It appears 'Honesty' doesnt work in the Dating World so I need to become a 'Good Liar'

[IntBrowser]

That what it seems like what women want to hear when chatting, LIES lol      Soon as I tell the truth they are turned off so I guess that's why so many relationships are built on lies.    I was asked tonight Did I cook my dinner and what did I do this  weekend and I guess my answers wasn't EXCITING ENOUGH" so I was unmatched.     I told her no I didnt cook my dinner, I put it in the oven and this weekend I just went clothes shopping and was in all day today relaxing.      Then she says........"You dont have any male friends?     And I explained they are married or relocated so we dont see each other that often.     So far now on I am just saying what women wants to hear because being truthful is boring

Did you cook it?  YES I DID IT, I just started cooking 2 years ago I have a friend who is a chef

Do you like your job?  YES YES I LOVE IT, I get to help resolve sooooo many issues and it makes me feeel gooood

 

So that's what it seems like I have to do now in order to succeed..........Be FAKE.       I have gotten that DID U MAKE IT? question from 98% of the women I spoke to on the phone.     And she seemed like a nice down to earth lady from her pics.      All I can say is WOW

[chillii]

They sound the boring to me actually. 98% ask if you cooked your tea , wtf is that rubbish.Probably can't even cook themselves.  Funny , my woman knows damn well l hate cooking, if we were just meeting she asked me that l'd tell her nah just got take away - she'd laugh. Anyone interested isn't gonna dump ya just bc you said you didn't cook tea mate.

[elaine567]

IIRC, you are a 40 year old man and not I assume disabled or ill, so why are you not cooking for yourself?
She is just thinking ahead. If you do not cook, you live off takeaways and ready meals, which to those who cook for themselves is a waste of money,
OR she is going to have to do ALL the cooking... 
Instead of lying about it, how about you learn to cook...

[basil67]

Unless the women are telling you that they aren't bothering to date you because you didn't cook your dinner or do something interesting, you're only guessing that this is the reason they aren't interested.  

I also struggle to believe that literally 98% of women asked you if you cooked your dinner.   Exaggerating your plight isn't going to do you any favours.

Edited May 3, 2021 by basil67

[IntBrowser]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

Unless they are telling you that they aren't bothering to date you because X or Y, you're only guessing that this is the reason.  

I also struggle to believe that literally 98% of women asked you if you cooked your dinner.   Exaggerating your plight isn't going to do you any favours.

 

If I mention anything about dinner the follow up question is always Did I make it

[elaine567]

10 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

If I mention anything about dinner the follow up question is always Did I make it

So stop saying anything about your dinner, if it is going to show you up in a bad light...

[Wiseman2]

Curb the nonsense chitchatting and set up a mutually convenient time to meet for a brief coffee.

No one really cares what you cook,eat for dinner,etc.

It's nervous small talk that wouldn't be protracted like this if you limited chitchat to a few introductory messages then arranged a meeting.

 

[Goodguy05]

5 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

That what it seems like what women want to hear when chatting, LIES lol      Soon as I tell the truth they are turned off so I guess that's why so many relationships are built on lies.    I was asked tonight Did I cook my dinner and what did I do this  weekend and I guess my answers wasn't EXCITING ENOUGH" so I was unmatched.     I told her no I didnt cook my dinner, I put it in the oven and this weekend I just went clothes shopping and was in all day today relaxing.      Then she says........"You dont have any male friends?     And I explained they are married or relocated so we dont see each other that often.     So far now on I am just saying what women wants to hear because being truthful is boring

Did you cook it?  YES I DID IT, I just started cooking 2 years ago I have a friend who is a chef

Do you like your job?  YES YES I LOVE IT, I get to help resolve sooooo many issues and it makes me feeel gooood

 

So that's what it seems like I have to do now in order to succeed..........Be FAKE.       I have gotten that DID U MAKE IT? question from 98% of the women I spoke to on the phone.     And she seemed like a nice down to earth lady from her pics.      All I can say is WOW

That's the downfall of the internet and dating apps. It's so easy to just brush someone off. 

[peach302]

7 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

That what it seems like what women want to hear when chatting, LIES lol      Soon as I tell the truth they are turned off so I guess that's why so many relationships are built on lies.    I was asked tonight Did I cook my dinner and what did I do this  weekend and I guess my answers wasn't EXCITING ENOUGH" so I was unmatched.     I told her no I didnt cook my dinner, I put it in the oven and this weekend I just went clothes shopping and was in all day today relaxing.      Then she says........"You dont have any male friends?     And I explained they are married or relocated so we dont see each other that often.     So far now on I am just saying what women wants to hear because being truthful is boring

Did you cook it?  YES I DID IT, I just started cooking 2 years ago I have a friend who is a chef

Do you like your job?  YES YES I LOVE IT, I get to help resolve sooooo many issues and it makes me feeel gooood

 

So that's what it seems like I have to do now in order to succeed..........Be FAKE.       I have gotten that DID U MAKE IT? question from 98% of the women I spoke to on the phone.     And she seemed like a nice down to earth lady from her pics.      All I can say is WOW

I get asked silly questions like that too.. i thought it happened to be men asking women more to see if they can cook. 

I would say dont be fake..be yourself. Don't let those experiences change you  into one of the many fakes online. 

[d0nnivain]

Lying isn't the answer.  

If you didn't cook that particular mean so what?  Do mention your favorite thing to cook & it will be a non-issue. 

Do try to have at least one story that involves you interacting with others.  People like social people  If you are a hermit the potential date may fear you lack social skills or that you will be too clingy when all you have is her.  

[chillii]

6 hours ago, elaine567 said:

IIRC, you are a 40 year old man and not I assume disabled or ill, so why are you not cooking for yourself?
She is just thinking ahead. If you do not cook, you live off takeaways and ready meals, which to those who cook for themselves is a waste of money,
OR she is going to have to do ALL the cooking... 
Instead of lying about it, how about you learn to cook...

 

l suppose that's a point , but what 98% of them ask him that first chat , Jezuzzzzz . They certainly must have their little check list on hand.

 

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

6 hours ago, elaine567 said:

IIRC, you are a 40 year old man and not I assume disabled or ill, so why are you not cooking for yourself?
She is just thinking ahead. If you do not cook, you live off takeaways and ready meals, which to those who cook for themselves is a waste of money,
OR she is going to have to do ALL the cooking... 
Instead of lying about it, how about you learn to cook...

 

those are both false sssumptions.

 

as someone who lives by myself I only do true from snatch cooking about twice a week because it’s inefficient to make a larger meal they have leftovers all week.  I make some easier things for myself thst don’t take as long. Baking something in the over or doing pasta or I’ll just do a sandwich.

 

at work I might go out to lunch and have a larger meal do my dinner is smaller.

[poppyfields]

6 hours ago, elaine567 said:

IIRC, you are a 40 year old man and not I assume disabled or ill, so why are you not cooking for yourself?
She is just thinking ahead. If you do not cook, you live off takeaways and ready meals, which to those who cook for themselves is a waste of money,
OR she is going to have to do ALL the cooking... 
Instead of lying about it, how about you learn to cook...

Nice spin.

So it was one of those dreaded "qualifying" questions?  To determine if he was 'worthy' enough to date or even talk to?  Or marry???

@IntBrowserdid she ask how tall you were too? Lol

I never asked a man that question in my entire life, on line or off. 

If we clicked in person and began dating, it might eventually come out whether he enjoys cooking or not, but personally I cannot stand such questions, asking or being asked.

I get it though, why people ask, such questions before meeting just seem arbitrary to me, unnatural, like they're shopping, not allowing things to happen naturally and spontaneously.

Edit:  Agree with Wise, exchange a few messages, if you're vibing well, schedule a meet.

 

 

Edited May 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[Lotsgoingon]

This is ONE woman asking dumb questions. Dating is a matter of finding the 1 out of 1000 people that you might like.

Your starting assumption is completely wrong: you should NOT have success with most people. We are not compatible with most people. This woman is asking silly questions. If these questions mattered to her (or your answers were wrong) then you needed to know that right away.

In other words, lie for what reason? You have no idea what answer this woman would be impressed by. None!

Go to the next person. You're acting like you're SUPPOSED to fall in love with everyone. No, just the opposite.

[peach302]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Nice spin.

So it was one of those dreaded "qualifying" questions?  To determine if he was 'worthy' enough to date or even talk to?  Or marry???

@IntBrowserdid she ask how tall you were too? Lol

I never asked a man that question in my entire life, on line or off. 

If we clicked in person and began dating, it might eventually come out whether he enjoys cooking or not, but personally I cannot stand such questions, asking or being asked.

I get it though, why people ask, they just seem arbitrary to me, unnatural, like they're shopping, not allowing things to happen naturally and spontaneously.

 

 

Its usually those who are desperate for a serious relationship/marriage who ask questions such as those..like they're interviewing someone for a job. I don't like it either. Would prefer a more natural go with the flow approach.

[Gaeta]

You need an 'edge'. Women will justify anything if they come across a man that has a little edge. That little edge often is simply confidence and no apologies for who you are. 

My daughter is 33, she doesn't cook and doesn't care to learn. She has never ran out of men to date. She met a guy who loves cooking and he's more than happy to be the cook in their relationship. 

There are things you should keep to yourself on those first contacts, like you hating your job. You don't need to confess that to a stranger on a dating site. It's also not so much that fact you hate your job but probably the fact you do nothing about it (if it's the case) that turns women off. 

I remember in another thread you said you never ask women what they do for work because not every body likes their job, that is reflecting on your part. You hate being asked what you do for work. If a man didn't ask me what I do for living I'd think he's not interested in getting to know me. 

 

 

[peach302]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You need an 'edge'. Women will justify anything if they come across a man that has a little edge. That little edge often is simply confidence and no apologies for who you are. 

My daughter is 33, she doesn't cook and doesn't care to learn. She has never ran out of men to date. She met a guy who loves cooking and he's more than happy to be the cook in their relationship. 

There are things you should keep to yourself on those first contacts, like you hating your job. You don't need to confess that to a stranger on a dating site. It's also not so much that fact you hate your job but probably the fact you do nothing about it (if it's the case) that turns women off. 

I remember in another thread you said you never ask women what they do for work because not every body likes their job, that is reflecting on your part. You hate being asked what you do for work. If a man didn't ask me what I do for living I'd think he's not interested in getting to know me. 

 

 

Im basically like your daughter...near in age too. I get asked if i can cook..what i cook. I will literally just tell them i prefer take outs and can only cook basic dishes like pasta 😂. 

I don't  want to be someones maid. 

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Its usually those who are desperate for a serious relationship/marriage who ask questions such as those..like they're interviewing someone for a job. I don't like it either. Would prefer a more natural go with the flow approach.

Yeah, that's what it feels like (to me), like I'm being interviewed.

I'm much more into determining how we vibe, but then again, my goal isn't finding a suitable husband or "boyfriend."

My goals are different but won't go there, not my thread. 😄

[jspice]

You sound boring. 
didn’t do anything. Stayed home. Didn’t even cook when you were home. No friends. 
 

everyone shitting on this woman is enabling your lack of game 

[peach302]

1 minute ago, jspice said:

You sound boring. 
didn’t do anything. Stayed home. Didn’t even cook when you were home. No friends. 
 

everyone shitting on this woman is enabling your lack of game 

Boring or not. There's  no point being fake and bragging either like a lot of men do on dating sites. At least he's being sincere.

 

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Im basically like your daughter...near in age too. I get asked if i can cook..what i cook. I will literally just tell them i prefer take outs and can only cook basic dishes like pasta 😂. 

I don't  want to be someones maid. 

Lol, same.  This was years ago, when asked I always admitted I was a crap cook.  Never stopped an interested man from wanting to date me.

Since then, I've taken classes and made a real effort cause I enjoy being creative.

So I CAN cook now, I'm actually pretty good!  

Still hate being asked the question. 😳

 

Edited May 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[peach302]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Lol, same.  This was years ago, when asked I always admitted I was a crap cook.  Never stopped an interested man from wanting to date me.

Since then, I've taken classes and made a real effort cause I enjoy being creative.

So I CAN cook now, I'm actually a pretty good!  

Still hate the question. 

 

Well at least now you've  acquired a skill! And i agree  the question is annoying lol.

Last guy asked me that and actually told me to learn while at home during  the pandemic. 😳😳 maybe its a deal breaker for some 

 

[jspice]

15 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Boring or not. There's  no point being fake and bragging either like a lot of men do on dating sites. At least he's being sincere.

 

The point is not to lie. 
nobody said he should lie. He should do something that makes him at least a little interesting. 
 

He’s blaming everyone for his lack of success but doesn’t think that maybe he’s not dateable as he is now 

[hippychick3]

I’d guess these women are asking you if you made it strictly to just make conversation. I highly doubt they’d be turned off just by you saying you didn’t cook it. Most women do NOT care whether you cooked it, had it as take out, or your grandma made it for you. As Gaeta said, women are looking for an edge... something that makes you interesting (truthfully) or interested in us. 

[glows]

8 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

That what it seems like what women want to hear when chatting, LIES lol      Soon as I tell the truth they are turned off so I guess that's why so many relationships are built on lies.    I was asked tonight Did I cook my dinner and what did I do this  weekend and I guess my answers wasn't EXCITING ENOUGH" so I was unmatched.     I told her no I didnt cook my dinner, I put it in the oven and this weekend I just went clothes shopping and was in all day today relaxing.      Then she says........"You dont have any male friends?     And I explained they are married or relocated so we dont see each other that often.     So far now on I am just saying what women wants to hear because being truthful is boring

Did you cook it?  YES I DID IT, I just started cooking 2 years ago I have a friend who is a chef

Do you like your job?  YES YES I LOVE IT, I get to help resolve sooooo many issues and it makes me feeel gooood

 

So that's what it seems like I have to do now in order to succeed..........Be FAKE.       I have gotten that DID U MAKE IT? question from 98% of the women I spoke to on the phone.     And she seemed like a nice down to earth lady from her pics.      All I can say is WOW

Lmao. Too funny, IB.

Conversely you may be humoured to know that there are male profiles detailing what they're able to cook. It doesn't matter anyway. 

Talk about what you like to talk about. I don't particularly care about whether a man was doing things socially. What I prefer knowing are how he spends his days and if he can keep good company with himself, without outside needs/desires or attention from others. That kind of confidence is hard to come by. The way he speaks to me also tells me a lot. It's not really about the weather or the food etc.

 

Edited May 3, 2021 by glows