Same old, same old

[TheFinalWord]

Are you using Match? I know for a fact that it indicates a person is online well after they have logged off...

[Shining One]

I didn't SAY he shouldn't be online at all or that he owes me anything, but you can gage someone's level of interest online just like you can anywhere else.

How interested should he be in someone he hasn't met yet? Do you get that interested in men you haven't met?

[basil67]

Time to let this one go. If he's got you this infuriated (you sound infuriated) and he hasn't met you yet, it's not going to get any better. You will go to your first meet with a chip on your shoulder and it won't improve from there.

 

And honestly, he's quite likely to chat to another woman online soon who's willing to meet him sooner than you. Then he'll move on from you anyway. Cut the ties now.

[Fair]

How interested should he be in someone he hasn't met yet? Do you get that interested in men you haven't met?

 

I don't especially want to chat with five hundred different men online once I've met one I like. Finding someone I like makes me want to focus my attention, not talk other men I don't like as well until one o'clock in the morning.

[Fair]

Are you using Match? I know for a fact that it indicates a person is online well after they have logged off...

 

No. It's POF.

[Fair]

How interested should he be in someone he hasn't met yet? Do you get that interested in men you haven't met?

 

It's not rocket science. In real life do YOU like chatting up other women once you've found someone you like? NO. You want to talk to that one girl. Online dating isn't any different than real life. It's just a different platform.

 

(I'm assuming you're male)

[ExpatInItaly]

Your expectations are unreasonable and unrealistic for a man you have never met, OP.

 

You need to get busy with your own life rather than monitoring a stranger's online activity.

[Fair]

Your expectations are unreasonable and unrealistic for a man you have never met, OP.

 

You need to get busy with your own life rather than monitoring a stranger's online activity.

 

Anyone who does online dating does this. And why not?

Meeting someone in person isn't the only way you can find out information about someone. And the truth is in what they do not what they say. The earlier you start paying attention the better.

 

My ex boyfriend and I began as Facebook friends, and by the time I met him I already had enough info. to tell me he wasn't trustworthy but I ignored it because I hadn't met him in person. Could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd listened to myself.

[Fair]

Time to let this one go. If he's got you this infuriated (you sound infuriated) and he hasn't met you yet, it's not going to get any better. You will go to your first meet with a chip on your shoulder and it won't improve from there.

 

And honestly, he's quite likely to chat to another woman online soon who's willing to meet him sooner than you. Then he'll move on from you anyway. Cut the ties now.

 

It hasn't been that long since we met online. He doesn't want to talk to me online he just wants to meet.

 

I think I should let him go, not because I'm 'infuriated' but because he's not interested enough in me and I'm likely just a back up plan from what I've observed. If you're just a back up plan in the beginning you're never going to graduate into being anyone special.

Edited February 16, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude

[Fair]

It's also odd that he doesn't want to chat with me online really at all, or talk on the phone... just wants to go straight to the meet.

[Shining One]

It's not rocket science. In real life do YOU like chatting up other women once you've found someone you like? NO. You want to talk to that one girl.

Yes, I do like chatting up other women. I only focus on one woman once I've confirmed there is mutual interest. A woman who doesn't want to spend time with me in person is demonstrating a lack of interest.

[MaleIntuition]

It's not rocket science. In real life do YOU like chatting up other women once you've found someone you like? NO. You want to talk to that one girl. Online dating isn't any different than real life. It's just a different platform.

 

(I'm assuming you're male)

 

Online is still real life, but you aren’t dating! Not yet. You want him to take a leap of faith - based on what exactly? Your pictures or your coy behaviour?

[littleblackheart]

I'm a little bit confused, sorry. He wants to meet you, yet you say he's not interested enough in you - wouldn't wanting to meet you mean he is in fact interested?

[basil67]

It's also odd that he doesn't want to chat with me online really at all, or talk on the phone... just wants to go straight to the meet.

 

No, this isn't odd. It's normal. Why waste time chatting with someone online when the real test is how you connect face to face?

[GraceAndJoy]

He probably leaves his app open if you see him on there "all the time." I know a lot of people who always have six apps running in the background on their phones. He probably gets a notification when you text him on the app, so he is able to respond immediately. If he is employed or has any hobbies or life whatsoever, there is no way he can "always" be chatting up other girls or looking at profiles!

 

I think you need to meet him. He is interested in you if he wants to meet!

 

When I first starting online dating after my divorce, I would chat with guys online for days or even weeks before meeting. Then I realized what a waste of time that was. There was no way to tell if they were lying in their pictures, had a terrible personality, etc. In the first 5 minutes of being on the date I learned more than hours and hours of texting.

 

He is sensible to prefer meeting to endless texting!

 

Go on your date...but don't be cynical! If he is "The One" for you and you for him, any other girl he is chatting with will fall by the wayside rapidly

[chillii]

I don't know, maybe I am being too hypervigilant. One just wants to save oneself time and headache. The older I get the less time I want to waste on people. I don't like dating and sometimes feel unless the next one is the last one I don't want to do it anymore. Maybe I don't believe in anyone, anymore, either. If I ever did.

 

 

On the other hand every time I decide not to trust my instincts I live to regret it because they're ALWAYS right.

 

 

My last boyfriend was someone I was already suspicious about before we met... I was right to be.

 

 

 

 

Yeah right well l hear ya in all that believe me.

And on the instincts too mine are usually right too and yep usually regret going against it.

Ya do gotta watch out for negativity though because it can confuse the hell out of things.

 

And yeah l know for fact you can feel people even through a date site and screen this is why l never understand things we see in forums so many just seem to shoot totally blind, but l don;t think many can feel. l was like you though l expected her to feel it too and a few did, one in particular,

So if they were on there all night talking to other people that would turn me right off too.

But then l thought well , it's highly possible though so l'm just not gonna worry about that. As grace was saying if you meet and end up into each other though no one else is gonna matter then anyway.

Edited February 16, 2019 by chillii

[BluEyeL]

I think you exagerrate expecting men to just chat with you because they like you. They can't like you before they meet you. It's ok for men and women to chat up other people online before meeting, and even after meeting, before exclusivity.

 

I also think this guy isn't a keeper because of the BS line he gave you on I can't wait to sweep you off your feet. It's insincere, and it's a big red flag. I would stop talking to him because of this.

 

It's OK to go "straight to the meet". You are there to meet people not chat online. He doesn't really like you, and you don't really like him before you meet. Once you meet you can start liking someone. What you have know is just in your head.

[chillii]

No, this isn't odd. It's normal. Why waste time chatting with someone online when the real test is how you connect face to face?

 

 

Yeah l found that a bit of a catch 22 though myself. Rush of to meet someone backfires and you find out one thing in one second after all that you could've found out in a message or phone anyway. And l always asked about pics too after the first nasty meeting surprise. Made sure they were latest before doing anything else after that one, scary.

 

So me l preferred to talk for awhile it saved me a whole lotta trouble with most of them in the end.

Edited February 16, 2019 by chillii

[nospam99]

I'm going back to post #1 and addressing comments to the OP because I'm feeling like she's throwing stones in her glass house.

 

This is why online dating doesn't work.

Really? Let's see ...

I have this guy I'm talking to who lives not far from where I do. He's been pushing to meet and I'm taking my time.

You're, to put it VERY kindly, teasing him. THIS is why online dating doesn't work.

But every time I look he's still online. In fact, he's always online.

 

I'm always online on match.com and OKCupid, even when I'm 10 miles away at work, because my server in my home is always running. I know later in this thread you said he's on POF. There have been days when I'm home and I'm always online there, too, even though the POF window in not visible under the other dozen windows that I have open.

My question is if he's hoping for this... who is he chatting with all the time? It's not me.

Just because he's online, what makes you think he's chatting? THIS is why online dating doesn't work.

I suppose this is more of rant. This is why I hate online dating. What is he pushing me to meet him for if he's chatting up someone else? What is he hoping to accomplish besides getting hooked on someone else before we have our first date?

 

 

Ya know, it IS entirely possible that the guy is a jerk player. But you've posted nothing in this thread to show he's anything more than a guy who happens to be running his computer all the time and not log off from web services in open windows. You have posted no indication that he's chatting up anyone else or trying to get hooked on someone else. He can be legitimately pushing you to meet because with online dating it's smart to move on to the in person meeting quickly. Being paranoid about a OLD contact who you not only haven't met yet, but you admit being the one delaying the meeting, IS one reason why online dating doesn't work.

 

OLD is nothing more than a tool, a filter to decide if you want to meet in person. Delaying that meeting just wastes the potential value of the tool. Unless you have some reason other than you don't like that he doesn't log off the OLD site, I suggest you at least meet the guy in person, SOON, BEFORE writing him off as a jerk. After that meeting, sure, ignore and forget him if you want.

[salparadise]

I have this guy I'm talking to who lives not far from where I do. He's been pushing to meet and I'm taking my time.

 

When I meet someone I like online, I don't want to keep talking to everybody else. I guess he's not that interested in me.

 

 

Ha, I'm probably the 40th person to say this, but if you're playing hard to get and not agreeing to meet, how could you expect him be investing in you exclusively as if you'd actually started dating and liked each other? If you want the guy to take you seriously you'd better quit jerking him around and go on a date.

 

A huge number of the women on dating sites waste copious amounts of time and then ghost. They use pics that are 10-20 years old. They lie about their age. They're constantly on the prowl for the better deal. They thrive on attention but have no intention of following through. Many won't even post a pic of themselves––they post a scenic, or a pic of a movie star they identify with. You're just a pic (if you use a real, recent pic) and a handful of words until you meet in person.

 

If you think you'd like the guy just agree to meet and see how it goes. If you like each other go on an actual date. I've learned this from experience. If you're having a good conversation online and she's reticent to meet, there's almost certainly something shady. And if there's nothing shady, then she's so timorous that nothing will ever come of it anyway –– so cut your losses and move on to the next one.

 

And never start getting invested until you've been on 3-4 dates and things are looking good. You need to check the expectations and fantasies.

[Happy Lemming]

...posted nothing in this thread to show he's anything more than a guy who happens to be running his computer all the time and not log off from web services in open windows.

 

If I could expand upon your posts.

 

If he is running any peripheral equipment on his computer (VOIP Phone Line) or other items, he'd have to keep the computer running all day.

 

I turn on my computer in the morning and it runs all day; I have often forgot to log out or off of applications or web-sites.

 

When I worked (from home), my boss would often travel all over the world and skype/e-mail/VOIP me from all different time zones and at all hours. So I kept that computer running 24/7/365.

[Fair]

I've said it before... we haven't been chatting at all. He just wants to meet. No chat.

 

A lot of good points. Thanks everyone.

Edited February 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of prior post

[salparadise]

I've said it before... we haven't been chatting at all. He just wants to meet. No chat.

 

That's often the way I do it too. My previous relationship started thusly... she sent a "likey," I sent her a message and asked to meet. She agreed in her response and we sent a few more to nail down a time and place. Then no more messages until the day of the meeting. I send her my phone number, she gave me hers. Next day she texted and said, I enjoyed it- hope we can do it again. It was a go.

 

Notice the dearth of bullsh*t. Why does it need to be any more complicated than that?

[guest569]

I've said it before... we haven't been chatting at all. He just wants to meet. No chat.

 

A lot of good points. Thanks everyone.

 

I’m with you. I need to know a little bit about him to determine if I want to meet. About 5 years ago I would just go and meet any guy who asked me out. I don’t have that much time now I’m studying and working. It usually resulted in a lot of mediocre dates with guys I wasn’t into. Got 500 to choose from, gotta sift through them, it’s crazy to go and meet them all. This is especially true on the apps where not much profile info is given. I need to know where he is based, what he is looking for, and chat a bit about general life stuff and hobbies. If we can’t even talk about that stuff then he can move on to someone more desperate to meet ASAP.

 

I’m not talking about game playing for weeks and weeks. Just a few fricken messages otherwise just go to a fricken bar.

[greymatter]

In addition to everyone else's points about the fact that the two of you haven't even met and you are having expectations that he not be online, you are online yourself checking on him and that is very unhealthy behavior. He has every right to online whenever he wants and owes you nothing. And like others said, his online status may not even be accurate. You haven't agreed to meet and want to hold him at arm's length, yet you are upset with him for doing what people do when online dating (looking at profiles online, which can be fun to do). You too may show as being online long after you log off. Maybe it seems like you are chatting with/dating multiple people.

 

I just don't understand why you are so upset about the online status of a guy you haven't even agreed to meet. You can't know what he is like, and whether he is right or wrong for you, until you meet and date for a while.

 

Seems like you should just let this one go since you are already unhappy with him. It would be good to think about your expectations in dating and what is healthy/not healthy and reasonable/realistic to expect.