I don't know how to get out of this gigantic hole I've dug myself

[TheFinalWord]

I live in a suburb. I don't see women my age at grocery stores - it's mostly older people and families

 

 

I really don't see women my age anywhere except bars/clubs and gyms

 

Whole foods is where it's at. But hot women have to eat somewhere. Drive to another store. How bad do you want this?

 

But you can at the gym. Just start by trying to start talking to them. One step at a time.

[chillii]

l dunno man , l don't understand where 3/4 of the shyt l read in these places come from.

Really , have no damn clue.

You think 90% of the guys out there married or in relationships are even 1/2 of what your talking about .

They're just ordinary men man , and their women are just ordinary women.

Every shape and size and look imaginable

 

And your sayin you gotta be a male model , l mean wtf does that even come from.

Just about anyone l know has a great man or woman at home , but guess what , l've never known a model in my life and none of them are even close.

[TheFinalWord]

l dunno man , l don't understand where 3/4 of the shyt l read in these places come from.

Really , have no damn clue.

You think 90% of the guys out there married or in relationships are even 1/2 of what your talking about .

They're just ordinary men man , and their women are just ordinary women.

Every shape and size and look imaginable

 

And your sayin you gotta be a male model , l mean wtf does that even come from.

Just about anyone l know has a great man or woman at home , but guess what , l've never known a model in my life and none of them are even close.

 

What he's talking about is the phenomenon of desiring a dating relationship with a woman between 18-28 years of age (golden window), where she has unlimited options due to social media and dating apps.

 

Imagine if you opened a dating app and within 1 hour you, a quite basic looking woman, has literally hundreds of men writing her.

 

If you approach her, and you have a flaw, is it really going to be hard for you to say "next" and go to the next 800 matches on her tinder? Even if you don't have a flaw, maybe there's a better guy in the next 200 matches? A guy with all the hygpergamous parameters: 6+ feet, 6 figure salary, 6 pack, 6" p, 6 months since last relationship. The 666 isn't even cutting it anymore, because women now have access to 777... lol

 

The number of options women have within hours of opening a dating app is not an exaggeration. The woman I am dating showed me her bumble. She wasn't even in my city one hour and had 300 matches.

 

Overtime, women's self-perception of their sexual market value goes through the roof. The average woman that may be a 4 in real life, due to social media, has an exaggerated SMV of 6 or 7. So a guy that is a 4, has no chance of a dating relationship with his looks match. Combine this with hook-up culture, the delay of child bearing, no need for a man, and finding a good women, even as a top-tier man, is proving a difficult task.

 

It's one of the purported reasons 30% of American men 18-30 have had no sex in the past year.

 

I'm not saying I agree with all of this, but this is how the theory goes.

 

Oh, and if the stress of presenting yourself as her top option triggers ED? You're gone dude. We've seen several of these posts lately. These guys don't have legit ED. It's nerves and stress of walking on egg shells because they know they can be replaced with Chad and Tyrone with the flick of a dating app.

Edited April 16, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[chillii]

Still dunno man , but then l'm not in the States and l usually think thank god to if the Internets anything to go by.

Butttt, l'm 50s and still get plenty of chicks 20s and 30s giving me an eyeful.

And if l read through these forums they're fill with younger chicks that can't find a good man, few dozen of them though threads right here today alone.

But eh , man or woman , we all gotta be realistic too, you see millions of women way way way over rating themselves and getting no where , and that's probably a thing for a lot of these guys too.

Edited April 16, 2019 by chillii

[TheFinalWord]

And if l read through these forums they're fill with younger chicks that can't find a good man, few dozen of them though threads right here today alone.

 

The difference is, these women (if they're attractive) never talk about not being able to find a date. The problem for them is which of the men she has to pick from does she want. And you can see the auto response is "dump him." Why? Because there's another 200 messages from men on these dating apps, DMs, twitter, right around the corner. For most of these men, they have maybe 1 woman they are talking to, if they're lucky. And he's probably one of about 10 men hitting her up. Many have none at all. Dumping a woman at the slightest smart remark or rude behavior? Most men won't do it because they can barely ask a woman out, let alone get one.

Edited April 16, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[basil67]

I'm 30 now. I'm the absolute best package I've ever been in my life and I still can't seem to get a date if my life depended on it.

 

No surprises there. I can't find a nice pair of boots either - because I'm so damn fussy that I reject pretty much everything I see as not being good enough. Thing is though, I am not a victim to boots - I'm just choosy. Just as you are not a victim of dating. It is your choice to be in this situation.

 

Are you aware that a lot of women (even the kind of women you want) would view your parameters as a big red flag? Thing is, people change. The woman who fits your expectations may put on weight after she's had kids. Or she may decide to get a tattoo for her 40th. Your previous refusal to date anyone who's not perfect for you tells her that you'd be liability in the long term.

 

You're a workaholic and plan to never retire? I don't know what kind of life you plan to give your wife and kids, but it sounds like you'd be an absent father who never takes the family on vacation and won't be enjoying retirement with your wife. Sure, it may suit a woman who doesn't particularly like you and only wants your money, but it's not what a woman who values the family unit would sign up for.

[Wallysbears]

Perhaps adjust your attitude.

[Tearsdontfall7]

Whole foods is where it's at. But hot women have to eat somewhere. Drive to another store. How bad do you want this?

 

But you can at the gym. Just start by trying to start talking to them. One step at a time.

 

 

only women over 30 at my whole foods, I live in the suburbs dude

 

 

how do you get over the headphones problem at the gym?

[Tearsdontfall7]

No surprises there. I can't find a nice pair of boots either - because I'm so damn fussy that I reject pretty much everything I see as not being good enough. Thing is though, I am not a victim to boots - I'm just choosy. Just as you are not a victim of dating. It is your choice to be in this situation.

 

Are you aware that a lot of women (even the kind of women you want) would view your parameters as a big red flag? Thing is, people change. The woman who fits your expectations may put on weight after she's had kids. Or she may decide to get a tattoo for her 40th. Your previous refusal to date anyone who's not perfect for you tells her that you'd be liability in the long term.

 

You're a workaholic and plan to never retire? I don't know what kind of life you plan to give your wife and kids, but it sounds like you'd be an absent father who never takes the family on vacation and won't be enjoying retirement with your wife. Sure, it may suit a woman who doesn't particularly like you and only wants your money, but it's not what a woman who values the family unit would sign up for.

 

 

I mentioned this in my other post. Yes I would like somebody who is perfect for my taste but would I settle for somebody who is somewhat close to my taste? I would but I'm not getting any opportunities with that either. The only women who approach me and make it obvious they like me are nowhere near my taste (way over weight, single moms, women over 30, etc...)

 

I'm a 30 year old dude in excellent shape, good looking and in a fantastic situation financially. I should be able to have a 27 year old high quality girlfriend who is both good looking and has a good personality

 

As far as your last comment goes. I love work and I love making money but don't mistake that for being an absent father. I'm from an ethnic background where family, loyalty and kids is everything. I will be a great father and husband if I ever meet anybody

[Wallysbears]

Just because you’re “good looking” and make a decent living does not entitle you to any woman.

 

You obviously are doing something wrong, or you’d already have the type of woman you want. So you have to either change yourself or change what you are looking for.

 

Keep doing what you are - and you’ll keep getting what you have.

[Tearsdontfall7]

Just because you’re “good looking” and make a decent living does not entitle you to any woman.

 

You obviously are doing something wrong, or you’d already have the type of woman you want. So you have to either change yourself or change what you are looking for.

 

Keep doing what you are - and you’ll keep getting what you have.

 

 

I feel like half the people in this thread have not read the original post

 

 

I would have already had a girlfriend/wife 5 years ago if I had the confidence with women I do in my other parts of life between 18-26. I destroyed lots of opportunities due to a horrible attitude

 

 

now I've fixed that but I don't get any opportunities with good looking women anymore and have to rely on things like approaching at bars/gyms and online dating where the difficulty curve is magnified to a million

[JuneL]

Lol

 

I'm not getting facial surgery. I'm happy with how I look

 

You don’t need facial surgery. But it takes a lot of hard work to groom yourself and maintain your looks, when you’re a professional model. If you’re adamant that it’s the single most important parameter (which I personally disagree), then by all means hire help: have a high-end personal stylist.

 

Also, one’s career success may not be defined totally by the annual income. Some women may find a car dealer off putting.

 

In any case, if you aspire to have a girlfriend like Jennifer Lopez, then you should aspire to be like A Rod. As simple as that. But I think most of J Lo’s exes are far from having model looks.

[JuneL]

You misunderstood what I said. I go for women who are about my equal. I'm about a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 and that's who i go after. I dress very nice and am in great shape. That's the kind of women i go after

 

Women like that want to date somebody from their social circle. They're generally not open to dating strangers, unless you're a male model

 

I make friends everywhere I go and nobody knows any cute, single, fit, very high quality women around 23 to 30

 

And I work about 50 to 55 hours a week but i don't mention that to women. Unfortunately nowadays, you're not making real money (150 to 400k+) unless you work a ton

 

So now J Lo is a 7 in your eyes?

Well personally I find her too curvy for my taste, but you went on and on about such body type...

[Tearsdontfall7]

You don’t need facial surgery. But it takes a lot of hard work to groom yourself and maintain your looks, when you’re a professional model. If you’re adamant that it’s the single most important parameter (which I personally disagree), then by all means hire help: have a high-end personal stylist.

 

Also, one’s career success may not be defined totally by the annual income. Some women may find a car dealer off putting.

 

In any case, if you aspire to have a girlfriend like Jennifer Lopez, then you should aspire to be like A Rod. As simple as that. But I think most of J Lo’s exes are far from having model looks.

 

 

I've already maximized every aspect of my appearance - face, body, fashion sense as much as I possibly can. I dress extremely nice, I'm in great shape and my grooming and skincare is about as good as possible without going into that homosexual territory- i still make sure I look very masculine

 

I don't think A-rod is good looking at all. I'm much better looking than him and I'm not even handsome enough. The only guy I've ever been out with who did well with approaching women looked like a male model - he had that perfect male model facial structure. No matter how much i maximize my looks I'll never get to that and that's about what you need nowadays for online dating/approaching women at bars and what not

[Tearsdontfall7]

So now J Lo is a 7 in your eyes?

Well personally I find her too curvy for my taste, but you went on and on about such body type...

 

 

Jlo is a 10/10

 

But i don't go for women that attractive. I go for 6s and 7s mostly, those are incredibly difficult by themselves. 8 to 10s have impossible standards

 

Most people rate me around a 6.5 to 7.5 in real life

[JuneL]

“I don't think A-rod is good looking at all. I'm much better looking than him and I'm not even handsome enough.”

 

“Jlo is a 10/10.”

 

The while hypothesis of your thread:

Only a male model can have a chance with attractive women.

 

Perhaps women don’t find you that intelligent??

[Tearsdontfall7]

“I don't think A-rod is good looking at all. I'm much better looking than him and I'm not even handsome enough.”

 

“Jlo is a 10/10.”

 

The while hypothesis of your thread:

Only a male model can have a chance with attractive women.

 

Perhaps women don’t find you that intelligent??

 

 

A-Rod is a celebrity. Regular rules don't apply to him. That's common sense

 

An average 30 year old man who looked like A-rod could never pick up an average 29 year old woman who looked like Jlo

 

Also keep in mind JLo is 50 now. Women after 30 to 35 are much much more reasonable. It's mostly under 30 that they are so insane with their standards.

[JuneL]

A-Rod is a celebrity. Regular rules don't apply to him. That's common sense

 

An average 30 year old man who looked like A-rod could never pick up an average 29 year old woman who looked like Jlo

 

Also keep in mind JLo is 50 now. Women after 30 to 35 are much much more reasonable. It's mostly under 30 that they are so insane with their standards.

 

Take a look at the pictures of J Lo’s ex husbands. She met them much younger and those guys were no celebrities. And oh, they were less good looking than A Rod.

[Tearsdontfall7]

Take a look at the pictures of J Lo’s ex husbands. She met them much younger and those guys were no celebrities. And oh, they were less good looking than A Rod.

 

 

How many of them were random approaches?

 

They all met through daily routine/friends/work. I don't meet anybody through my daily routine so i have to rely on random approaching, which is insanely hard

[JuneL]

How many of them were random approaches?

 

They all met through daily routine/friends/work. I don't meet anybody through my daily routine so i have to rely on random approaching, which is insanely hard

 

It doesn’t matter how they met, but they proved your hypothesis wrong!

[Tearsdontfall7]

It doesn’t matter how they met, but they proved your hypothesis wrong!

 

It makes a huge difference how they met. Getting women through friends is a 1000 times easier than random approaches at a bar or gym

 

 

My main point was that you have to look like a male model nowadays to get anybody decent if you don't meet them in your daily routine. If you meet women at work or school, then yea that's easy

[mark clemson]

Hi, Tearsdontfall - I have a hard time rectifying this:

I go for women who are about my equal. I'm about a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 and that's who i go after. I dress very nice and am in great shape. That's the kind of women i go after...

 

Create a profile as a good looking, athletic 27 year old woman with no kids. You'll have a billion hits instantly

 

It seems to me that a true 7 wouldn't have so much attention so easily. It'd be more like "well, I could settle for you". Of course, I'm not actually in the OLD world so I may well be wrong or it may be the specific age range is part of this. We could argue 7's vs 8.5's all day but it probably doesn't matter. The point, the kind of women you really want seem to have many options. Fair enough.

 

You also said:

 

Women like that want to date somebody from their social circle. They're generally not open to dating strangers, unless you're a male model

So, one solution (and I think it was already suggested) is to find some social groups where women like this hang out and integrate yourself. They will get to know you a bit and hopefully become more amenable.

 

Also, if you're not already, try to go the extra 10% on your appearance with haircut and facial grooming. IF you can pull off something even approaching a classic good looks look (ala George Clooney, David Duchovny, Jamie Lannister (forgot his real name) this might help quite a bit as people generally are quite visual. Make sure to trim any stray hairs in eyebrow, ear, and nose areas.

 

It sort of doesn't add up for me as you seem to have some very important qualities, particularly a good income and solid prospects as well as being a big guy (many women like this). Consider the possibility that something in your personality may be a little off putting. This is hard to say remotely (and I'm male so my input may be of limited value).

 

It does seem from your posts that you're quick to "speak your truth". You are being direct, which is not bad in and of itself, but possibly it's off putting in more casual social situations for meeting people? Other possibilities - do you dominate the conversation or speak about yourself a lot? Do you always need to be right? Or conversely are you actually timid face-to-face? I'm just guessing here. Finding the "happy medium" is difficult for some folks (and some are not even aware of it).

 

Do you stick to socially appropriate topics? I happened to strike up a conversation with a guy at a gym one time who I could tell was good looking but within 5 minutes he had mentioned hemorrhoids and his pet snakes. I was thinking no chicks for this one.

 

You say you have a lot of friends. Ask some of the female ones for some no holds barred honest feedback. Insist that they DO NOT spare your feelings so you can get to the truth. And be sure to listen to what they say.

 

Hope some of this is helpful to you.

Edited April 16, 2019 by mark clemson

[Tearsdontfall7]

Hi, Tearsdontfall - I have a hard time rectifying this:

 

 

It seems to me that a true 7 wouldn't have so much attention so easily. It'd be more like "well, I could settle for you". Of course, I'm not actually in the OLD world so I may well be wrong or it may be the specific age range is part of this. We could argue 7's vs 8.5's all day but it probably doesn't matter. The point, the kind of women you really want seem to have many options. Fair enough.

 

You also said:

 

So, one solution (and I think it was already suggested) is to find some social groups where women like this hang out and integrate yourself. They will get to know you a bit and hopefully become more amenable.

 

Also, if you're not already, try to go the extra 10% on your appearance with haircut and facial grooming. IF you can pull off something even approaching a classic good looks look (ala George Clooney, David Duchovny, Jamie Lannister (forgot his real name) this might help quite a bit as people generally are quite visual. Make sure to trim any stray hairs in eyebrow, ear, and nose areas.

 

It sort of doesn't add up for me as you seem to have some very important qualities, particularly a good income and solid prospects as well as being a big guy (many women like this). Consider the possibility that something in your personality may be a little off putting. This is hard to say remotely (and I'm male so my input may be of limited value).

 

It does seem from your posts that you're quick to "speak your truth". You are being direct, which is not bad in and of itself, but possibly it's off putting in more casual social situations for meeting people? Other possibilities - do you dominate the conversation or speak about yourself a lot? Or conversely are you actually timid face-to-face? I'm just guessing here. Finding the "happy medium" is difficult for some folks (and some are not even aware of it).

 

Do you stick to socially appropriate topics? I happened to strike up a conversation with a guy at a gym one time who I could tell was good looking but within 5 minutes he had mentioned hemorrhoids and his pet snakes. I was thinking no chicks for this one.

 

You say you have a lot of friends. Ask some of the female ones for some no holds barred honest feedback. Insist that they DO NOT spare your feelings so you can get to the truth. And be sure to listen to what they say.

 

Hope some of this is helpful to you.

 

 

Good post

 

1)you're not familiar with online dating. Even slightly above average looking women around 22 to 30 with no kids have a billion options. Many of them are only really open to dating extraordinarily good looking men

 

2)I've tried and tried and tried and tried to make friends with people who know quality girls and I've had zero luck

 

3)I've maximized my looks as much as possible without going into homosexual territory. I still want to make sure i look and sound very masculine. My female married manager other day told me "I have a beautiful complexion". I eat healthy and take great care of myself.

 

4)I have reasonably good social skills. I make friends very easily. I only talk about myself if it makes sense within context of a conversation. I make people feel comfortable and I'm honest and loyal and very easy to get along with.

 

But you guys don't understand, even when you approach women and do a great job and have good chemistry, the chance of getting a date out of it is very very very small. Converting a random approach to dating is massively difficult unless you're a male model.

[Tamfana]

Good post

 

1)you're not familiar with online dating. Even slightly above average looking women around 22 to 30 with no kids have a billion options. Many of them are only really open to dating extraordinarily good looking men

 

2)I've tried and tried and tried and tried to make friends with people who know quality girls and I've had zero luck

 

3)I've maximized my looks as much as possible without going into homosexual territory. I still want to make sure i look and sound very masculine. My female married manager other day told me "I have a beautiful complexion". I eat healthy and take great care of myself.

 

4)I have reasonably good social skills. I make friends very easily. I only talk about myself if it makes sense within context of a conversation. I make people feel comfortable and I'm honest and loyal and very easy to get along with.

 

But you guys don't understand, even when you approach women and do a great job and have good chemistry, the chance of getting a date out of it is very very very small. Converting a random approach to dating is massively difficult unless you're a male model.

 

And that's why some are recommending that you have your many friends set you up on dates. I don't believe for a second that NONE of them know any single women between ages 23 and 32 as you earlier stated. But if they are telling you that, there is some reason that all of these friends who like you are not fixing you up with their GF's friends or cousins. Until you find out what that is you'll keep spinning your wheels.

[Tearsdontfall7]

And that's why some are recommending that you have your many friends set you up on dates. I don't believe for a second that NONE of them know any single women between ages 23 and 32 as you earlier stated. But if they are telling you that, there is some reason that all of these friends who like you are not fixing you up with their GF's friends or cousins. Until you find out what that is you'll keep spinning your wheels.

 

 

Most of my friends are single men or men with girlfriends/wives

 

They're not gonna randomly know cute, athletic, single 26 year old women with no kids