Gaeta Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I guess... Although here he told me something that made me think... He said he never asked a woman out by now, he’d wait them to make the first step. Otherwise he’d be too nervous. So I guess he gave me a ‘hint’. Do you think this is reversible situation? I mean I’m still hesitant but may step it up... if that’s the only way... Take the bull by the horns and do it. Invite him on an official date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Is this your married co-worker? I don't really understand why you would want to pursue this, even on a casual level. It seems like a recipe for disaster, both professionally and personally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Is this your married co-worker? I don't really understand why you would want to pursue this, even on a casual level. It seems like a recipe for disaster, both professionally and personally. Well on the coworker part - I think it is ok because we do just happen to be in the same company, no projects together or anything that may lead to conflict of interest. On the married part........................ I'd never break in someone else's relationship. However, according to him this is over, they don't live together etc. I am afraid to ask for details although I will if it goes to anything physical. So far nothing has happened so I'm (probably naively, I know) trying to justify our hangouts as just friendly, or maybe he sees them that way that's why I'm not saying much. I honestly don't know what he's thinking at all - I may be imagining the sexual interest? Or at least he hasn't make moves besides asking me out on benign lunches, hikes and alike. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Take the bull by the horns and do it. Invite him on an official date. I'm petrified to do it. Maybe he's not interested in the end and just sharing with me as a friend? I guess I'm confused from being single for so long.... I'm now feeling like a born-again virgin Completely lost my social/dating skills. And I'm, sadly, terrified by losing him as a friend. If we're not meant for more I want at least to have him around as friend and confidant and someone to share a laugh with when sh*t hits the fan... Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 And I'm, sadly, terrified by losing him as a friend. If we're not meant for more I want at least to have him around as friend and confidant and someone to share a laugh with when sh*t hits the fan... I remember hearing that over and over last summer concerning another gentleman you wanted to keep around as a....looking for the word here, oh ya! a muse. Did you survive not having him around? Yes you did! just fine! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 I remember hearing that over and over last summer concerning another gentleman you wanted to keep around as a....looking for the word here, oh ya! a muse. Did you survive not having him around? Yes you did! just fine! :lmao: I survived indeed. The muse gentleman was inspirational but transient, this one is different, it has been 2 years of communication, I can't afford to lose him. Or let's put it more prosaically - I reallly really don't want to Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Don’t back off when he tries to close the distance next time!!!!!(I have this problem too) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 I've read a little here and there but I've not got the full story... Long story short...are you pursuing another emotionally unavailable man?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Don’t back off when he tries to close the distance next time!!!!!(I have this problem too) Cookies unless the guy is VERY pushy I can't help myself What can I do: stay there with a public of the whole parking lot in this case and just wait until its coming? I guess it won't shock you only 4 men kissed me in my lifetime and 3 were bf-s How do you prevent the backing off? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 I've read a little here and there but I've not got the full story... Long story short...are you pursuing another emotionally unavailable man?? Yeah It is a curse. Whatever I do or don't do - that's the result :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 What constitutes “very pushy“? In my experience, shy guys will make a move if given the opportunity. It might take them longer and they need a greener light perhaps but I am sort of a goofball/flirt with guys I like so it’s easier. I’m think of my first kiss with the shy guy in this thread. It was in a parking lot. He walked me to my car and he looked at me and came in (you know what I mean) and I backed away at first and said sorry I wasn’t expecting that and we laughed and then we both came in and kissed. But when they crowd your space you must fight the temptation to run!!! I get super shy even if I like the guy and almost always feel like running but I have to fight it for good times 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 What constitutes “very pushy“? I'll give you an example with my first kiss ever. I'm getting home and it's pouring rain (we were housemates). He asks me to sit outside with him anyway because we're soaked already Lifts me and next second I'm in his lap and we're making out while I'm kicking with my legs in mild shock of this development My last first kiss - he also got me by surprise in the entrance of the restaurant. I just followed what he has started . Yep, I'm that awkward when it comes to breaking the first physical barrier. Then I'm totally fine initiating etc. I can't flirt to save my dear life, never did. If there is a next opportunity I'll stay put. I swear I will, I have to. Give me an example of a greener light for a shy guy? What constitutes “very pushy“? In my experience, shy guys will make a move if given the opportunity. It might take them longer and they need a greener light perhaps but I am sort of a goofball/flirt with guys I like so it’s easier. I’m think of my first kiss with the shy guy in this thread. It was in a parking lot. He walked me to my car and he looked at me and came in (you know what I mean) and I backed away at first and said sorry I wasn’t expecting that and we laughed and then we both came in and kissed. But when they crowd your space you must fight the temptation to run!!! I get super shy even if I like the guy and almost always feel like running but I have to fight it for good times 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 (edited) Is this your married co-worker? I don't really understand why you would want to pursue this, even on a casual level. It seems like a recipe for disaster, both professionally and personally. This. All this emotional energy OP towards a guy who is *married*...didn't you already know after all this time talking to him that he was married? You do understand how unlikely it would be for this to end well for you, right... Surely your picker is better than this Edited January 31, 2018 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Wrong information that I infered from spying to him without asking questions He was indeed when I started talking to him but I was attached back then too and there was nothing. I can guarantee you that I'll *never* approach him if he was living with a gf/wife because I believe only a sociopath can do that. This. All this emotional energy OP towards a guy who is *married*...didn't you already know after all this time talking to him that he was married? You do understand how unlikely it would be for this to end well for you, right... Surely your picker is better than this Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 (edited) Things I have learnt from my experiences: 1. Never get involved in casual relationships. 2. Never get involved with married men. They exhaust and drain you emotionally and are both such a waste of time. Even though we may feel that casual relationships are going to be less effort, reality is that, they are not. Life is short and we should only be involved in deep meaningful relationships. Only then we feel happy, fulfilled. Anything else is just not worth it. I would rather be alone. Edited January 31, 2018 by winny 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 (edited) What constitutes “very pushy“? I'll give you an example with my first kiss ever. I'm getting home and it's pouring rain (we were housemates). He asks me to sit outside with him anyway because we're soaked already Lifts me and next second I'm in his lap and we're making out while I'm kicking with my legs in mild shock of this development My last first kiss - he also got me by surprise in the entrance of the restaurant. I just followed what he has started . [...] Give me an example of a greener light for a shy guy? Oh okay, gotcha! Greener light. Oh boy.haha It might be a red flag for him coming from you, No_go, depending on how timid you are. I’m pretty bubbly so what I do is lean/bump into him or grab his arm as we walk side by side and maybe even rest my head on his shoulder a little bit and look in his eyes. Basically any opportunity to break the touch barrier or even into his personal space. Make eye contact, smile a lot. I also make sex jokes lol I don’t recommend that though You could just ahead and just make the first kiss happen like Gaeta says. But I would try to be flirty first. Not go from 0 to 100. I used to not be flirty but I practiced. You can do it Edited January 31, 2018 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Cookies that's total insanity. He keeps giving me what you suggest as green light (no touching but walking closer and closer to me, sex jokes, saying things like 'women don't talk to me because they think we are together and are scared of you' etc). What am I supposed to do?? This whole edging is killing me and I REALLY need to master self-control and play being cool as a cucumber. But then he's telling me I'm very easy to read?? How on earth?? What is easy to read?? Why is this torturous flirt/friendship/whatever-you-call-it?? Oh okay, gotcha! Greener light. Oh boy.haha It might be a red flag for him coming from you, No_go, depending on how timid you are. I’m pretty bubbly so what I do is lean/bump into him or grab his arm as we walk side by side and maybe even rest my head on his shoulder a little bit and look in his eyes. Basically any opportunity to break the touch barrier or even into his personal space. Make eye contact, smile a lot. I also make sex jokes lol I don’t recommend that though You could just ahead and just make the first kiss happen like Gaeta says. But I would try to be flirty first. Not go from 0 to 100. I used to not be flirty but I practiced. You can do it �� 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted February 4, 2018 Author Share Posted February 4, 2018 We cranked up communication a lot, I don’t know how, but it happened. We were out on another hike today. As friends I guess but it is so sappy on occasion even former non-romantic person like me can’t handle this well. I kind of enjoy it to be honest He just acts so gently and kindly towards me, picked location that I like although he had to go out of his way, leads on occasion but don’t overpower me, shares his stories and listens mine. We had to convince a lady on the way we’re not married and not really dating. Or are we? I am acutely aware of rebounding but I just can’t imagine this soft, gentle, sweet approach to be rebounding. He’s taking my pace. I’m not sure what this is but I’m crushing so badly I can’t recognize myself. And we’re not even dating. I started this kind of thinking it will be something casual/physical but god I’m now in the polar opposite of this, I can’t even handle it, I don’t know if my mind is playing tricks, hormones or what. I’m not pushing for anything, if it happens it happens, I just know I feel safe and cared for, and warm. I think my non-romantic phase of life is officially over whatever happens here 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 I don't think that "separated" and living at a different address is the same as "married". Sure it's not an ideal situation but it can actually work out (high % of separated couples divorce - can't remember if it's 80% or more). So it's vastly different than having an affair with a married man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted February 4, 2018 Author Share Posted February 4, 2018 I don't think that "separated" and living at a different address is the same as "married". Sure it's not an ideal situation but it can actually work out (high % of separated couples divorce - can't remember if it's 80% or more). So it's vastly different than having an affair with a married man. True... I’m thinking about the story with your ex that you wrote about before and did finalize the divorce. Plus he had kids - and here there are no kids in the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 True... I’m thinking about the story with your ex that you wrote about before and did finalize the divorce. Plus he had kids - and here there are no kids in the picture. Even better. My ex has totally moved on and is now available and wants serious relationship with me. I don't want to because he still drinks too much, but that's another story. Ex wife has also moved on and has a new partner (she wanted him back and pursued him pretty aggressively when we were dating). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 We cranked up communication a lot, I don’t know how, but it happened. We were out on another hike today. As friends I guess but it is so sappy on occasion even former non-romantic person like me can’t handle this well. I kind of enjoy it to be honest He just acts so gently and kindly towards me, picked location that I like although he had to go out of his way, leads on occasion but don’t overpower me, shares his stories and listens mine. We had to convince a lady on the way we’re not married and not really dating. Or are we? I am acutely aware of rebounding but I just can’t imagine this soft, gentle, sweet approach to be rebounding. He’s taking my pace. I’m not sure what this is but I’m crushing so badly I can’t recognize myself. And we’re not even dating. I started this kind of thinking it will be something casual/physical but god I’m now in the polar opposite of this, I can’t even handle it, I don’t know if my mind is playing tricks, hormones or what. I’m not pushing for anything, if it happens it happens, I just know I feel safe and cared for, and warm. I think my non-romantic phase of life is officially over whatever happens here What!? No more looking for hyper-focus? Emotional rebounding doesn’t have to be physical. Sometimes the knowledge that we Can develop feelings for someone else is helpful in moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 Even better. My ex has totally moved on and is now available and wants serious relationship with me. I don't want to because he still drinks too much, but that's another story. Ex wife has also moved on and has a new partner (she wanted him back and pursued him pretty aggressively when we were dating). Wow and that's in under an year, right? - people are moving on much faster than I'd think Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 I think my non-romantic phase of life is officially over whatever happens here Did I just read this right woohoo! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 What!? No more looking for hyper-focus? Emotional rebounding doesn’t have to be physical. Sometimes the knowledge that we Can develop feelings for someone else is helpful in moving on. True - it almost scares me how I don't even think anymore about the last year guy, except as a fun story to tell I'd not believe this is possible few months ago. This guy is just making everything so magical, even the most mundane things. I'm just hoping he doesn't pull the switch (lose interest) because whatever he's giving me is something I need. I don't know is it because of the fact that there is still a bridge to cross, but in the past month whatever he did turned me from reluctant to addicted... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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