forget she emailed him at 3pm sunday afternoon and to expect an imediate response is unrealistic at best. The fact she received a response at all is a glaring fact He is making an effort but its not in accordance with your policies so he must be a dog.

 

she is pissed because she slept with him and just like last time, next time and every time after that, he will not meet her expectations and nobody ever will

 

LN8840K I agree with what you are saying completely. It apprears based on the information provided by Fun that it's nearly impossible to ever meet her expectations.

 

I never said the guy was a "dog". I'm saying that he's human and she's already demonstrated her sexual willingness. Let's be real here. Most guys in this situation would take full advantage. I understand that she emailed him at 3. If the shoe were on the other foot and he emailed her at 3 that day, she'd probably be posting "can you beleive it? He emailed me at 3 today and expects to see me tonight??"

 

The guy could of been busy earlier and that's why he wanted to see her at 9:30 but the bottom line is they end up in the sake again. Fun should not be angry that the guy asked her over at 9:30 and than claims that "she didn't want to hurt is feelings by not having sex with him". She said in her previous post that she was going to take a stand and tell him that she thinks they moved to fast and the next thing she's saying is that she didn't want to upset the guy by not having sex.

 

Frankly, if should she would of taken a stand right than, she'd already have her answer as to whether or not the guy liked her or just wants a sexual relationship. Any guy that's really into you will be understanding and continue to persue you.As long as she makes the relationship based on sex, it will continue to be about sex and she has no reason to be upset.

 

Whats more, she thinks that because she had sex with this guy, she should be moved up to the "Friday/Saturday" girl. They just met!! The thinking here is rediculous. My point is that mature people should get to know each other first. Once it's decided that you enjoy each others company the natural flow of the relationship should be that the couple decides to be exclusive perhaps that's when sex should enter the relationship. Fun is creating her own drama. Good luck!