Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 17, 2019 Author Share Posted January 17, 2019 In light of the fact that you sent that break up text, I think the ball is in your court. I also think you are being too passive in your own life. You can't sit in your hands & hope that somebody else picks up on your hints especially when you have delivered decidedly mixed messages. Do it your way if you like but I expect you will be dateless. Then again I certainly would not have predicted that he would gloss over the break up so easily, so what do I know? He just asked me what my plans are for this weekend, i told him will see my parents on Saturday, free for tomorrow. He then changed the subject ... i think i have to do it ? maybe tell him in a funny way if he is going to ask me out anytime soon ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 i finally had the balls and asked him out, i just said wanna do something soon ? he just said: "yes". END OF CONVERSATION lol Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 (edited) You’re insecure. The guy told you everything up front. Heck, he was open and honest to you about his issues and he missed one day and you’re dumping him. I thought women want honesty, this is why men are confuse and give up on dating. Man, you should apologize to him and cook him a nice meal. Sheesh, or just give up on dating altogether. You don’t want someone to play with your feelings? Let me give you some truth medicine, Women do this all the time with men, they play games, they go out with guys they have no interest in, make out with them even though they have boyfriends. Guys don’t know how to play games. Edited January 18, 2019 by Interstellar Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 (edited) You’re insecure. The guy told you everything up front. Heck, he was open and honest to you about his issues and he missed one day and you’re dumping him. I thought women want honesty, this is why men are confuse and give up on dating. Man, you should apologize to him and cook him a nice meal. Sheesh, or just give up on dating altogether. You don’t want someone to play with your feelings? Let me give you some truth medicine, Women do this all the time with men, they play games, they go out with guys they have no interest in, make out with them even though they have boyfriends. Guys don’t know how to play games. I already admitted i did a mistake, please read full thread. We re talking again but I am trying to go out on a date with him now. Yesterday, we talked about why i "dumped him", he told me that he was furious from the message and told me that as a part of his anxiety disorder treatment, he tends to give full focus on one thing at a time especially when it comes to his work, he then asked me what if i had an accident ? wouldnt you want to make sure first that im okay before such a message. He is honest and straightforward, i dont think he is a liar at all. Edited January 18, 2019 by toomanyquestions123 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 All this beating around the bush is clearly getting you no where. I genuinely think he still doesn't know where he stands in light of the break up misunderstanding. It's already Friday. By now you probably missed your window for tonight as he most likely already has plans. I just don't understand what harm will come from saying "hey you wanna grab a burger with me at Burger Place on Main?" It's 2019. The 1950s are over. A woman is allowed to set up the date. Even if he says no, then you can write him off knowing you tried. If he says yes, because you set the boundaries, burger out in public rather than take out or delivery to his place he will get the message that you are not "easy." Where is the downside? Why are you so loathe to take responsibility for your own social life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 (edited) dOnnivain i already asked him yesterday night if he wants to do something soon and he said yes and that was it...Today, he called me, we were talking and i told him how his lazy day is going, he told me its amazing, i told him if it will keep being lazy till the evening he was like i guess yes, he has no plans and he didnt make plans with me either. I already asked him out yesterday but i cant remind him again.... this will sound needy no ? Edited January 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 HELP HELP HELP HELP: he just asked me to come to his place to get wine and watch netflix !!! what's the best answer should be, is it wrong to go to his place on a third date ??? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 HELP HELP HELP HELP: he just asked me to come to his place to get wine and watch netflix !!! what's the best answer should be, is it wrong to go to his place on a third date ??? Do you want to do something soon is vague. It's a start but not specific. This is the 3rd time he has tried to get you to come over. The late night movie invite that started all of this. The burger comment & now this. Netflix & chill is code for sex. Understand that before you decide. If you are OK with sex from this lazy guy go. If you want respect & exclusivity, your response needs to be "I'd love to see you but I'd rather go out. How do you feel about meeting me at ____ ?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 Do you want to do something soon is vague. It's a start but not specific. This is the 3rd time he has tried to get you to come over. The late night movie invite that started all of this. The burger comment & now this. Netflix & chill is code for sex. Understand that before you decide. If you are OK with sex from this lazy guy go. If you want respect & exclusivity, your response needs to be "I'd love to see you but I'd rather go out. How do you feel about meeting me at ____ ?" Yes, i responded exactly the same. He was like i am really tired today and i u understand if you want to go out, let’s postpone it then, no worries. I jockingly asked him if i come by will be a gentle, he said u re acting as if i even tried to do something in our early dates. ( he didnt even try to even hold my hands ), then said i promise we will just chill and watch a movie, i’m really tired to go out but i really wanna see you. I told him i will think about it then. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 He's lying. He is just not into you enough to make an effort. Factor that into you're decision. If you want to be respected -- which is what I interpret from your desire to have him ask you out -- do not go over there. Tell him you're happy to wait until he is feeling energized enough for a date out. Don't hold your breath. Plenty of women are happy to be a delivery service for sex. He will quickly find one them & not bother with a woman like you with self respect who actually expects effort from the man she dates. All in all this guy is not worth the trouble you are going through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 He's lying. He is just not into you enough to make an effort. Factor that into you're decision. If you want to be respected -- which is what I interpret from your desire to have him ask you out -- do not go over there. Tell him you're happy to wait until he is feeling energized enough for a date out. Don't hold your breath. Plenty of women are happy to be a delivery service for sex. He will quickly find one them & not bother with a woman like you with self respect who actually expects effort from the man she dates. All in all this guy is not worth the trouble you are going through. Thank you for that. I texted him and told him i can’t make it today i feel like going out and i will wait for you to get energized again. He responded by it’s okay and we will definitely plan a date out till then and I definitely have a reason for this. I sent a kiss emoji and he sent a kiss emoji back and that was it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Good for you! Ball is now firmly in his court. Don't hold your breath though. Now plan something fun for yourself tonight. Give yourself an opportunity to meet new people. Maybe a new guy will take your mind off this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 Good for you! Ball is now firmly in his court. Don't hold your breath though. Now plan something fun for yourself tonight. Give yourself an opportunity to meet new people. Maybe a new guy will take your mind off this guy. I’ll drive to my parents and enjoy my night with my baby niece ❤️ I’m so happy i said no to this invitation. I don’t understand why he doesnt want to go out, it’s friday night, he didnt go out since maybe when we went to the movies. Does he have depression or something related to his anxiety disorder ? Or he is really not taking me seriously, i dont know... i feel like he respected me more after cancelling on him. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 This all sounds like a big headache. I think you should find someone else who is consistent, clear and who shows very obvious interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 (edited) Why i did that? Because what he did was wrong, i dont care how busy at work he is or how much anxiety disorders he has, he doesnt have the right to disappear this way. I’m not giving any excuse to any guy anymore. But im not sure if that was the right thing to do, because i know there was a reason why he didnt talk to me the whole day, im sure he likes me, but i didnt even ask him why he didnt get back to me at noon, did i do the right thing ?? Girl don't make excuses for guys anymore especially in the getting to know stages. A guy who is interested in you and likes you will contact you regularly in the beginning. Edited January 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 OP, as someone else said this guy is isn't worth your time. He wants sex, that's why he is inviting you to his place. You tried your best to make it work. See how emotionally draining it has become for you. Is this situation preventing you from dating others? There are some guys who indirectly boss you around even when he is not yet your bf. They expect everything to be all under their terms because you are so attracted to them. He seems like one of them. I have no idea how it would be to be a relationship with one of them, as I haven't been there. I don't know much about these social anxiety thing but if he says it's affecting him and if you are a normal healthy woman you need a normal healthy man without disorders. I advise you to set your expectations extremely low and keep your options open if you continue with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 19, 2019 Author Share Posted January 19, 2019 He asked me out for tonight....OUTSIDE his place. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Jesus..this is more exhausting than doing math. Only two dates in two months and why do you even want to see him again? Such lukewarm...Then all the effort to set up then cancel then set up then change the third date, as of now it still hasnt happened yet..seriously if he likes you he wont be this lazy, no matter how tired he will make it happen for you! .relationship should happen organically but you are already pushing it at such an early stage..why dont you find someone else? The next person will be much easier to date.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 Jesus..this is more exhausting than doing math. Only two dates in two months and why do you even want to see him again? Such lukewarm...Then all the effort to set up then cancel then set up then change the third date, as of now it still hasnt happened yet..seriously if he likes you he wont be this lazy, no matter how tired he will make it happen for you! .relationship should happen organically but you are already pushing it at such an early stage..why dont you find someone else? The next person will be much easier to date.. We went on a third date, we held hands, he was a little bit shy, no progress LOL I do believe that if its meant to be things will progress organically. But yesterday i asked him why he behaves this way and if he likes me or no, i wanted to know so i can know if i end it or no, he was sorry and told me his has a lot of priorities and im one of them, but he should maintain his job because he cant lose it and thats why is not giving me exactly what i want. He also told me he wants to take things slow with me because things that go so fast end up too soon, and he wants to maintain it. I told him, i dont want to waste my time on someone who is not really interested in me and worst case scenario we can be friends. He said he is interested and i am quiet important to him. I woke up today with a goodmorning text from him which means he got what i said. IDK Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Your expectations are unrealistic, and if he gives in to everything you say you’ll simply lose all respect/attraction for him. In other words, you are shooting yourself in your foot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 Your expectations are unrealistic, and if he gives in to everything you say you’ll simply lose all respect/attraction for him. In other words, you are shooting yourself in your foot. Is having a healthy communication pattern makes my expectation unrealistic ? If he admitted that he is doing something wrong then i have nothing else to say. And if he is not willing to treat me right, I am not willing to stay trying with him. Yes we are not exclusive, but if he keeps me wondering why he did not contact me yet or if its taking weeks to go out, then there is a problem and i'd rather stay single than settling for less just because we are not yet official. If he cares, he should show it the right way. Link to post Share on other sites
sabaton Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Seems like he's making a lot of excuses and not making enough of a show of actually wanting to be with you. He's not making the time for you, sure he has a job,but so do most people, and they still date and marry and have families. Move on and meet a new guy, a guy who actually wants to be with you! Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Is having a healthy communication pattern makes my expectation unrealistic ? If he admitted that he is doing something wrong then i have nothing else to say. And if he is not willing to treat me right, I am not willing to stay trying with him. Yes we are not exclusive, but if he keeps me wondering why he did not contact me yet or if its taking weeks to go out, then there is a problem and i'd rather stay single than settling for less just because we are not yet official. If he cares, he should show it the right way. Healthy and good communication are very important. When you are in a relationship. Expecting someone with whom you have been on 3 dates with to behave like your fiancé is indeed unrealistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 Healthy and good communication are very important. When you are in a relationship. Expecting someone with whom you have been on 3 dates with to behave like your fiancé is indeed unrealistic. Maybe cultures differ, but in my middle eastern culture, if two people are dating, this means they should talk a lot, go on dates, especially if he wants something serious, he should maintain same consistency in his communication patterns. We have been talking for more than 1 month. In the first three weeks, he was more enthusiastic, flirting with me, saying how beautiful i am, and that im always missed and he cant wait to see me. In the last two weeks ( when he got overloaded at work ) his excitement lowered,he still calls me, he still checks on me, but we barely go on dates, and never flirts. I dont want to make excuses for him ( work, anxiety disorder ), if i want someone i will make time for them. Im giving him his last chance now. that's it... Im not beng unrealistic, i want to be treated well ! Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Why i did that? Because what he did was wrong, i dont care how busy at work he is or how much anxiety disorders he has, he doesnt have the right to disappear this way. IÂ’m not giving any excuse to any guy anymore. But im not sure if that was the right thing to do, because i know there was a reason why he didnt talk to me the whole day, im sure he likes me, but i didnt even ask him why he didnt get back to me at noon, did i do the right thing ?? I love to see women not make excuses for men anymore. I agree with you that its not okay to be ignored. I wouldnt sweat this too much. Guys that like you are responsive especially if yall were suppose to meet. I wouldnt have even bothered sending a text. I would have just ignored his contact if he decided to contact again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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