d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 He asked me out for tonight....OUTSIDE his place. Better but it's still last minute. Remember that old chestnut book The Rules? The advice was never accept a same day date & only accept dates from men who ask you out for the following weekend on Wednesday. It's not really about the day of the week but since you telegraphed that you were either still free or worse, willing to rearrange plans for him, the guy thinks you have nothing else going on. How did the date go? Was it worth all this fuss? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 Better but it's still last minute. Remember that old chestnut book The Rules? The advice was never accept a same day date & only accept dates from men who ask you out for the following weekend on Wednesday. It's not really about the day of the week but since you telegraphed that you were either still free or worse, willing to rearrange plans for him, the guy thinks you have nothing else going on. How did the date go? Was it worth all this fuss? Since he asked me in on Friday night and i declined, he told me we can do something on Saturday night, i said yes because it has been 2 weeks since we didn't see each other. The date was meh, I'm not sure we really click. We went out for drinks, we held hands in the car and dropped me home. There are a lot awkward moments between us. When i start talking about myself, he always changes the subject and talks about him. The last one i dated who broke it off me with me because he was about to cheat, was different. We clicked from the first date, and we couldnt stop talking or seeing each other for 2 months, no mind games, it was so easy and he never left me wonder ( he love bombed me though and fast forwarded things ). With this guy, he sends me anxiety vibes which makes me anxious too, im not totally myself when im around him but i say thats normal because we dont know each other well ? not sure... Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Maybe cultures differ, but in my middle eastern culture, if two people are dating, this means they should talk a lot, go on dates, especially if he wants something serious, he should maintain same consistency in his communication patterns. We have been talking for more than 1 month. In the first three weeks, he was more enthusiastic, flirting with me, saying how beautiful i am, and that im always missed and he cant wait to see me. In the last two weeks ( when he got overloaded at work ) his excitement lowered,he still calls me, he still checks on me, but we barely go on dates, and never flirts. I dont want to make excuses for him ( work, anxiety disorder ), if i want someone i will make time for them. Im giving him his last chance now. that's it... Im not beng unrealistic, i want to be treated well ! Middle East happens to be the place on earth with (probably) the biggest variety in cultural and religious backgrounds... although I believe there is a certain amount of global harmonisation going on when apps such as tinder and smartphones becomes the norm. I get that you believe daily texting is the way it’s suppose to be - but the fact remains that you are setting yourself up for disappointment because at some point it WILL have to slow down somewhat. And I will never understand why a routine “good morning” is considered treating someone well. I could write an algorithm that does that - easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 Middle East happens to be the place on earth with (probably) the biggest variety in cultural and religious backgrounds... although I believe there is a certain amount of global harmonisation going on when apps such as tinder and smartphones becomes the norm. I get that you believe daily texting is the way it’s suppose to be - but the fact remains that you are setting yourself up for disappointment because at some point it WILL have to slow down somewhat. And I will never understand why a routine “good morning” is considered treating someone well. I could write an algorithm that does that - easy. haha, i mean he used to... and i did not ask him to send me a goodmorning text everyday, but he did today given that i did not ask him that. I do not want to look like i'm needy or something, but it's not progressing organically. I do not want him to text me from dawn to dust and i do not want him to be completely available to me... but he is doing the least effort a guy can do to keep me an option, but not showing me the moon and i dont feel really liked when im with him. I dont feel special or pretty when im with him.... That's all Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Healthy and good communication are very important. When you are in a relationship. Expecting someone with whom you have been on 3 dates with to behave like your fiancé is indeed unrealistic. I would expect the man who becomes my boyfriend would show he has healthy and good communication during the dating/getting to know each other phase because he is showing who he is. He is showing the type of man he is. And if I want a boyfriend who is a good guy I need to see that "good" before he becomes my boyfriend. Now I do think it is unrealistic in dating to expect men to always do what we as women think they should. Women should expect that there are going to be men at the beginning that's not going to be as invested and certain things should grow (which is a big reason I think women should multi date). It would be very unwise to expect perfection as well. But when a man shows himself to be flaky women should respond with disinterest because being flaky isn't okay.it's not smart for a woman to get with a guy who shows himself to be flaky because again he is showing who he is and she shouldn't want to show him that his behavior is okay to continue doing. If you no want flaky you no date flaky lol. the guy who sets himself apart from the rest is the guy who is communicative, have good manners, is considerate etc. that is a guy women who want a good relationship should have an eye for while dating. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) The date was meh, I'm not sure we really click. We went out for drinks, we held hands in the car and dropped me home. There are a lot awkward moments between us. <snip> He's not the guy for you!! Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 Can't you guys see each other more often? I mean, yeah it's good he listened to what you want and is (seemingly) doing it, but his "taking is slow" seems a little too slow, like 1 date a month? Is it enough to keep you interested? I'd really question his interest level.. I mean I would hate it if a guy doesnt text me every day but I get that some guys dont like small talks. But cant see me every week? That I cannot accept whatever his reason is... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 Thank you all for keeping up with me. I am really really conflicted in what to do. This guy is not giving me the opportunity to like him. I am starting to think that i really should cut it off. I already told him that if it is going to work out, we have to see other more often. I agree with people who said that what a guy does in the dating phase shows a lot about him. Communication is minimized to a morning text and i would initiate at the evening, briefly talking about our days. Yesterday, when i sent a joke, he replied by i am unhappy, they decreased my salary by 10%. I am lost in here, if we are dating and he wants to take things slow, does it seem normal to talk to me about his financials and his mood swings ? I dont tell him when i am unhappy or feeling down or sad... I dont really feel it's gonna work out with this guy, but there is this part of me who stills wants to give him a chance? or maybe dont want to be out of options in the meantime ??? I am 90% sure he is not the one for me and it's not gonna work out, but i still keep give him chances i dont know why !! Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 I dont think him telling you about his financials and mood swings is a bad thing by itself, another woman will probably want to comfort him or something. But you dont, and that screams the problem. He's not right for you. You dont want him to dump a burden on you because you arent his GF or anything yet. I'm like you. And frankly I would wonder if he can ever handle stress in life especially when he has anxiety. Personally I prefer to date someone who's happy, fun and full of positive energy. I think you may be the same? However this guy has told you upfront he has anxiety issues, so you really should think hard if this is what you want? Your guy is doing very minimum at the moment, whether it's because of his health, or because he simply doesnt like you enough, it's not making you happy. You say you want to give him a chance, is it because you like him for who he is, what he does now, or you think you will like him if he becomes who you want him to be and does what you want him to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I am 90% sure he is not the one for me and it's not gonna work out, but i still keep give him chances i dont know why !! Let him go and find someone you like who is enthusiastic about getting to know you and pursue you properly I think what trips you up is the little progresses he makes for you. This is how my recent ex roped me in. He would show a major red flag and I say "it's not going to work" and he would give me what I want and then I'd see something else that bothers me but I also saw how he tries for me and it really doesn't help if he is super handsome lol and honestly it makes you want to keep holding on and see if he will succeed in giving you what you want to the point your chasing the idea of him and not looking at who he really is. Don't waste your time. Another thing I think that makes it hard is though he clearly isn't the one you may like him more than the prospects you came across which is another reason we foolishly hold on. But we must be brave and let go and find someone else. The sad thing about my ex I knew he was a train wreck and I jumped on anyway. Like you said Your 90% sure he is not your guy. Don't make that same mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) You say you want to give him a chance, is it because you like him for who he is, what he does now, or you think you will like him if he becomes who you want him to be and does what you want him to do? Frus69 exactly, i dont like the guy who is negative, always is going through problems, always complaining. He doesnt complain all the time, but in a time frame of 1 month and 1 week, he showed his social anxiety on dates and anxiety disorders due to his load at work ( his behavior completely changed ). He told me he takes seroxat and xanax every now and then. I dont want in the future everytime he is stressed out his behavior will shift. Yesterday, he called me at night. I did not answer. He was like i just wanted to drop a hello. Yesterday, he was in agood mood for example Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) Let him go and find someone you like who is enthusiastic about getting to know you and pursue you properly. I think what trips you up is the little progresses he makes for you. <snip> This is completely true, he keeps the minimum margin of keeping me there so we wont cut off communication yet he is not doing his best. And yes, people say communication should be reciprocal in the dating phase, trust me i did my part of communication. And my guy is not even that handsome, he is weird, kind of funny, smart, witty. But not someone i am totally hooked with. I give him a chance because i dont want to let go of someone because of his sickness, and when i asked him 3 days ago, if he behaves with me because of his disorder, he said no, it is because he should stay great at his job and he works 12 hours a day and it is draining, he said i am a priority but to chill a little bit because what he is doing is not intentional. Anyway, my last chance is this friday night, if he doesnt ask me to do anything, that would be my last straw for me. I will not send him any "break up" message, i will just silently withdraw. Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote and add paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 This weekend i decided to cut him off because all this guy is bringing to my life is negativity and nervousness. I wanted him to ask me out this weekend but he didnt, he is calling me and whatsapping me and I am not answering. I do not even want to talk to him about it because he will tell me he is busy and stuff, i dont want to hear it. I want a ticket out. I hope he will understand soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Good for you Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 This weekend i decided to cut him off because all this guy is bringing to my life is negativity and nervousness. I wanted him to ask me out this weekend but he didnt, he is calling me and whatsapping me and I am not answering. I do not even want to talk to him about it because he will tell me he is busy and stuff, i dont want to hear it. I want a ticket out. I hope he will understand soon. A "Sorry this isn't working for me, good bye, have a nice life" kind of a thing wouldn't hurt. He doesn't really deserve to be ghosted and I guess if he has an AD, being ghosted is a HUGE deal... Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 A "Sorry this isn't working for me, good bye, have a nice life" kind of a thing wouldn't hurt. He doesn't really deserve to be ghosted and I guess if he has an AD, being ghosted is a HUGE deal... If i talk to him he might convince me that he was just busy and he is taking things "slow" while all he is doing is manupilating me and using his SA & AD as an excuse to take things slow and not behave normally in the dating phase. If he talks to me again today, i will explain it briefly. Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Well if you've made up your mind, dont let him convince you, and he cant anyway. I personally hate being ghosted.. so I'd probably suggest you give him an explanation too... don't get any karma lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 Well if you've made up your mind, dont let him convince you, and he cant anyway. I personally hate being ghosted.. so I'd probably suggest you give him an explanation too... don't get any karma lol I'm not sure he really cares to be honest. He showed minimum interest so why would he bothered if i stopped responding to him? Link to post Share on other sites
c1nderella Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Any updates? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Share Posted January 31, 2019 Any updates? No, he stopped talking to me after 1 day of trying, he also removed me from Instagram ( i think he was mad, not sure ). But this is it, dating number 1000 going wrong Link to post Share on other sites
c1nderella Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 No, he stopped talking to me after 1 day of trying, he also removed me from Instagram ( i think he was mad, not sure ). But this is it, dating number 1000 going wrong Damn.. i feel you..ugh!! I think im going on another dating break. Dating sucks nowadays i rather be single and sleep like a baby knowing noone is lying, cheating or playing games with me lol Goodluck on your next one, hopefully one day we find our guys . Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Damn.. i feel you..ugh!! I think im going on another dating break. Dating sucks nowadays i rather be single and sleep like a baby knowing noone is lying, cheating or playing games with me lol Goodluck on your next one, hopefully one day we find our guys . I am sure we will Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 (edited) 3 days ago, the guy in this thread that did not work out with 1 month ago, talked to me and told me that i forgot my ID with him. I was looking for it and i was relieved when he told me it is with him. So yesterday, he sent the ID with a driver from his company to mine. I thanked him and i thought that was it. He then told me that i really look beautiful in my picture on Whatsapp. I thanked him and i said that i thought he is mad at me. He said no he is not mad and that he wants to talk to me at night to discuss what happened between us. Fast forward to the night, he sends me a big message saying he was going through some financial and career bumps and that i am a woman every man wishes to be with, and he is really sorry for not treating me right. That he wishes that i give him another chance because he is in a better place now. I told him i want to think about it and will get back to him. Now, i don't know if i should try to date him again or it is a waste of time. What do you think? Edited March 5, 2019 by toomanyquestions123 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 I'm a softy. There were a # of bumps in here. ONE more chance, if whatever his career & financial issues are have been resolved, but that has to be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 I'm a softy. There were a # of bumps in here. ONE more chance, if whatever his career & financial issues are have been resolved, but that has to be it. I am a softy too haha Link to post Share on other sites
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