SumGuy Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 8 hours ago, IntBrowser said: ..... So that's what it seems like I have to do now in order to succeed..........Be FAKE. I have gotten that DID U MAKE IT? question from 98% of the women I spoke to on the phone. And she seemed like a nice down to earth lady from her pics. All I can say is WOW I agree all I can say is wow. Seriously, it is not the truth that is the issue it is how one interacts. A fake story, a lie, that you think she wants to hear isn't going to help you much if any. Take whatever skills you have you'd apply to make the lie interesting and and use it to tell the truth. A fake story, or lie, is not going to guarantee you a date, and even if you get the date it is going to unravel...probably on the date itself. You didn't make dinner? So what? As long as you don't expect her to cook for you. If cooking together is one of her interests fair enough she wants to know....also even if you don't cook would you be willing to help, to learn, to do the dishes? If your answer on all those are no (first read Little Red Hen), then you really need to avoid people where food and cooking are a bonding and/or important part of their lives. If it is odd you don't cook, why not recognize that fact in a humorous way? We are all human and none of us "perfect" On work, a lot of people only work to live. They do it because it pays the bills, there is nothing odd in that. One can certainly say they are not thrilled with their job but don't whine about it, and also you must have come to some accommodation with it, that is it pays the bills and allows you to do x. If it is wholly awful then you would be on the look out for something better, and can say that. I do realize this is a bit of a fantasy, in that macroeconomic factors and employment at will capitalism can create a system with huge barriers and limited choices for the have nots....others realize this to so if this is your thinking than you have plenty to talk about in this regard (see Rent for talking points ). If you don't buy that then back to either be able to express the benefit your job gives you or how you are looking to improve you employment situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 29 minutes ago, hippychick3 said: I’d guess these women are asking you if you made it strictly to just make conversation. I highly doubt they’d be turned off just by you saying you didn’t cook it. Most women do NOT care whether you cooked it, had it as take out, or your grandma made it for you. As Gaeta said, women are looking for an edge... something that makes you interesting (truthfully) or interested in us. Exactly. You mention dinner, they asked if you cooked it...small talk and also she is giving you an opening to talk about your love of cooking if you do. Nothing inherently interview-ish in that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 26 minutes ago, glows said: ... The way he speaks to me also tells me a lot. It's not really about the weather or the food etc. Same for me when speaking with women, it isn't so much the factual statements or specific topic, but how the topic is approached, how she thinks...for women I understand part of the conversation is if he is hearing her, or does it seem like a one sided conversation where her answers or observations meet a dead end, almost as if it doesn't matter if she answers at all. The latter happens to men, but appears to be much rarer, unless you follow certain dating advice where it is all about the checklist. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
cleverusername Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) You need to guide the conversation. I'm assuming you didn't giver her anything to work with. Her- "what did you cook?" You - "I cooked X." Boring and dead end. It should be; Her-" What did you cook?" You- "Nothing much, just threw a stoffers in the oven. Pretty much running a michelin star resturant at my house" or "I just made X, have you tried it?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her- "what did you do this weekend?" You- "I went clothes shopping" Boring and dead end. It should be; Her- "what did you do this weekend" You- "Just went on a little shopping spree at X store. I needed a new suit because I have a big conference I'm presenting at" or You- "Had to pick up some summer clothes because the weather is nice and covid is easing up. Looking forward to getting out and doing X activity" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer the question genuinely, but gently nudge the conversation forward. Basic answers get basic responses. Edited May 3, 2021 by cleverusername 10 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Curb the nonsense chitchatting and set up a mutually convenient time to meet for a brief coffee. No one really cares what you cook,eat for dinner,etc. It's nervous small talk that wouldn't be protracted like this if you limited chitchat to a few introductory messages then arranged a meeting. I guess the same stuff would come up in real life as soon as he mentioned his dinner... Meeting iRL does not stop the inane chit chat if that is all they have to talk about... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 43 minutes ago, cleverusername said: You need to guide the conversation. I'm assuming you didn't giver her anything to work with. Her- "what did you cook?" You - "I cooked X." Boring and dead end. It should be; Her-" What did you cook?" You- "Nothing much, just threw a stoffers in the oven. Pretty much running a michelin star resturant at my house" or "I just made X, have you tried it?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her- "what did you do this weekend?" You- "I went clothes shopping" Boring and dead end. It should be; Her- "what did you do this weekend" You- "Just went on a little shopping spree at X store. I needed a new suit because I have a big conference I'm presenting at" or You- "Had to pick up some summer clothes because the weather is nice and covid is easing up. Looking forward to getting out and doing X activity" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer the question genuinely, but gently nudge the conversation forward. Basic answers get basic responses. The cooking answer, lol yeah that's funny. Or: You: I just ate dinner. Her: Did you cook it yourself? You: Yeah, I took out of freezer, placed in microwave, pressed "two minutes," took out of microwave, and ate, it was great! 😉 Emojis are great for situations like that, flirty and playful. Save the "get to know you" questions for when you meet, assuming you click, and begin dating. In the meantime, up your initial texting game, create the vibe, schedule a meet. Edited May 3, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cleverusername Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: The cooking answer, lol yeah that's funny. Or: You: I just ate dinner. Her: Did you cook it yourself? You: Yeah, I took it out of freezer, placed in microwave, pressed "two minutes," took it out of microwave, and ate, it was great! 😉 Emojis are great for situations like that, flirty and playful. Save the "get to know you" questions for when you meet, assuming you click, and begin dating. In the meantime, up your initial texting game, create the vibe, schedule a meet. Yup, you could even play off your answer too and be flirty; "Nothing much, just threw a stoffers in the oven. Pretty much running a Michelin star restaurant at my house" her- some sort of response You- "Yeah, it's a pretty popular place. Lucky for you I know the chef. I can see about getting us a reservation sometime " make it a running joke or something. Anything other than direct answers would work. Have fun with it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 My guess is the conversation was boring and not going anywhere fun. Probably 90%+ of the messages I get from men are mundane chit chat that is near impossible to keep interesting. If I caught a man lying he would be gone so that's not the answer either. But it would be worth trying to figure out how to spice things up and ask some questions without things sounding like an interview. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wanderingthoughts11 Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 It is them not you. They are not probing questions anyway. Don't lie though. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 humor humor humor will get the ladies!. It is SO important to be able to laugh at yourself and make the conversation fun and light. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 26 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Her: Did you cook it yourself? You: Yeah, I took out of freezer, placed in microwave, pressed "two minutes," took out of microwave, and ate, it was great! 😉 Love that!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
norealusername Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 I'm giving the same response as your last thread She wasn't really interested from the start. It's not your conversation skills. She is a typical internet flake. She probably does the same thing with 10 different guys a day. She swipes right on anyone remotely attractive. She has no intention of meeting 99% of the guys she swipes with. You should limit the messaging and phone calls. Don't waste time or effort on it. After a few messages just ask them to meet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 I've been dating for 40 years... how could you tell when I was lying to a woman?? My lips were moving... If some new woman asked me what I had for dinner, I'd probably say I just made this wonderful coconut lime chicken curry served over rice with chopped broccoli... even if I just ate a bologna sandwich. If she asked "Do I like to cook" Answer - "Oh yes, I'm constantly trying new and different recipes, but I really need to perfect making a good roux" If she asked what I did this weekend.... "Oh I was up on the roof - re coating it, getting ready for this year's monsoon rains" Let her think I'm handy. Just keep lying, develop some "canned answers" for those type of questions. All of these "canned answers" become part of your set of skillz for dating women. There is no need to be 100% truthful... I can guarantee she isn't being 100% truthful with you!! Link to post Share on other sites
cleverusername Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I've been dating for 40 years... how could you tell when I was lying to a woman?? My lips were moving... If some new woman asked me what I had for dinner, I'd probably say I just made this wonderful coconut lime chicken curry served over rice with chopped broccoli... even if I just ate a bologna sandwich. If she asked "Do I like to cook" Answer - "Oh yes, I'm constantly trying new and different recipes, but I really need to perfect making a good roux" If she asked what I did this weekend.... "Oh I was up on the roof - re coating it, getting ready for this year's monsoon rains" Let her think I'm handy. Just keep lying, develop some "canned answers" for those type of questions. All of these "canned answers" become part of your set of skillz for dating women. There is no need to be 100% truthful... I can guarantee she isn't being 100% truthful with you!! I can't tell if this is you being sarcastic, factitious, or just the worst take I've read on here in months..... Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 13 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: If she asked "Do I like to cook" Answer - "Oh yes, I'm constantly trying new and different recipes, but I really need to perfect making a good roux" How would you get out of that one when she stays over for the first time and expect some cordon bleu dinner? Personally I would be intimidated by a man that knows too much about cooking 🙂 the kitchen has been my domaine all my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 Just now, cleverusername said: ... or just the worst take I've read on here in months..... You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but if you want the woman... you've got to stand out in the crowd. You have to peacock better than the previous guy she messaged/talked to/communicated with. You have to be better & more interesting, she has to want to learn more about you. Peak her curiosity... you can't be hum-drum bologna sandwich guy. I've dated quite a few women over my 40 years of dating and yes... I lied... and yes I was very successful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 Problem here is you, not them, and your boring replies, just like in your previous thread. You need to learn how to talk to women to get their interest and make them want to meet you. Her: Did you cook your dinner? You: Today is my day off from cooking so I didn't, but I make an amazing *insert food here*, I guarantee you will want seconds when you try it... Her: What did you do this weekend? You. Yesterday I did some shopping, and today I'm busy arranging a date with a hot girl I matched with... 😉 You free next weekend? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: How would you get out of that one when she stays over for the first time and expect some cordon bleu dinner? Personally I would be intimidated by a man that knows too much about cooking 🙂 the kitchen has been my domaine all my life. I'd probably watch a youtube video or follow a recipe on how to cook whatever I promised to serve. I might stream Jaime Oliver, Alton Brown of Chef Micheal Smith (Canada) and cook whatever they did. Wing it and hope for the best. I've only had one full on "failure" when I was trying this tofu recipe, but "V" knew it was an experiment, so when it flopped, I went and picked up a pizza. I dated one Italian woman that could really cook, so I left the cooking to her and helped with the cleanup. As for my current girlfriend, she could burn water... If she tried to cook a meal in the kitchen, she burn the place down, so other than heating up her coffee in the microwave, she stays out of my kitchen. She likes to eat (what I prepare)... so it works for us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cleverusername Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but if you want the woman... you've got to stand out in the crowd. You have to peacock better than the previous guy she messaged/talked to/communicated with. You have to be better & more interesting, she has to want to learn more about you. Peak her curiosity... you can't be hum-drum bologna sandwich guy. I've dated quite a few women over my 40 years of dating and yes... I lied... and yes I was very successful. This guy isn't trying to get laid he's trying to date lol. Don't encourage someone who can barely keep interest to lie, that's how we end up with more threads and stories of dragons and castles. He needs to start with the basics, like a regular conversation. Edited May 3, 2021 by cleverusername 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IntBrowser Posted May 3, 2021 Author Share Posted May 3, 2021 51 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but if you want the woman... you've got to stand out in the crowd. You have to peacock better than the previous guy she messaged/talked to/communicated with. You have to be better & more interesting, she has to want to learn more about you. Peak her curiosity... you can't be hum-drum bologna sandwich guy. I've dated quite a few women over my 40 years of dating and yes... I lied... and yes I was very successful. I want to thank you so much for this. I think I understand now. Please dont make fun of me but when she asked me what I did on Sunday I told her Did a little reading listened to some jazz watched the game And she ended the convo Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) I'd guess perhaps it's not what you say so much as how it comes across. It's certainly possible to sound more exciting than you actually are. Look at movie and TV show previews. "Did you cook it?" I'm going casual tonight, but if you're wondering whether I know how to cook - sure. Let's make something together some time. I'd actually be up for that. No lying required. I think it's important to remember that (as a rule of thumb) women's end goal is less of "us together and plenty of sex" and more like "having a great life" together. So in part you want to come across as the kind of guy she could have a great life with. If that includes cooking together (or perhaps not it being her doing the cooking all the time) for her, that's probably something to note and be willing to roll with. If you absolutely HATE cooking, then than that should be a yellow flag TO YOU. Edited May 3, 2021 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Author IntBrowser Posted May 3, 2021 Author Share Posted May 3, 2021 55 minutes ago, Punterxx said: Problem here is you, not them, and your boring replies, just like in your previous thread. You need to learn how to talk to women to get their interest and make them want to meet you. Her: Did you cook your dinner? You: Today is my day off from cooking so I didn't, but I make an amazing *insert food here*, I guarantee you will want seconds when you try it... Her: What did you do this weekend? You. Yesterday I did some shopping, and today I'm busy arranging a date with a hot girl I matched with... 😉 You free next weekend? wouldnt she be turned off if I mentioned another girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: I want to thank you so much for this. I think I understand now. Please dont make fun of me but when she asked me what I did on Sunday I told her Did a little reading listened to some jazz watched the game And she ended the convo eeehhh, do you like make full sentences when you exchange or you just answer the questions? I hated when coming across a man that could not make a full sentence and just answered, yes, no, watched the game. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, mark clemson said: I'm going casual tonight, but if you're wondering whether I know how to cook - sure. Let's make something together some time. I'd actually be up for that. Nope! Don't say that to a woman you've just made contact with online. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 ^^ ok - fair enough. But perhaps something a little less "too soon for that" like he knows how to cook and enjoys it. Positive stuff, not just neutral answers. Link to post Share on other sites
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