Did I scare her off with being clingy or she just not into me?

[matty145]

No, ok now I’m just searching for ways to fix this unfixabke problem. I just need to move on from this and meet a different girl. Just seems like everytime I have a girl interested I manage to mess it up. Sucks

[d0nnivain]

She didn't friendzone you. She would probably still be having sex with you if you didn't pressure her for an emotional attachment.

 

However since you want a GF not a f**kbuddy, stay away from coeds who fall into bed with you after a night of drinking. Ask out a girl from class or that you met sober. Only give your heart to one who makes you work for it.

[matty145]

She didn't friendzone you. She would probably still be having sex with you if you didn't pressure her for an emotional attachment.

 

However since you want a GF not a f**kbuddy, stay away from coeds who fall into bed with you after a night of drinking. Ask out a girl from class or that you met sober. Only give your heart to one who makes you work for it.

 

I'd also be open to being FWB with her as well, how do I go about doing that? Should I text her saying that we should be non-exclusive or something?

[Interstellar]

Ouch, ok. How can I get over her? It’s sucks.

 

Huge mistake sleeping with her. Now you’re paying for it. In a previous post, I was called by some lowlife here of being a prude from Saudi when I commented to not jump into bed with women. And here we are. The BEST thing you can do is to learn from your mistakes, exercise self-control, hang back and show discipline, and don’t ask or pressure for a relationship. You gotta learn to be cool man, like Steve McQueen. Forget FWB. That’s another rabbit hole you don’t want to get into. Date other women and you’ll forget her.

[matty145]

Huge mistake sleeping with her. Now you’re paying for it. In a previous post, I was called by some lowlife here of being a prude from Saudi when I commented to not jump into bed with women. And here we are. The BEST thing you can do is to learn from your mistakes, exercise self-control, hang back and show discipline, and don’t ask or pressure for a relationship. You gotta learn to be cool man, like Steve McQueen. Forget FWB. That’s another rabbit hole you don’t want to get into. Date other women and you’ll forget her.

 

How is that a mistake haha

[MaleIntuition]

I'd also be open to being FWB with her as well, how do I go about doing that? Should I text her saying that we should be non-exclusive or something?

 

Honestly, now you are being a bit dense. Read D0nivanns posts over and over.

 

Don’t talk about ANY form of “what are we” or what she wants. She wanted to keep having fun with you, and perhaps others, without attaching labels. Young girls don’t sit down with guys and tell them they want to start a fwb-relationship. They want to live in the moment, have fun, and whatever happens, happens. You see, there is one thing to “plan” casual hookups, and something entirely different for it to “just happen” because, well, it felt right at the time. When/if you start to define and plan things, you also change that narrative away from being something casual and spontaneous towards something more complicated where she would have to examine her own moral and values. And that’s why you should have kept just having fun (ie dancing) if you wanted something casual.

 

Personally I think you should let this one go because I don’t think you have the emotional resilience to handle this right now.

[d0nnivain]

I'd also be open to being FWB with her as well, how do I go about doing that? Should I text her saying that we should be non-exclusive or something?

 

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! What part of shut up & stop talking (including texting) are you missing in all the times I have said that to you?

 

I also explained to you how you resume your FWB fun. You go to the bar & ask her to dance. See where that leads but do not under pain of death talk about anything resembling relationships, what are we? do you like me? Was it good for you? Just drink, dance, have sex, lather rinse repeat.

 

The more this thread goes on the more I realize you are not capable of NSA sex. You don't actually want that. You are settling for it because somebody somewhere put it in your head that "real men" aren't supposed to want commitment & emotional closeness especially at your age. You have been brainwashed to think you have to be open to FWB because that is what you are supposed to want. Dude, it's so not you. Stop trying to be someone you are not & let this girl go. She's playing a game you don't even know the rules too. You are going to get hurt.

[ShadeOfGreen]

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! What part of shut up & stop talking (including texting) are you missing in all the times I have said that to you?

 

I also explained to you how you resume your FWB fun. You go to the bar & ask her to dance. See where that leads but do not under pain of death talk about anything resembling relationships, what are we? do you like me? Was it good for you? Just drink, dance, have sex, lather rinse repeat.

 

The more this thread goes on the more I realize you are not capable of NSA sex. You don't actually want that. You are settling for it because somebody somewhere put it in your head that "real men" aren't supposed to want commitment & emotional closeness especially at your age. You have been brainwashed to think you have to be open to FWB because that is what you are supposed to want. Dude, it's so not you. Stop trying to be someone you are not & let this girl go. She's playing a game you don't even know the rules too. You are going to get hurt.

 

This.

 

It seems from your information that you and the girl want different things, and you are compromising your needs to be around her. Your needs appear to be that you want her to be exclusive to you, and develop some deeper-than-casual connection. If you try to be FWB with her, then I suspect you'll end up getting hurt.

 

I know it sucks right now, but you will get over this. The feelings will pass, and it will feel amazing when you meet someone who's on the same page as you.

[elaine567]

You had a casual relationship which you wanted to turn into a real relationship by bringing up exclusivity. She clearly said no.

Over the winter break she no doubt did some thinking and she decided to friend-zone you as soon as she got back.

"I just want to be friends" rarely means "I just want to be friends". it usually means "Please stay away from me, there is nothing for you here."

 

In this case friendzone should not be interpreted as "Oh goody we can now be fwb", it basically means "I no longer see you in a romantic or sexual way, go away"

 

 

Sorry...

Go find a woman who wants what you want.

[matty145]

You had a casual relationship which you wanted to turn into a real relationship by bringing up exclusivity. She clearly said no.

Over the winter break she no doubt did some thinking and she decided to friend-zone you as soon as she got back.

"I just want to be friends" rarely means "I just want to be friends". it usually means "Please stay away from me, there is nothing for you here."

 

In this case friendzone should not be interpreted as "Oh goody we can now be fwb", it basically means "I no longer see you in a romantic or sexual way, go away"

 

 

Sorry...

Go find a woman who wants what you want.

 

I'm getting different interpretations from different people

[d0nnivain]

The label doesn't matter -- FWB, friends, friend-zone, crayon, zebra, etc. The point is she does not want to talk about this, she does not want to hang out because she's afraid you will push for an emotional commitment she doesn't want. It still boils down to leave her alone.

[olivetree]

The "where are we at/where are we going/are we exclusive" conversation is kind of a wuss thing for a guy to bring up IMO and doesn't look great for a guy to do, it looks needy and insecure.

 

It only seems "needy" and "insecure" when the woman doesn't want it, so it really doesn't matter.

Also I wouldn't ask, I'd just say what I want (either gender)... "I want only you."

 

Pretty much every guy has asked me to be his girl, or just stated that's what they want.

Seems assertive to me.

 

OP, to answer your question about pressure... maybe if you'd waited a bit it would be different, maybe not.

I think she just isn't into you enough or got scared away.

You can't change anything so I think you should back off and move on.

If she comes to you, she comes to you, if she doesn't, she doesn't.

Edited January 9, 2019 by olivetree

[elaine567]

It only seems "needy" and "insecure" when the woman doesn't want it, so it really doesn't matter.

Also I wouldn't ask, I'd just say what I want (either gender)... "I want only you."

 

Pretty much every guy has asked me to be his girl, or just stated that's what they want.

Seems assertive to me.

I am guessing the men who want the woman to bring up exclusivity are hoping to delay it for as long as they can...

[some_username1]

It only seems "needy" and "insecure" when the woman doesn't want it, so it really doesn't matter.

Also I wouldn't ask, I'd just say what I want (either gender)... "I want only you."

 

Pretty much every guy has asked me to be his girl, or just stated that's what they want.

Seems assertive to me.

 

OP, to answer your question about pressure... maybe if you'd waited a bit it would be different, maybe not.

I think she just isn't into you enough or got scared away.

You can't change anything so I think you should back off and move on.

If she comes to you, she comes to you, if she doesn't, she doesn't.

 

Exactly. As a fully functioning adult male I don't do snapchat, I don't do instagram and I absolutely do not sit passively by and let the woman dictate the direction of the situation (unless she is 3rd or 4th in priority for obvious reasons). I like to think of myself as a take charge kind of guy so if I want a relationship I will tell her that. Her reaction is down to her, but if it's a negative then I respect that and will move on and look for an upgrade.

 

It's really not rocket science.

[olivetree]

I am guessing the men who want the woman to bring up exclusivity are hoping to delay it for as long as they can...

 

Or have read too much Corey Wayne, etc.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you are not cut out for FWB anyway. And that's okay, but don't keep trying to negotiate with your own feelings. You will only wind up hurt in the process.

 

And please listen to the others who have warned you against proposing non-exclusive anything with her.

 

She is not interested. You have to learn to take the hint when a woman tells you that you two "should just be friends." It's generally not an invite for NSA-sex.

[matty145]

Went out to the bar last night and got a text from her asking if I was going out. I said yea and she said she wanted to chat and catch up from the break. I told her again over text that I’m not really into being “friends” with her, and she responded “ok I understand, just wanted to chat so it wasn’t completely awkward”. I didn’t respond to that and later in the night she texted me again a few times to meet her at some bar to which I basically said no. Do I need to go talk to her or should I just cut her off?

[d0nnivain]

Ugh

 

If you really wanted sex, that was you invitation to say I'm at XYZ bar come on down. Then nature would have taken it's course. You seem to have missed that message.

 

You are back to trying to turn this into something emotional. She has never wanted anything other then light & convenient. She wants nothing to do with labels or feelings. Yet you keep pressing for definitions.

 

Because you can't seem to understand that you two are on different pages, just leave this girl alone. Every time you interact with her, you just make it worse.

 

Going forward own the fact that you want to connect with the people you sleep with / date.

[MaleIntuition]

Ugh

 

If you really wanted sex, that was you invitation to say I'm at XYZ bar come on down. Then nature would have taken it's course. You seem to have missed that message.<snip>

 

I second that: ugh.

 

Well, since you (OP) now reject her proposal for NSA maybe she’ll respect you a bit more. Maybe. It’s a long shot...

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[brokenblade]

So I met this girl at a bar and we really hit it off, danced, drank together started making out and then went back to her place and got it on. The next days after that we hung out on different study dates, went to the bar together and just hung out at her place a lot, having sex multiple times. <snip>

 

First off, I think 5 days might be a little too soon to ask about being exclusive. From what you described, it may have been too much too fast. So you may have went a little fast when it comes to the relationship. However, the sex came pretty quickly as well.

 

As far as it being fixable... all you can do is just move on to something else. It takes two to "fix" this kind of thing.

 

It seems like this kind of thing just wasn't meant to last. Everything was just so much all at once.

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[ChatroomHero]

Went out to the bar last night and got a text from her asking if I was going out. I said yea and she said she wanted to chat and catch up from the break. I told her again over text that I’m not really into being “friends” with her, and she responded “ok I understand, just wanted to chat so it wasn’t completely awkward”.

 

 

You did right. You don't want to be just friends so you chose to not put yourself in a position of hanging out with her as a friend and chatting. Cut her off. Tell her it's not awkward, you understand her position and you have moved on. If she asks to meet to chat again, ask her to understand your position that you are not interested in hanging out with her, no hard feelings and that she should move on too.

[matty145]

We agreed to talk at the bar tomorrow. What should I do? Idk if she just wants to be friends or what her deal is.

[Mrs._December]

Went out to the bar last night and got a text from her asking if I was going out. I said yea and she said she wanted to chat and catch up from the break. I told her again over text that I’m not really into being “friends” with her, and she responded “ok I understand, just wanted to chat so it wasn’t completely awkward”. I didn’t respond to that and later in the night she texted me again a few times to meet her at some bar to which I basically said no. Do I need to go talk to her or should I just cut her off?

What do you really expect from a girl who meets strange guys at the bar and goes home and has sex with them a couple hours after she meets them, and then continues to have sex with them numerous times over the next few days?

 

If she did it with you she'll do it with others. You'd really be a fool to think this was some isolated incident and she's never done this before because it sounds like it's pretty much what she always does. Just make sure to protect yourself with condoms and don't expect too much from someone who acts like this.

[ChatroomHero]

We agreed to talk at the bar tomorrow. What should I do? Idk if she just wants to be friends or what her deal is.

 

 

Talk to her, have a drink, and if she ends the night with, "I still want to be friends", wish her a good life and leave. If she is ok with FWB or wants something more or indicates she might want more in the near future after thinking about it, great.

 

 

It's one thing if you came on too strong and she backed off and needed cooling down time, but she gave you the "I'm not interested in you like that" text and at this point you have clearly stated you are not interested in just being friends. If she has a nice friendly chat and tells you how great you are and mentions being friends again, you just need to be direct and tell her you have made your feelings clear and have no intention of hanging out with a single girl you want to date as a buddy and tell her to move on.

 

 

Let's face it, there are few things that suck more than hanging out as a 'friend' with someone you want to date when they say things like, "why can't I find a date", or "why do guys treat me crappy?".

[preraph]

We agreed to talk at the bar tomorrow. What should I do? Idk if she just wants to be friends or what her deal is.

 

Great. But don't TAlK. Dance. Don't pour your heart out and act needy. You already know she's not into that at all. Just commit to not talking and just having a fun time dancing, and if she brings up the subject, see what she has to say, but don't you start it.