Anyone totally given up? How'd it work out for you?

[LightWave93]

Everything that gets suggested as perhaps part of the problem is most definitely not the problem and is vehemently shot down.

 

Wrong. I am open to suggestions. You just keep revisiting particular subject areas which I am already confident in the answers to.

 

You say you do every single thing right, and won't entertain examination of the circumstances.

 

If you want to start putting words into my mouth again, then I will kindly ask you to leave. I have never said or suggested I do everything right.

 

I'm not saying your friends are necessarily wrong, but I am saying the market is always right. If I were you, I wouldn't be above entertaining some outside perspectives considering none of the perspectives you've got up to this point have held much weight.

 

Are you not reading what I've had to say? I have stated, numerous times, that I have gathered MANY outside perspectives.

 

People are full of crap. If you are asking your female friends if you are good looking, you are putting them on the spot. Of course they are going to say you are good looking! Women don't wanna be mean and say you are ugly, average, or below average. You absolutely cannot expect an honest answer there. It's like when you are in the grocery store, and the person ringing you up asks how you're doing. Do you tell them you have had a crap day, you're mad that you can't get a date, and you're tired of watching porn? No. You just say you're "good." If your female friends thought you were good looking, they would be trying to bang you. That's how you know they are lying.

 

I'm not going to debate the "level of attractiveness" thing anymore, because I've done this whole thing in the past. What you don't seem to understand is that these sentiments are echo'd by people who don't even know know me and have no reason to be dishonest, not just women I know. I've been to numerous websites and been told, straight up, that I'm a good-looking guy. Hell, the last time I ended up having this discussion on the internet, everyone I showed pictures to said "You're above average, it is definitely not your looks that are a problem" or words to that effect.

 

I'm not trying to dismiss your concerns and certainly appreciate you taking the time out to respond to my request for help, but I wish people on this site would actually believe the things I say so that we can stop going in circles. It is very frustrating and insulting.

 

Put a bag over her head, and it's all the same.

 

You disgust me. Stay out of this thread.

 

 

 

I'm going to summaries a few points, before they get misconstrued (again);

 

- I have taken on board every piece of advice that has been given to me over the years, implemented it, and have had no change in results.

- Professionals, people I have personal relationships with and strangers have all suggested or outright stated I am not doing anything inherently wrong to warrant this lack of success. In fact, everyone I speak to is often surprised at this idea.

- I have done much to "put myself out there", IE. I don't sit on my arse all day.

- My social circle is small and has been ever-changing, the upside being that I've got to meet many women. The majority of my friends are female and are quite clearly comfortable being around me.

- In a student environment, I cannot get anything. No casual hookups, a date or a substantial relationship.

- I am older than many of my peers, but will go after women in a similar situation in life as me and/or my own age group. It has been suggested here that age may be an issue, which I personally disagree with due to the fact that these women don't even know my age (people assume I'm younger), and I have experienced many women going after men much older than me, without their stuff together etc.

- It has been suggested I am not attractive (enough), however feedback I've been given heavily suggests that I am at least above average.

- My dating profiles have been reviewed constantly / regularly, and for the most part have been fine (minor tweaks). I have no success through these mediums.

- I do approach women in appropriate situations (EG. parties), but I do not cold approach (IE. Approach / dance with random stranger at a club).

- Women outside of my social circle ignore my presence. I don't catch any signals when out, for example.

Edited June 25, 2018 by LightWave93

[BaileyB]

OP, all we can say is that you should continue to be the best person that you can be. Get out there and meet people. Don't be afraid to try, and fail. Dating is, after all, rejection until you meet the right person. Just, try to have some fun with it...

 

Remember, it only takes one...

Edited June 25, 2018 by BaileyB

[LightWave93]

OP, all we can say is that you should continue to be the best person that you can be. Get out there and meet people. Don't be afraid to try, and fail. Dating is, after all, rejection until you meet the right person. Just, try to have some fun with it...

 

Remember, it only takes one...

 

To find that one, I have to actually be able to get dates. I'm not getting dates.

 

And it's not just that either. I have needs, I like sex. Our culture is rife with casual encounters, and yet no one likes me on a superficial level for me to experience that either.

 

It's just so difficult when all around you people are dating or hooking up, and then you go online for advice and end up reading stories about how people are dating or hooking up. I just long for the day I can be "normal" and experience love and intimacy again.

 

It's got to the point where I've genuinely considered an escort. It's not in my character, but it feels like the only way I'd ever have the company of an attractive woman. And that is upsetting. And no one truly seems to understand.

[clia]

Funnily enough, a lot of my female friends have said I'm attractive, charming etc, and many who do have boyfriends have told me that at one point or another their partners saw me as a threat to their relationship.

 

Have you asked them to tell you truthfully and honestly why they had no interest in dating you and/or why you were no threat at all to their relationship?

 

You can find a guy attractive and charming but still have no interest in dating him. You need to get to the root of why none of your female friends had any interest in dating you when you first met them.

[HiCrunchy]

What do u look like?

[clia]

I've had two women this very week tell me they are really surprised i have no luck with dating, and a guy say if I lived closer to him he'd buy me a drink because I'm an awesome guy to talk to.

 

And yet neither one of these women wanted to date you or offered to set you up with one of their friends. There is a reason for that. You just need one of them to tell you honestly what the reason is.

 

I've known guys who had trouble dating. Several of those guys were intelligent, reasonably good looking, and had good jobs. On paper there was no reason why they should be having trouble getting dates or finding someone. But having known them, I could easily tell you at least some reasons why they were having trouble. You need your friends to tell you truthfully what is going on if you can't figure it out for yourself.

[d0nnivain]

They don't show an interest in me either. No woman from any walk of life does.

 

 

I suspect you may be missing certain social cues. You are in a university environment. Getting a date there should be like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

 

I had a good male friend like that. On paper he was amazing: classic tall dark & handsome; dressed well; well educated & well spoken (graduate degree) fit marathon runner. He cried all the time that he couldn't get women. Made no sense to me so I agreed to go to a club with him one night. We walked in & as I suspected, half the women in the place started checking him out even though he was with me. We were far enough apart that we didn't look like a couple but I clearly knew him. By the time we got from the door to the bar 6 attractive women hit on him. He was clueless.

 

I pointed out all the women who were interested & acted as a liaison for some of them. He tried to say it was me not him.

 

About a week later, we went to different bar at the beach on a Saturday afternoon. My BF came along this time to give my buddy a male perspective & a male wingman. Being a guy my BF explained things in a more male way as in pointed out all the women who would gladly "drop their panties" for my buddy right there. My BF went further to assure my buddy that if he played his cards right he could probably get more then one of the women to have sex with him on premises. My BF was a bit of a player.

 

After we basically taught my buddy what to look for, he had women lined up. He met the woman who is now his wife, been married for almost 20 years, a few months later.

 

My husband was also kind of clueless about women too. He rarely realizes when women are hitting on him. It cracks me up.

[LightWave93]

Have you asked them to tell you truthfully and honestly why they had no interest in dating you and/or why you were no threat at all to their relationship?

 

You can find a guy attractive and charming but still have no interest in dating him. You need to get to the root of why none of your female friends had any interest in dating you when you first met them.

 

I think you may misunderstand. These are my friends. I have no interest in dating them, and they me, for a variety of reasons such as already having partners or not looking or incompatibility, but mostly boiling down to being just friends...which I'm perfectly fine with. I don't see what's so odd about having female friends that never considered dating me, that's the point of a friendship.

 

It's their partners who saw me as a threat, for one reason or another. Two that spring to mind is that they considered me more attractive, or more confident than them.

 

What do u look like?

 

I'm not posting pictures in public. If anyone wants to see me, they can ask via PM.

 

And yet neither one of these women wanted to date you or offered to set you up with one of their friends. There is a reason for that. You just need one of them to tell you honestly what the reason is.

 

Sorry, for clarify, those particular women live in different countries and I met online. They're not dating prospects, just pen pals.

 

I've known guys who had trouble dating. Several of those guys were intelligent, reasonably good looking, and had good jobs. On paper there was no reason why they should be having trouble getting dates or finding someone. But having known them, I could easily tell you at least some reasons why they were having trouble. You need your friends to tell you truthfully what is going on if you can't figure it out for yourself.

 

I am not going through this again, so you need to accept that my friends have not lied to me. Period.

 

I am getting frustrated repeating myself.

 

EDIT:

 

I'm not meaning to sound aggressive, but sometimes I get the impression people on this website are intentionally trying to wind me up. I keep repeating myself that my friends have been completely honest and open about their feedback, and it's in-line with the feedback I have received from total strangers, therapists and dating coaches, but non of you want to believe me either. I have no reason to lie, these people have no reason to lie, so can we just drop the idea that literally everyone who has met me in person is lying.

 

We walked in & as I suspected, half the women in the place started checking him out even though he was with me. We were far enough apart that we didn't look like a couple but I clearly knew him. By the time we got from the door to the bar 6 attractive women hit on him. He was clueless.

 

I can assure you that this DOES NOT HAPPEN. I do not get checked out no matter how well presented I am or how much fun I am having, and I go out very regularly.

 

I've also never had a girl talk to me in a night club / bar. If I had opportunities like your friend had, trust me, I would not be here.

Edited June 25, 2018 by LightWave93

[d0nnivain]

I can assure you that this DOES NOT HAPPEN. I do not get checked out no matter how well presented I am or how much fun I am having, and I go out very regularly.

 

I've also never had a girl talk to me in a night club / bar.

 

My buddy used to tell me the same thing. Women don't check me out. Women don't talk to me. He was so wrong.

 

All I can do is share my experience with you. YMMV

[LightWave93]

My buddy used to tell me the same thing. Women don't check me out. Women don't talk to me. He was so wrong.

 

All I can do is share my experience with you. YMMV

 

I'm a very observant person, and on top of that I know when my male friends are being checked out. Not all the time of course, but they have more success than me and it's clear as day when a girl is into them. I've seen them approach on more than on occasion, and that's even if they're sitting in a dark corner at a club.

 

Me? I dance, I sing, I smile, I interact with friends. Hell, just the other week I got talking to a random group of lads and partied with them for a bit (one of them randomly said I looked great that night and should easily be able to pull a girl if I wanted to; I told him I never had and then the questions started flowing, lol).

[clia]

I think you may misunderstand. These are my friends. I have no interest in dating them, and they me, for a variety of reasons such as already having partners or not looking or incompatibility, but mostly boiling down to being just friends...which I'm perfectly fine with. I don't see what's so odd about having female friends that never considered dating me, that's the point of a friendship.

 

I'm not misunderstanding.

 

When you first met your female friends, you weren't friends. You didn't know each other. You were two people who just met. It was a clean slate. They made a decision that they weren't interested in dating you (and you made the same decision) so you ended up as friends.

 

Aren't you here complaining that women don't want to date you? Wouldn't it make sense to ask some women who also made that decision why they made that decision?

 

That's all I'm saying.

 

Sorry, for clarify, those particular women live in different countries and I met online. They're not dating prospects, just pen pals.

 

If you've never met them in person and they only know you through the lens of how you present yourself to them online, then their viewpoint doesn't mean much.

 

I am not going through this again, so you need to accept that my friends have not lied to me. Period.

 

I'm not saying they are lying. I'm saying they may not be completely truthful because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

 

I'm not meaning to sound aggressive, but sometimes I get the impression people on this website are intentionally trying to wind me up. I keep repeating myself that my friends have been completely honest and open about their feedback, and it's in-line with the feedback I have received from total strangers, therapists and dating coaches, but non of you want to believe me either. I have no reason to lie, these people have no reason to lie, so can we just drop the idea that literally everyone who has met me in person is lying.

 

What specific advice have you received from dating coaches on how to improve your situation? How long did you work with dating coach(es)?

[LightWave93]

Aren't you here complaining that women don't want to date you? Wouldn't it make sense to ask some women who also made that decision why they made that decision?

 

Natural progression. Neither party was interested so we became friends. A whole range of reasons on either side; not single, not looking for a relationship, neither one of the others type, personality clash, etc etc.

 

If you've never met them in person and they only know you through the lens of how you present yourself to them online, then their viewpoint doesn't mean much.

 

The only point I was trying to illustrate was that the same sentiments are echo'd by strangers and people who know me alike. It's just a common theme.

 

I'm not saying they are lying. I'm saying they may not be completely truthful because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

 

I get that, but I'm saying that as far as I'm concerned and for the purposes of this discussion, it would be far more productive to assume the feedback I receive is accurate.

 

What specific advice have you received from dating coaches on how to improve your situation? How long did you work with dating coach(es)?

 

Over a year. I never received specific advice as they said I had the appearance / personality to do well with women, and essentially to keep on meeting new people and talking to them, which is what I do regardless of dating prospects.

[normal person]

If you want to start putting words into my mouth again, then I will kindly ask you to leave. I have never said or suggested I do everything right.

 

I'm not putting words in your mouth. Again I ask, can anything be suggested without you insisting that it isn't the issue? As in, you have areas of concern that you want people to focus on? What do you think is, or might be, the issue?

 

 

Are you not reading what I've had to say? I have stated, numerous times, that I have gathered MANY outside perspectives.

 

I've read it many times. I don't think you're reading what I have to say. What I'm saying is that these outside perspectives are irrelevant because those things don't manifest themselves in reality. If everyone says you're an attractive, appealing person, yet you attract and appeal to no one, then you aren't actually an attractive, appealing person and maybe those peoples' opinions aren't worth basing your whole perspective on. You should base your opinions on the reality of the market as you experience it, not the market as it's described to you by others without your skin in the game. Mark Cuban says don't take advice from people who don't have to live with the consequences. The same thing applies.

 

This could be for a variety of reasons. People put on the spot will only say nice things about you. People will omit the bad things because it's of no benefit to them to vocalize it. It might harder to describe an intangible quality. The less flattering things about you might not be easily changed and therefore no one's eager to mention them. Even when you're not there, people might only say good things about you because saying anything else may make them look bad, and/or the bad things are obvious and understood by everyone but don't need to be said.

 

For example, a friend of my friend is a heavier girl. She never really had much luck with guys for the obvious reason, but if the subject ever came up, whether or not she was there, we'd all say "Yeah, she's cute and a lot of fun. I hope she finds a guy." We all know the elephant in the room, we never mention it for a variety of reasons, and fail to qualify that while she is cute and fun, she's neither cute or fun enough for most guys to overlook the other thing. But you can see how that can be misinterpreted. Either way she lost some weight and found a decent guy now, and even so there will be no talk of "See? All you had to do was to lose some weight and now it's easy." Everyone knows each others' shortcomings even if we can't always see our own. A lot of times they don't need to be said because they're a net negative. Again, if everyone says X, but in your experience X isn't at all true, can you really trust their opinion?

 

I'm not going to debate the "level of attractiveness" thing anymore, because I've done this whole thing in the past. What you don't seem to understand is that these sentiments are echo'd by people who don't even know know me and have no reason to be dishonest, not just women I know. I've been to numerous websites and been told, straight up, that I'm a good-looking guy. Hell, the last time I ended up having this discussion on the internet, everyone I showed pictures to said "You're above average, it is definitely not your looks that are a problem" or words to that effect.

 

While they may have no reason to be dishonest, keep in mind they may have no reason to be honest, either. Or at least entirely honest. I think most people will likely default to a curated answer that's most comfortable for them, not the one that's most beneficial or honest to you.

 

I'm not trying to dismiss your concerns and certainly appreciate you taking the time out to respond to my request for help, but I wish people on this site would actually believe the things I say so that we can stop going in circles. It is very frustrating and insulting.

 

If you didn't have a problem, I wouldn't blame you for believing everything everyone said, but you do have a very well documented issue to the contrary of what these people say and suggest. You can't really blame people here for taking it all with a grain of salt. You insist X, the market says otherwise, and you insist it's not the issue. You can't blame people here for siding against your assertions. It's like you're here saying "I have a problem: I can't golf, but let me be clear that it's not because I'm a bad golfer. All my friends say I'm great and I've gotten the opinions of hundreds of people. I'm a great golfer. So why is my score so bad?"

 

So, fine. If the problem isn't anything people in this thread have suggested, what do you think the problem might be? If it's not all the things already discussed, what could it possibly be?

[LightWave93]

can you really trust their opinion?

 

Yes.

 

what could it possibly be?

 

If I had any clue, I wouldn't be spending hours on internet forums trying to figure it out.

 

For all intents and purposes, I do things right. Not perfect, certainly room for improvement, but "right". I socialize, I groom, I work hard, I work out. etc etc...I can rattle off the standard list, but you get the idea. And then there's the extras, like actually trying to figure this out including hiring professionals to support me, a far bigger effort than most people would ever have to go through in their lives to have a dating life. And like you, I've been on forums and tried to help out guys who struggle, but usually there's a clear issue. They never go out, they have severe mental or physical health problems, they're misogynistic, they're a slob. I don't have any of these glaringly obvious problems.

[d0nnivain]

have you tried asking your friends if they know anybody to fix you up with?

[LightWave93]

have you tried asking your friends if they know anybody to fix you up with?

 

Not sure if it sent, by I did shoot you a PM.

 

Yes, and they don't know anyone who's available / local / currently looking.

[normal person]

Yes.

 

Yet here you are. Perhaps that's your biggest problem. The world is telling you one thing and causing you palpable misery, but you refuse to examine the circumstances of why that is because people have told you it shouldn't be the case, and because you also refuse to examine the circumstances under which they've told you. You come here complaining about the pain of the real world, but without the willingness to accept the reality of it. Your heart is in reality, your head is still stuck in the clouds.

 

Think about it this way: your 50 friends and strangers say you're a great guy without any serious issue who should have no problem dating. But also, ~300 women have said, in one way or another, that they don't want to date you (by either actively rejecting you or by passively rejecting you; showing no outright interest in you). The score is 50 to you, 300 to them, and you still think you're winning. You think your 50 friends are the right ones and everyone else is wrong. Why? Answer me that. Why do you put more weight in the mere opinions of people who are detached from the consequences of the things they say than on your own experiences, which tell a dramatically different tale? What would the score have to be for you to capitulate? 400 to 50? 500 to 50? 1000 to 50? It's been years and the score has only gotten more lopsided. At what point, if ever, would you consider that no matter how much your friends say you're winning, that the scoreboard is the most accurate representation of the situation?

 

 

Another thing: maybe they don't have any reason to lie to you. Maybe they're just simply wrong or misinformed. My friend has been with his now wife for 11 years. He still thinks romantic stuff like flowers and candles is a great gesture, despite her saying that all that stuff is way too sappy for her and it makes her gag. He just doesn't get it. He bases his decisions off of how he wishes the world was rather than what reality tells him. And yes, his marriage has been troubled because he can't understand this.

 

There are plenty of people out there who have no clue about a lot of things. I'm not saying everyone here has all the answers or accurate assumptions, but what I am saying is that your friends' assessments have been disproven thus far, so maybe you shouldn't be above a critique of their critique, or an alternate perspective.

 

I went to a trading conference once and I met a guy who had lost $100K recently. He had no business being at the conference and certainly no business trading. I asked him why he was still at it despite the losses and his answer was the delusional "because I believe in myself." He can believe in himself all he wants, but at that pace, he'll be broke eventually if he doesn't accept that the way he wants the world to work, or his perception of it, is at odds with the way the world actually works. You measure your success by your gains, not by your belief in yourself despite the losses. Lucky for you, you aren't losing money at this. But if you were, I don't think you'd be in a very comfortable spot right now. You have no success, yet you insist there is no problem, and can think of no other possible problems. I don't know what you expect anyone to say unless you change your mindset become willing to accept that perhaps things aren't as you think they are.

 

 

 

If I had any clue, I wouldn't be spending hours on internet forums trying to figure it out.

 

[...] I don't have any of these glaringly obvious problems.

 

Because those problems are as you say, obvious. Lots of people here suggest that your problem isn't an obvious, visible, one. People have suggested the problem is more subtle but you've shot them down with authority. This is why I said earlier that you seemingly do everything perfect: it's not that I think you do, it's that anytime someone suggests otherwise, you won't entertain it and insist there's no issue there. A beggar who wants to be a chooser. You're the guy with the huge problem in real life who refuses to believe that he has a problem because all his friends say otherwise. You believe your friends over the market, and the market is always right. When I was 25 I thought I knew a lot too. I didn't. I still don't. I never will. You're still yet to develop the humility to accept that your perceptions of some things might not be totally accurate.

 

Consider Socrates: "I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing."

 

So your problem isn't anything mentioned here and you won't entertain discussion of most of it. Nor can you think of anything else that might be the issue. So what could anyone here possibly do for you?

[d0nnivain]

LightWave93 sent me a PM with a link to a social media profile. He really doesn't have 2 heads. In the photos he looks . . .normal, tall, good smile (white teeth), dressed appropriately, has friends, seems to have good sense of humor.

 

None of that led me to real insights about why he's struggling so mightily but I can see why people keep telling him he's fine.

[BaileyB]

LightWave93 sent me a PM with a link to a social media profile. He really doesn't have 2 heads. In the photos he looks . . .normal, tall, good smile (white teeth), dressed appropriately, has friends, seems to have good sense of humor.

 

None of that led me to real insights about why he's struggling so mightily but I can see why people keep telling him he's fine.

 

I can’t help but think that you are just not taking enough shots! Are you misinterpreting the signs of potential interest or ruling out women that you should be approaching... If you are a good looking, approachable, interesting enough guy you should have the girls eating out of your hands... take some more shots and see what happens. What do you have to lose? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[LightWave93]

Another thing: maybe they don't have any reason to lie to you. Maybe they're just simply wrong or misinformed. My friend has been with his now wife for 11 years. He still thinks romantic stuff like flowers and candles is a great gesture, despite her saying that all that stuff is way too sappy for her and it makes her gag. He just doesn't get it. He bases his decisions off of how he wishes the world was rather than what reality tells him. And yes, his marriage has been troubled because he can't understand this.

 

If their marriage is on the rocks because of flowers and candles then I'd say they just weren't a great match and had different ways to express their appreciation / love, not that there's anything wrong with his view of the world.

 

LightWave93 sent me a PM with a link to a social media profile. He really doesn't have 2 heads. In the photos he looks . . .normal, tall, good smile (white teeth), dressed appropriately, has friends, seems to have good sense of humor.

 

None of that led me to real insights about why he's struggling so mightily but I can see why people keep telling him he's fine.

 

Thank you for posting this.

 

I can’t help but think that you are just not taking enough shots! Are you misinterpreting the signs of potential interest or ruling out women that you should be approaching... If you are a good looking, approachable, interesting enough guy you should have the girls eating out of your hands... take some more shots and see what happens. What do you have to lose? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

Believe me, I try.

 

I restart my online dating profiles regularly and have little to show for it. The occasional match, maybe, but then it never converts into a date / hookup.

 

As for real life; I talk to women, but a large group (particularly attractive women) ignore me and those that don't become friends.

 

 

EDIT:

 

Less than fifteen minutes ago, matched with a girl on an app who I'd spoken to before. It didn't go anywhere as she was looking for friends only. She asked why I'd unmatched and I, truthfully, said I reset my account as I get few matches and haven't been on a date in forever (I didn't care for what happened next). Her words? "I don't know how! You're an extremely attractive guy!".

 

So, I get so few matches, but I'm viewed in a positive light apparently. Life don't make no sense.

Edited June 25, 2018 by LightWave93

[d0nnivain]

I can’t help but think that you are just not taking enough shots! Are you misinterpreting the signs of potential interest or ruling out women that you should be approaching... If you are a good looking, approachable, interesting enough guy you should have the girls eating out of your hands... take some more shots and see what happens. What do you have to lose? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

lightwave93

 

Without much else to go on I tend to agree BaileyB's suggestion. I know you don't want to be "that guy" the jerk that hits on every women he sees. Certainly don't do that among your friends but on one night out, go someplace you usually don't go & try it. Don't drink too much but just go wild & talk to everyone. Force yourself to be the life of the party. See what happens.

[d0nnivain]

Less than fifteen minutes ago, matched with a girl on an app who I'd spoken to before. It didn't go anywhere as she was looking for friends only. She asked why I'd unmatched and I, truthfully, said I reset my account as I get few matches and haven't been on a date in forever (I didn't care for what happened next). Her words? "I don't know how! You're an extremely attractive guy!".

 

So, I get so few matches, but I'm viewed in a positive light apparently. Life don't make no sense.

 

So write back: Thanks wanna grab a drink with me tomorrow night?

[LightWave93]

lightwave93

 

Without much else to go on I tend to agree BaileyB's suggestion. I know you don't want to be "that guy" the jerk that hits on every women he sees. Certainly don't do that among your friends but on one night out, go someplace you usually don't go & try it. Don't drink too much but just go wild & talk to everyone. Force yourself to be the life of the party. See what happens.

 

Haha, don't worry, I don't often get plastered!

 

I don't mind talking to new people etc, but I don't tend to make direct approaches and simply see where the night takes me. For example a few nights back when I split a drink near someone, lol.

 

So write back: Thanks wanna grab a drink with me tomorrow night?

 

Aside from the fact I literally just said "I haven't dated in forever" which'll probably throw up red flags for her, it's definitely set in stone that this woman is a "friend".

 

Coincidentally, that is how I would actually ask someone out, in case anyone wonders how I put forward my advances.

[d0nnivain]

Aside from the fact I literally just said "I haven't dated in forever" which'll probably throw up red flags for her, it's definitely set in stone that this woman is a "friend".

 

Coincidentally, that is how I would actually ask someone out, in case anyone wonders how I put forward my advances.

 

That may be even better. She may be more honest with you about any "issues" she perceives.

 

But do make the effort to be the guy that makes the direct approaches. Try it one night -- all night -- to shake things up see what happens.

[BaileyB]

 

But do make the effort to be the guy that makes the direct approaches. Try it one night -- all night -- to shake things up see what happens.

 

I totally agree. Be direct and don’t be afraid to take a risk.

 

And if I may, talk to some women that you may not have considered in the past. Of course, she has to be attractive to you... as I’ve grown older and wiser, my definition of “attractive” has changed. Watch that you are not limiting yourself by looking for the beauty queens... there are many things that contribute to attraction in addition to physical beauty.

 

And finally, remember that women like men who make them feel good! Keep the conversation light and easy, try to make her laugh, ask her questions about herself because you have an interest in getting to know her... then ask her directly, would you like to get together again for another drink? If she feels good with you... it’s likely that she will want to see you again.