Virtual Cheating to reality…

[Midas1]

For the past few years (seasonally), I’m a very active member of a social media app for sports. a few months ago, in my many posts, I’ve become friendly with a female member of the app (very few females on this app). We’d respond with flirty gifs etc. One day, she DM’d me asking to chat outside the app. Though I’m happily married (she knew this), I was intrigued. I did not want to use my actual phone number or email. I found an instant messaging app that is secure, untraceable and did not need my actual phone number to use. We begin to chat daily. Conversations turn sexual. She then begins sending me very erotic audio recordings of her masturbating w/a vibrator while I’m sexting her she does so almost every sext session we have. Of course, a huge turn on. She starts tailoring these audio recordings to our sexts and it super hot. Once in a while sends me pics (nothing to risqué) on a burner email I set up. I’ve also called her a couple times on an untraceable google voice number I set up. It started to become a lot of distraction to communicate daily so I used the excuse of family health issues (which are real) to “take a break” from the daily texting with no promise to return to chatting daily. We’ve never met. Though I know her name and address (I’ve sent her some gifts/ flowers etc). She lives in the Midwest, I on the East Coast. She doesn’t know my name (still calls me by my screen name), doesn’t know my number or email. She knows I’m married (doesn’t bother her but she wishes I wasn’t). I do care about her. She is a great person. We get along well. 

So, why am I writing this post on this forum? We still keep in touch once a week on email or I may call her once in a while. Once a year, in Springtime, I go on a guys trip with some of my buddies. There is an opportunity for me to “extend” my trip a couple of days and rendezvous with her. I have zero intention of leaving my wife whom I love. I’ve never had an affair before but I am very good at being discreet. 

She is willing to meet for the rendezvous (though it’s all talk at this point). The rendezvous would be probably the most intense weekend she & I have ever had. I’m torn between the fantasy and the reality of what a weekend like that could be. Am I an a**h***? What do I do? 

[Alpacalia]

For all you know you could be 50 text blocks and a grainy picture in the same time zone away from an 80 year old man with a recording on repeat tape. I would say do not engage forward with this relationship, you are trying to fill something in your life that you think you don't have and that sir is a risk that is not worth it. Don't be torn, walk away.

[Midas1]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

For all you know you could be 50 text blocks and a grainy picture in the same time zone away from an 80 year old man with a recording on repeat tape. I would say do not engage forward with this relationship, you are trying to fill something in your life that you think you don't have and that sir is a risk that is not worth it. Don't be torn, walk away.

I appreciate the response. She’s definitely real and not a catfish. Too many details and things we’ve spoken about. But you’re right, thanks for being straight with me. 

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, Midas1 said:

I’ve sent her some gifts/ flowers etc

Sounds like an escort service. Even though you've gone through great lengths to hide all this, your wife will eventually find out because you're escalating and getting carried away. 

Edited January 24 by Wiseman2

[Midas1]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds like an escort service. 

😂 I guess it does. But she never asked for anything and it was Christmas time so I sent some small gifts. She’s basically a lonely girl living alone. I know way more about her than she does about me. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Midas1 said:

😂 I guess it does. But she never asked for anything and it was Christmas time so I sent some small gifts. She’s basically a lonely girl living alone. I know way more about her than she does about me. 

Pics and audio? You really don't know who you're talking to. Could be a 700 lb hairy 60 y/o

[Midas1]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Pics and audio? You really don't know who you're talking to. Could be a 700 lb hairy 60 y/o

It’s not, she’s very much real. I’ve called her at home, at work (she works at a well known institution). 

[basil67]

Yes, a new crush can be exciting, but I've had more than one experience where I was expecting fireworks and got a dud.  There is no reason to expect this to be an amazing meetup.

I've got to say though, your sneaking around behind your wife's back with burner phones and untraceable messages doesn't reflect a happy marriage.  Why would you do this to someone who makes you happy and who you presumably love?

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Midas1 said:

It’s not, she’s very much real. I’ve called her at home, at work (she works at a well known institution). 

But no live video chats, just audio and still pics? Unfortunately you seem really sucked in by this. 

[Alpacalia]

Man. Send risque' material and you score freebies. Lol but anyways, my guy you need to put an end to this before your wife finds out. It's pretty sad that you've gone to such great lengths for what sounds like a bit of porn. 

[Midas1]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

But no live video chats, just audio and still pics? Unfortunately you seem really sucked in by this. 

You’re right, I am sucked in 😂 I’m sure she would love to do a FaceTime call. She would not hesitate one moment. It’s me who doesn’t want to reveal too much information. That is unless we do a rendezvous. 

[Midas1]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes, a new crush can be exciting, but I've had more than one experience where I was expecting fireworks and got a dud.  There is no reason to expect this to be an amazing meetup.

I've got to say though, your sneaking around behind your wife's back with burner phones and untraceable messages doesn't reflect a happy marriage.  Why would you do this to someone who makes you happy and who you presumably love?

You’re right. I really need to answer that question first. 

[MsJayne]

I suspect that a woman who targets a guy like this, even if he wasn't married,  very likely has a wobbly relationship with her mental health and other people's boundaries. As I was reading your post I thought of Evelyn Draper in 'Play Misty For Me'. All wild abandon and adoration until you try to end it, and then you come home one night after a nice dinner with your wife and find Affair Woman in your wardrobe feverishly slashing your expensive shirts. Just the fact that she was bothering you on a daily basis suggests that she's flaky. I think you're asking for big trouble if you follow through in meeting up with Evelyn. 

[Midas1]

3 hours ago, MsJayne said:

I suspect that a woman who targets a guy like this, even if he wasn't married,  very likely has a wobbly relationship with her mental health and other people's boundaries. As I was reading your post I thought of Evelyn Draper in 'Play Misty For Me'. All wild abandon and adoration until you try to end it, and then you come home one night after a nice dinner with your wife and find Affair Woman in your wardrobe feverishly slashing your expensive shirts. Just the fact that she was bothering you on a daily basis suggests that she's flaky. I think you're asking for big trouble if you follow through in meeting up with Evelyn. 

Thank you for your comment. Yes it has crossed my mind haha. I do wonder what her motives if any, other than being lonely. She is a cute girl coming out of a long term relationship. To be honest, It was I who initiated most of the texting. She always said, she would “stop all communicating” if I wanted. It just became too much to do so daily whenever my wife wasn’t aware so I wanted to slow down. 

I mentioned to her that one of my biggest fears is that she turns into Glenn Close in the movie Fatal Attraction. Glenn Close has a hot, steamy affair with Michael Douglas and then she ends up going cuckoo and boiling his daughter’s pet rabbit on the stove 😂 She never saw the movie but was mortified by the idea of boiling a pet. We both had a laugh. 

Edited January 24 by Midas1
Typo

[Aus]

mmmmm Im gonna go with yes, you are an a**h***

[Midas1]

2 minutes ago, Aus said:

mmmmm Im gonna go with yes, you are an a**h***

Thanks for your comment. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Midas1 said:

I mentioned to her that one of my biggest fears is that she turns into Glenn Close in the movie Fatal Attraction. 

You seem to be getting a thrill out of playing with fire. 

[d0nnivain]

10 hours ago, Midas1 said:

. I’m torn between the fantasy and the reality of what a weekend like that could be. Am I an a**h***? What do I do? 

The reality of the weekend is that you will be cheating on your wife.  Think about how she will feel if you go through with this.  Yes, cheating makes you an A^^h*** with a capital A.   

You should cut this off or get a divorce but don't cheat.  

[BaileyB]

11 hours ago, Midas1 said:

What do I do? 

That depends on how much you value your marriage. If you can afford to lose half your assets and the respect of your wife, children, friends, family, neighbours… over explicit emails/videos and a sexy weekend rendezvous-vous, feel free to proceed. 

If you’ve done that cost benefit analysis and you think it will work out in your favour - you have nothing to loose…

 

Edited January 24 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

11 hours ago, Midas1 said:

Though I’m happily married (she knew this)

I wonder how happily married your wife would be if she knew her husband had initiated a sexually inappropriate relationship with another woman? 

[Midas1]

39 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

That depends on how much you value your marriage. If you can afford to lose half your assets and the respect of your wife, children, friends, family, neighbours… over explicit emails/videos and a sexy weekend rendezvous-vous, feel free to proceed. 

If you’ve done that cost benefit analysis and you think it will work out in your favour - you have nothing to loose…

 

Thank you for the perspective. You’re right.

[BaileyB]

If the tables were turned and your wife was sharing sexually explicit videos with another man - what would you expect from her if you decided to stay in your marriage? 

[Midas1]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

If the tables were turned and your wife was sharing sexually explicit videos with another man - what would you expect from her if you decided to stay in your marriage? 

Everything you’ve said makes perfect sense. I really do appreciate your advice. I don’t know what it is that leads ppl to have infidelities. Or the motivation for me to do what I’ve been doing and contemplate what I’ve been contemplating. 

I hope this doesn’t sound too crass but have you ever heard the saying: “If you give a dog a bone, he will still find his home, but if you feed a cat, you got a cat.” I guess that’s a bit how I feel as dumb as that may be. 

[Alpacalia]

Do you not feel significant enough at home that this sexual attention is necessary?

I mean... It’s not necessary.

Are you ok with potentially hurting your wife?

See... you're hiding the much deeper intimacy and connection than sex alone. People do this and justify this with unmet emotional needs with their SO. If my SO was doing this instead of telling me what he requires the marriage was faltering, I'd really be crushed.

Edited January 24 by Alpacalia

[Midas1]

25 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Do you not feel significant enough at home that this sexual attention is necessary?

I mean... It’s not necessary.

Are you ok with potentially hurting your wife?

See... you're hiding the much deeper intimacy and connection than sex alone. People do this and justify this with unmet emotional needs with their SO. If my SO was doing this instead of telling me what he requires the marriage was faltering, I'd really be crushed.

I do not want to hurt my wife but I could also see her forgiving me (after I grovel back and go through counseling). The affair partner, is a total stranger who lives a plane ride away, not in our community. I know these are all just “justifications” in my simple male mind. I guess it’s a combination of feeling the “naughtiness” of it all and the fact that the sexual tension and types of acts that has been discussed with the AP would never be done with my SO. 

Is what I’m doing technically an “affair?”