Tiktok Video [merged with on topic comments from Gen Z thread]

[ayaj]

Just now, SlimShadysWife said:

"Who's drunk gf is this" is him being humorous. That's his gf.

yeah I was thinking similar

[ayaj]

I always wondered why some guys choose to be "womanizers" or "players", I thought it is just how some guys have always been... as i get older I am starting to think that sometimes its you girls who cause it. I'm not sure why anymore I have spent my life bothering to always look for a serious relationship.

[ayaj]

25 minutes ago, smwia30 said:

I always wondered why some guys choose to be "womanizers" or "players", I thought it is just how some guys have always been... as i get older I am starting to think that sometimes its you girls who cause it. I'm not sure why anymore I have spent my life bothering to always look for a serious relationship.

This is going off topic now and I am just in a mood to rant at the moment to be honest. I have set up my life in a rich playboy style (high income, no debt, no responsibilities, low bills, owned assets, unlimited vacation time) and the girls i am usually interested in are like shooting fish in a barrel for me. Yet for reason I always want to be with just one. The thought of "hmmm i should just do what every other guy in my situation does" is really starting to become harder and harder to resist. Maybe a congratulations' is deserved here for girls in general... congratulations on killing another one of the good ones. 

Edited January 19 by smwia30

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, smwia30 said:

 the girls i am usually interested in are like shooting fish in a barrel for me. 

If you have so many opportunities, why are you cyber stalking this schoolgirl who you don't seem to know very well and who you believe is in a relationship?

[ayaj]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

If you have so many opportunities, why are you cyber stalking this schoolgirl who you don't seem to know very well and who you believe is in a relationship?

As I said I don't womanize. This "school girl" was my girlfriend because i saw a long future with her and everything she was saying, especially in the last 3 weeks or so suggested this was her view of our relationship as well. Even now she still calls me "hubby"... a nickname she started using about 3 weeks ago. I'm not going to outline everything here but the context of the relationship was a short yet very serious one (at least appearing serious in all of our interactions and words). 

[SlimShadysWife]

I mean, you can do whatever you want in this deluluship at this point. There's nothing going on here anyways if she's playing around. 

[ayaj]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you have so many opportunities, why are you cyber stalking this schoolgirl who you don't seem to know very well and who you believe is in a relationship?

My personal view is also that sex with a motivated repeat partner gets better as time goes on and love/intimacy actually adds to it. I have had sex literally thousands of times, just not with a lot of different partners, so i am not desperate for it. At this point in my life I am good with 5+ times per day as well as 0 (not 0 forever though of course lol).

Edited January 19 by smwia30

[ayaj]

3 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I mean, you can do whatever you want in this deluluship at this point. There's nothing going on here anyways if she's playing around. 

Yes and I appreciate your participation so far. Just venting about it is helpful even though nobody here really has a reason to care.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, smwia30 said:

Even now she still calls me "hubby"..

This is very childish for such a new relationship. OP. It should have set off warning bells rather than have you think it was something meaningful. It sounds like a kid playing make-believe in her own head. 

How often do you actually see her in person, and what is the age difference between you two? 

 

[SurfCity]

5 hours ago, smwia30 said:

Maybe a congratulations' is deserved here for girls in general... congratulations on killing another one of the good ones. 

It seems like you're in your 40's going after women who are "barely legal." That's not really what most people would describe as a good guy. 

It doesn't sound like you understand Tiktok, people use trending music to get more views, the song choice doesn't carry any meaning. For you to believe that she's cheating because of a song choice or sitting close to a guy while making a video just shows that you're out of touch with what's popular with young people. 

You'd probably have more success dating someone who's your age. I think the stat is 90-95% of successful marriages are between people the same age or with a one or two year age difference. You should give it a try if you're sincere about wanting to find a successful long term relationship. 

 

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, smwia30 said:

Thank you for your input. I just saw this video a few hours ago. I think it is a completely reasonable response to seek others opinions before having the calm conversation with her. I understand my own issues might be causing a bias which is why i am seeking others views that have no reason to be bias.

 

7 hours ago, smwia30 said:

I'm not going to outline everything here but the context of the relationship was a short yet very serious one (at least appearing serious in all of our interactions and words). 

Are you actually in a relationship with her at this stage? Because from your recent posts it doesn't seem like you are.

Why did the relationship end? How long has it been over?

There could be a small chance that she just saw it as a cute or funny video and didn't think it anything beyond it. Or, maybe she was trying to make you jealous. I mean, it's not like she's kissing anyone or holding hands, but yeah, I can see how it might make you feel uncomfortable. Whether or not they are platonic friends or not, if you are no longer together, then sadly you don't have much say in the matter.

Edited January 19 by Alpacalia

[Gaeta]

I suggest you date a woman and leave 'girls' behind. 

This younger generation stays 'young' much longer than the millennial or generation X. It takes a long time for them to make a clean cut between boyfriend and buddies. What you are describing looks like something my 19 year old would do. She has several guy friends and one of them is her 'school husband', the other one is her 'bestie', the other one they play that mom/son role. Her boyfriend thinks it's all funny because he is also a generation Z like her. He gets it. You are too old for this. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, smwia30 said:

 This "school girl" was my girlfriend because i saw a long future with her 

"Seeing potential" doesn't make someone your GF. Have you two actually dated in person? You've only interacted with her for 3 weeks? 

Edited January 19 by Wiseman2

[ayaj]

I will make a couple posts to cover most the questions I have seen. I am 10 years older than her for anyone wondering. Some also asked if we are still together, well as of today she continues to call me "my love" and "hubby" so as far as she is concerned everything seems normal and we are together.

We usually only chat with each other during the week and see each other on weekends. She has an older brother 2 years older and the a younger brother and sister like 3 and 5. These are her siblings not her children. However, her mother's work schedule is opposite of her school schedule. She still lives at home. It is her responsibility to babysit the younger children while her mom is at work. So between school and that, we make our plans for weekends.

The "full" story... at the beginning of November I randomly met her best friend (before i met my gf). Her best friend and I were "dealing" with each other or whatever it is called these days for like 2 weeks. For a few days we even referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend but it didn't last long. We talked and decided we were looking for different things. I was looking for a serious relationship and she was not. No big deal, it ended on good terms. While with her friend, I had met my girlfriend more than once. When her friend and I decided to call it quits, her friend actually encouraged me to get to know my gf better. She basically told me my now girl friend is the girl I am looking for and my gf is looking for a serious committed relationship. The friend gave us permission to get to know each other better, no hard feelings. 

In the last week of November, my gf and I had a "talk" about our relationship and what exactly it was. We were both on the same page, the goal is a serious lasting relationship. On Christmas she introduced me to her parents (her choice not mine). According to her parents I am her first boyfriend. I understand that her parents might be naive about this or even lying to me for her for some reason but I did not get that feeling at the time. My gf's friends told me the same things about her (again they could just be lying). Anyway, her parents gave us the green light. I reciprocated by introducing her to my parents, it was literally the first time in my life I have done this near the beginning of the relationship and I told my gf so.

After new years (the about 3 weeks I have referenced before), my gf started getting much more serious in the conversations. About our future, calling me hubby, etc. I had no reason to doubt her until I saw that video yesterday and then found a couple more questionable pics on instagram. Based on the relationship up to that point, I was completely shocked to see that it is possible she has just been completely lying to me the whole time. To introduce me to her parents though? Really? 

Anyway that is the background up to this point. I was thinking about it at work and I will make another post about what I think her excuse is going to be.

[ayaj]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I suggest you date a woman and leave 'girls' behind. 

This younger generation stays 'young' much longer than the millennial or generation X. It takes a long time for them to make a clean cut between boyfriend and buddies. What you are describing looks like something my 19 year old would do. She has several guy friends and one of them is her 'school husband', the other one is her 'bestie', the other one they play that mom/son role. Her boyfriend thinks it's all funny because he is also a generation Z like her. He gets it. You are too old for this. 

Thank you for your insight. One of the reasons I am looking for outside views on the situation is incase I am not fully understanding something properly because of the generational gap.

[Alpacalia]

22 minutes ago, smwia30 said:

The "full" story... at the beginning of November I randomly met her best friend (before i met my gf). Her best friend and I were "dealing" with each other or whatever it is called these days for like 2 weeks. For a few days we even referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend but it didn't last long. We talked and decided we were looking for different things. I was looking for a serious relationship and she was not. No big deal, it ended on good terms. While with her friend, I had met my girlfriend more than once. When her friend and I decided to call it quits, her friend actually encouraged me to get to know my gf better. She basically told me my now girl friend is the girl I am looking for and my gf is looking for a serious committed relationship. The friend gave us permission to get to know each other better, no hard feelings. 

I wonder if she harbors resentment that the woman you dated before her was her best friend.

Maybe she can't handle it. Coupled with her wanting to get more serious with you and feeling insecure it might have driven her to post those pictures on social media. 

Generally when things like this happen, it's also a game changer. It creates an absolute circus and drama where literally the month before you both were relatively anonymous and going around having fun and the occasional picture. How long have you guys been together? That she can't say you're her future hubby and all that jazz without communicating with you what she is posting publicly. Did she block the face on purpose in the video? It does seem a little uncalled for.

Edited January 19 by Alpacalia

[ayaj]

So I was thinking about it all day at work. If she is just not a completely fake person and straight up lying to me... then what is her excuse...umm reason... going to be. Here is what I came up with and there is a few levels to it.

The first is the existence of the video and pictures in the first place... My girlfriend is a very popular girl, she is the leader of her group of friends (according to her friends) and has an elected student council position, I think vice-president. With her not thinking that I or anyone I know would see the videos, but all her friends and school mates would... it might be possible the video is a popularity thing. I don't use social media so I don't think that way, but someone who cares about their popularity and wants to show off a certain image of herself online, could possible see posting that video as beneficial to her popularity. The guy in the video is also very popular with girls in general from what I have seen.

This is where it gets tricky and I might end up getting the blame from her on this. When I started dating my gf, she asked me if I still chat with her friend. I said yes we chat online sometimes, we have nothing against each other. She asked me to promise her I would not get back together with her friend if she changed her mind and wanted to be with me, I sincerely promised her that and meant it because how is else will our relationship succeed. This paragraph is basically pointing out I think she did not want me to chat with her friend anymore also she did not forbid it. I have chatted with her maybe 5 or 6 times since then and not at all in January. And we are talking like quick 10-20 minute nothing chats. It's a nothing to me so I never thought of it but it could have set a bad example for her.

Next the wording of what was wrote on the video. When me and her friend "broke up or whatever" I felt like listening to a song I use to listen to when I broke up with my long term ex. "Let her go by passenger", when i went to listen on youtube, there was a new version released that week. "Let her go 10th anniversary addition featuring Ed Sheran". I sent her a link to the song with the  message "I use to like this song when my long term relationship ended and I just noticed there is a new version this month". She listened, sent a tear emoji and said thanks. That was is it. However, in the song it self it talks about loving someone. Listening to the song I guess in a literal sense it is saying I love her even though that was not my intention... if it was just the old version I found on youtube i never would of even sent it. I was just sharing a song I enjoy.

So because of that song and the broken telephone affect. It is possible that her best friend told my girlfriend that I told her I love her after we broke up. I never said this "I love you" ever and never intended to say this. However, now I am thinking there is a chance that she is thinking "well he tells my best friend he loves her and refuses to not chat with her" which might dramatically lower the inappropriateness of the wording on her video in her mind . To be clear this was not at all the mindset I had up until now, I was just trying to piece anything together at work that might explain why she does not seem to just be the complete liar that I am worried she is.

When she has her chance to explain, I am curious if anything I just wrote will come up. I'm not going to suggest any excuses to her though, I will just see what she says.

A throw in at the end here... both my girlfriend and her bestfriend have told me there are many guys interested in my gf. I am generally a very trusting person so other than us mutually agreeing we are exclusive and I asked her if they are aware she is in a relationship with me (she said of course i told them), I did not bother asking any more detailed questions. My girlfriend is young and attractive, guys are going to be interested in her... big shock lol so it was nothing to me because she had not given any reason not to trust her. Anyway, I'm assuming this guy is one of them that I probably should of asked more details about in the original conversation about her other suitors. I generally do not like coming across insecure to my partner though so I did not dig at all on the subject. 

[ayaj]

10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I wonder if she harbors resentment that the woman you dated before her was her best friend.

Maybe she can't handle it. Coupled with her wanting to get more serious with you and feeling insecure it might have driven her to post those pictures on social media. 

Generally when things like this happen, it's also a game changer. It creates an absolute circus and drama where literally the month before you both were relatively anonymous and going around having fun and the occasional picture. How long have you guys been together? That she can't say you're her future hubby and all that jazz without communicating with you what she is posting publicly. Did she block the face on purpose in the video? It does seem a little uncalled for.

Yes, I touched on this issue in my most recent post. It did not occur to me at all until at work today.

[Alpacalia]

19 minutes ago, smwia30 said:

Yes, I touched on this issue in my most recent post. It did not occur to me at all until at work today.

Perhaps your girlfriend dislikes the fact that you're chatting with her best friend that you dated and would be with if she was ready to seriously date?

That you dated her best friend from the past could be why she's doing the things she's doing we don't 100 percent know. If she doesn't bring up the topic you might what to just talk with her about how you dated her best friend in the past and how you are sorry that it hurt her. That you have no reason to want her BFF again not that it matters because if your gf doesn't trust or understand why you're talking with her best friend still so your best bet is to close down communication with the friend assuming you don't have the inkling to be with the best friend of course.

I'm not saying men and women can't be friends but this is a woman where there were mutual feelings that happens to be her best friend and it sounds like if you're priorities aligned that things might have been different. Then along comes this best friend's friend (your girlfriend) and maybe she's feeling a bit insecure, inadequate or whatever it is.

Not justifying your girlfriend just maybe it's worth noting down what exactly you're doing with her best friend and what it could look like to an outside person.

Edited January 19 by Alpacalia

[ayaj]

6 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Well maybe your girlfriend dislikes the fact that you're chatting with her best friend that you dated and would be with if she was ready to seriously date.

That you dated her best friend from the past could be why she's doing the things she's doing we don't 100 percent know. If she doesn't bring up the topic you might what to just talk with her about how you dated her best friend in the past and how you are sorry that it hurt her. That you have no reason to want her BFF again not that it matters because if your gf doesn't trust or understand why you're talking with her best friend still so your best bet is to close down communication with the friend assuming you don't have the inkling to be with the best friend of course.

I already don't chat to the friend, not even because of my girlfriend... just 2 acquaintances getting more distant as time goes on. When my gf originally asked me the question it was only like 1 week removed from chatting with her friend all the time so I answered the question honestly with what was the truth at the time. The seriousness of that has not crossed my mind at all since like November but now I am thinking I made a big mistake there and was too stupid to realize.

I am going to have a full, calm and in depth discussion with her about everything (including my own mistakes) this weekend. There are 3 possible outcomes as I see it... 1. Maybe we will have a true heart to heart discussion and our relationship will be stronger from it.... 2. Maybe we will have a true heart to heart discussion where she is just honest with me that she is a complete liar and fake and that will be the end for the relationship.... 3. Maybe we will have a completely fake discussion filled with lies from her end and she will someone be able to manipulate and convince me my suspicions are wrong and then at some point in the future I will find out that my original suspicions were actually true and she just doubled down on the lie.

It is really only option 3 that truly worries me. I would love #1 but the sad part is that hoping for that risks opening myself up to #3.

[ayaj]

7 hours ago, SurfCity said:

It seems like you're in your 40's going after women who are "barely legal." That's not really what most people would describe as a good guy. 

It doesn't sound like you understand Tiktok, people use trending music to get more views, the song choice doesn't carry any meaning. For you to believe that she's cheating because of a song choice or sitting close to a guy while making a video just shows that you're out of touch with what's popular with young people. 

You'd probably have more success dating someone who's your age. I think the stat is 90-95% of successful marriages are between people the same age or with a one or two year age difference. You should give it a try if you're sincere about wanting to find a successful long term relationship. 

 

I am not in my 40s thanks (younger). 

I cant change the thread title but what i thought was referencing a tiktok account in the video was referencing instagram not tiktok once i tried to dig deeper into what was going on. Agree I don't understand it  fully though and instagram vs tiktok doesn't make a difference.

I have done a couple years younger than me, I have done a couple years older than me (actual relationships not flings). I decided to go young this time thanks (not really a decision, more like the fact that she is young is not a deal breaker for me). If she is actually the girl that she has come across to me as up to this point(before this) then her age does not matter (repeat- she is of legal adult age.)

Edited January 19 by smwia30

[ayaj]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

Did she block the face on purpose in the video? It does seem a little uncalled for.

Yes in the video she posted on her fake name facebook account... his face is partially blocked on purpose by his cell phone (not the cellphone taking the picture) at the bottom there is an @tag referencing his instagram account.

In the 2  questionable pictures on huis instagram account... her face is partially blocked by her hand in both were you would not be able to id her if you were not looking for it... however again in 1 of the picture there is a @tag referencing my gf's instagram account. Even without the tags I can tell 1000% it is her.

None of the are using there real names those. The only reason I am aware of any of this is because her best friend's friend list is set to public and my girlfriends picture with a fake name is on her front page. From there looking around I quickly found links and references to all there fake name social media accounts. I think fake name social media accounts in actually very common these days for privacy concerns and doesn't necessarily mean bad intentions. 

All of her and her girls friends have 1 "real" name account and 1 "fake name" account each. The only slipup like i said is the girl I knew before my gf has her friends list on public and that alone gives everything away. All the other girlfriends in the group have their friends list on hidden. Hmmmm now I am wondering if the friend i knew before has done that on purpose to indirectly show me without betraying her friend lol hmmm I'm going to let that one go for now though because it just complicates the situation more.

[Alpacalia]

13 minutes ago, smwia30 said:

Yes in the video she posted on her fake name facebook account... his face is partially blocked on purpose by his cell phone (not the cellphone taking the picture) at the bottom there is an @tag referencing his instagram account.

In the 2  questionable pictures on huis instagram account... her face is partially blocked by her hand in both were you would not be able to id her if you were not looking for it... however again in 1 of the picture there is a @tag referencing my gf's instagram account. Even without the tags I can tell 1000% it is her.

None of the are using there real names those. The only reason I am aware of any of this is because her best friend's friend list is set to public and my girlfriends picture with a fake name is on her front page. From there looking around I quickly found links and references to all there fake name social media accounts. I think fake name social media accounts in actually very common these days for privacy concerns and doesn't necessarily mean bad intentions. 

All of her and her girls friends have 1 "real" name account and 1 "fake name" account each. The only slipup like i said is the girl I knew before my gf has her friends list on public and that alone gives everything away. All the other girlfriends in the group have their friends list on hidden. Hmmmm now I am wondering if the friend i knew before has done that on purpose to indirectly show me without betraying her friend lol hmmm I'm going to let that one go for now though because it just complicates the situation more.

You both sound rather immaturish to be honest. I suspect the posting of the video is just attention seeking, and your reaction just immature jealousy. Either way, you both have some learning and growing to do before being ready for a relationship.

As for you, don't get hung up thinking you're the victim here. The song seems innocent enough EXCEPT that the girl you sent it to, you were romantically involved with in the past. That does give it a slightly different meaning, which you should be aware of. As for your GF, it certainly doesn't help that over a month later (please correct me if the timing is incorrect), she posts this video with that song and message.

Talk to her. Constantly snooping and dissection of her actions is not going to fix something or provide progress. You should just ask her, people can misinterpret a comment and it wasn't "I love you" but if you are not going to ask her but just distrust her constantly over such minor things, quite frankly, you only need to admit 1 thing for yourself. That this is not the partner for you.

Edited January 19 by Alpacalia

[ayaj]

3 minutes ago, smwia30 said:

Just some spelling errors in the last post the website wont let me edit...

In the 2  questionable pictures on his instagram account... her face is partially blocked by her hand in both were you would not be able to id her if you were not looking for it... however again in 1 of the picture there is a @tag referencing my gf's instagram account. Even without the tags I can tell 1000% it is her.

None of them are using their real names though. The only reason I am aware of any of this is because her best friend's friend list is set to public and my girlfriends picture with a fake name is on her front page. From there looking around I quickly found links and references to all there fake name social media accounts. I think fake name social media accounts in actually very common these days for privacy concerns and doesn't necessarily mean bad intentions. 

 

 

[ayaj]

10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

You both sound rather immaturish to be honest. I suspect the posting of the video is just attention seeking, and your reaction just immature jealousy. Either way, you both have some learning and growing to do before being ready for a relationship.

My insecurities arise from a failed marriage that ended badly for me. I have more relationship experience then it might seem but yes there is always more to learn. Personally i think coming here and calmly sharing views with people who have an outside perspective. Then preparing and gather my thoughts to have a true in depth conversation with her about everything is a mature way to handle it. I could see 2 immature ways of handling... 1. I message her instantly after seeing it and talk to her while agitated, without thinking it over, without getting my facts straight or the other extreme 2. Dont bring up the issue and just ignore it hoping it goes away.

Preparing for and then having a very important conversation after gathering all my thoughts is really the most mature way I can handle this. This happened last night, it is 3pm in the afternoon here now. I worked a day job already today (not one on a laptop). It is friday afternoon now, our weekend ahead, no work. I think my timeline and how I am handling it so far is completely reasonable though nothing is ever perfect.

Edited January 19 by smwia30