BaileyB Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 You are going to involve your friend in this deception now… that seems unfair to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 (edited) 15 minutes ago, BaileyB said: You are going to involve your friend in this deception now… that seems unfair to him. He's got burner phones and anonymous email accounts, he means business. Edited January 24 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 24 Author Share Posted January 24 33 minutes ago, basil67 said: So proving she's real to a bunch of strangers is more important to you than addressing the problems in your marriage? No, I’m partly joking. It’s not important to me at all to prove anything to you. But many ppl here seem to be convinced that I’m being scammed but I came here seeking advice with a real issue that is effecting my life. I’m not being scammed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 35 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: He's got burner phones and anonymous email accounts, he means business. I don’t have a burner phone. I have a burner email account. I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or trying to give me advice. I guess I do deserve ridicule. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Midas1 said: But many ppl here seem to be convinced that I’m being scammed but I came here seeking advice with a real issue that is effecting my life. I’m not being scammed. You haven’t actually met the woman. You haven’t even face timed with her… with all due respect, you don’t know yet whether you are being scammed or not. I would say that you are being scammed, regardless of whether she asks for money or not. She’s got you hooked - without even FaceTiming with you. You are prepared to risk your marriage and the financial stability of your family for what? Some flirty voice messages? A possible sexual rendezvous? If that isn’t a scam, I don’t know what is… Edited January 25 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 9 minutes ago, Midas1 said: No, I’m partly joking. It’s not important to me at all to prove anything to you. But many ppl here seem to be convinced that I’m being scammed but I came here seeking advice with a real issue that is effecting my life. I’m not being scammed. What does it matter if you're being scammed or not? This situation is already questionable and you've gone to such great lengths to maintain secrecy while engaging in this relationship. How low in your life do you have to have sunk in order to even consider this? Are you having problems in your marriage or is it just that you're bored with married life and want some excitement? Look, it feels nice when other people of the opposite sex show interest in us, you're not the first one to want to feel valued and attractive. Perhaps your real problem is that you're not getting that from the one person who really matters, your wife. Instead of looking for flattery from someone who you call a good person and yet you're willing to cheat on your wife with, have an honest conversation with your wife about ways to make your marriage more fulfilling and exciting for both of you. Or, you can do the wrong thing and hook up with this woman, cheat on your wife, experience some fun for the moment and not feel so guilty since, after all, it's not really cheating, you're good at being discreet... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: You haven’t actually met the woman. You haven’t even face timed with her… with all due respect, you don’t know yet whether you are being scammed or not. I would say that you are being scammed, regardless of whether she asks for money or not. You are prepared to risk your marriage and the financial stability of your family for what? Some flirty voice messages? A possible sexual rendezvous? If that isn’t a scam, I don’t know what is… I’m saying I’m certain it’s not a 300lb guy catfishing me. I’m certain that the person I’m talking to is the same person sending me the pics and messages. True I haven’t met her, but I know that I’m not being scammed in that way. Nor am I being asked to “send money” to save a princess on Africa. I appreciate your responses as you are clearly a respected, longtime member of this forum. I’ve already said I’m not going to go through with this “rendezvous.” Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: What does it matter if you're being scammed or not? This situation is already questionable and you've gone to such great lengths to maintain secrecy while engaging in this relationship. How low in your life do you have to have sunk in order to even consider this? Are you having problems in your marriage or is it just that you're bored with married life and want some excitement? Look, it feels nice when other people of the opposite sex show interest in us, you're not the first one to want to feel valued and attractive. Perhaps your real problem is that you're not getting that from the one person who really matters, your wife. Instead of looking for flattery from someone who you call a good person and yet you're willing to cheat on your wife with, have an honest conversation with your wife about ways to make your marriage more fulfilling and exciting for both of you. Or, you can do the wrong thing and hook up with this woman, cheat on your wife, experience some fun for the moment and not feel so guilty since, after all, it's not really cheating, you're good at being discreet... I’m not going to go through with this rendezvous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Midas1 said: I’m not going to go through with this rendezvous. I understand. The more important question is - are you planning to continue to cheat on your wife and sext with your affair partner? Or are you going to end all contact with this woman? Edited January 25 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 4 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I understand. The more important question is - are you planning to continue to cheat on your wife by continuing to sext with your affair partner? If I continue to sext with her, it would just make the rendezvous more tempting so, no. Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 16 minutes ago, Midas1 said: I’m not going to go through with this rendezvous. Can I ask what changed your mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 12 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: Can I ask what changed your mind? I was already “on the fence” about the whole thing. Many of the red flags brought up by other members here, I’ve already thought of myself. I was just getting carried away by the excitement of the fantasy and the very sexual messages I was getting. I dare any man to receive such messages and see if it doesn’t turn them on as well. I guess it also felt “safe” to engage in this sort of activity in a sense because this woman lives 1000’s of miles from me. Ultimately, I love my wife very much. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt by my foolish decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 (edited) 51 minutes ago, Midas1 said: I don’t have a burner phone. I have a burner email account. I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or trying to give me advice. I guess I do deserve ridicule. I was trying to give you advice but also pointing out that your level of secrecy and deception already showed that you are not only capable of cheating but also willing to go to great lengths to cover it up. Sorry, I do have a bit of a silver tongue. Edited January 25 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 8 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: I was trying to give you advice but also pointing out that your level of secrecy and deception already showed that you are not only capable of cheating but also willing to go to great lengths to cover it up. Sorry, I do have a bit of a silver tongue. I appreciate the honesty in your responses. I too can have a silver tongue 😂 I hate that I can be a “good liar.” My career requires me to be very methodical and analytical thinking 2-3 steps ahead (hence my ability to keep things untraceable etc). My wife is the opposite. She cannot tell a lie. She can barely play poker because she can’t keep her emotions from her facial expressions. She says it’s a blessing and a curse. I find it to be one of her cutest features. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 1 hour ago, Midas1 said: Ultimately, I love my wife very much. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt by my foolish decisions. You haven’t done so much that this would cause her great pain - yet. I hope that doesn’t change… Personally, I think you should do something nice for yourself and your wife - plan a lovely night out or a weekend away. As they say, the grass is green where you water it. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 It is a relief that you have decided against this absurd plan, and are going to cut this woman off. Now you have some emotional heavy lifting to do: How did you wind up here, getting all hot and bothered and ready to risk it all for...some strange online woman who sent you inappropriate audio? It seems it didn't take much to get you behaving like a stealth-mode lothario. I think you have been hoodwinked by a woman who knows exactly what she is doing and is the opposite of "shy." She just knows how to play you for attention, that's all. I would not be at all shocked if she does with other internet men. Her M.O. suggests she has absolutely done this before. She is too comfortable with the high-risk sexy stuff to be a rookie. You need to wake up, man. So, why is it that you let your hormones throw all caution to the wind and actually start entertaining this asinine fantasy? When did you start checking out of your marriage, and why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: It is a relief that you have decided against this absurd plan, and are going to cut this woman off. Now you have some emotional heavy lifting to do: How did you wind up here, getting all hot and bothered and ready to risk it all for...some strange online woman who sent you inappropriate audio? It seems it didn't take much to get you behaving like a stealth-mode lothario. I think you have been hoodwinked by a woman who knows exactly what she is doing and is the opposite of "shy." She just knows how to play you for attention, that's all. I would not be at all shocked if she does with other internet men. Her M.O. suggests she has absolutely done this before. She is too comfortable with the high-risk sexy stuff to be a rookie. You need to wake up, man. So, why is it that you let your hormones throw all caution to the wind and actually start entertaining this asinine fantasy? When did you start checking out of your marriage, and why? Thanks for the post and the judgemental language you’ve used. To address some of the things you brought up (to which I owe you nothing), things happened very organically. It was a period of months posting on basically message board kinda similar to this, though mostly about sports. To which it then went off the platform to a messaging app (of my choosing not hers). Things went from there. Has she done this before? Of course that possibility has crossed my mind. Am I thinking purely with my cock? Perhaps, but I’m not normally the type to be easily fooled. In fact, I’m a very calculated person. Usually in most situations, if someone has a card up their sleeve, it’s me. There is a motto in my profession: “Trust no one.” If you ask my wife, she would tell you I have not “checked out.” I have not acted any differently. I’ve made it a point to give her more attention during this time. Remember, this is not a “normal” affair situation. More like a sexual pen pal on my phone. Is it “high risk” behavior of the OW to send “inappropriate” audio? Maybe. Video, yes but she hasn’t sent that. Before my original post here, I had already ceased my daily messaging with her. Just because it was a bit too distracting. We now only communicate on email or if I call her for a brief chat (maybe once a week or less) through my untraceable google voice number. Oh and still talking (only sports) on the other platform. The “why” is something I’m going to have to figure out. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 13 hours ago, Midas1 said: What’s “Fred?” Just a made up name / label. It doesn't matter what you call what you are doing with this other woman -- it's harming your marriage. Think about how you would feel if your wife was doing what you are doing with another woman? The fact that you think you can do this & your wife will forgive you after you beg long enough says volumes about your lack of respect for her. You think she's a doormat who can't live without you & that gives you carte blanche to do whatever. What happens in the following worst case scenarios? * you get in a car accident on the way to or from an airport? * the plane crashes ? * you get this other woman pregnant? * you have a heart attack or stroke while away? * something happens to your wife while you are not there? * this other woman gives you an STD? * some lover of hers bursts in & beats you to a pulp? There's too much risk & very little reward. Is a little strange really worth throwing away your marriage & family? If it is, just ge a divorce. Stop thinking you can have both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 20 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Just a made up name / label. It doesn't matter what you call what you are doing with this other woman -- it's harming your marriage. Think about how you would feel if your wife was doing what you are doing with another woman? The fact that you think you can do this & your wife will forgive you after you beg long enough says volumes about your lack of respect for her. You think she's a doormat who can't live without you & that gives you carte blanche to do whatever. What happens in the following worst case scenarios? * you get in a car accident on the way to or from an airport? * the plane crashes ? * you get this other woman pregnant? * you have a heart attack or stroke while away? * something happens to your wife while you are not there? * this other woman gives you an STD? * some lover of hers bursts in & beats you to a pulp? There's too much risk & very little reward. Is a little strange really worth throwing away your marriage & family? If it is, just ge a divorce. Stop thinking you can have both. Thank you for your comment. Yes it’s certainly callous and selfish of me to think she’d forgive me if I were to do something as reckless as meet up with a stranger for a rendezvous. I think just the fantasy of it all was more tempting than what the reality would’ve been. I’ve certainly thought of these similar scenarios 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 (edited) For what it’s worth, I think you would be very wise to end all communication with this other woman. You’ve already crossed the line with her, I think it’s pretty naive to think that you can limit to once a week chats only about sports. As you said above, the temptation will always be there… What do you value more - your wife/marriage and the life that you have built together or your weekly chats about sports with your online affair partner? Your answer is evident in that you think you can continue to stay in contact with this woman and continue to hide it from your wife. I’m sure you think what you are doing is harmless - married people are entitled to their privacy and this is all good fun… I don’t disagree, you should have the ability to communicate with the person of your choosing about sports without your wife’s supervision. But, you have crossed a line here and that changes the game. I don’t monitor my husband in any way, I believe that he is entitled to some privacy - as am I. But, if I was your wife, I would expect that he end all communication with his affair partner. And if the roles were reversed, if you can be honest with yourself, I believe you would have the same expectation of your wife. As I said above, I don’t know many men who would be ok with their wife having this kind of communication with another man. Personally, I think your wife is entitled to a little more respect than this… Edited January 25 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 13 minutes ago, Midas1 said: . I think just the fantasy of it all was more tempting than what the reality would’ve been. Keep in mind if you can spoof and set up burners and faux everything so can anyone else. Does it even make sense to you that some gorgeous distance woman is looking to give away sex to some married guy? The fantasy is definitely safer than if you actually acted on this in person. At least you'll come home with your wallet and both your kidneys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 53 minutes ago, BaileyB said: For what it’s worth, I think you would be very wise to end all communication with this other woman. You’ve already crossed the line with her, I think it’s pretty naive to think that you can limit to once a week chats only about sports. As you said above, the temptation will always be there… What do you value more - your wife/marriage and the life that you have built together or your weekly chats about sports with your online affair partner? Your answer is evident in that you think you can continue to stay in contact with this woman and continue to hide it from your wife. I’m sure you think what you are doing is harmless - married people are entitled to their privacy and this is all good fun… I don’t disagree, you should have the ability to communicate with the person of your choosing about sports without your wife’s supervision. But, you have crossed a line here and that changes the game. I don’t monitor my husband in any way, I believe that he is entitled to some privacy - as am I. But, if I was your wife, I would expect that he end all communication with his affair partner. And if the roles were reversed, if you can be honest with yourself, I believe you would have the same expectation of your wife. As I said above, I don’t know many men who would be ok with their wife having this kind of communication with another man. Personally, I think your wife is entitled to a little more respect than this… You are absolutely right. I thank you for your advice and honest opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 14 hours ago, Midas1 said: I hate that I can be a “good liar.” My career requires me to be very methodical and analytical thinking 2-3 steps ahead (hence my ability to keep things untraceable etc). Are you a detective? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midas1 Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Are you a detective? No I’m not. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Does it even make sense to you that some gorgeous distance woman is looking to give away sex to some married guy? It does happen. She may live in a less populated area with fewer high-quality men around who aren't already taken. Or just like the "excitement" etc. Of course she may not be that gorgeous either. That said, OP it seems you're choosing the course of wisdom here and not meeting up with this woman and looking to taper off or end the LD affair. That is certainly the less risky path, sometimes it's better to turn back before things go too far and one ends up in a calamitous situation. You've already taken a lot of risks frankly, although you seem to be well aware of that. You might look back one day and say "wow that was sure a crazy time" rather than looking back and saying "wow I sure screwed up and blew up my marriage". Link to post Share on other sites
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