Anyone totally given up? How'd it work out for you?

[William]

Moderation merged two threads for context and, noting the last response from the starter that ended in the last thread being closed, we'll remind members that we look for constructive and helpful comments that address the topic. If unable/unwilling to comply, click to the next thread. Thanks!

[Beachead]

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm never going to date or be intimate with a woman again. A sad realization at the age of 25, but after all the effort I've put in, it's evident I'm undesirable. That's life, we deal with the cards we're dealt etcetera etcetera.

 

So, I'm just interested to see how many people have been in a similar / same position as me, and how they dealt with it? What is your story? I'm not going to lie, I'm fairly lonely, so I'd like to understand techniques or activities to try that would help ease into contentment with single life. I've tried typical suggestions, like gym and volunteering, so other, perhaps less common recommendations would be nice.

 

Nice Thread OP.

 

Yes.

 

I gave up and accepted that I'd be alone for the rest of my life last year. I had 3 failed relationships and a bunch of short things in between each relationship and it all wore me down. I never really had my life together when I got into any of these relationships which became frustrating and embarrassing for me and took away my confidence and that affected a lot of things. Perhaps, had I been settled in life, I would have been more balanced and I could have dealt with the sh*t better.

 

I'm always one to end up taking things to heart and sit there analyzing my behaviour and what I did wrong and how I could have fixed it. Tried to correct what I thought I did wrong and I go into the dating world again trying to apply these corrections of what I learned, only to realize it doesn't necessarily translate well with this new person and then I make mistakes in that situation. These women I've dated don't seem to have the patience nor want to work it out. Things like exes moving to another country for their career or studies or still having unresolved feelings for their own exes contributed to the demise. So yea, after multiple failures and constantly hearing the reasons and the excuses which I know really had to do with the dissatisfaction of being with me, wore me out. I got tired of the whole game and decided f*ck this sh*t. Until I feel stable in financials, career, emotions etc. I won't ever consider being with someone again. Don't care anymore to blame myself and stress over it.

 

So yes I gave up and in my mind, accepted I'm not relationship material. Whether that's true or not doesn't matter to me anymore. I can't be anyone else but me and have remained open-minded, self-critical, constantly trying improve on my weaknesses everyday. Not much else I can do beyond that. Being detached from that hope that someone special will come along makes me live my life for me now and nobody else. I don't end up having a conversation with a woman and wonder what could happen. I don't join an activity hoping I'll meet someone. I don't travel hoping I'll meet someone. It's not about meeting anyone anymore.

 

How do I cope with the loneliness?

 

I work on my longterm plans for this life and set my short-term and long-term goals for that plan and go at it and I'll die to accomplish it. It's a lonely life sometimes because I'm human and I have my needs but I counter the feelings by focusing on the one thing I can control, the outcome of my own life. I find the most peace in this so I stick to it.

 

- Beach

Edited July 31, 2018 by Beachead

[Happy Lemming]

I'm fairly lonely, so I'd like to understand techniques or activities to try that would help ease into contentment with single life.

 

Have you tried any sports or hobbies?? Bowling league?? Shooting pool/billiards?? I shot pool at a local pool hall in my youth, I wasn't very good, but I still had fun.

 

Presently, I am looking to join a group of bicycle riders that do a "fun ride" on Sunday morning (early). Does this appeal to you??

 

Again, in my youth, I used to "run" with this group of people that jogged/ran on the weekends. If memory serves, we used to have some run/function twice a month.

 

I'm sure it would break some of your loneliness if you had a function to look forward to, even if it was once a week...

 

It is a shame you can't have a dog, what about a smaller pet?? Guinea Pig?? Hamster?? Rabbit??

[ZA Dater]

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm never going to date or be intimate with a woman again. A sad realization at the age of 25, but after all the effort I've put in, it's evident I'm undesirable. That's life, we deal with the cards we're dealt etcetera etcetera.

 

So, I'm just interested to see how many people have been in a similar / same position as me, and how they dealt with it? What is your story? I'm not going to lie, I'm fairly lonely, so I'd like to understand techniques or activities to try that would help ease into contentment with single life. I've tried typical suggestions, like gym and volunteering, so other, perhaps less common recommendations would be nice.

 

 

I think there are varying degrees of giving up. We might say we are giving up but realistically nobody does completely.

 

 

Sure it nags in my mind a lot so I just try distract myself by keeping busy, I have a few really important people in life so I sometimes feel like I do fit in, I do have some of what apparently makes dating nice.

 

 

Probably the best way....don't think about it.

[outwithpeterpan]

Have you tried any sports or hobbies?? Bowling league?? Shooting pool/billiards?? I shot pool at a local pool hall in my youth, I wasn't very good, but I still had fun.

 

Presently, I am looking to join a group of bicycle riders that do a "fun ride" on Sunday morning (early). Does this appeal to you??

 

Again, in my youth, I used to "run" with this group of people that jogged/ran on the weekends. If memory serves, we used to have some run/function twice a month.

 

I'm sure it would break some of your loneliness if you had a function to look forward to, even if it was once a week...

 

It is a shame you can't have a dog, what about a smaller pet?? Guinea Pig?? Hamster?? Rabbit??

 

And whether you're "good" or not? the only way you get good at something is by doing it.

 

If you like billiards and play regularly? You'll get good at it.

 

I've been playing the guitar for a few months. I can sing and play open chords now. Still can't play bar chords. But if I practice, in a few months I will.

[LightWave93]

What does your social calendar consist of? Who are your friends?

 

I suspect it'd do you a lot of good to shift your focus to finding friends, women and men, who you can do fun things with.

 

It's really hard to be desirable to women if you have a low-energy, hermetic kinda life, and aren't overwhelmingly beautiful or something like that to make up for it.

 

Don't really have any friends. No one amazingly close anyway. A handful I'd consider good friends for the most part, but we never spend time together.

 

Not really in the best of moods at the moment so my response will be negative, but it's been a difficult rut. Three years, all the social opportunities of university, and I've still failed miserably in terms of dating and social aspects. Which is frustrating because I'm often applauded for my efforts with people, volunteer work and such like...

 

Have you tried any sports or hobbies?? Bowling league?? Shooting pool/billiards?? I shot pool at a local pool hall in my youth, I wasn't very good, but I still had fun.

 

Presently, I am looking to join a group of bicycle riders that do a "fun ride" on Sunday morning (early). Does this appeal to you??

 

Cycling is fun. I'd probably have to move to find a better area for such a thing, but I honestly wouldn't want to right now. I wouldn't be able to live alone in this state.

 

I've tried Badminton and Fencing, but both groups were cliquey and I never fit in, so I dropped them.

[CrazyKatLady]

There you have it, you are in UK. J/K

Austin Powers, baby...watch it and learn from the goofball love doctor himself if sex without marriage dating is on your agenda. So many people are unhappy dating--the Bible explains why if you want to try Christian value living. Many of us aren't built for sex only. Date. Marriage. Sex. Happily ever after. Heaven. In that order, I recommend it if you haven't tried it.