ShyLove Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 It’s just weird to see a girl go from super interested to “I just want to be friends”. I mean when we first met she wanted to hangout all the time, wanted me to come over all the time, talked about things we’d do in the future like go bowling or she’d teach me how to cook or shop or whatever it be, and she would text me like crazy all the time, asked me about life stories about me, added me on social media, then she just wants to be friends all of a sudden, I’ve accepted that but I just don’t understand it. Her behavior is consistent with someone who just got out of a relationship or someone who has herself been rejected by someone she liked. Sounds a little bit like she wants your attention when she's not getting it from the guy she's really into. Is she newly single? Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 Her behavior is consistent with someone who just got out of a relationship or someone who has herself been rejected by someone she liked. Sounds a little bit like she wants your attention when she's not getting it from the guy she's really into. Is she newly single? I don’t think so Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 I think she does want to be my friend, she approached me and tried multiple times. Even texted me about it, twice. She can do that because she is not emotionally involved with you. She texts you like you text a buddy, you do not pore over it, it is just a friendly text to some guy you know, and he gets back to you sooner or later, it is no big deal, you are not emotionally involved. Only with her you are reading so much more into it. Does that mean she likes me? Do I still have a chance? She is friendlier today I think I am winning her over...etc. As you are so involved it is very difficult to be just her friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 So I met this girl at a bar and we really hit it off, danced, drank together started making out and then went back to her place and got it on. The next days after that we hung out on different study dates, went to the bar together and just hung out at her place a lot, having sex multiple times. Seemed she was really into me, she would initiate a lot of the meetings and would want to know a lot about me. Until one night when I got really drunk, this was maybe 5 days after knowing her I asked her in bed one night if she wanted to be exclusive and she basically said no. Said she was damaged in the past and that she wanted to get to know me more and didnt want to be tied down, so I kind of just shrugged that off and went to sleep. Then we both left for winter break and kept in contact, she would Snapchat me every now and then, send me funny texts and what not but the flame seemed like it was dying out, her texts got shorter. Then the day before we return from break I asked if she’d want to hangout again and she said she thinks I’m a really cool guy but she just wants to be friends. Did I come off too clingy or do you think she just isn’t that interested in me? And is this fixable? Thanks. I wouldn't sweat it. You thought she was into you and I think anybody would have felt the same way considering y'all was sexing multiple times and kept in contact. We will never know the reasons a potential doesn't pan out. She could be focused on someone else she was seeing. She probably is not the exclusivity type and felt like you were and didn't want any pressure. She probably lost interest. She probably not into relationships at all has nothing do with you. We will never know but I would try not to take it personally. And don't try to fix it. When someone you want say they don't want to be with you like that and friendZone have some self respect and let them go and open yourself up for a woman that would want to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Her behavior is consistent with someone who just got out of a relationship or someone who has herself been rejected by someone she liked. Sounds a little bit like she wants your attention when she's not getting it from the guy she's really into. Is she newly single? That is precisely what I was thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 (edited) I wouldn't sweat it. You thought she was into you and I think anybody would have felt the same way considering y'all was sexing multiple times and kept in contact. We will never know the reasons a potential doesn't pan out. She could be focused on someone else she was seeing. She probably is not the exclusivity type and felt like you were and didn't want any pressure. She probably lost interest. She probably not into relationships at all has nothing do with you. We will never know but I would try not to take it personally. And don't try to fix it. When someone you want say they don't want to be with you like that and friendZone have some self respect and let them go and open yourself up for a woman that would want to be with you. You’re probably right, I just need to find a new girl ASAP cause this one is stressing me out too much. Feels like I’m never gonna meet a girl that’s right for me Edited January 18, 2019 by matty145 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 You’re probably right, I just need to find a new girl ASAP cause this one is stressing me out too much. Feels like I’m never gonna meet a girl that’s right for me I know it feels like that after a person you really like doesn't work out...but you will. Just keep on dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 Well, an update on the situation, she told one of her close friends that the reason she stopped seeing me was because I asked her to be exclusive too soon and I scared her off. Now she will Snapchat and text me every now and then but I don’t know what to do...... Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 Well, an update on the situation, she told one of her close friends that the reason she stopped seeing me was because I asked her to be exclusive too soon and I scared her off. Now she will Snapchat and text me every now and then but I don’t know what to do...... Keep talking to her, but just be totally cool. NEVER bring up relationship/exclusivity again. I would hold off on hooking up with her, but that's me. Just focus on the process and don't worry about the outcome. I personally would not snap back and forth. Ask her out. Here is where Corey Wayne's advice applies. If she says no (or whatever excuse), she's just looking for attention and I'd tell her I have to jet, let me know when you find some time for us to hang out. You can ask her out one more time after that, and if she blows you off. Never ask again and don't give her attention on snap. Just say "great to hear from you! I gotta go". She's going to either stop contacting you or bring up going out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 Keep talking to her, but just be totally cool. NEVER bring up relationship/exclusivity again. I would hold off on hooking up with her, but that's me. Just focus on the process and don't worry about the outcome. I personally would not snap back and forth. Ask her out. Here is where Corey Wayne's advice applies. If she says no (or whatever excuse), she's just looking for attention and I'd tell her I have to jet, let me know when you find some time for us to hang out. You can ask her out one more time after that, and if she blows you off. Never ask again and don't give her attention on snap. Just say "great to hear from you! I gotta go". She's going to either stop contacting you or bring up going out. If I ask her out, won’t that scare her off again? What would be an appropriate date idea? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 1 date is not an exclusive relationship. You are in college, right? A good date would be any of the following: * a movie * a student play * a visit to the museum on campus * bowling * getting something to eat * grabbing a drink at a more upscale place then the one where you met * going to the library to study * attending a party together Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 (edited) 1 date is not an exclusive relationship. You are in college, right? A good date would be any of the following<snip> Do you think I should ask her out? Or should I let the dust settle and give her space for now? Edited January 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 I personally would just forget about her and focus instead on finding another, more suitable match. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 I personally would just forget about her and focus instead on finding another, more suitable match. Don’t want to Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 Do you think I should ask her out? Or should I let the dust settle and give her space for now? I'd ask her out casually if you can keep your mouth shut & not talk about the relationship. This is another reason I suggested a movie in a theater because you have to be quiet. The ask is something like "Hey you wanna go see _________ on Wednesday with me at [theater or on campus showing]?" No elaborate anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 (edited) I'd ask her out casually if you can keep your mouth shut & not talk about the relationship. <snip> You don’t think asking her out is too pushy at this point? Edited January 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 I would either move on and meet other girls, or let her ask you to hang out. Asking her to hang out casually means your not fine with being her friend was a joke. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 You don’t think asking her out is too pushy at this point? It's a movie, the most cliché unimaginative boring date there is. You aren't asking her to marry you or bear your kids. You are not asking for an in-depth discussion of what are you. You are asking for a weeknight date. Chill for pete's sake. You suck at chill, don't you? Seriously you gotta get a grip because if you don't you will screw up every relationship you could ever potentially have by being too intense. Go watch some videos of Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, about letting the dog come to you. Now apply that learning to your relationships with woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 (edited) It's a movie, the most cliché unimaginative boring date there is. You aren't asking her to marry you or bear your kids. You are not asking for an in-depth discussion of what are you. You are asking for a weeknight date.<snip> I don’t know if asking for a date right now is smart, I feel like it will just push her away even farther, I feel like we just started to start get talking again. Edited January 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 You’re probably right, I just need to find a new girl ASAP cause this one is stressing me out too much. Feels like I’m never gonna meet a girl that’s right for me This is why I would hold off on asking her out, if you're insistent on doing so. You have desperate mindset, and your "need" to find a girl - any girl - is more than likely going to come through in your interactions with her and scare her off again. I would first suggest you get to a place where you confidence is way better so you don't latch on to the first girl who gives you attention, nor freak out if a dating situation goes south. If you ask her out, and she says yes, are you really going to be able to cool your jets and let things unfold over time? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 If you keep responding to her texts, she’ll ask you to hang out. You can accept if you feel comfortable. Just don’t have expectations, and enjoy the moment. You can assess the situation after another few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 27, 2019 Author Share Posted January 27, 2019 So apparently, she just got out of a two year relationship in which she got cheated on. And her way of telling me to give her space was saying “I just wanna be friends” but she snap chats me a lot and talks to me at the bar and wants me to come watch her soccer games. What do I do Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 So apparently, she just got out of a two year relationship in which she got cheated on. And her way of telling me to give her space was saying “I just wanna be friends” but she snap chats me a lot and talks to me at the bar and wants me to come watch her soccer games. What do I do You stop responding. She is rebounding. You are going to get hurt because you want more than she does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 So she's a terrible communicator. I would never have imagined... If you just want to be a FWB, then meet her. But I don't think you really want that. You have to be honest with yourself and STOP letting her control the frame. I would tell her that "I am interested in more than just platonic friendship, I respect her boundaries in that regard, but please respect my boundaries as well. If you are interested in romantic relationship, I am interested in that and would love getting to know each other. But I do not want to just be platonic friends." As much as you want to, if you want a relationship with her, which I don't know WHY in the world you would because this girl has a lot of damage, you must resist having sex with her without her having to earn it. You need to get to know her and build trust. If you just start having sex again, she knows she can have her way with you, and that she can use sex to manipulate you. I am telling you, coming from experience, with these types of women you have to have an alpha mentality. I know you want to mock alpha construct, so call it whatever you want. Basically, it means you have boundaries too and you don't allow a woman to control you emotionally or with sex. That is her most powerful tool and if you can show she can't control you with sex crap tests, you have a chance to win her heart. I'm skeptical... Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 27, 2019 Author Share Posted January 27, 2019 You stop responding. She is rebounding. You are going to get hurt because you want more than she does. Do you thinks that’s all it was? I was just a rebound, she told me she just wants friends and now she’s talking to me again. Link to post Share on other sites
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