For those of you using dating apps, how are you getting dates?

[Sony12]

Yes an attractive mid 30's guy who leads an active lifestyle would probably get more attention online from women in their 40's, 50's and 60's than they would young gals in their early to mid twenties.

Edited February 20 by Sony12

[Weezy1973]

7 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

This assumes people know their own attractiveness level and how they determine that.

Not really - it’s mostly subconscious. And I’m just using the term “attractiveness” to mean options. So an average looking guy who’s a doctor could have more options than a good looking guy that’s a retail clerk at 7-11.
 

OP part of the problem is definitely your age range - you’re essentially seeking women that have a ton of options. You have a lot of competition so way fewer matches.

[FredEire]

8 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

In terms of dating apps how in the context of the OP questions of getting dates do you define the bold? Or does this mean go out with anyone who swipes right?  Do you then look at those people and then determine their attractive is your attractive level? 

I mean I'll be honest, sometimes I swipe right and realise I'm not that into the girl I matched with. But generally I only swipe people I think are attractive from the pictures, so I give it the benefit of the doubt try to arrange a meetup and go from there.

Also I'm realistic that I'm a good looking guy but I'm not model handsome, so if I'm only swiping girls who look like they could be on the cover of Vogue I'm being a bit delusional and I'm not going to have much luck.

[basil67]

15 hours ago, seamusharper said:

I've tried many different picture combinations, changed my prompts many times, etc. Nothing works.

I was online/app dating in 2014/15 and got so many dates with lackluster photos and almost no thought to my profile. Now it's impossible even though I've got better photos and I'm actually putting effort into my profile. On every metric, I'm a far more attractive man than I was 10 years ago and I'm having no success with online dating.

Could it be that your photos are trying too hard?   For example, are trying to display your looks and style vs appearing like a regular guy?   Have you asked your barber/hairdresser if your hairstyle needs an update? 

What age range of women are you trying to attract?  What's your stance on having children? 

Of the women where you do connect and it fades after a couple of messages, did you feel connection and were surprised that it faded - or was it a 'meh' on your end too?

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Could it be that your photos are trying too hard?   For example, are trying to display your looks and style vs appearing like a regular guy?   Have you asked your barber/hairdresser if your hairstyle needs an update? 

What age range of women are you trying to attract?  What's your stance on having children? 

Of the women where you do connect and it fades after a couple of messages, did you feel connection and were surprised that it faded - or was it a 'meh' on your end too?

 

He's a mid 30's guy trying to talk to young women in their early to mid 20's. Most of the girls he's trying to talk to are likely talking to a dozen or more men the exact age they are.

[seamusharper]

5 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

I’d also get rid of the professional  photo. just use your best “natural” photo as your profile pic. You can also try rotating pics as your main profile pic.
 

What are you looking for from dating? Casual? Relationship? Marriage and kids? I think being clear on your own objective can help you tailor your profile. Also expanding the age range to include women your own age would probably garner more interest, especially if you’re looking for something long term. 

I want something casual or long term, depending upon the person to be honest. It's hard to say.

4 hours ago, Els said:

If it worked for you 10 years ago and not now, the difference is probably your age. You don't say how old you are, but the majority of users of those apps are under 35, and they will usually be filtering out people who are significantly older than them. It doesn't matter how attractive you think you are, if you're not getting past an automated filter.

Depending on your age and locale, there may be better ways to meet age-appropriate women.

Edit: I just saw your comment. You're 34 and you're expecting to date women in their mid 20s and younger...? How exactly did you expect that to work out? I guarantee you that most of them are going to be filtering out anyone above 28 or so. Unless they're looking for a sugar daddy, anyway.

It was very easy getting dates 10 years ago. I'd like to date women in their mid to late 20s. All I hear is how much women in their 20s love dating guys in there 30s. When I was in college, I knew a number of women dating guys in their 30s and they weren't sugar babies either.

3 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Yes an attractive mid 30's guy who leads an active lifestyle would probably get more attention online from women in their 40's, 50's and 60's than they would young gals in their early to mid twenties.

I have no interest in women older than me unfortunately.

@basil67 Honestly, the conversations with the few women I've had were just "meh". It was boring and didn't feel like it was a genuine conversation.

Edited February 20 by seamusharper

[FredEire]

My impression is girls in their early 20s only tend to go for guys their age. Mid to late 20s and beyond though will be open to dating guys in their 30s.

A lot of them will be thinking about settling down and want to meet a guy with a similar mindset that doesn't have a couple of divorces behind him like a lot of single guys in their 40s and 50s.

In terms of early twenties though forget it, you're pretty much a fossil to them at this stage haha. I'm 30 and these days I find people under 25 extremely immature anyway so I don't think you're missing out on much.

[seamusharper]

1 minute ago, FredEire said:

My impression is girls in their early 20s only tend to go for guys their age. Mid to late 20s and beyond though will be open to dating guys in their 30s.

A lot of them will be thinking about settling down and want to meet a guy with a similar mindset that doesn't have a couple of divorces behind him like a lot of single guys in their 40s and 50s.

In terms of early twenties though forget it, you're pretty much a fossil to them at this stage haha. I'm 30 and these days I find people under 25 extremely immature anyway so I don't think you're missing out on much.

I'm okay with mid to late 20s but even that age range isn't getting me anywhere with respect to matches.

I have no divorces, never been married.

I asked a number of my female friends about my photos and they all approved.

[Sony12]

@seamusharperYes some young women do enjoy dating men older than them. However most young women on apps are usually talking to guys their own age and are a little creeped out by older men throwing lines at them.

If you want to date women in their 20's you will probably have better luck finding that through real life avenues where they will have a chance to get to know you a bit before you start putting moves on them

 

[FredEire]

4 minutes ago, seamusharper said:

I'm okay with mid to late 20s but even that age range isn't getting me anywhere with respect to matches.

I have no divorces, never been married.

I asked a number of my female friends about my photos and they all approved.

I'm not sure tbh, it's difficult to say without seeing the profile.

It could be somewhat to do with age but I'm a bit baffled by people in the thread acting like 34 is geriatric. Your options may be a little more limited but as I've said girls your age and a little younger should be open to meeting. I'm not convinced that 30 year old girls are exclusively running after 21 year old studs.

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, seamusharper said:

I'm okay with mid to late 20s but even that age range isn't getting me anywhere with respect to matches.

I have no divorces, never been married.

I asked a number of my female friends about my photos and they all approved.

Perhaps you should look for dates through your group of female friends instead of these apps if you are intent on continuing to look for this particular age range.

[seamusharper]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Perhaps you should look for dates through your group of female friends instead of these apps if you are intent on continuing to look for this particular age range.

Sadly, they don't live here, they're out of state haha.

2 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I'm not sure tbh, it's difficult to say without seeing the profile.

It could be somewhat to do with age but I'm a bit baffled by people in the thread acting like 34 is geriatric. Your options may be a little more limited but as I've said girls your age and a little younger should be open to meeting. I'm not convinced that 30 year old girls are exclusively running after 21 year old studs.

I'm in far better shape than most guys in their 20s. For sure I should be able to date women 25+.

 

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, seamusharper said:

Sadly, they don't live here, they're out of state haha.

I'm in far better shape than most guys in their 20s. For sure I should be able to date women 25+.

 

Maybe assuming you are in far better shape than most men in their 20's is another problem you are having. You very well maybe a good looking guy but I guarantee you a lot of these young gals you are trying to talk to also are getting messages from men much better looking than you are.

[seamusharper]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Maybe assuming you are in far better shape than most men in their 20's is another problem you are having. You very well maybe a good looking guy but I guarantee you a lot of these young gals you are trying to talk to also are getting messages from men much better looking than you are.

Maybe man, but if that's the case, then what is the point of all this? It goes back to my original post, are all the guys that are getting all these women the 6'5" supermodels? And if you're not that, just don't try and delete the apps?

[FredEire]

Just now, seamusharper said:

Maybe man, but if that's the case, then what is the point of all this? It goes back to my original post, are all the guys that are getting all these women the 6'5" supermodels? And if you're not that, just don't try and delete the apps?

Apps are making women pickier and men more desperate for sure. I have my dating issues but sometimes I thank my lucky stars that I still go on dates and am not one of these guys driven to pay for the OnlyFans of some girl who doesn't even know they exist.

[Wiseman2]

Being on dating apps and meeting people in real life is not mutually exclusive, so do both. Please review the apps you're on. They don't seem like a good fit. 

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, seamusharper said:

Maybe man, but if that's the case, then what is the point of all this? It goes back to my original post, are all the guys that are getting all these women the 6'5" supermodels? And if you're not that, just don't try and delete the apps?

No they aren't 6'5'' models but there are guys on these apps who know how to talk to women and that is one thing many guys struggle with. They simply aren't very good at talking to women.

 

[seamusharper]

1 minute ago, FredEire said:

Apps are making women pickier and men more desperate for sure. I have my dating issues but sometimes I thank my lucky stars that I still go on dates and am not one of these guys driven to pay for the OnlyFans of some girl who doesn't even know they exist.

It's insane. I'll sound like an a**h*** but I'll say it, I'm in better shape than many of these women 25+, hence why I first skewed towards younger. I did adjust my age range and decided to swipe right on women I usually wouldn't but still can't match with anyone. I'm not an unattractive guy, I wish I could post my profile here.

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Being on dating apps and meeting people in real life is not mutually exclusive, so do both. Please review the apps you're on. They don't seem like a good fit. 

I need to work on this for sure. With respect to apps, I'm on Bumble, Hinge and Coffee Bagel.

[seamusharper]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

No they aren't 6'5'' models but there are guys on these apps who know how to talk to women and that is one thing many guys struggle with. They simply aren't very good at talking to women.

 

That I can work on and I know is a major problem on the apps. 

[Sony12]

3 minutes ago, seamusharper said:

That I can work on and I know is a major problem on the apps. 

You probably do need to work on it because a 25 year old gal is seldom going to look at a guy ten years older than her and think how hot he is. They are probably looking at pics of other 25 year old guys noticing how good looking he is.

[FredEire]

7 minutes ago, seamusharper said:

It's insane. I'll sound like an a**h*** but I'll say it, I'm in better shape than many of these women 25+, hence why I first skewed towards younger. I did adjust my age range and decided to swipe right on women I usually wouldn't but still can't match with anyone. I'm not an unattractive guy, I wish I could post my profile here.

I need to work on this for sure. With respect to apps, I'm on Bumble, Hinge and Coffee Bagel.

Yeah I think people under 25 just think anyone 30+ is old and gross. I know I did at the time. Then I got towards my late 20s and realised I wasn't going to be young forever lol.

[FredEire]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

You probably do need to work on it because a 25 year old gal is seldom going to look at a guy ten years older than her and think how hot he is. They are probably looking at pics of other 25 year old guys noticing how good looking he is.

Depends a whole lot on the guy. Someone like Ryan Gosling at 43 still has plenty of female fans of all ages. I think age can be a plus if you can hold it together physically, the problem is that number gets exponentially lower as you up the age range 

[seamusharper]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

You probably do need to work on it because a 25 year old gal is seldom going to look at a guy ten years older than her and think how hot he is. They are probably looking at pics of other 25 year old guys noticing how good looking he is.

For sure. It's just frustrating since 10 years ago I was definitely saying "Hey" and starting conversations like that which eventually led to dates. Now it feels like no matter what I do, nothing works. I'll definitely do some research on that though.

1 minute ago, FredEire said:

Yeah I think people under 25 just think anyone 30+ is old and gross. I know I did at the time. Then I got towards my late 20s and realised I wasn't going to be young forever lol.

Haha I've gotten looks from some young women at the gym. I never approach at the gym though since women seem really closed off and wearing giant headphones.

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, seamusharper said:

I want something casual or long term, depending upon the person to be honest. It's hard to say.

This is also a problem. You’re 34 and you don’t know what you want. You’d likely garner more interest if you knew you were looking for long term / marriage / family (eventually). If you’re just staying “chill” and keeping things casual, there are a ton of options for young women looking for that. 
 

The women that will be more open to dating an older guy are ones that are looking to settle down and don’t want the “casual, hangout, Netflix and chill” crowd anymore. 

[basil67]

 

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

He's a mid 30's guy trying to talk to young women in their early to mid 20's. Most of the girls he's trying to talk to are likely talking to a dozen or more men the exact age they are.

My daughter and her friends are all 24-25.  And I can confirm they all seek younger than the OP.  As it so happens, they are all in long term relationships with men who are much closer to their age.  Even before they settled down, the biggest age gap I'd see was about 3 years.   

@seamusharper I keep seeing you write about how you're in better shape than younger guys. Or that you're in better shape than the young women!   I didn't see that you responded to my question about your photos trying too hard, but I suspect they are.  How about you make your profile less polished and make sure it doesn't focus on your physique because it could come across as vain.  No professional photos.  Just regular pics which reflect you and your life.