Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 Maybe in the US, but that's not where I'm from. Agree to disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 You're really reaching here. No one is going to contact someone whose heart they just broke and say "happy birthday!" He's not part of your life and he isn't interested in you. He has no reason to reach out to you on this or any other occasion, at least not for a while. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 You're really reaching here. No one is going to contact someone whose heart they just broke and say "happy birthday!" He's not part of your life and he isn't interested in you. He has no reason to reach out to you on this or any other occasion, at least not for a while. I reached out to previous dates and they reached out to me before to say happy birthday before. So definitely not no one. It's not about interest. I didn't write that post to start a discussion, was just writing down how I'm feeling about it. Wasn't even thinking about it more after I wrote that post to vent and said "agree to disagree" so why trying to convince me? Some of my friends also thought it was childish, other thought like you, but I can feel the way I do about a situation. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Expecting anything from a person that could care less about you is setting your heart in place for more rejection and pain. You can't help that you still wish you could get something, anything from him to acknowledge you but in all honesty what good does it do you in the end. The end still remains the same. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 I didn't write that post to start a discussion, was just writing down how I'm feeling about it. Wasn't even thinking about it more after I wrote that post to vent and said "agree to disagree" so why trying to convince me? In the future if you don't want a response to a "Vent" just write "Vent" at the beginning of your post and no one will respond to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 Expecting anything from a person that could care less about you is setting your heart in place for more rejection and pain. You can't help that you still wish you could get something, anything from him to acknowledge you but in all honesty what good does it do you in the end. The end still remains the same. I don't want him to "come back to me" if that's what you meant. But I don't think it's nice for people to pretend that the other one doesn't exist anymore (unless they did something very wrong to you). I find it very childish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 In the future if you don't want a response to a "Vent" just write "Vent" at the beginning of your post and no one will respond to it. I assumed there's nothing more to comment on since the thread has nothing to resolve, and I wasn't getting responses to other posts, so I thought I'm writing for myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 Just to add - However, even if I find it childish to completely delete someone who hasnt done anything wrong (and breaking up because you don't suit each other isn't something wrong either, everyone has a right to it), I have never once reached out to him myself since he ended things with me and not thinking to do that cause I shouldn't be the first one to do that. If he wished me happy bday I would just said thanks and not escalated the conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 I don't want him to "come back to me" if that's what you meant. But I don't think it's nice for people to pretend that the other one doesn't exist anymore (unless they did something very wrong to you). I find it very childish. I don't think people pretend that their ex no longer exists after a break up. They usually forget that the ex exists after the break up unless something or someone reminds them that they exist. I don't think he was maliciously trying to forget your B-Day. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 After a breakup, you have to start detaching and moving on. Not reaching out on a birthday is a way to move on. It's not malicious or childish. It's simply a pragmatic step in the detaching and moving on process. I understand that you feel hurt by the fact that he didn't contact you because it's a reminder that it's over. A lot of negative emotions are brought to the forefront. I'm not sure you're as upset about him not reaching out as you are by what his silence represents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 After a breakup, you have to start detaching and moving on. Not reaching out on a birthday is a way to move on. It's not malicious or childish. It's simply a pragmatic step in the detaching and moving on process. I understand that you feel hurt by the fact that he didn't contact you because it's a reminder that it's over. A lot of negative emotions are brought to the forefront. I'm not sure you're as upset about him not reaching out as you are by what his silence represents. I'm not hurt by that and have already moved on, I have already started seeing a guy, it's been a few dates and I might like him, time will tell! But i just thought we could be friends and keep in touch sometimes, it's not like we had a long relationship and hurt each other so badly, nothing like that. I understand that it could also mean he simply forgot about me completely and didn't even remember about saying hi to me. It's just weird how someone goes from crying his eyes out about me leaving, looking frantically for flight tickets on the exact date of my bday, saying how much he cares and wants to keep in touch even when ending things, and then forgets it all in an instant. I mean I understand for some weeks maybe its needed to move on, but then I expected we could at least sometimes say hi to each other or that he will say happy birthday, as it's so normal. Yes I do get it that I might be completely uninteresting to him even for that little keeping in touch, but then why such a drama. Nobody has ever cried about me so much so I thought he really cared or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 I don't think people pretend that their ex no longer exists after a break up. They usually forget that the ex exists after the break up unless something or someone reminds them that they exist. I don't think he was maliciously trying to forget your B-Day. Well, as I said, he made a huge drama on the last day and acted like he cared so extremely much, that's why I am surprised he completely forgot about me so fast after making a fuss about it. Although I have a suspicion he just didnt want me to end things and do it himself after i come back home, so maybe the crying was just his hurt feelings about me trying to end things first and not caring about never hearing from me. Because he did repeat how he's so afraid he'll never see me or hear from me if I end things. Then I went back home and he ended things himself and fell off the surface of the earth. What a weird behaviour Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 I have a lot of worries and a lot on my mind right now, big decisions to make. That is usually when my mind picks up different situations from my past relationships and stuff to try and analyze, or I start reading too much into my friends' behaviors or my landlord's. It also got stuck on the bday thing and that ldr guy who probably doesn't even remember my name And I don't even want to think about all that as I moved on emotionally - but my brain is overheated right now and I cant stop thinking about a lot of things both significant and not. I'm exhausted Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 After a relationship ends, a lot of people say they want to be friends and keep in touch, but they later change their minds or realize it's a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 After a relationship ends, a lot of people say they want to be friends and keep in touch, but they later change their minds or realize it's a bad idea. This wasn't a relationship, its been just a few months Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Hope you feel better soon, Lorenza. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 (edited) I really didnt want this to turn into a discussion, but its triggering and I feel like I need to defend what I said, instead of just having a place to vent my thoughts to later read it. I've had a lot on my plate lately and my brain is a little all over the place with random thoughts and analysis, but its nothing to discuss really. I just thought it wasn't nice to not say hdb after making it seem like he wants to keep in touch so much, and that's it. Edited July 18, 2019 by Lorenza Link to post Share on other sites
Limiya Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Lorenza, I know. It hurts, a lot. And you drive yourself mad by overthinking. I should know, i'm currently going through it too. When my ex first had the breakup discussion with me, I remember saying to him 'How can you break up with me just before my birthday?' He paused and said 'When is it?' I told him 'On Thursday!!' (He would always remember). He sighed and said rather quietly 'I'm sorry, I forgot it was going to be your birthday'. Sure enough, the morning of my birthday, I received a happy birthday message. I didn't feel good. It felt forced, false. Because I knew if I hadn't reminded him, he wouldn't have noticed (He was preoccupied with his new girlfriend and therefore forgot it). Yes it was the polite thing to do, but it messed with my head a bit. It might have been better if he said nothing at all. I don't know.... anything would have made me feel bad at that moment. Anyways, I hope you don't drive yourself too crazy over it and I hope you feel better soon. It's a struggle, but you're going to be fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 Really, im not hurting. It was a short romance and there's nothing to hurt about. I didn't wish the happy birthday message for attention, I just thought it would have been nice to stay as acquaintances, but if someone doesn't feel like it, so be it. I was just writing down my thoughts. My brain is in overdrive about my masters degree and wanting to move from this country. When I have big anxieties, my brain is in overdrive about all kinds of things. But it doesn't HURT and neither i am going crazy about it, so please. My situation is different than yours also, I have never once thought of contacting the guy, i don't want him back and in fact I haven't even checked if he blocked me or not, as I haven't once used the app we used to talk on. I haven't cried once during this entire situation except the day I was leaving when we met and once when he said it's done. I have however cried about my situation of not wanting to enroll into masters here and wanting to move but not finding ways out. Link to post Share on other sites
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