d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 We agreed to talk at the bar tomorrow. What should I do? Idk if she just wants to be friends or what her deal is. Don't talk. Listen. No defining what you are. Talk about anything other then relationships, feelings, etc. Hang out. Drink. Dance. Act like people who enjoy having sex with each other but stop using your mouth to do anything other then bestow sexual pleasure on her from kissing on up. If you can't do that, fall on your sword & come clean about who you really are. Go all in, lay it all out there like a confident man. Before one drop of alcohol passes your lips tell her straight up that you like her & want to date her exclusively. Explain that you understand she's scared because she got hurt last time. Make your case for why you are different & she should take the chance. Also explain that you aren't hardwired for casual but because you want more -- you want BF/GF so you can't be just friends with her since you want some much more. Make her chose. Stating your desires & boundaries is not needy or clingy. It's actually being authentic. Try it. Because, you are screwing up this NSA sex thing repeatedly. It's just not for you. You really have to stop dithering & pick a side: casual vs all in. What you are doing is highly unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) Well I talked with her and we agreed to go our separate ways. Kinda stings Edited January 12, 2019 by matty145 Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 So in the end you still ended up TALKING, you still rely on your verbal power with the hope to use your logic & argument to win her emotions? What happens to "hang out, have fun and hook up"? Anyway, I hope this is a good lesson learned for you, my friend. Goodluck. Well I talked with her and we agreed to go our separate ways. Kinda stings Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Well I talked with her and we agreed to go our separate ways. Kinda stings It's going to be better this way. You were trying to move things too quickly asking her to be exclusive after 5 days. She evidently isn't interested in that type of relationship with you anyway. You want very different things from each other, so there's really no sense in continuing to meet up, in my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Well don't leave us hanging. Tell us what happened and who started talking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 Well don't leave us hanging. Tell us what happened and who started talking about it. I basically said I like you and want to keep seeing you but I know I probably overwhelmed you a bit in the beginning and I’m sorry for that. But I don’t think I can do the whole friend thing and we should probably just go our separate ways if you want to be just friends. She responded with “ok I understand I’ll see you around” then a few minutes later responded with “it was never really that deep I just wanted to meet and talk and break the ice since we’ll be probably be running into each other every now and then.” Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Your speech was perfect. You made clear if your true desire (no friendship) and walk away. Now the ball's in her court, it's her right to hit it back or not. Now you go out, hit the gym, take care and invest onto yourself to improve yourself everyday, and start dating other women. Best of lucks brother. I basically said I like you and want to keep seeing you but I know I probably overwhelmed you a bit in the beginning and I’m sorry for that. But I don’t think I can do the whole friend thing and we should probably just go our separate ways if you want to be just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 Your speech was perfect. You made clear if your true desire (no friendship) and walk away. Now the ball's in her court, it's her right to hit it back or not. Now you go out, hit the gym, take care and invest onto yourself to improve yourself everyday, and start dating other women. Best of lucks brother. Thanks I appreciate it, I can almost sense the fact that she’s going to try and come talk to me again. Idk why, but it gets really annoying, I’m almost just ready to move on at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Now the ball's in her court, it's her right to hit it back or not. What ball? There is no ball in play She batted the ball out into the long grass the minute she said she was not interested in a relationship. Add in the tailing off of the little interest she had over the winter break, that ball just sunk into the earth. Nothing has changed since the moment she friend-zoned him which was weeks ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 I basically said I like you and want to keep seeing you but I know I probably overwhelmed you a bit in the beginning and I’m sorry for that. But I don’t think I can do the whole friend thing and we should probably just go our separate ways if you want to be just friends. She responded with “ok I understand I’ll see you around” then a few minutes later responded with “it was never really that deep I just wanted to meet and talk and break the ice since we’ll be probably be running into each other every now and then.” This is actually progress. You were true to yourself & what you want. I'm sorry she doesn't feel the same way. She is offering the olive branch of things not being weird when you do run into each other. Just be normal but cool & distant when you see her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Thanks I appreciate it, I can almost sense the fact that she’s going to try and come talk to me again. Idk why, but it gets really annoying, I’m almost just ready to move on at this point. While I agree that's a good idea, this is also why I suggest having a FWB is not a good idea for you anyway. There's really not much to move on from . You hung out a few days, but that's it, really. Your emotions got involved very quickly, and even though I agree it sucks when someone doesn't want the same thing, you would be wise to keep both feet planted firmly on the ground next time. I don't get the sense this would have developed into something more in any case, but maintaining a more rational, paced approach (or avoiding casual sex) will prevent you from building up expectations when you still barely know the girl in question. As such, the disappointment if it doesn't work out can be more easily managed for you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 What ball? There is no ball in play She batted the ball out into the long grass the minute she said she was not interested in a relationship. Add in the tailing off of the little interest she had over the winter break, that ball just sunk into the earth. Nothing has changed since the moment she friend-zoned him which was weeks ago. Yes, I agree. She left the ballpark when she told him she wasn't interested in a relationship with him. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 You need to forget about her now and move on. She just didn't want things to be weird, but she has made clear she's not attracted to you romantically. She was just easing her guilt by trying to make things seem friendly. She is not interested and never will be. You don't ever tell a guy that if don't mean it and think you even might be interested at some point. She just sounds a bit of a mess. But you did nothing wrong and pretty much things right, and now it's time to move on totally. Block her every which way and do no more than smile or nod if you see her out somewhere, which she probably figures you will and simply was trying to avoid that being awkward or scary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 One last reminder for OP: Move on WITHOUT holding any kind of resentment or negative feelings for her, because after all, she is not a bad person just because she is unable to romantically want you. In this world, nobody owes us a relationship just because we like them more than they like us. Best of lucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 So she approached me at the bar and started talking to me about my winter break and what not. Then later in the night texted me “see we can catch up and be friends”. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 So she approached me at the bar and started talking to me about my winter break and what not. Then later in the night texted me “see we can catch up and be friends”. She feels bad that she hurt you, OP. And she doesn't want it to be awkward. Maybe she'd be open to some no-strings sex sometime, but I wouldn't recommend it for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 (edited) So she approached me at the bar and started talking to me about my winter break and what not. Then later in the night texted me “see we can catch up and be friends”. NO way man, don't tolerate this at all. Take it from me having learned this lesson the hard way. If you do things on her terms, she won't respect you. You could say, "of course I'll be cordial if we happen to have some business or what not, but I don't want to casually chit chat because I don't want to just be friends." That's your only chance to actually get her to change her mind. Right now she's having her cake and eating it too. She got to sleep with you when it was convenient and she can ease her guilt by manipulating you into chit chatting. Don't do it. For one, you'll get hurt. For two, you have no chance of getting what you want letting her control the frame. If you show her its your way or the high way, she might think wow I can't manipulate this man because of sex. He's tough, now I want him. MAYBE that will happen. But she sounds like a hoe to be honest and you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. You can, but it's not worth the effort. People might hate Trump, but he's actually right. The ability to walk out of the negotiating room is the most powerful position. You need to show her its your way, or nothing. And you have to mean it. Don't cave when she texts or tells you its not that deep. That's her way of manipulating you. You know this but you're not thinking straight because of the sex. I don't care about this chick so let us do your thinking for you. Girls like her are a dime a dozen. Don't get hung up on her, because you will have to pass a million **** tests. Focus on school and now you know that you are easily manipulated if a girl gives you sex. You have to have to give no F's with these types of women, it's the only way to get them to want you. But the person you have to turn into, is not worth it. And these types of women aren't relationship material, so you have know even if you can get her back, you're going to have to act alpha all the time. Any beta behavior and she'll just hook up with someone else. Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 She wants to be friends with you, so you can accept that position or walk. Forget any thoughts that you can persuade or manipulate her into being in a relationship or even having sex with you - that isn't what she is offering. Before you know it she will be taking you shoe shopping and discussing her potential dates... Time for you to look at other options. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 So she approached me at the bar and started talking to me about my winter break and what not. Then later in the night texted me “see we can catch up and be friends”. She's just trying to make it not awkward. She still doesn't want to date you. She is simply avoiding the weird. Be pleasant when you see her out but don't worry about the rest of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 So should I text her saying leave me alone or delete my number? She is not the devil incarnate... Why the need for drama? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 She is not the devil incarnate... Why the need for drama? Tired of her texting me all the time Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 (edited) NO way man, don't tolerate this at all. Take it from me having learned this lesson the hard way. If you do things on her terms, she won't respect you. You could say, "of course I'll be cordial if we happen to have some business or what not, but I don't want to casually chit chat because I don't want to just be friends." <snip> Should I text her to leave alone or something? Or what should I do? Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
brent878 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 Should I text her to leave alone or something? Or what should I do? Text her and say "I'm seeing someone and think it's inappropriate for us to remain in contact. Thanks for understanding. Ciao." Even if it's a lie. Meh. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 So should I text her saying leave me alone or delete my number? No. Just do nothing. It's called being mature. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 Just use the button "block" which I'm sure your smartphone has one. It's called being a mature man. You don't talk, you just do. So should I text her saying leave me alone or delete my number? Link to post Share on other sites
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