Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 I can’t believe you omitted this info from the original post i personally dont think that is relevant. how would that be a problem? one thing i learnt is that if a girl wants to find an excuse not to sleep with a guy she will Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I am survivor of horrendous amount of violence there is no way I would go over to a man’s house for dinner until I knew him very well. Now that I am older and more mature enough to recognize that I am upfront about it and will decline an offer. But when I was young and in the mist of my brainwashed upbringing I have gotten scared and bailed on dinner date an hour before. I've left notes tacked on my front door because I was scared of facing a rejection. I know what it feels like to be raped, to have a man’s fist come flying into my face for saying no. P.S. You should of mentioned living with your parents in your original post… that alone is pretty deceptive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I've had enough of the cancelled dates PRW. They always try to concoct the most elaborate and worthwhile excuses usually, but at the end of the day my cancel rate at times is >50%.I didn't say the reason they give YOU was real,...I just said there WAS a real reason. FWIW I had a girl tell me once that if you keep asking them out and they keep cancelling the girl will slowly realize she's messing it up,You were given BS advice,...that was really really bad. The advice you should have been given for that topic was that if you don't leave them alone you'll get a restraining order against you. From what little you said here the most common cause of the problem is over-communicating in between when the date was made and the time of the date. Make dates a few days away, like set a date on Tues for Fri or Sat date. Once the plans are established and settled don't contact her until you see each other face to face on the date. If she "checks in" to confirm the day before be friendly and cheerful, say "see ya there" and get off the phone. Do not do "check ins" yourself. Demonstrate you will keep your word by showing up as you said you would (without prompting or reminders),...even if that means you risk getting stood up. If <50% stand you up, then you have improved your rate if it was >50% before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I am survivor of horrendous amount of violence there is no way I would go over to a man’s house for dinner until I knew him very well. Now that I am older and more mature enough to recognize that I am upfront about it and will decline an offer. But when I was young and in the mist of my brainwashed upbringing I have gotten scared and bailed on dinner date an hour before. I've left notes tacked on my front door because I was scared of facing a rejection. I know what it feels like to be raped, to have a man’s fist come flying into my face for saying no.This is exactly the kind of thing I meant when I said that something made her afraid. (Ignore that post above this,...I fumbled the mouse.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 i personally dont think that is relevant. how would that be a problem? one thing i learnt is that if a girl wants to find an excuse not to sleep with a guy she will Unless you're 18 or something, living with Mom and Dad is a huge turnoff to women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 You don’t get women then. Having sex for the first time with someone is a big deal for most of us, and the ambience / situation / place - all matters a LOT. We have to protect our safety because no one else will. It’s not about it being a problem - it would give us a better context to respond to your thread. Although of course most grown women would find it a huge turn off. The way you talk about women and sex here (see below and other of your posts) makes it clear that you were solely targeting this “dinner” date for sex, which is not very attractive. She knows it too. That’s probably why she bailed. We feel like preys when men do that in this way. i personally dont think that is relevant. how would that be a problem? one thing i learnt is that if a girl wants to find an excuse not to sleep with a guy she will Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Ah PRW I tend to ask once, if they cancel that's it. If I really like them I might ask again, but that's rare. Pretty far from restraining order behaviour. Not sure where you got that bit from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) You don’t get women then. Having sex for the first time with someone is a big deal for most of us, and the ambience / situation / place - all matters a LOT. We have to protect our safety because no one else will<snip> i would understand its a big deal for most of you but obviously its bull**** cos she slept with the guy before me on the first date when he invited her around to stay the night. so she aint stupid Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Oh I see. So that means she owes you sex? Wow ? Does she also owes sex to every guy she dates in the future because she once had sex on the first date with someone in her past? Fred, please rethink how you’re going about this. Women know when men feel entitled and it’s a huge turn off. i would understand its a big deal for most of you but obviously its bull**** cos she slept with the guy before me on the first date when he invited her around to stay the night. so she aint stupid Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Ah PRW I tend to ask once, if they cancel that's it. If I really like them I might ask again, but that's rare.Great. As it should be. Pretty far from restraining order behaviour. Not sure where you got that bit from.You know where I got it from... Right here:FWIW I had a girl tell me once that if you keep asking them out and they keep cancelling the girl will slowly realize she's messing it up, The implication is the you keep asking them out till they realize they were messing up and will say "yes". You said that was advice you were given and the implication is that you were trying to follow it. Glad you weren't. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 What exactly is wrong about wanting sex from a girl early on in dating? It could easily be leading nowhere, its an easy litmus test to see if that's the case... I also can't take cancelling emotionally, it drives me nuts, one of the reasons I just call it off when it happens usually. Just prolonging the inevitable doing anything else... Yeah PRW the above is why I never even considered trying the multiple ask thing. I just can't handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 i would understand its a big deal for most of you but obviously its bull**** cos she slept with the guy before me on the first date when he invited her around to stay the night. so she aint stupid Well, maybe she *was* stupid, or felt that way, for sleeping with someone on the first date and decided she doesn't want to do that anymore. You need to respect whatever she wants to do, whenever she wants to do it. When it comes to whether or not to get intimate, it has to be a unaminous decision. Are you planning to move out on your own? Whether or not you want to admit it, it IS a big deal when it comes to dating. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 What exactly is wrong about wanting sex from a girl early on in dating? It could easily be leading nowhere, its an easy litmus test to see if that's the case... Women get shamed for sleeping with a lot of guys, or sleeping with guys too early. Girls who do not want to be seen as the local [insert derogatory term of choice] tend to limit sex to guys they see a future with, as opposed to handing it out willy nilly to any guy who shows up for 3 dates... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 why do i feel that there is double standards in dating because every situation or scenario i post has different views depending on if you are a girl or boy?! In the case of a woman pulling out of something where she's not comfortable or feels at risk? It's because women have far higher stats of being raped by men than the other way around. And those same double standards will blame her for going in the first place - they don't blame the man who doesn't understand consent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 What exactly is wrong about wanting sex from a girl early on in dating? It could easily be leading nowhere, its an easy litmus test to see if that's the case... Nothing wrong with wanting it. The problem is when he *expects* it. And the OP clearly expected it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Not to mention the double standard that exists with regard to a person's "number." A man who has sex with 50 women is not regarded the same as a women who has..... Women have to watch their numbers. As someone said upthread, life isn't fair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrNo1962 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) <snip> Women have to watch their numbers. As someone said upthread, life isn't fair. This is very much an evolutionary biological issue. I don't understand the outrage. If you read the Moral Animal by Robert Wright, you will understand that women are far more selective when it comes to sexual partners than men are....and for good reason. Women have far more to lose in the act of sex than men do [in terms of childbirth]. It makes sense that the numbers should be less than men in this instance. Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 That may be true from an evolutionary/biological standpoint, but it is certainly not what society as a whole thinks about when hearing of a woman who has slept with many men! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) On top of that, it is only an assumption that she cancelled because she was not ready for sex or felt pressure because it was implied. So let's get rid of the assumption. Fred, at what stage of planning this date did she become aware that you expected this date to become intimate? And how many days/hours before the meeting did she become aware of it? Edited January 29, 2019 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
DrNo1962 Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 That may be true from an evolutionary/biological standpoint, but it is certainly not what society as a whole thinks about when hearing of a woman who has slept with many men! 'Many men' or 'more than men' (incels excluded)? Kind of a difference there. I think this all comes back to 'Demographics' as described in Models by Mark Manson. At the end of the day, one person's 'body-count' is going to seem a lot larger/smaller depending on their own personal experience. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 lt'd be fine that's up to her,,, through the day or day before, but an hour before when your cooking and stuff , yeah she should've told you earlier tired or not. l'd say she chickened out last minute. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Cancelling w/out good reason is unforgivable in my book. Usually when a guy cancelled the 1st date you can bet he cancelled the 2nd one too. One guy cancelled last minute then rescheduled. He ended up ditching me after 40min for plans w/his friend. He then proceeded to tell me how badly the trip went w/his friend. At that point I lost it and told him off. I was actually busy that day and could have spent the 40 min elsewhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 (edited) I don't think she was that into you mate. Ditch [her], she isn't worth it. Flaky people don't deserve respect or second chances. Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing and language Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 That may be true from an evolutionary/biological standpoint, but it is certainly not what society as a whole thinks about when hearing of a woman who has slept with many men!Sex leaves more of an emotional "tatoo" on women than it does men. It doesn't do this with men as much. With men it is more "business is business". If we are going to talk biology, you can populate species with just one male because he can create multiple offspring via multiple females simultaneously. But a woman can only have one child at a time (barring twins and such exceptions). So it has more impact to an individual woman. Now I don't get my moral values from biology. I think humans are a higher form of life and are not just simply "smarter" animals. Link to post Share on other sites
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