Anyone totally given up? How'd it work out for you?

[LightWave93]

OP. How many people are meeting? What kind of work do you do?

 

At this moment in time, not many. I dropped some of my hobbies to focus on my studies over the last few months, and since graduating I haven't been lucky enough to get a temporary / part-time job.

 

My friends live in various different locations, but finding the time to meet them is difficult as many have jobs. I'm studying for another year (Masters) so getting a full-time position isn't viable. In addition, my social circle is much smaller (I probably have like, only five close friends that live fairly local right now) because I chose to cut out toxic people in my life who were causing me difficulties. I will be starting a new course in September, so they'll hopefully be opportunities to meet new people then.

 

Sadly, it doesn't seem to matter what I'm doing to meet people, I don't form a solid friendship with them; just someone that I know. I had five jobs at one point and never made friends that way, and certainly didn't have dating opportunities.

 

Calm down. That is help.

 

No, that is twisting the truth because the user is suggesting that I am older than 25 but am trying to act otherwise. I am not lying to any of you, and I will not be accused of such.

[normal person]

No, that is twisting the truth because the user is suggesting that I am older than 25 but am trying to act otherwise. I am not lying to any of you, and I will not be accused of such.

 

I misread the post, my apologies. I don't blame you for being mad at that. I'm sure you're 25. But that's still a problem in a lot of peoples' eyes, but you think that just because it's not a problem in yours, that it's not a problem at all, to anyone.

 

Sadly, it doesn't seem to matter what I'm doing to meet people, I don't form a solid friendship with them; just someone that I know. I had five jobs at one point and never made friends that way, and certainly didn't have dating opportunities.

 

Lots of people don't make friends after their mid 20s. Things get set and then lives and obligations start pulling people in different directions and they have different priorities. What about your friends from high school and your earlier years? What are they up to now? I bet some of them know some women.

[LightWave93]

I misread the post, my apologies. I don't blame you for being mad at that. I'm sure you're 25.

 

Not a problem, and I apologise for making my frustrations clear. Unfortunately with threads such as these, information can get muddled up very quickly.

 

What about your friends from high school and your earlier years? What are they up to now? I bet some of them know some women.

 

I had very few friends in High School. It was a very rough time; bullied and troublesome home life. There's only one guy I "keep in contact" (Read: have on social media) with, and he's busy with a job and partner, and also hangs with people who gave me a rough time back then.

 

I have one or two friends from back when I was working, but one is a very busy family man and the other has severe depression, can't get a job, and recently had a friend commit suicide in his own home.

 

Then I have my friends at uni. Probably best if I list these;

 

- One has moved back home, two hours away. Straight away got a good graduate job, so he's focused on that.

 

- One's partner just lost his mother, so she's busy spending time with him.

 

- Another is busy finishing off their degree and working ridiculous hours.

 

- One's busy keeping his ever-growing business running.

 

- Another is moving back to her home country.

 

- Another busy with work, plus a new dating prospect.

 

- Another busy with work, and lives two hours away so finding the time / place to stay is a bit awkward.

 

The rest of my friends are predominately online, live miles away and can't get to me, or are otherwise very busy. Needless to say I never kept in contact with ex partners; the one falsely accused me of abuse and I haven't seen her since (aside from when she stalked me online), the other I let go because she was obsessed with an ex and now she's with someone else as far as I know.

 

Unfortunately in the past few years I've lost a great deal of "friends". One was a complete child who fell out with me for leaving a night club early and started spreading rumors I was a player, so cut her out. There was another who accused me of using girls for sex (lol) last year, so I lost an entire social group then (recently learned she tried to poison someone). There were a handful I never really got close to, or never bothered with me so I stopped communicating with me. There was one lad who abused one of my friends, but because I don't put up with that kind of crap and stood up to him, I got called out for being a troublemaker.

 

There were people I met doing my volunteering and other work, but never really made friends with them. Not entirely sure why because I've always been praised for my work, and much of it involves interacting with people so needless to say there's a strong element of having social / communication skills there. Only really a handful of people I spoke to on a regular basis, but it never got to the point where we interacted outside of work. That's partly the reason why I dropped them all; I was very disappointed to form no relationship with people despite advice online telling me doing all these things was the best way to meet people and form bonds.

 

Basically, I don't have a lot of luck with people.

 

EDIT:

 

At this point you're probably wondering where all the positive feedback came from. Needless to say my current friends, but also some of the more toxic ones I've since cut off contact with; obviously they don't like me much anymore because I won't tolerate their poor behavior. Then there's my online ones who have traveled to see me in person. I have quite a number of gaming friends who I talk to regularly and penpals on sites such as Reddit.

Edited June 26, 2018 by LightWave93

[preraph]

With due respect this really isn't helpful to the OP. That's like saying go and buy a sweater you don't like and maybe if you wear it often enough you might end up liking it.

 

I honestly think its better to have nothing than someone you don't really want.

 

 

OP. How many people are meeting? What kind of work do you do?

 

It's certainly better for the person you don't want!

[Chris2016]

Are you staying age-appropriate and not trying to date young ones? That's one of the most common mistakes. The other is thinking you're more attractive than you are and being picky about how a woman looks. I really believe most people can date if they are willing to keep lowering their attractiveness standard. I realize that's easier said than done.

 

With due respect this really isn't helpful to the OP. That's like saying go and buy a sweater you don't like and maybe if you wear it often enough you might end up liking it.

 

I honestly think its better to have nothing than someone you don't really want.

 

OP. How many people are meeting? What kind of work do you do?

 

But how does one know?

 

For people who struggle, lack experiences, I don't think it hurts to open yourselves to different levels of attractiveness, different people, people who want you. OP is young and has time to try.

 

I'd like to think of it as buying that one item you were hesitant to buy, cause it was cheap, packaging was off, but you bought it anyways, cause there was none of the same item left, and it turns out the purchase was a pretty good buy.

 

As long as those people want you, why not, I'd say. You don't have to commit, marry, or anything to them; nor them to you. But I think the experience(s) gained will be invaluable.

 

If you get positive experiences from "lowering your standards", you may seek those positive experiences again, and not consider them lowering your standards, but your normal standard.

Edited June 28, 2018 by Chris2016

[LightWave93]

My standards are really not that high at all.

 

Someone decent and reasonably attractive. That's it. I have no strict rules or whatever else that others seem to have when it comes to dating / sex.

 

The problem is, you talk about gaining positive experiences. How can I? The point of this thread is that I can't get women to take an interest in me, so how can I possibly gain that experience?

 

I really can't stress it enough; I'm a pretty ordinary guy. As far as I know, and I have no reason to believe as I'm sure it would have been said to me by now, I have no severe personality flaws and apparently I'm decent-looking enough (hell, went on another site to post pics and they're struggling to understand).

 

I don't get matches on dating apps, women don't give me the time of day, and when I'm the one making the approaches etc, they're disinterested.

[Adiron]

With due respect this really isn't helpful to the OP. That's like saying go and buy a sweater you don't like and maybe if you wear it often enough you might end up liking it.

 

 

I honestly think its better to have nothing than someone you don't really want.

 

 

Says the guy who never had a second date in his entire life and starts a new thread every 2 weeks complaining about it.

[Chris2016]

But how does one know?

 

For people who struggle, lack experiences, I don't think it hurts to open yourselves to different levels of attractiveness, different people, [until you find] people who want you. OP is young and has time to try.

 

I'd like to think of it as buying that one item you were hesitant to buy, cause it was cheap, packaging was off, but you bought it anyways, cause there was none of the same item left, and it turns out the purchase was a pretty good buy.

 

As long as those people want you, why not, I'd say. You don't have to commit, marry, or anything to them; nor them to you. But I think the experience(s) gained will be invaluable.

 

If you get positive experiences from "lowering your standards", you may seek those positive experiences again, and not consider them lowering your standards, but your normal standard.

 

My standards are really not that high at all.

 

Someone decent and reasonably attractive. That's it. I have no strict rules or whatever else that others seem to have when it comes to dating / sex.

 

The problem is, you talk about gaining positive experiences. How can I? The point of this thread is that I can't get women to take an interest in me, so how can I possibly gain that experience?

 

I really can't stress it enough; I'm a pretty ordinary guy. As far as I know, and I have no reason to believe as I'm sure it would have been said to me by now, I have no severe personality flaws and apparently I'm decent-looking enough (hell, went on another site to post pics and they're struggling to understand).

 

I don't get matches on dating apps, women don't give me the time of day, and when I'm the one making the approaches etc, they're disinterested.

 

See bolded.

[LightWave93]

See bolded.

 

Oh my God...actually read my post dude.

 

I can't get those experiences because no woman wants me.

[5x5]

Look, you may not like the answers I give to your posts, but I'm not here to spout off lies to fit your vision of my situation. I genuinely want help, at this point I'm even desperate for it, but I'm also not going to paint the wrong picture. I've had a handful of people assume it's because I'm ugly, socially inept, that it's to do with my age and that any feedback that's been given to me has been lies; when these things are factually inaccurate, then I am going to speak out against it.

 

Yet your results don't reflect your plumage. So something is wrong, and whatever that is. It is highly likely to be inherent within your behaviour, since it keeps happening to you.

 

As to your friends and acquaintances blowing you smoke, seriously if your come across as splendidly as you claim. The women who tell you these things, would be trying to get into your pants as they do so. The fact that they aren't, ought to give you pause as to the reliability of their opinion.

 

While you should also be cognisant of the fact that aesthetics may not get you past the line, from the moment you open your mouth, or from the way you move and carry yourself.

 

In my experience being attractive to women, has seen them say things like: "You're cute. Want to come to my place?" and then we got a taxi and then we're at it. Or "You're beautiful, I want you to kiss me." Then we're having sex a little while later. Or "Call me" is whispered into my ear, just after we met, as they press a note with their phone number into my hand. "Dance with us, we want you", or after being in a room with one for a few minutes. "Do you want to go on a date with me?, or "do you want to ****?. On and on etc, all rather plentifully. Hell I even had an Irish woman ask me on a date sight unseen, because she liked my voice and the conversation we had via a chance phone call.

 

Phone calls aside a lot of those things, were often prefaced with some eye contact and a smile. Which was accompanied by the splendid rush, that comes with what feels like lust at first sight.

 

You know the kind, where it feels like there is electricity between you. There's tingles and the air feels as thick as butter and all else falls away. As that delicious feeling ensues while you look at them, smile, look away and look back again.

 

All while they're feeling the same and doing the same, before a single word is spoken. Then in short order after saying hi, you find you are touching each other and kissing.

 

Eyes, smile, mutual attraction, hi, go on.

 

Eyes, smile, no reciprocation, shrug, next.

[LightWave93]

Basically, what you insist to everyone here is that you are a good looking, socially capable guy that spends his time around a bunch of college-aged girls, yet still inexplicably cannot find one girl that is interested in dating you. If these things are true, then there is something about you that is turning women off.

 

Yes, this is all true.

 

RE. Good-looking. I, personally, wouldn't think so. I don't have reason to believe I am, but literally everyone else says otherwise. We've had two people in this thread say so, and last time when I posted my online dating profiles on Reddit I was told, paraphrasing, "You're a good-looking guy and your bio is fine, how is it possible you're not getting matches / dates?". Beats me, random internet stranger!

 

Oh, and for a laugh I submitted myself to a modelling agency. I've just heard back from them and they want to meet me, lol!

 

As for socially-capable. Well, granted that's a difficult one to prove online, but most of my work involves interacting with others and I've been highly praised for it, featured in magazine articles and such. I'm always going out with friends, have been told straight up without prompting "How do you do it?" when interacting with strangers. I don't really know what else to say. I just...get along with anyone, I guess.

 

In my experience being attractive to women, has seen them say things like: "You're cute. Want to come to my place?" and then we got a taxi and then we're at it. Or "You're beautiful, I want you to kiss me." Then we're having sex a little while later. Or "Call me" is whispered into my ear, just after we met, as they press a note with their phone number into my hand. "Dance with us, we want you", or after being in a room with one for a few minutes. "Do you want to go on a date with me?, or "do you want to ****?. On and on etc, all rather plentifully. Hell I even had an Irish woman ask me on a date sight unseen, because she liked my voice and the conversation we had via a chance phone call.

 

Lucky you, as this is pretty much all I wish to experience and probably never will.

 

a lot of those things, were often prefaced with some eye contact and a smile.

 

I do this, though. I'm not say talking to a woman with a stone-cold look on my face; we make eye-contact, we laugh, I tease when appropriate. I'm not sleazy or a slob

Edited June 28, 2018 by LightWave93

[clia]

As for socially-capable. Well, granted that's a difficult one to prove online, but most of my work involves interacting with others and I've been highly praised for it, featured in magazine articles and such. I'm always going out with friends, have been told straight up without prompting "How do you do it?" when interacting with strangers. I don't really know what else to say. I just...get along with anyone, I guess.

 

And yet above you said, and I quote:

 

There were people I met doing my volunteering and other work, but never really made friends with them. Not entirely sure why because I've always been praised for my work, and much of it involves interacting with people so needless to say there's a strong element of having social / communication skills there. Only really a handful of people I spoke to on a regular basis, but it never got to the point where we interacted outside of work. That's partly the reason why I dropped them all; I was very disappointed to form no relationship with people despite advice online telling me doing all these things was the best way to meet people and form bonds.

 

"Basically, I don't have a lot of luck with people."

 

This is likely tied to your problems with women. Get to the bottom of why this is happening and you may have your answer.

[5x5]

Well you can continue to protect your ego, or you can have better luck with women.

 

As it stands, with the way you're going. The latter is less likely to happen, while ever you continue to maintain the former.

 

That said whatever you choose, good luck to you.

[LightWave93]

[]

 

I came here legitimately trying to find help. I have said time and time again I am open to criticism and feedback, but all you have done is focused on two particulars that I am struggling to talk about because it's been talked about in great detail and now we're just repeating.

 

I am not lying to anybody here. I had had people tell me these positive things about, even sought professional help over it, and believe me I find it as frustrating as you do that the words don't match the reality.

 

If anyone wants to give me unbiased, polite, CONSTRUCTIVE advice without repeating hammering home the idea I'm ugly (despite evidence to the contrary) and that I'm a horrible person (despite evidence to the contrary), then I would be extremely happy to talk to you. All I want is help, and I'm desperate for it.

 

[]

 

This is likely tied to your problems with women. Get to the bottom of why this is happening and you may have your answer.

[]

I've had a lot of toxic people come into my life and cause me problems, but there's a good number of friends too.

 

I talk to people, I listen and take an interest them, we laugh together and have a great time. That is a fact. Why they don't become regular friends I don't know. Same applies to women not turning into dates / casual encounter. BUT PEOPLE STILL LIKE ME.

Edited July 31, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge threads for context, minor edit and reopen to comments

[LightWave93]

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm never going to date or be intimate with a woman again. A sad realization at the age of 25, but after all the effort I've put in, it's evident I'm undesirable. That's life, we deal with the cards we're dealt etcetera etcetera.

 

So, I'm just interested to see how many people have been in a similar / same position as me, and how they dealt with it? What is your story? I'm not going to lie, I'm fairly lonely, so I'd like to understand techniques or activities to try that would help ease into contentment with single life. I've tried typical suggestions, like gym and volunteering, so other, perhaps less common recommendations would be nice.

[SevenCity]

Not exactly the same, but I gave up on trying to find a serious relationship. 2 years prior the woman I thought for sure I was going to marry up and left with no real reason after 7 years.

 

I dated, had sex with, and had mini RLs with many women since. It was depressing at first but then I got ok with it. I actually started to enjoy being single and doing things on my terms After a little while I met my gf.

 

I’m a firm believer that love happens when you are not looking.

 

But dating and sex, as a guy, is not something you can expect to happen unless you are actively participating. I had dates nearly every weekend (all from OLD) and put in a lot of effort.

 

All that practice was good as it honed my skills and prepared me for when the right woman came along (who I didn’t meet on OLD).

 

But I’ve learned to not lose myself in a relationship and recognize it can end at any minute for any or no reason. And that’s ok.

 

I don’t think I can be hurt again like I was with my ex. Something in me died with her and I’m glad to see it gone.

[amaysngrace]

Get a dog

[LightWave93]

Not exactly the same, but I gave up on trying to find a serious relationship. 2 years prior the woman I thought for sure I was going to marry up and left with no real reason after 7 years.

 

I dated, had sex with, and had mini RLs with many women since. It was depressing at first but then I got ok with it. I actually started to enjoy being single and doing things on my terms After a little while I met my gf.

 

I’m a firm believer that love happens when you are not looking.

 

But dating and sex, as a guy, is not something you can expect to happen unless you are actively participating. I had dates nearly every weekend (all from OLD) and put in a lot of effort.

 

All that practice was good as it honed my skills and prepared me for when the right woman came along (who I didn’t meet on OLD).

 

But I’ve learned to not lose myself in a relationship and recognize it can end at any minute for any or no reason. And that’s ok.

 

I don’t think I can be hurt again like I was with my ex. Something in me died with her and I’m glad to see it gone.

 

Agree about active participation, but I've gone above and beyond the norm to get a date and/or sex and nothing comes of it, so best to throw in the towel!

 

Really sorry to hear about the experience you had with your ex though. I've been through similar and it was heartbreaking, but at least you're now in a better position.

 

Get a dog

 

Ha! I would love to, but couldn't afford to look after it and I wouldn't be allowed to keep it here anyway!

[amaysngrace]

Ha! I would love to, but couldn't afford to look after it and I wouldn't be allowed to keep it here anyway!

 

That stinks....would you be interested in being a dog walker? You can meet a lot of people that way!

[LightWave93]

That stinks....would you be interested in being a dog walker? You can meet a lot of people that way!

 

Eh, not really something I've ever considered but it's certainly a consideration to be had. I'd be more interested in making actual friends though, as opposed to business acquaintances.

 

I know I'm going to be busy this year with my studies, so at the moment everything is up in the air as far as free time is concerned.

[outwithpeterpan]

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm never going to date or be intimate with a woman again. A sad realization at the age of 25, but after all the effort I've put in, it's evident I'm undesirable. That's life, we deal with the cards we're dealt etcetera etcetera.

 

So, I'm just interested to see how many people have been in a similar / same position as me, and how they dealt with it? What is your story? I'm not going to lie, I'm fairly lonely, so I'd like to understand techniques or activities to try that would help ease into contentment with single life. I've tried typical suggestions, like gym and volunteering, so other, perhaps less common recommendations would be nice.

 

What does your social calendar consist of? Who are your friends?

 

I suspect it'd do you a lot of good to shift your focus to finding friends, women and men, who you can do fun things with.

 

It's really hard to be desirable to women if you have a low-energy, hermetic kinda life, and aren't overwhelmingly beautiful or something like that to make up for it.

 

So start by having more fun, finding a hobby you're passionate about and doing it.

 

For me that fun thing is dancing. My friends and I go out frequently in the city we live in to dance.

 

If I went to the exact same places, as the exact same person... and just didn't dance? I'd have a hard time making an impression on a girl. So its clearly not just about who you are, its about how you present yourself.

 

Honestly, if I tried to "date" in the sense that people talk about on here, create a profile, say I'm looking for X, Y, Z, put a few pictures up.... I'd fail so miserably. I need a social setting to get a girl's number. Maybe you do too.

[Blanco]

I haven't given up, but I'm not actively trying. Not because I think I'll never be with someone again, but because I'm focused on getting my act together before I put any energy toward finding a long-term relationship. Doesn't seem fair to try to bring someone into the fold like that when I'm not where I want/need to be.

[basil67]

Eh, not really something I've ever considered but it's certainly a consideration to be had. I'd be more interested in making actual friends though, as opposed to business acquaintances.

 

My old dog figured out that men could throw his ball much further than me. So I'd throw it and he'd retrieve it and take it to a man. If I'd been looking to date, my dog would have been an excellent wing man.

[Happy Lemming]

My old dog figured out that men could throw his ball much further than me. So I'd throw it and he'd retrieve it and take it to a man. If I'd been looking to date, my dog would have been an excellent wing man.

 

Over the weekend, I had something similar happen to me. I was at a local shopping center and a woman's dog jumped out of her car and ran right over to me. The woman asked me to grab her dog, so I picked him up and took him over to her. At which point, she introduced herself and started flirting. If I wasn't in a long term relationship, it would have been quite easy to ask her to have a cup of coffee and gotten her phone number for a date. I wonder if this woman has trained her dog to go up to guys?? Hmmm??

[HiCrunchy]

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm never going to date or be intimate with a woman again. A sad realization at the age of 25, but after all the effort I've put in, it's evident I'm undesirable. That's life, we deal with the cards we're dealt etcetera etcetera.

 

So, I'm just interested to see how many people have been in a similar / same position as me, and how they dealt with it? What is your story? I'm not going to lie, I'm fairly lonely, so I'd like to understand techniques or activities to try that would help ease into contentment with single life. I've tried typical suggestions, like gym and volunteering, so other, perhaps less common recommendations would be nice.

 

Same bro, same.