Same old, same old

[Fair]

Still say you are far too bitter to be online dating...

 

If I am so is everybody else.

 

There's nothing bitter about knowing when you hooked a dud.

[Fair]

I think she made the right call.

 

Thank you.

 

He contacted me and said he lost my phone number.... ha ha ha. Yeah. He's real interested.

[Shining One]

It's working. My instincts are in perfect working order.

I believe his question was more along the line of: Is your approach yielding the dating results you're looking for?

[Juha]

If I am so is everybody else.

 

There's nothing bitter about knowing when you hooked a dud.

 

Not talking about this specific person, you probably did make the right call. Who knows...

I am talking in general from what you have said here.

 

You sound very defensive and bitter.

 

That will get you no where dating if you are seriously looking for a relationship

 

Seems like you want a man to prove himself without you doing anything.

Don't waste time talking on the internet, go have a meet up face to face so you can quickly gauge if

that person is worth going further with such as a date...

Edited February 21, 2019 by Juha

[Fair]

Not talking about this specific person, you probably did make the right call.

I am talking in general from what you have said here.

 

You sound very defensive and bitter.

 

That will get you no where dating if you are seriously looking for a relationship

 

I probably am bitter. But show me anyone over 40 who isn't. You live you learn there's something seriously wrong with just about everybody.

 

If you have a positive attitude then he doesn't. He's all effed up from his past.

 

I think to be honest, I gave up on dating a long time ago. I don't think I ever approach it seriously even though I try telling myself otherwise. Oh well, ever onward.

[Fair]

Seems like you want a man to prove himself without you doing anything.

..

 

This does sound right. I guess I'm sick of doing anything. It yields nothing nine times out of ten.

[ExpatInItaly]

I probably am bitter. But show me anyone over 40 who isn't. You live you learn there's something seriously wrong with just about everybody.

 

If I could show you my partner right now, I would. There are plenty of over-40 folks out there who are not bitter. He is one of them.

 

I met him when he was 48, and one of things I love (and continue to love) about him is his positive attitude. He's had a very difficult life, both personally and in a couple significant relationships, but I cannot for one moment say he is bitter.

 

They are out there, but when you walk around with a chip on your shoulder that's visible from a mile away, you're very unlikely to attract the kind of men you want. I don't disagree that you might have had some negative experiences which colour your perspective and approach to dating; however, it is faulty to assume everyone in your age group feels as hostile as you do. It's simply not true.

[Juha]

I probably am bitter. But show me anyone over 40 who isn't. You live you learn there's something seriously wrong with just about everybody.

 

If you have a positive attitude then he doesn't. He's all effed up from his past.

 

I think to be honest, I gave up on dating a long time ago. I don't think I ever approach it seriously even though I try telling myself otherwise. Oh well, ever onward.

 

You 100% are bitter and I have never met you, just read what you post on here.

 

I have met women exactly like you though and it is such a turnoff, can see it right away from their attitude and how they speak to you.

 

Do everyone a favor and stop trying to date until you get some help with this. It is doing no one any good, especially yourself.

 

There are plenty of non bitter people over 40, you will never see them as you will turn them off of you before ever meeting them or actually giving them a chance because they can spot your bitterness and poor attitude a mile a way.

If I can see it on a forum online it is not too difficult to see.

 

Really go get some help with this issue, there are lots of good people out there.

 

I wish you luck

[chillii]

Thank you.

 

He contacted me and said he lost my phone number.... ha ha ha. Yeah. He's real interested.

 

 

l think seems he was so close and you must;ve liked a lot of other things about him anyway or you wouldn't even be talking to him, l'd meet him , wth.

And he's contacted you again like that so yeah , maybe he was interested actually but when things just stopped dead after he asked to meet so soon , well.

Not sayin you were wrong or he won't be a dud , just sayin a maybe you should just say to hell with it. Meet him. You'll know in 2 minutes for sure then but there's also a chance you might be wrong if there were other things you liked about him. Maybe he's had a bad run too so he just tries to cut through the chase now.

Just sayin , maybe.

Edited February 21, 2019 by chillii

[Fair]

If I could show you my partner right now, I would. There are plenty of over-40 folks out there who are not bitter. He is one of them.

 

I met him when he was 48, and one of things I love (and continue to love) about him is his positive attitude. He's had a very difficult life, both personally and in a couple significant relationships, but I cannot for one moment say he is bitter.

 

They are out there, but when you walk around with a chip on your shoulder that's visible from a mile away, you're very unlikely to attract the kind of men you want. I don't disagree that you might have had some negative experiences which colour your perspective and approach to dating; however, it is faulty to assume everyone in your age group feels as hostile as you do. It's simply not true.

 

You're the kind of lady I call a haystack lady. Someone like you will always crop up and say 'they're out there.' Meanwhile you found a needle in a haystack and just don't know it, while the rest of us keep digging just to come up with more hay.

[Tamfana]

It's okay to need to talk with someone a bit before meeting. If a guy won't and you need that, forget him.

 

People grouse about what a “waste of time” it is to talk before meeting. But it is definitely a much bigger waste of my time for me to shower, do my hair and makeup, press clothes, drive to meet, and chat with a stranger only to find out we’re not at all compatible. I get that guys want to see whether you’re hot enough to bed. But I’m not bedding anyone that can’t engage in any interesting conversation and that can be determined with minimal effort in a phone call or two. I’ve learned more than enough in phone conversations to eliminate many potential dates and save us both time.

 

You get to decide what you need too. If you need someone who can conduct a conversation on the phone and he won’t do that, just move on to other prospects.

[Juha]

You're the kind of lady I call a haystack lady. Someone like you will always crop up and say 'they're out there.' Meanwhile you found a needle in a haystack and just don't know it, while the rest of us keep digging just to come up with more hay.

 

You have one of the worst, ugly attitudes I have ever seen...

 

Why do you post on here looking for help about dating?

 

Are you really trying to date or is it all just a rouse?

 

No I do not know people with the same attitude or think the things you do about dating after 40.

You are just messed up with how you think and really suggest you get therapy on this...

 

I wish you luck

[Tamfana]

^^ Yeesh.

 

Fair, I certainly don't share that opinion at all. Online dating can be awful and the guy at issue was not sincere in his canned gushes.

[edgygirl]

Of course I chat a few days to decide if there's something there. I won't meet anyone I don't determine to be intellectually interesting. The problem in her case was not specifically talking before meeting. Her problem is she's expecting him not to even be online before meeting her... because what? She also seems to be "taking her time"... anyone would get discouraged by that.

 

If she's frustrated he is not interested enough (as seems to be the case), and won't talk a little before meeting, that's absolutely fair (no pun intended). But then why be angry that he's online or so?

 

People grouse about what a “waste of time” it is to talk before meeting. But it is definitely a much bigger waste of my time for me to shower, do my hair and makeup, press clothes, drive to meet, and chat with a stranger only to find out we’re not at all compatible.

[Fair]

Of course I chat a few days to decide if there's something there. I won't meet anyone I don't determine to be intellectually interesting. The problem in her case was not specifically talking before meeting. Her problem is she's expecting him not to even be online before meeting her... because what? She also seems to be "taking her time"... anyone would get discouraged by that.

 

If she's frustrated he is not interested enough (as seems to be the case), and won't talk a little before meeting, that's absolutely fair (no pun intended). But then why be angry that he's online or so?

 

Yes indeed that was a problem for me. It was one of the things he did that made me question him, the fact that he wouldn't talk to me.... as for the fact he's online... that he's online all the time is a turn off. It just is. I never once said I didn't expect him to be online AT ALL. His voracious appetite for chatting online on POF is just another factor that makes it seem like he's not that into me. I don't want to waste time on a guy whose not that into me. It shouldn't be that hard to understand. He lost my phone number, too. He CAN"T call... oh he's just full of excuses. But yes, no matter what the male does it's always the woman who's nuts, isn't it?

[Grey40]

It's okay to need to talk with someone a bit before meeting. If a guy won't and you need that, forget him.

<snip>

 

You’ll never be able to tell if you’re compatible with someone over the internet, texting or even a phone call. You have to be with them in person. Bottom line. You either want to meet up and get to know the person, or you don’t. All the apps are used for should be to establish that you’re attracted and have a couple of things in common and then plan to meet. It’s not a penpal app

Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Fair]

No one said it was, but a woman needs some conversation with the guy beforehand. Preferably over the phone which is what I had been wanting....

 

If a guy won't do that at all it doesn't look good.

 

Now that he's lost my phone number he wants me to give it to him again, but he didn't ask for it until I asked what he did with it the first time.

 

NEXT...

Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of prior post

[Tamfana]

@Grey40

But often a conversation or two can show that you’re not compatible. Consider it screening to eliminate bad matches. It only takes a conversation or two, then you meet if you want.

 

A friend of mine used to say, "men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears." While I doubt that's universal, good conversation is an absolute necessity for some of us.

[edgygirl]

No you're not nuts if your main issue was him not wanting to chat for a few days or even talk on the phone (I personally dislike phone calls with people I haven't met but to each their own). I also won't meet someone who won't chat a little back and forth for at least 2-3 days.

 

He lost my phone number, too. He CAN"T call... oh he's just full of excuses. But yes, no matter what the male does it's always the woman who's nuts, isn't it?

 

But if we're fair, your main issue was that he's online often (AND won't make the effort to talk with you) and "chatting up someone else" (in your head). You mainly talked about him being online. That's why you sounded unreasonable to many of us. Lots of posters here told you people leave their profiles logged in even when they're traveling and forget about it. I kinda get your frustration but the truth being logged in doesn't mean much. I've seen many men online all the time on okc back in the day. What does mean something is that he's unwilling to chat for a few days. If you had framed your post that way, you would have gotten more sympathy, I think.

 

Being savvy in online dating means recognizing in a few days the guy won't give you what you need and letting him go, even before meeting. If you don't accept this basic tenant, online dating will never "work". Even when they seem perfect on paper, if he's unwilling to chat a little to make you feel comfy, he's just not worth it. NEXT indeed!

 

My question is if he's hoping for this... who is he chatting with all the time? It's not me.

 

I suppose this is more of rant. This is why I hate online dating. What is he pushing me to meet him for if he's chatting up someone else? What is he hoping to accomplish besides getting hooked on someone else before we have our first date?

 

This is why online dating doesn't work.

[chillii]

@Grey40

But often a conversation or two can show that you’re not compatible. Consider it screening to eliminate bad matches. It only takes a conversation or two, then you meet if you want.<snip>

Hell yeah . l saved myself that much trouble and messing around by just talking a bit first back when l was on it, big believer in it. l'd highly recommend it myself actually unless people like wasting their time going out to meet dozens of people they find out in the first minute they have absolutely nothing with anyway.

 

Not me , to me that's just ridiculous and very uncomfortable when the penny drops, which was usually at first site anyway.

You find out and feel so much with a few calls and if your gonna click then you will on the phone so that alone knocks out 95% of them and saves you a whole heap of those "oh, shyt" moments l use to call them. Hated them. You can send each other a few more picks to worth it just for that alone.l always tried for a few selfies too because l found out the hard way a lot of them used 10yr old or very sneaky shots on the site.

l remember the very first one l went to met. She was about 20kg heavier and 15yrs older than her pics , couldn't even recodnize her. l said you used old pics. She goes , orrr they aren't that old, l just thought l looked nice in those, and l liked my hair in those. Well , wtf, that's great , but you don't bloody look like that now,

Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote and spacing

[ExpatInItaly]

You're the kind of lady I call a haystack lady. Someone like you will always crop up and say 'they're out there.' Meanwhile you found a needle in a haystack and just don't know it, while the rest of us keep digging just to come up with more hay.

 

Hey, it was you who said this: "I probably am bitter. But show me anyone over 40 who isn't."

 

So, I did, and it clearly touched a nerve with you. I would reflect on why that is. I realize it doesn't fit with the poor-me narrative you have constructed for yourself, but it's true - I have enough experience with men over 40 to clearly indicate that not everyone in your age group is bitter, as you like to believe.

 

The sour attitude certainly won't help your chances, OP. But carry on doing what doesn't appear to be working for you, if you choose. I get the impression you would rather be "right" then to truly make some changes in your approach and possibly find happiness.

[guest569]

@Grey40

But often a conversation or two can show that you’re not compatible. Consider it screening to eliminate bad matches. It only takes a conversation or two, then you meet if you want. <snip>

 

Exactly. The people that rush to meet don’t care enough to talk to me and get to know anything about me, and I don’t like that. Just because they like the look of my lips. I’m not so easily satisfied. I’m not able to go on dates with 500 men 'cause pretty eyes'. I need something more...

Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[nospam99]

His voracious appetite for chatting online on POF

 

I've been on POF for well over a year and (I like to think that) I'm very computer savvy. I know of no way to determine if another POF user is 'chatting online', sending messages through the system, or even really online at all. All POF tells me is whether or not a BROWSER, NOT the same thing as a person, has an open session. So I remain curious about what makes you think you can tell if another user is 'chatting'.

 

Yes, you have good reason to believe that the man in question (if 'he' is even really a man) is not showing serious interest in you. But

 

- you've got some unrealistic ideas about what people on OLD might do to filter the flakes, catfish, liars, and scammers and

 

- unless you know something about how POF works that I don't, characterizing anyone there as 'chatting online' is either ignorant or sulking. To me, as a 'serious' POF user, it's both insulting and an example of how women 'game' men on OLD. (To be fair, OTHER men may well be gaming women. I'm just not one of them and, because I only contact women, I haven't had the occasion to see one of the male gamers in action.)

 

BTW, I'm (way) over 40. I've met close to 20 women over 40 on OLD and spoken to several others on the phone who didn't meet me. The only 'bitterness' I've encountered is about 10% of the women I've talked to are bitter about domestic political issues in the US. I've avoided 'the bitter ones' by just not contacting women who say so in their profiles (same 10% of all profiles I've read as the 10% of women met or talked to).

[Fair]

I've been on POF for well over a year and (I like to think that) I'm very computer savvy. I know of no way to determine if another POF user is 'chatting online', sending messages through the system, or even really online at all. All POF tells me is whether or not a BROWSER, NOT the same thing as a person, has an open session. So I remain curious about what makes you think you can tell if another user is 'chatting'.

 

 

People put their best feet forward on first dates and phone calls. You don't know whether they're bitter or not because you don't know them. You also could be very bitter yourself but nobody here would ever know because no one knows you. See, people accuse me of mind reading, then proceed to do their own share of it.

 

I've come to the conclusion the guy on OLD wasn't for me... If people are insulted for some reason about this thread it's not my fault, I was just posing a question. Why should anyone be insulted because I said he was online all the time. Do I know for sure? No. But I don't know that he's not chatting all the time either, just like I can't be expected to know how men weed out scammers...

 

When I'm online, I'm chatting. I haven't just left a browser window open. Chances are it's the same for him. In any event, there's just as good a chance as anything else.

Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Shining One]

I did some quick research on the PoF forums. The PoF Mobile App will show a user as Online even if the app window has been closed. Furthermore, the Online status remains for quite a while after the user has force closed the app.

 

While I understand you've already decided to move on from this particular man, this is something you should keep in mind for the future. Perhaps you can ask the next man what device he's using for PoF so you can temper your expectations accordingly. Keep in mind that if he's using a browser on a computer, the Online status can remain for some time after the user has closed the browser window.