For those of you using dating apps, how are you getting dates?

[FredEire]

3 minutes ago, seamusharper said:

I get what you're saying, sure, but what is the issue with dating someone in their late 20s?

I get the early to mid-20s girls are maybe not the best age group to be pursuing but women 27-29 for example, why does that seem like such a large jump to people? I know several couples like this, and while yes, they didn't meet on apps, that age range should not pose an infinitesimal chance if I approach this from a real-world perspective and not app dating.

@FredEire I don't think I'm as picky as people make me out to be on here but I've put substantial work into my life and myself and settling is just not something that I want to do. I adjusted the age range on the apps to accommodate women in their 30s and to be honest, if it's a relationship that I'm looking for, many of these women are simply not attractive to me. If that makes me a picky a**h***, the so be it, but if you can't even take care of your health, then it won't work out long term.

I don't think it it is. I'm 30 and most of the girls I'm dating are 27-30. Ok 21 year olds think I'm a grandpa but by the time you turn 25 most will start to know better and I feel that kind of age gap is too big anyway.

I think people who don't use these apps think it's all just very young sexy people hooking up for a ONS but there's all sorts looking for all sorts of different things honestly.

Either way there's a reason youre not getting matches and it may be something you can address (ie your profile) or something unfixable (your age, girls not being into your appearance any more). Hard for us to say since we don't actually know you and your particular situation.

[seamusharper]

9 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I don't think it it is. I'm 30 and most of the girls I'm dating are 27-30. Ok 21 year olds think I'm a grandpa but by the time you turn 25 most will start to know better and I feel that kind of age gap is too big anyway.

I think people who don't use these apps think it's all just very young sexy people hooking up for a ONS but there's all sorts looking for all sorts of different things honestly.

Either way there's a reason youre not getting matches and it may be something you can address (ie your profile) or something unfixable (your age, girls not being into your appearance any more). Hard for us to say since we don't actually know you and your particular situation.

I agree with you on that. Most people in person I speak to all say that late 20s+ is where I should be looking so I don't see why that is so farfetched here. 

I'm going to go off the apps to be honest. I'm sure there is a way to "hack" OLD but it just seems like it takes a substantial amount of time and effort. I'd rather be putting that effort into socializing and meeting women in person.

[FredEire]

11 minutes ago, seamusharper said:

I agree with you on that. Most people in person I speak to all say that late 20s+ is where I should be looking so I don't see why that is so farfetched here. 

I'm going to go off the apps to be honest. I'm sure there is a way to "hack" OLD but it just seems like it takes a substantial amount of time and effort. I'd rather be putting that effort into socializing and meeting women in person.

I think it's a good plan. Not least because people will assess your confidence, how you carry yourself and your general appearance in real life before they get round to asking your age.

[mark clemson]

If a guy is genuinely attractive (and by that I mean personality and "vibe" for lack of a better word as well as looks, as women seem to assess these things) OR if a specific woman is very attracted to a specific guy, then age is going to matter a lot less.

However, the guy needs to be attractive, just being in one's 30s and/or having made something out of oneself isn't really enough on it's own, at least - not enough for the most attractive women. Although it's no doubt an oversimplification and there are exceptions to every rule, consider the below:

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/love-hotties-stick-together-study-confirms-flna1c9449230

Edited February 27, 2024 by mark clemson

[seamusharper]

2 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

If a guy is genuinely attractive (and by that I mean personality and "vibe" for lack of a better word as well as looks, as women seem to assess these things) OR if a specific woman is very attracted to a specific guy, then age is going to matter a lot less.

However, the guy needs to be attractive, just being in one's 30s and/or having made something out of oneself isn't really enough on it's own, at least not enough for the most attractive women. Although it's no doubt an oversimplification and there are exceptions to every rule, consider the below:

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/love-hotties-stick-together-study-confirms-flna1c9449230

This I understand. I'm not going for the most attractive women. None of the women I swipe right on are in any way models or the quintessential hot blonde, big chest, big lips, etc. I actually like fairly simple women.

[Weezy1973]

Agree with that article that like attracts like. When you take into account “aspirational dating” which is the tendency to feel the most attraction towards folks who are slightly more attractive than ourselves, and the “matching phenomenon” which is the tendency for folks to pair up with people of the same attractiveness as themselves, we can see why some folks might struggle. To actually get dates it’s going to feel like they’re “settling” because they’re not dating the people they feel the most attraction towards. 
 

For you OP, because you’re not even looking for a relationship, the task is even tougher. I suspect as long as you insist on this goal for casual dating or experiencing “hook up” culture, you’ll continue to struggle.

Edited February 27, 2024 by Weezy1973

[seamusharper]

2 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Agree with that article that like attracts like. When you take into account “aspirational dating” which is the tendency to feel the most attraction towards folks who are slightly more attractive than ourselves, and the “matching phenomenon” which is the tendency for folks to pair up with people of the same attractiveness as themselves, we can see why some folks might struggle. To actually get dates it’s going to feel like they’re “settling” because they’re not dating the people they feel the most attraction towards. 
 

For you OP, because you’re not even looking for a relationship, the task is even tougher. I suspect as long as you insist on this goal for casual dating or experiencing “hook up” culture, you’ll continue to struggle.

I'm certainly open to a relationship but I don't think that makes it any easier honestly. 

[Weezy1973]

25 minutes ago, seamusharper said:

I'm certainly open to a relationship but I don't think that makes it any easier honestly. 

Easier in the sense that instead of searching for mid to late 20s women with a fit body you’ll be searching for an actual connection. Somebody that you like hanging out with, someone that shares your core values, somebody you want to build a future with. Those relationship goals align with most people in your age range so you’ll have more people to choose from.

 

But first I think you’ll need to work on your self esteem and the need for validation from women as well as the sense the you “missed out” on hook up culture. Those things are holding you back

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, seamusharper said:

I get what you're saying, sure, but what is the issue with dating someone in their late 20s?

I get the early to mid-20s girls are maybe not the best age group to be pursuing but women 27-29 for example, why does that seem like such a large jump to people? I know several couples like this, and while yes, they didn't meet on apps, that age range should not pose an infinitesimal chance if I approach this from a real-world perspective and not app dating.

@FredEire I don't think I'm as picky as people make me out to be on here but I've put substantial work into my life and myself and settling is just not something that I want to do. I adjusted the age range on the apps to accommodate women in their 30s and to be honest, if it's a relationship that I'm looking for, many of these women are simply not attractive to me. If that makes me a picky a**h***, the so be it, but if you can't even take care of your health, then it won't work out long term.

A lot of single women in their late 20's these days have young kids at home and they are probably looking for a little bit of a more mature relationship than you seem capable of offering at this point.

And those that don't have young kids at home likely have already lived the life that you are trying to live right now.

[Els]

1 hour ago, seamusharper said:

I get what you're saying, sure, but what is the issue with dating someone in their late 20s?

I get the early to mid-20s girls are maybe not the best age group to be pursuing but women 27-29 for example, why does that seem like such a large jump to people? I know several couples like this, and while yes, they didn't meet on apps, that age range should not pose an infinitesimal chance if I approach this from a real-world perspective and not app dating.

Well, your question was specifically about dating apps.

In the real world, yes, it's possible, because people tend to meet more organically... and along the same lines, people can find themselves attracted to each other before they find out what age they are. This will work both for you and against you. It can work for you because a woman may not realize you are 34 initially. But it can work against you because YOU won't know the woman's age either. Unless you intend to always ask her age before you ask her out... in which case, I suspect things will turn out worse for you than the dating apps.

[seamusharper]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

Easier in the sense that instead of searching for mid to late 20s women with a fit body you’ll be searching for an actual connection. Somebody that you like hanging out with, someone that shares your core values, somebody you want to build a future with. Those relationship goals align with most people in your age range so you’ll have more people to choose from.

 

But first I think you’ll need to work on your self esteem and the need for validation from women as well as the sense the you “missed out” on hook up culture. Those things are holding you back

You are correct sir, much work to be done and it's hard to assess where to start so I'm trying my best to work on it all at once.

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

A lot of single women in their late 20's these days have young kids at home and they are probably looking for a little bit of a more mature relationship than you seem capable of offering at this point.

And those that don't have young kids at home likely have already lived the life that you are trying to live right now.

I see that but I also know a lot of single women in their late 20s still hooking up and/or can't find a boyfriend. Maybe it's just my location (Los Angeles).

1 hour ago, Els said:

Well, your question was specifically about dating apps.

In the real world, yes, it's possible, because people tend to meet more organically... and along the same lines, people can find themselves attracted to each other before they find out what age they are. This will work both for you and against you. It can work for you because a woman may not realize you are 34 initially. But it can work against you because YOU won't know the woman's age either. Unless you intend to always ask her age before you ask her out... in which case, I suspect things will turn out worse for you than the dating apps.

I'm getting off the apps for sure. I don't think I've ever asked a woman about her age haha.

[Wiseman2]

24-34 seems just fine. However agree that they are probably looking for a little bit of a more mature relationship than you seem capable of offering at this point.

[seamusharper]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

24-34 seems just fine. However agree that they are probably looking for a little bit of a more mature relationship than you seem capable of offering at this point.

I'm definitely open to a relationship and I think the age range isn't an issue if I'm leaving the apps.

Regarding what those women are looking for, it's a mixed bag honestly. If we're referencing the apps, there are still many women I'm seeing in their mid to late 20s who want a "FWB" and nothing serious. I'm seeing this a lot with really attractive women too.

Edited February 27, 2024 by seamusharper

[Sony12]

55 minutes ago, seamusharper said:

I'm definitely open to a relationship and I think the age range isn't an issue if I'm leaving the apps.

Regarding what those women are looking for, it's a mixed bag honestly. If we're referencing the apps, there are still many women I'm seeing in their mid to late 20s who want a "FWB" and nothing serious. I'm seeing this a lot with really attractive women too.

Well alot of those women who say they want a FWB want a guy who can charm and excite them. Do you think you can do those two things for ladies who probably have a lot more experience than you do?

Because quite honestly you don't seem like a guy many women would consider charming or exciting based on what you have said here.

 

 

Edited February 27, 2024 by Sony12

[seamusharper]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Well alot of those women who say they want a FWB want a guy who can charm and excite them. Do you think you can do those two things for ladies who probably have a lot more experience than you do?

No, I actually don't swipe right on those girls, believe it or not, because it's precisely those girls who are getting the most attention. I don't stand a chance. There's is also a lot of really attractive sugar babies on these apps too.

[seamusharper]

45 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Well alot of those women who say they want a FWB want a guy who can charm and excite them. Do you think you can do those two things for ladies who probably have a lot more experience than you do?

Because quite honestly you don't seem like a guy many women would consider charming or exciting based on what you have said here.

 

 

I will also say I'm doing as much as I can to work on my socializing. I'm stretched ridiculously thin as it is with everything going on in my life but doing everything I can to work on charm, humor, approaching women, etc.

[Maldives]

Have given up on em. Recently I had a positive experience except I didn't follow up my fault but a lady came up to me complimented the pants I was wearing asked if I wanted to join her and her friend to a karaoke bar but I was at a concert and felt a bit awkward afterwards just going on my own. Totally my fault. I find meeting people in real life is the best way. Just go to places where people meet clubs etc. And I think that's a lot better than these dating apps. One you find someone that's probably most likely closer to you in proximity travel wise and two you see them in real life the way they look and how they interact with you. I think with dating apps you just roll the dice and it's a hit and miss, most times a miss and it gets frustrating. Definitely I will not return to dating apps. They in my opinion don't work and they're designed to keep you coming back and subscribing.

Edited February 27, 2024 by Goodguy05

[seamusharper]

31 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

Have given up on em. Recently I had a positive experience except I didn't follow up my fault but a lady came up to me complimented the pants I was wearing asked if I wanted to join her and her friend to a karaoke bar but I was at a concert and felt a bit awkward afterwards just going on my own. Totally my fault. I find meeting people in real life is the best way. Just go to places where people meet clubs etc. And I think that's a lot better than these dating apps. One you find someone that's probably most likely closer to you in proximity travel wise and two you see them in real life the way they look and how they interact with you. I think with dating apps you just roll the dice and it's a hit and miss, most times a miss and it gets frustrating. Definitely I will not return to dating apps. They in my opinion don't work and they're designed to keep you coming back and subscribing.

I'm talking to one girl off Bumble but we have moved off the app and I deleted it. That's the last one!

[Wiseman2]

 Apparently using these types of PUA tactics charm, humor, approaching women, etc. backfired with the horse lady so it's unclear why you would "work on that".

Please keep in mind it may not even be you per se but women tend to swat away men who come on like this. Why not work on being down to earth and approachable rather than these more predatory fake PUA techniques? 

Maybe the only thing in your way is not being yourself and overdosing on dating gurus? 

Edited February 27, 2024 by Wiseman2

[seamusharper]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Apparently using these types of PUA tactics charm, humor, approaching women, etc. backfired with the horse lady so it's unclear why you would "work on that".

Please keep in mind it may not even be you per se but women tend to swat away men who come on like this. Why not work on being down to earth and approachable rather than these more predatory fake PUA techniques? 

Maybe the only thing in your way is not being yourself and overdosing on dating gurus? 

Why are you always assuming I'm doin PUA stuff? Since when is working on one's charm and humor a predatory PUA technique? 

I literally asked the girl at the barn out to dinner. Please tell me how that was a PUA tactic?

[Alpacalia]

On 2/22/2024 at 2:56 PM, seamusharper said:

I at least want to see her and interact with her in person before making my choice. But whatever I decide, I am always honest and if I can see that she is interested in a relationship but that I don't see myself wanting one with said person, I'll tell her I'm wanting something more casual and we'll part ways. I think that is both fair and open minded. But I think it's only fair to at least give a person the chance in person.

I think that's a wise approach because how can you truly know what you want until you meet the person and get to know them in person? Our online personas and connections can only go so far. So you're open to a casual relationship, but if you feel a strong connection and compatibility with her in person, a more serious relationship could also be on the table?

[seamusharper]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

I think that's a wise approach because how can you truly know what you want until you meet the person and get to know them in person? Our online personas and connections can only go so far. So you're open to a casual relationship, but if you feel a strong connection and compatibility with her in person, a more serious relationship could also be on the table?

Yes, absolutely!

[basil67]

4 hours ago, seamusharper said:

Why are you always assuming I'm doin PUA stuff? Since when is working on one's charm and humor a predatory PUA technique? 

I literally asked the girl at the barn out to dinner. Please tell me how that was a PUA tactic?

I know this comment wasn't addressed to me, but the only guys I ever hear use the word 'charm' are chronically single and/or are familiar with PUA.  The word 'charm' and also words like 'charisma' or 'high value' or 'alpha' give clues as to a man's reading matter (either past or present)

FWIW, the last time I heard a woman call her boyfriend "charming", she was almost double your age and he was even older.  The rest of the women I know who are single seek a guy who she connects with, who's fun, thoughtful, caring, shares some interests etc.  But I've never, ever heard a woman in the age bracket you're trying to connect with seek someone with "charm".  

Edited February 28, 2024 by basil67

[Sony12]

15 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I know this comment wasn't addressed to me, but the only guys I ever hear use the word 'charm' are chronically single and/or are familiar with PUA.  The word 'charm' and also words like 'charisma' or 'high value' or 'alpha' give clues as to a man's reading matter (either past or present)

FWIW, the last time I heard a woman call her boyfriend "charming", she was almost double your age and he was even older.  The rest of the women I know who are single seek a guy who she connects with, who's fun, thoughtful, caring, shares some interests etc.  But I've never, ever heard a woman in the age bracket you're trying to connect with seek someone with "charm".  

No they don't usually say the word charm or charming. But women online do often say they want a guy they have chemistry with. And having chemistry with someone pretty much encompasses all those things. Whatever word you choose to say the word chemistry generally covers it.

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

No they don't usually say the word charm or charming. But women online do often say they want a guy they have chemistry with. And having chemistry with someone pretty much encompasses all those things. Whatever word you choose to say the word chemistry generally covers it.

Chemistry is what happens when everything falls into place.  But each trait on it's on may not inspire chemistry.  

Personally, I find charm a turnoff, just as I'm not attracted to a guy who's smooth.  They seem contrived.