It appears 'Honesty' doesnt work in the Dating World so I need to become a 'Good Liar'

[poppyfields]

@IntBrowser  the first chat is to determine how well you vibe together, how easy the conversation is, how it flows, even messaging.

For me, it doesn't matter what he "says" or "asks," it's the way he says it, how confident he is, how I respond to it, and if the convo is easy and fun and we're vibing well.

If so, schedule a meet!  I said this before in another thread of yours, but strike while the iron is hot.

Can you relate to this at all?   Have you ever met a woman where the conversation was easy and just sort of flowed?  On line or off?

That's what I mean by energy and vibing.  It's easy, it flows, almost effortlessly.  You can't manufacture that imo by what you say or ask, it's either there or it's not.

 

 

 

Edited May 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

21 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

  Please dont make fun of me but when she asked me what I did on Sunday I told her

No one is going to make fun of you.  What I am saying is you just need to learn to develop some game/skillz when it comes to talking to women.

You'll learn... You'll develop your own "canned answers" and come up with some game/skillz.  It will take time, there will be some trial and error, but eventually you'll get there.

With each experience, you'll learn more and more, but again it will take time.

"Rome wasn't built in a day" - Li Proverbe au Vilain

[norealusername]

I've done online dating on and off for a long time. I used to follow all the advice about writing great messages. From my experience, it's a waste of time. I asked to meet after a few messages. If they said no, then they were done and I didn't waste my time or humiliate myself for some flaky stranger on the internet.

I had the same or better results by NOT spending much time on the messages. The woman is either attracted to your photos and profile or she isn't. I'm not saying you shouldn't put any effort into the conversation but don't think you bored them to death from 1 or 2 replies, that's ridiculous. She wasn't interested from the start.

Who wants to date someone who dumps you over your reply to "what did you have for dinner?" ...that's stupid. 

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Course being 6'3" and a firefighter helps. 

I'm not... so I developed some game/skillz. 

Not all of us can be 6' 3" firefighters, we have to work with the assets we have.

[poppyfields]

Guys just my $.02, Lemming is a grown man, 50+ years, he's been in a happy "committed" relationship for 9 years.

There's no need to berate him for what he did in the past, I am not saying it was right, but it's in the PAST.

Let it go, let's move on to help the OP.

@IntBrowserit appears you lack confidence.  You can change that by taking steps to improve yourself.  Join a gym (if not already), get in GREAT shape, get a new cut, new style, take a class in something that interests you, READ, learn, become knowledgeable, women are attracted to intelligence not just looks.

Read books about interpersonal relationships, feminine/masculine polarity, human nature, what attracts us, what repels us, experiment with it.

There is a TON of information out there, so much you can do to improve this situation, genuinely and honestly, there is no need to lie.

Edited May 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

I don't think you have to BS anyone to get a date. Be straight up. You don't cook? Who cares?  Be confident in who you are.

[peach302]

I agree with another poster here. The person the OP was speaking to who unmatched him was most likely not that interested in the first place.

If it was me.. I would not unmatch someone i was genuinely interested in..unless they completely crossed the line/ a boundary. Therefore an answer to a question about cooking wouldn't be enough for me to unmatch. 

I still think what i think though that it wouldnt harm the OP to try and come across a little more interesting/engaging/charismatic. Something....

Edited May 3, 2021 by peach302

[Weezy1973]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

This is probably a question that has never been asked on this site.   If most women are looking for this fantastic guy who is independent, handsome, blessed below the belt, a great cook, funny, romantic, fun, adventurous,   then why are there so many women on the site..........LOOKING????

Does this mean this type of guy dont exist or he do

Most women aren’t looking for that guy and most women (and men) are married / in relationships. Most that aren’t are actively dating. More singles of course in their 20s when people are focusing on school / career etc, but once you get into your 30s and beyond, the vast majority of folks have paired up.

So to be blunt, your question is based on a false premise.

[peach302]

4 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

This is probably a question that has never been asked on this site.   If most women are looking for this fantastic guy who is independent, handsome, blessed below the belt, a great cook, funny, romantic, fun, adventurous,   then why are there so many women on the site..........LOOKING????

 

Does this mean this type of guy dont exist or he do

 

This reminds me of a episode of Three's Company

Of course  they exist! Just probably rarely on online  dating sites. Those rare men are most likely taken. 

[Sun Seeker]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

wouldnt she be turned off if I mentioned another girl?

Not sure if you are serious but ok I'll bite.

SHE is the hot girl you are arranging a date with.. hence the wink and ending it with... are you free next weekend?

The whole point is to indirectly tell her you think she is hot, to make her question who this girl is (even though she knows it's really her, but it gives a bit of mystery) and to ask her out on a date. All in one sentence. It's called flirting, playfully showing you are attracted to her.

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

@IntBrowser  the first chat is to determine how well you vibe together, how easy the conversation is, how it flows, even messaging.

For me, it doesn't matter what he "says" or "asks," it's the way he says it, how confident he is, how I respond to it, and if the convo is easy and fun and we're vibing well.

If so, schedule a meet!  I said this before in another thread of yours, but strike while the iron is hot.

Can you relate to this at all?   Have you ever met a woman where the conversation was easy and just sort of flowed?  On line or off?

That's what I mean by energy and vibing.  It's easy, it flows, almost effortlessly.  You can't manufacture that imo by what you say or ask, it's either there or it's not.

 

Yes and it lasted 3 hours lol     She is the one who just wanted to go out as friends and it still confusing because I am not used to someone still wanting to spend time with me if she only wants to be friends.      And then she apologizes all the time for not contacting me after a few days which is not necessary since we are friends

 

 

[cleverusername]

7 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

they are clearly allergic to HONESTY

Please for the love of God do not swallow the red pill..... 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

It worked for me for 40 years and I slept with plenty of women.

I don't think IntBrowser only wants sex. 

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, cleverusername said:

There is nothing cool about lying and using people. That goes for anyone but especially women, and especially to use them for their bodies. This actually pisses me off.

Being a lying manipulator isn't "game or skill" you give yourself way too much credit.  That's not working either. What this guy needs to do is learn to be confident in himself not put on an act like you do. 

Well when I try to be the OPEN and HONEST guy it never works lol  So you have no choice but to be fake

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 when she asked me what I did on Sunday I told her

Did a little reading

listened to some jazz

watched the game

And she ended the convo 

And therein is your problem.  

Your answer should have been

"I read [title of what you read] while listening to [artist's name]." 

Then you should have asked if she likes jazz & talked about your favorite place to listen to live jazz, hinting that you'd love to take her there when it it again safe to do so or better yet suggesting a get together to listen to jazz on your ipod or something.  

The subject wasn't the problem.  Your failure to draw her into a conversation was the problem.  

It's not about being fake.  It's about making somebody else comfortable & drawing them into a conversation.  

 

Edited May 3, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Wiseman2]

It's small talk. She's trying to get you to ask her out.

[Gaeta]

@IntBrowser: Would you please clarify what you are searching for online? Would you like to date a woman with Long Term in mind or you are simply looking for sex and variety? 

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

Well when I try to be the OPEN and HONEST guy it never works lol  So you have no choice but to be fake

Welcome Aboard!!

This is how dating is....

[cleverusername]

7 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

Well when I try to be the OPEN and HONEST guy it never works lol  So you have no choice but to be fake

No, it just hasn't worked yet. You.... AUTHENTIC YOU..... are good enough. You don't need to lie. You don't need to fake. You just need to be the best version of yourself and that's good enough. There is someone out there for the AUTHENTIC YOU. I have matched hundreds of women, guess what, I'm still single. I haven't found the right person. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with me just like there is nothing wrong with you. We just haven't found the missing piece. By lying and faking you are going to find something that fits the hole, but it will leave gaps because its not the right piece. When you do those things you end up unfulfilled and lonely, living a draining lie waking up every day knowing that you can't be yourself for someone to like you. Is that how you want to live your life?

Edited May 3, 2021 by cleverusername

[IntBrowser]

35 minutes ago, Punterxx said:

Not sure if you are serious but ok I'll bite.

SHE is the hot girl you are arranging a date with.. hence the wink and ending it with... are you free next weekend?

The whole point is to indirectly tell her you think she is hot, to make her question who this girl is (even though she knows it's really her, but it gives a bit of mystery) and to ask her out on a date. All in one sentence. It's called flirting, playfully showing you are attracted to her.

That takes me back to that women who asked me........."any plans this weekend and I screwed up"

[IntBrowser]

19 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Please for the love of God do not swallow the red pill..... 

When I put up a honest upbeat profile I never get a match.    Just going by experience

[peach302]

Just now, IntBrowser said:

When I put up a honest upbeat profile I never get a match.    Just going by experience

Maybe you need to broaden the women you "like". 

Its not easy being a fake and phony person. Do you want to keep up a disingenuous  version of yourself. 

 

[IntBrowser]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's small talk. She's trying to get you to ask her out.

No she was the one who said she wont be going on a date until 5/21 because that when she gets the vaccine.

[Wiseman2]

Just now, IntBrowser said:

she wont be going on a date until 5/21 because that when she gets the vaccine.

Oh yikes. A timewaster who wants idle chitchat. Just move forward.

[IntBrowser]

17 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

@IntBrowser: Would you please clarify what you are searching for online? Would you like to date a woman with Long Term in mind or you are simply looking for sex and variety? 

friendship that can grow into a relationship