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Are more women content on remaining unattached?


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CaliforniaGirl
1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I interpret the discussion about women retiring from dating differently.   I've been thinking of the women who've been there, done that.  It went OK but they just don't want to do it again.   They quietly remove themselves from the dating field without announcements or anger and start to prioritise their own time.

The shouty women who are all "men only want x or y and blah blah blah"....they seem to talk of retiring from dating, but never do.  They just keep complaining about men and don't seem to look at how they may be contributing to history repeating with each man she meets.

 

Yeah, these are all good points.

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@Weezy1973  That's the whole thing about not wanting to bother with relationships anymore....she can have a good reason, a bad reason or no reason at all.    As long as she's not doing harm, she no longer has to justify her reasons to anyone.     

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Ruby Slippers
3 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

It’s unappreciated by some because some men don’t care. If the woman didn’t do that work, the men wouldn’t notice, and wouldn’t care. 

I still don’t get this as a reason not to want to be in a new relationship. Basically the premise is “my previous relationship sucked, therefore I don’t want to be in a new relationship.”

Women including myself do lots of things we don't necessarily "care about" and wouldn't do otherwise in relationships. We do them because we care about the man and care about contributing to his happiness and joy. At least that's true for me. 

I'm not saying I won't try dating again. I probably will eventually. But if I'm never able to find a man who's kind and considerate in general including regarding housework, I don't see myself "settling" for that.

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Emilie Jolie
7 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Basically the premise is “my previous relationship sucked, therefore I don’t want to be in a new relationship.”  

What's wrong with that? Seems like a valid reason, on the face of it.

You can be comfortable as a single person and not be actively looking, and still be open to meeting the right person by happenstance; it's just that all the stars need to align just so or the gamble isn't worth it. That's more what I see.

Women I know in my circle who have given up completely were never really bothered in the first place.

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2 hours ago, basil67 said:

@Weezy1973  That's the whole thing about not wanting to bother with relationships anymore....she can have a good reason, a bad reason or no reason at all.    As long as she's not doing harm, she no longer has to justify her reasons to anyone.     

Yup, absolutely agree with this. The reason doesn’t really matter. The only caveat would be that sometime people lie to themselves as a defense mechanism. So they blame others. “I don’t want a relationship because my ex cheated on me.” When the real reason is, I don’t want a relationship because I’m afraid I’ll be cheated on. Fear is generally not a great reason to avoid things that can, and do enrich our lives. 

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1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

Yup, absolutely agree with this. The reason doesn’t really matter. The only caveat would be that sometime people lie to themselves as a defense mechanism. So they blame others. “I don’t want a relationship because my ex cheated on me.” When the real reason is, I don’t want a relationship because I’m afraid I’ll be cheated on. Fear is generally not a great reason to avoid things that can, and do enrich our lives. 

I love my friend ( and he says he loves me ) but he won't do another relationship years after losing his wife. There's part of me wants to push, 'we could be so happy', but part of me wonders what it means when someone is petrified to get on with life or take chances on good stuff.

 

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12 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

So at least he has some semblance of integrity.

Well you wouldn't have been with him in the first place if he didn't.

It's so difficult isn't it, all these 'almost' relationships. I said the other day if I am ever in another marriage type relationship I am going to try really hard to be reasonable; I know I can be impossible sometimes with idealism and always going down the rabbit-hole...but it requires the other person to be reasonable too, and not set up a power struggle over something as petty as gardening...

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healing light
On 6/16/2020 at 4:51 PM, nospam99 said:

OL @ healing light. As the location in my posts says, I'm in upstate New York, more precisely within 3 hours of NYC. So are you going to hook me up with your mom? :D

Damn, she's on the opposite coast here in sunny California! Haha! I knew there had to be a catch!

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I see some questionable stereotypes here. The main one is insinuating that women don't enjoy sex and want to live like monks. That sure isn't my experience, nor what studies have shown. I would say that any woman I have been with has about 5 to 10 O's for each one of mine. What's there not to like? 

As for staying single, I think it really depends on what stage you are at in life. Younger women in their 20's or 30's that want to have children (which is still a sizable majority) will be extremely motivated to find a life partner. An older woman beyond child bearing years, who has been through some bad relationships may prefer to stay single.

It also depends on where you live. Parts of the world that are more conservative and traditional put more value on marriage and family. When I was younger I lived in a very big liberal city and I found very few women that appealed to me. Lots had really strong (2nd and 3rd wave) feminist beliefs which I found a huge turn off. To each his/her own of course. 

When you think about it , women have a fairly short window in life where they are fertile. After the age of 35, fertility drops like a stone, and birth defects become much more common. A lot of women waste years on men who have no intention to fully commit. Also most spend their late teens through mid-20's getting an education and career, so the real window is probably between 25 and 35.

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On 6/16/2020 at 12:58 PM, QuietRiot said:

I recently spoke with a woman that's a sister to someone I knew in high school. She's the younger sister. Her older sister is married.  The woman I spoke to told me she's single and has no interest in dating and has remained single for 6 years.

Yes, there are plenty of women like that. Aunts of mine haven't dated in 20 years. There isn't a reason not to. They got their own money, are physically attractive, and pleasant to be around. They simply don't want to take part in all the stuff that comes with a relationship. They just go to bars, sleep with the men who strike their fancy, and then they go back to their lives. My mother was the same. Met lots of guys who looked like my dad, but none that had his ambition, his drive, and his charm. They've been happily married to each other for 40 years now. 

Apparently, according to my mother, physically attractive men who want to make something of themselves and don't want to spend their entire life coasting on their looks are more rare than a Saudi Prince who doesn't have more than 1 wife LMAO.

 

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I have noticed this with mostly divorced women...some as young as mid-30s that has found contentment remaining out of a relationship as they prefer to occupy their times with their nieces or nephews (if they have no kids)...and if they do have kids...well, spend time with their kids and gal pals and/or possibly their platonic guy pals, but typically these guys wind up wanting more from her.  I know a woman that knows how men can be so she has a teen daughter she loves spending time with and the grand parents. Outside of family, she has 3 gal pals that she only meets up with and nothing more outside of that.  Men tend to get slightly pushy with her when they meet her...saying, "Nah you can't possibly mean that forever" even her lady friends try to fix her up spontaneously or get a guy to come approach her.  She even said she doesn't even doe friends with benefits, which is surprising....but yea, it would complicate things.

What's interesting is, where I live, out in the boonies, the drive to have a partner in your life is much higher than city folk. So it is kind of uncharacteristic of a single gal to remain unattached in a small town vs a big city gal.

Men ,however, typically cannot go without companionship, for long periods like women...at least the kind of companionship they desire.

I dunno, how many of ya'll gentleman are trying to search for a lady and wind up coming across women preferring to remain unattached?

Yeah, that's why I feel that the reason so many women in their 30s want to get married, is not because they want to get married, but because their families, their friends, and society itself expects women to get married and to have kids, or to at the very least to be in a long-term romantic relationship. But I've met a lot more women who were happy being single or divorced, than I've met happily married women. I'm sure they exist. Like Planet Earth is likely to not be the only planet in the entire Universe with sentient life, or with any lifeforms at all. But ya'll ever seen an outer space alien before?

 

On 6/16/2020 at 10:04 PM, Ruby Slippers said:

Just look this board. Men tend to complain they can't find a woman to date. Women tend to complain they can't right the right man to date. Most women could go out somewhere, throw a shoe, and hit a guy who would date her. Very few men could pull that off.

Men who complain about being unable to find a woman to date are men who don't take care of themselves. If they respected themselves, it wouldn't be hard to find physically attractive women who'd love to sleep with them/date them.

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Very few men could pull that off.

Because very few men put any serious thought into attracting women.

Be an American-born young man who've just graduated from high school, takes a look around, realizes he doesn't want to get into college debt, doesn't want to pay a fortune to live on his own in Los Angeles, so he takes a look at the rest of the world, takes notice of how cheap it is to live in Spain, talks to his parents about it, moves to Spain, heads out to the local Liberal arts colleges to check out the scene, realizes that the average woman attending these colleges is 5'9'' to 6 feet tall, naturally slender, with clear skin, straight white teeth, thick, full, long hair, very pretty, very charming, very DTS.

Then he takes a look at the male population of said colleges.

It dawns on him that there are tens of thousands more women than men, and that most of the men are more interested in talking about pokemon and about soccer than they are in sleeping with the very physically attractive women who are around them, looking for boyfriends,which in turn makes it very easy for an average-looking man(6 feet tall, a natural 180lbs at 10% body fat, relatively cute, sure, if you think a clone of a young Shea Whigham is hot) and suddenly you go from having to ask women out in Los Angeles as a teenager, to spending the next 10 years + starting at the age of 18, not only getting to sleep with hot, young women who haven't even realized how hot they are, because when everyone's around you is hot, how are you supposed to feel hot - but these same women approach you for casual sex in nightclubs, tinder, parties, music festivals and make it easy for you.

So many physically attractive  women going to Europe, either to study, to work, or to have fun.

 France, Italy, Portugal, Angola, Brazil, Germany,  Argentina, Argelia, South Africa, and even from Iran. Many of them more than happy to have a chat with a guy who isn't intimidated by them, but funnily enough, most guys are. Even the hot ones will miss out on a lot of fun because they feel they aren't good enough, or that the woman has a boyfriend. And even if she does, what does it matter?

The boyfriend is in back home, and he will never find out about what you get up to with his girlfriend ,and if he was doing his job right, she wouldn't be sleeping with you now would she. So don't feel bad about it.

Most guys don't have the the sex life/dating life they desire, not because attractive women are picky(they aren't. And the younger they are; 18-22 the less picky they are because they have yet to realize they could be making bank by dating a rich guy like João Félix ,Cristiano Ronaldo ,Wayne Rooney or Neymar Jr) but because they are too lazy to put in the work to get the sex life they want to have in the first place.

It took me having to move from California to Europe(and also lived in Africa and South America and in the Middle-East) and putting to good use my brain, learning several foreign languages, taking a job as a bartender in popular nightclubs and bars, working part-time as a Bouncer where rich atheletes and their girlriends hang out at, for me to get what I was looking for.

But if I so much as tell these young guys back in the states to shave their faces and to wear clothes that fit them, what do I get in return? They throw a tantrum and complain about women only wanting 6'6'', 25 year old Brad Pitts. I have no patience for that nonsense.

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18 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Not at all. I'm not understanding this idea. Of course a guy can be all man but not want to treat his wife like the maid. And I don't know anyone who wants a "real alpha male" as far as the grabby grunting brute described on most sites. I never liked that term, alpha male. I don't want to marry Batman.

I want to marry Batman!  I think I'm really in love with his car, I might change teams for that car. :)

Just to make sure no confusion, I don't subscribe to the ideas that alpha males is even a valid concept as used with humans, or that generous, sensitive or loving, is incompatible with being a real man.   

It's more a comment on the disconnect I see between when women say the want a "traditional masculine man" what they are thinking and what "traditional masculine man" means to men who hold that belief and what real men are.   Or another way of me saying, when women say they want a traditional masculine man, men that glom onto that label are rarely the definition women have in their head, and they have a tendency to besmirch other men that are generous, sensitive and loving as not men.

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59 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

I want to marry Batman!  I think I'm really in love with his car, I might change teams for that car. :)

Just to make sure no confusion, I don't subscribe to the ideas that alpha males is even a valid concept as used with humans, or that generous, sensitive or loving, is incompatible with being a real man.   

It's more a comment on the disconnect I see between when women say the want a "traditional masculine man" what they are thinking and what "traditional masculine man

There kinda is a human equivalent to an Alpha male. There are men who have harems of attractive women without paying for it, unlike Saudi Princes, and there are men who are pretty much worshipped by many millions of men, like say Cristiano Ronaldo amongst the soccer fans. Then there are men who take it upon themselves to forge an Empire, and men, great men, follow these Kings of Men, because they are attracted to their glory like that dude with the Green light.

Alexander The Great, Napoleon Bonaparte,  Julius Caesar,  Achilles,  Brad Pitt,  Tom Cruise,  Jean-Claude Van Damme, and many other men have achieved the status of Alpha male. 

What's an Alpha male? 

A man who is rich,  like Tom Cruise. I have never met a man who was rich and lacked for women, even when the guy was physically unattractive. Heck, I once was dumped by a 19 year old fashion model/Actress for a 60 year old Danny Devito look-alike.

A man who is extraordinarily beautiful, like Brad Pitt. Gorgeous men will always have lots of women even if they don't have a job.

A man who might be a skinny little guy whose personal level of  beauty and body aesthetics are averagish like Floyd Maywather Jr, but whose innate talent and drive to succeed give rise to the greatest boxer of his generation.

A man who is the leader of his nation. Boris Johnson is almost 60 and he's going to be a father with his 20 or 21 year old girlfriend. Now that's Alpha.

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means to men who hold that belief and what real men are.   Or another way of me saying, when women say they want a traditional masculine man, men that glom onto that label are rarely the definition women have in their head, and they have a tendency to besmirch other men that are generous, sensitive and loving as not men.

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Yeah, I dunno about that. 

Have you ever seen a woman hook-up with a dude because he's generous or sensitive?

Maybe if she's known him for some time now, and his  personalities makes up for a lack of masculine, physical beauty,  but if the guy goes to a nightclub, he's gonna need a good deal of luck if he think a lack of muscularity ; an attractive face, or a charming presence about him is going to get her to go home with him.

Of course there are plenty of women who'll date a guy despite a lack of sexual attraction felt for him.  But I really wouldn't get into a relationship like that.

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4 hours ago, Azincourt said:

The boyfriend is in back home, and he will never find out about what you get up to with his girlfriend ,and if he was doing his job right, she wouldn't be sleeping with you now would she. So don't feel bad about it.

Wow, that's cold. I wouldn't sleep with a woman that has a boyfriend "back home" because I have this apparently rare characteristic called integrity.

That kind of cake eating is pretty pathetic in my opinion and shows a lack of morals and character. If the BF back home is not doing his job right, dump him and move on.

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SincereOnlineGuy
On 6/16/2020 at 4:58 AM, QuietRiot said:

Are more women content on remaining unattached?

What precisely do you mean?

 

More than what/when??

 

Of course...  ever since women began to enter the work force in large numbers, at or about World War II, women began to earn plenty of their own money, and with it their independence.

 

So of course more women are content on remaining unattached.         They can now consider only what they want...      and don't have to settle for what they need.

 

 

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2 minutes ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

What precisely do you mean?

 

More than what/when??

 

Of course...  ever since women began to enter the work force in large numbers, at or about World War II, women began to earn plenty of their own money, and with it their independence.

 

So of course more women are content on remaining unattached.         They can now consider only what they want...      and don't have to settle for what they need.

 

The OP is asking if women who are single or divorced are happier being without a romantic partner, than men do. Which they are, as men seek to marry and remarry when they get divorced, a lot quicker, and in a lot higher numbers than women do.

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Wow, that's cold. I wouldn't sleep with a woman that has a boyfriend "back home" because I have this apparently rare characteristic called integrity.

Yeah, and I suffer from this genetic condition called 'testosterone'.

And by another condition called, 'I might be run over by a car tomorrow and become paralyzed for the rest of my life, so I better take what is offered''.

Besides,  monogamy and sexual fidelity is a social construct created by men to control women's sexuality, - so why exactly would I demean a woman by not giving her what she wants, when what she wants goes against outdated societal expectations and standards set upon women for the benefit of men, and by sleeping with a woman in a committed relationship, in this case, I'm helping her take full advantage of the rights and liberties her grandmother acquired?

 

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CaliforniaGirl
5 hours ago, SumGuy said:

I want to marry Batman!  I think I'm really in love with his car, I might change teams for that car. :)

Just to make sure no confusion, I don't subscribe to the ideas that alpha males is even a valid concept as used with humans, or that generous, sensitive or loving, is incompatible with being a real man.   

It's more a comment on the disconnect I see between when women say the want a "traditional masculine man" what they are thinking and what "traditional masculine man" means to men who hold that belief and what real men are.   Or another way of me saying, when women say they want a traditional masculine man, men that glom onto that label are rarely the definition women have in their head, and they have a tendency to besmirch other men that are generous, sensitive and loving as not men.

This makes sense. And you can take Batman, I'll take Spider Man. I've always thought he had such a great sense of humor.

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1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

This makes sense. And you can take Batman, I'll take Spider Man. I've always thought he had such a great sense of humor.

I'd take Superman if I was a woman. Dude's more built than the greek gods.

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CaliforniaGirl
4 hours ago, Azincourt said:

There kinda is a human equivalent to an Alpha male. There are men who have harems of attractive women without paying for it, unlike Saudi Princes, and there are men who are pretty much worshipped by many millions of men, like say Cristiano Ronaldo amongst the soccer fans. Then there are men who take it upon themselves to forge an Empire, and men, great men, follow these Kings of Men, because they are attracted to their glory like that dude with the Green light.

Alexander The Great, Napoleon Bonaparte,  Julius Caesar,  Achilles,  Brad Pitt,  Tom Cruise,  Jean-Claude Van Damme, and many other men have achieved the status of Alpha male. 

What's an Alpha male? 

A man who is rich,  like Tom Cruise. I have never met a man who was rich and lacked for women, even when the guy was physically unattractive. Heck, I once was dumped by a 19 year old fashion model/Actress for a 60 year old Danny Devito look-alike.

A man who is extraordinarily beautiful, like Brad Pitt. Gorgeous men will always have lots of women even if they don't have a job.

A man who might be a skinny little guy whose personal level of  beauty and body aesthetics are averagish like Floyd Maywather Jr, but whose innate talent and drive to succeed give rise to the greatest boxer of his generation.

A man who is the leader of his nation. Boris Johnson is almost 60 and he's going to be a father with his 20 or 21 year old girlfriend. Now that's Alpha.

Yeah, I dunno about that. 

Have you ever seen a woman hook-up with a dude because he's generous or sensitive?

Maybe if she's known him for some time now, and his  personalities makes up for a lack of masculine, physical beauty,  but if the guy goes to a nightclub, he's gonna need a good deal of luck if he think a lack of muscularity ; an attractive face, or a charming presence about him is going to get her to go home with him.

Of course there are plenty of women who'll date a guy despite a lack of sexual attraction felt for him.  But I really wouldn't get into a relationship like that.

Of course women have relationships with men because they're generous and sensitive, and they have great sex with them, and they marry them. Of course I've seen a woman be with a man because of those qualitities.

If your'e talking about just f*cking...well, IS that what you're talking about? So what? For a woman...that's one night. And? If she didn't have the "alpha male" she'd just use a toy. I don't see what the big deal is there. Any average non-Brad Pitt guy may have a girlfriend...get married...and be extremely happy...you've never seen this? It's like...literally all around you. Everywhere.

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CaliforniaGirl
1 minute ago, Azincourt said:

I'd take Superman if I was a woman. Dude's more built than the greek gods.

I really think you're not understanding women, LOL.

Superman is okay but he's standard-issue cartoon character body. They're ALL ripped. If it's superhero v. superhero one will have to stand out for more than just the physical.

Superman doesn't turn me on, as a character. He's really bland and standard-issue. I like the brilliant ones, the off-humor...etc....etc.

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Emilie Jolie
4 hours ago, Azincourt said:

What's an Alpha male?

Good question. What is an Alpha Male. Neither Achilles or Alexander the Great, I believe - they were both described as vain hot-heads with a short fuse.

My version of Alpha Male = Atticus Finch.

 

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CaliforniaGirl
1 hour ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

What precisely do you mean?

 

More than what/when??

 

Of course...  ever since women began to enter the work force in large numbers, at or about World War II, women began to earn plenty of their own money, and with it their independence.

 

So of course more women are content on remaining unattached.         They can now consider only what they want...      and don't have to settle for what they need.

 

 

Et voilà!

! Nutshell. 

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CaliforniaGirl
Just now, Emilie Jolie said:

Good question. What is an Alpha Male. Neither Achilles or Alexander the Great - they were both described as vain hot-heads.

My version of Alpha Male = Atticus Finch.

 

And Alexander was bi at the very least, but more probably gay. I guess gay guys can be alpha males (??? not sure) but...again...what the hell is the definition again? LOL. I thought it was, the guy at the top who gets laid all the time because he's so commanding and huge and all that.

But not just getting laid, EVERYBODY is supposed to love an alpha male. Right? He walks into the room and girls love him and kids love him and guys want to be his friend.

I don't think that describes every big guy or every guy with money, by a long shot...I personally think it's more about charisma, commanding the respect of others just by "being"...again...not sure now.

Yet another reason there IS no alpha male. I know a lot of guys just gauge that on, "he gets laid constantly." Okay...well...take away the money or the looks or whatever from that list and the guy is no longer getting laid all the time...so how could he have been an alpha male? He was just a regular guy who made a bunch of money or who had, for a period of time in his prime, good looks. Then probably those were gone or going. Does that make sense?

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CaliforniaGirl
5 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Good question. What is an Alpha Male. Neither Achilles or Alexander the Great - they were both described as vain hot-heads.

My version of Alpha Male = Atticus Finch.

 

Okay, this is what I'm talking about! The book goes into more description of this, from Scout's point of view. Everywhere he went, just quietly talking, people LISTENED to Atticus Finch. He walked into what should have been a racist s-storm (and a murder) and quietly, commandingly talked everyone down from it. Scout cinched this by shaming the men with her innocent presence but Atticus was handling it. He walked right in there, totally unafraid but not flexing or being loud or anything gruntingly "alpha" as people seem to see things. By some unseen, unexplainable quality, everywhere he went, Atticus got attention, received respect, and of course the girls probably liked him too but his little daughter wasn't really writing about that.

Atticus is not described at all as popping out of his shirts whenever he flexed, or going out three times a week to get laid, or as being "extreeeeme!" or bungee-jumping off anything.

But every single person in that county turned and listened when Atticus entered a room.

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10 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Good question. What is an Alpha Male. Neither Achilles or Alexander the Great, I believe - they were both described as vain hot-heads with a short fuse.

My version of Alpha Male = Atticus Finch.

 

Achilles was the most beautiful warrior in the vast sea that was the Greek army. Easily more beautiful and more with a chiseled body than all of the other demigods. He was the best at the lyre, the best at wrestling, boxing,  composing poetry, the fastest runner in the whole of Illium. He had golden hair and green eyes, something that to this day is still uncommon in Greece. Dude was the male version of Helen of Troy, and that's talking about his physical looks. His physical strength was only surpassed by Ajax The Great, and no one ever beat him in single combat.

You expect a man like that to be humble and patient? 

Yeah, the guy who played the role of Atticus Finch, Gregory Peck was pretty good-looking. Very skinny, tho. Never understood why the movies stars of the 30s and 40s didn't lift. Kirk Douglas got to play the role of Spartacus and I'm staring at the dude and going, '' wait, my 63 year old is more built than 30-something Kirk Douglas lmao''

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CaliforniaGirl
8 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Good question. What is an Alpha Male. Neither Achilles or Alexander the Great - they were both described as vain hot-heads.

My version of Alpha Male = Atticus Finch.

 

And definitely not Tom Cruise. Am I alone in this? He's a freaky, weird-religion-espousing, jumping all over the couch, giggling squirrely guy. He seems/feels paranoid, freaked out all the time, smiling waaaay too hard, the opposite of confidence.

What he has is a face that looks awesome (or did, he's aging like anybody else but he's more or less holding his own). His acting is...urghhhhh...but...his face looks good so he's positioned in leading male roles. Other people in his movies have to point out how great he is for the audience to believe it. "I should throw you in jail, Maverick, but you're just TOO darned good..." (Can't remember the exact first part of that.)

If he weren't poisitioned constantly into "other people in the movie look up to him," if he didn't stand on boxes or have his leading ladies bend their knees under the skirt, if he didn't have his scripts written so he seemed "confident" (even as his face looks harsh and nervous, he always seems to look surprised and/or nervous) there is no way in hell this man would have made money in movies, and that's his single "alpha" trait if you will: he has a ton of money. Because of his face, and that's about it.

He loses that face in any way, the money goes. So how is that alpha?

I hope this is making sense. Some guys here seem to think "alpha" just means the guy gets laid constantly. Any guy with tons of money gets laid constantly; add a nice face or body and it's more. Because people want to be associated with that fame or money. As soon as these go, he's not the top dog anymore. If it can go that fleeingly then how was he ever the alpha male?

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