MaleIntuition Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 “Time makes the heart grow fonder” You were never attracted to this guy and kept looking for reasons to dump him from the get go. Are you sure things will be different this time? Link to post Share on other sites
c1nderella Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 Damn they always come back somehow don’t they? Lol if you’re interested in him still I would give him another chance but this time don’t let things fly. This is his chance to prove himself anxiety attacks and all lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 It took him a month to tell you about your ID? ID is important and should be returned as soon as found. If you found his ID would you have waited a whole month? And I dont believe he "just" found it. You need to figure out what his intention behind all this is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 6, 2019 Author Share Posted March 6, 2019 (edited) It took him a month to tell you about your ID? ID is important and should be returned as soon as found. If you found his ID would you have waited a whole month? And I dont believe he "just" found it. You need to figure out what his intention behind all this is. As he said, his friend found it in his car behind a seat and texted me immediately. I am not attracted to him and I dont think he really meant what he said. Since he told me if i can forgive his acts and give him another shot, he is being acting the same as he did Yesterday, he texted me at 7 that he is on his way home and he will talk to me once he gets home, he texts me at 11:00 asking me what im doing Maybe, just maybe, he is here for a small revenge ? Edited March 6, 2019 by toomanyquestions123 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 If you aren't attracted to him then why are we even discussing this lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 6, 2019 Author Share Posted March 6, 2019 If you aren't attracted to him then why are we even discussing this lol Because i am not sure if I am not attracted to him because of the way he acted with me or not. I thought if he treats me right and we date right maybe the attraction would be here... I cant be attracted to someone who was giving minimal attention to me. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 It’s very unlikely. Attraction simply doesn’t work like that. In my opinion it seemed like he was more or less showering you with affection - literally sending flowers to your office before you had even met. You think more empty gestures like good morning text would have made you more attracted to him - as a person? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 6, 2019 Author Share Posted March 6, 2019 It’s very unlikely. Attraction simply doesn’t work like that. In my opinion it seemed like he was more or less showering you with affection - literally sending flowers to your office before you had even met. You think more empty gestures like good morning text would have made you more attracted to him - as a person? No, but consistently going on dates and talking over the phone would be. He admitted alone that he made a mistake and he was really going through a hard time and he did not give me the attention i deserve. We only went on 3 dates in the course of 1.5 months. A day would pass and he wouldn't text me because "work". I thought he was not interested thats why i backed out but now he said he was but was in the wrong place ? but still acting the same after i told him yes lets see if it would work ? this guy is hopeless lol. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 His interest may have been elsewhere. This is the guy who was hypervigilant in crowds and queues and wouldn't go to certain places with you and saw you rarely. Yes it may be his social anxiety, but cheating on a wife or a gf can make guys extremely anxious in public too... Do some digging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 11, 2019 Author Share Posted March 11, 2019 His interest may have been elsewhere. This is the guy who was hypervigilant in crowds and queues and wouldn't go to certain places with you and saw you rarely. Yes it may be his social anxiety, but cheating on a wife or a gf can make guys extremely anxious in public too... Do some digging. No sign of other woman here yet. We went on a date yesterday, we did a road-trip and had lunch somewhere nice. On our way back, there was traffic jam, he was really bothered by it because of his social anxiety. But it was all in all fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 I have already posted a thread here about a guy i was dating and because he was having some financial bumps and he already is diagnosed with Anxiety disorder, he didn't communicate well with me, didnt initiate dates, would put my messages on read or days would pass and wouldn't text me. So i cut him off 1 month and something ago. I thought he was using his anxiety as an excuse for his disinterest in me so i walked away.1 month later, he admitted i was right about the communication and he really wants to date me again and see where things go, because as per his words, i am a woman every man would like to be with. So i said yes lets give it a try again. That was 10 days ago, his communication patterns are still the same. We went on a day trip on Sunday and we had a lot of time to talk about this, i told him i dont want to seem clingy or needy but communication is very important for me, and we need to set a common ground about it, we dont have to talk the whole day, but a phone call per day and a couple of texts are fine for me. But i need to know that he is interested and he wants to work on it. Flash forward to after dropping me from our outing, he didnt reply to my "i enjoyed my time", barely texted me yesterday. So i sent him a message today that what pulled me away the first time is either going to change or i will not proceed with this. He was like " i swear to god i slept early yesterday", and " I will talk to you once i finish with all my stuff at work". When we were together, i noticed he replies super fast to messages on whatsapp from friends and family. He told me that finally he is not busy at work like he was 2 months ago. Am i being irrational ? I really believed him when he acknowledged his mistake and he wanted to date me again. But here we are, doing the same things again? Am i being needy or insecure ? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 The ideal communication schedule is one that works for both people. Here you have learned he's capable of returning messages quickly he's just unwilling to return yours at a pace you like. Assuming that will never change, you know your choices: accept it & hush or walk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 listen. it doesnt matter how reasonable you make your requests. it doesnt matter if its small. men are going to do what they want to do. if you ask a guy to do something and he doesnt do it REGARDLESS if he told you that he would then you have to take that at face value and determine whether or not you want to continue to communicate with him or not. you already have your answer you have to decide if you are okay it. for me personally in order for me to want to be a guys girlfriend he has to at the least be the type to talk on the phone atleast once a day (one-off things can come up). if a guy doesnt call once a day im not going to jump on his case. im his lover not his mother. I will simply stop talking to him afterwhile and date other men. at the end of the day I am going to choose a guy who calls everyday. but thats just me. again you have to decide whats best for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 FYI after he said he will finish some of his work and talks to me, that was 6 hours ago he never did !!!!!! Is this guy playing me ? I just told him it's either we communicate or it is over ! He is the one that approached me and apologized and wanted to try again not me !!!! His accurate words were" you are right we should communicate way more, but i am just slow and i dont know why".His behavior really aggravates me, it's like he is doing it on purpose just because i don't like it ? wth ! Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 So, why are you with this guy? Why put up with substandard behavior? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 FYI after he said he will finish some of his work and talks to me, that was 6 hours ago he never did !!!!!! Is this guy playing me ? I just told him it's either we communicate or it is over ! He is the one that approached me and apologized and wanted to try again not me !!!! His accurate words were" you are right we should communicate way more, but i am just slow and i dont know why".His behavior really aggravates me, it's like he is doing it on purpose just because i don't like it ? wth ! I think you're obsessing too much on this instead of pulling back and shutting this down. You've already told him what you need. He heard you and understood you. He's choosing not to give you what you need. Now that you know this, any more time you spend on this is you volunteering for this treatment. This is probably the best he can offer right now. If it's not good enough, you need to cut him loose and find someone who wants to be with you--because this guy doesn't. No matter what he says, what is he doing? That's where you look. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Are you quite sure this guy doesn't have a wife or a gf, or a slew of women he is also talking to... Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 There is no reason to allow yourself to get so worked up about this. Stop analyzing why he’s doing this and accept that this is the way he is. He is not going to change. You’re just not compatible so move on. I would not accept the lack of communication in a relationship either. You should not be so invested in such a short time that it would be hard to move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Ugh! if you feel you have to instruct someone in how to date you, don't date them. Date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...pretty simple. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 You are all absolutely right !!! I don't know why i bother myself with this and I am still not really invested in him. Yesterday after work, he called me and asked me if i want to have dinner and watch a DVD at his place. I went there, we ordered salads and started a new series on Netflix. This guy is just the way he is, i do think he is interested but i think he has a lot of other stuff on his mind ( his job, football, PS4 games addiction ) that he makes me believe that he is not interested. That's the way he is, I am gonna either take it or leave it. He didn't even try to touch me while i was just sitting close to him lol. We just held hands and hugged me when i left lol. Link to post Share on other sites
c1nderella Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 You are all absolutely right !!! I don't know why i bother myself with this and I am still not really invested in him. Yesterday after work, he called me and asked me if i want to have dinner and watch a DVD at his place. I went there, we ordered salads and started a new series on Netflix. This guy is just the way he is, i do think he is interested but i think he has a lot of other stuff on his mind ( his job, football, PS4 games addiction ) that he makes me believe that he is not interested. That's the way he is, I am gonna either take it or leave it. He didn't even try to touch me while i was just sitting close to him lol. We just held hands and hugged me when i left lol. So what are you going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 (edited) So what are you going to do? I absolutely don't know He is not even my type. I am not body shaming or something but his lifestyle is completely unhealthy, he doesnt have food during the day and when he comes home he orders a burger or something fattening. He smokes at least one pack per day, and he is over 230 lbs and he doesnt think he should do any activity to lose weight. He is a handsome guy but he is neglecting himself a lot, concentrating on other stuff. He is really bad in communicating yes, his lifestyle is unhealthy yes, but on the other hand we have the same common cultural and religious background, he has a decent job, owns a very beautiful house and a really nice car. We both are introverts and like to stay home and watch Netflix and we both are food fanatics. As bad as he is in communication, but i know he is not dating me for sex. Because he never mentions it, and we have seen each other 5 times so far and he would only hold and kiss my hand. So I am torn in between if I should be patient or just let it go and thats why I am dwelling on it. Edited March 13, 2019 by toomanyquestions123 Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 First positive thing you’ve mentioned about him is his money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 First positive thing you’ve mentioned about him is his money. I just meant he is financially stable. Something important to take into consideration given that i am looking for something serious. Link to post Share on other sites
c1nderella Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 I just meant he is financially stable. Something important to take into consideration given that i am looking for something serious. Hmm I don’t really care about how much money someone makes. It would be nice to be married to someone and not have to work lol but I would preffer to struggle with someone that makes me feel secure not financially but emotionally. Anyways, if he hasn’t made a move or anything maybe he’s just taking it super slow? Lol he’s probably shy ..one of you will have to make the first move if you want it to get there. Link to post Share on other sites
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