Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 You said you would only accept her picking up food and having a date in his apartment (paraphrasing). Would not take her out. Like she owes him an in-apartment "date" or something. Maybe she's not ready. shes not ready becasue she has low interest? how long should a guy wait? 3 months until she is ready? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Apparently some girls prefer to take it slowwww because moving too fast means the guy will bail soon too. Or.....she just want to take it slow. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 shes not ready becasue she has low interest? how long should a guy wait? 3 months until she is ready? Yes. If that's what she needs.She's not wrong. If that's not quick enough for you, you're not wrong either. Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Or.....she just want to take it slow. Period. As I girl I think when a girl wants to take it slow it's either because she doesn't have high interest or she has super high interest and dont want to ruining it by moving too fast 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 Yes. If that's what she needs.She's not wrong. If that's not quick enough for you, you're not wrong either. why make me wait so long when she doesnt make other guys shes really into wait? Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I agree with the below, in theory. But maybe she just had a headache, woke up too early and was falling asleep, got her period... who knows. I've had situations when I didn't want the first more intimate night to suck, so I cancelled/rescheduled. Although she should have let OP know way before one hour, maybe there is a legitimate reason she cancelled. I have a 3 strike policy. One cancellation should not make people give up on someone. As I girl I think when a girl wants to take it slow it's either because she doesn't have high interest or she has super high interest and dont want to ruining it by moving too fast Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 That in no way translates to her owing anything. I did not say she owed him a second date. I said that is the only thing I would accept should she WANT a second date. I have that right, just as much as she has the right to cancel at the 11th hour. Link to post Share on other sites
ericw899 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I see a lot of the replies show the double standard in dating, especially from the women. Because the cancellation was by a woman, she should be understood for having a reason that you may not know but should be sympathetic about and she deserves another chance . Meanwhile if this was a guy who canceled last minute, all the women posters would be calling for his head, saying he is a d*ck etc. So to sum it up OP, no, this girl does not deserve another chance. No respectable human being cancels plans an hour before & she doesn’t deserve a free pass because it’s a woman doing the canceling instead of a man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) >> if the guy is making dinner for the girl and already made plans and yes after 4 dates wats wrong with a bit of privacy and intimacy.<< EVERYTHING is wrong with it if she isn't ready for privacy and intimacy. When I read what you wrote, it appears you were expecting sexual contact. If she wasn't on the same page and she started to be aware shortly before the date that sexual contact was your expectation, then it is reasonable that she'd cancel. Yes, she could tell you that she didn't want physical intimacy and still come over so that the meal isn't wasted. But threads on this forum make it pretty clear that if you'd tried it on her anyway, she'd be blamed by many for making a bad choice in being alone with you. Edited January 29, 2019 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 and invite for dinner at home is not an uncommon request for date #4 Not uncommon at all. But if she became aware of his sexual expectations and wasn't on the same page, then it's reasonable to pull out. The late notice may be because she took time to get opinions from her girlfriends. A girl can't be too careful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Totally disrespectful by this girl. I would say ok, no worries when she cancelled the date as you were prepping and cooking the food. Then never contact her again, if she contacted me looking to make things up to me, i.e. she invited me out, showed that she was interested, and paid then I would give her another chance. If she was not comfortable coming to your place for dinner she should have said so when you asked not an hour before hand knowing you would be prepping and cooking dinner.. Does not get more rude and disrespectful than this woman Otherwise she is rude, selfish, and disrespectful. you do not want to date someone like this. Hope you find a more mature woman to date than this one I wish you the best Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 why make me wait so long when she doesnt make other guys shes really into wait? And you know this how? Sounds like your frustration is more over not getting sex than wasting a meal. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 It all sounds a tad contrived. 4th date, cooked meal, then sex... Its not sexy, its a trap... she doesn't like it, she hems and haws then she bails last minute. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Agree, Elaine, this is exactly what happened. Was she rude for not coming to this decision earlier? Yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 It all sounds a tad contrived. 4th date, cooked meal, then sex... Its not sexy, its a trap... she doesn't like it, she hems and haws then she bails last minute. really? iv heard women posters on here asking what should they do because they want to be intimate with the guy and people advising them to invite them round and cook dinner. why isnt it contrivrd when a women does it but when a man does it is? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Because women get to control when/if they want to have sex with a man (just as a man gets to control when/if he wants to have sex) You pushing her to come for dinner and sex at your house was too early for her. Period. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) i didnt push her. i asked her for our 4th date to come round for dinner. how is that pushy? she can say no or yes. she said yes. Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 She decided she wasn't ready for that level of privacy/intimacy. And canceling at the last minute is rude. I'd just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) do you forgive them or not?<snip> Seems to me this woman believes you are moving too quickly. Also just a clue, there nothing wrong with intimacy on a 4th date, but there also nothing wrong with spontaneity and letting things happen instead of setting the stage. Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) Spontaneity is very sexy. Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) <snip> nothing wrong with spontaneity and letting things happen instead of setting the stage. hard to be sponataneous when both people live with their parents Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 You've done EXACTLY this before and had the EXACT reaction where she canceled the date an hour before: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/553460-cancelled-date-3.html 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 and invite for dinner at home is not an uncommon request for date #4But we have never met the guy and have no idea the vibe he give her. We have no idea what other communication they have had and what was said, and how it was said. It was only the 4th date, it would be nice if everyone had the other party "pegged" by the 3rd date but it doesn't always happen. Something made her suddenly afraid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 She decided she wasn't ready for that level of privacy/intimacy. And canceling at the last minute is rude. I'd just move on.Something made her afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 It's unforgivable that she may have changed her mind about being ready to be alone in an apartment with you with expected intimacy? OK. She probably dodged a bullet if this is your mindset. It's not unforgivable that she changed her mind due to reservations about being alone with someone she doesn't know well enough and wasn't prepared to deal with intimately. I get that. But what IS unforgivable is cancelling one hour before the date and using a crappy excuse to do it. He's already done his menu planning, his food shopping, his preparation, cleaning the place, setting the table, and getting everything ready to be put in the oven for when she got there. If she had reservations about it, she shouldn't have waited until the 11th hour after he'd gone out of his way doing all that preparation for dinner. That was just plain rude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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