I need help with my girlfriend, I’m freaking out!?

[preraph]

One of your first steps is going to have to be letting go of your insistence on the idea that you know what is best for her.

 

^ This. It's disrespectful to think you know better than she does what's best for her.

[Hockey52]

unfortunately like the above post said, no matter how well you treated her and low much you love her its not enough. you've obviously done enough things to turn her off.

 

needy behaviour is a turn off, an insecure man that shows he's scared of losing his girl is a subconscious turn off. girls pick up on these behaviours and over time they start to question their commitment to you.

 

Ive learnt this the hard way, relationships are all about giving and loving in a way that the other person feels free to come and go as she pleases, love in a way that the other person feels free, as soon as you start to show these weak signs of behaviour you'll unfortunately turn her off.

 

I suggest you read the book, how to be a 3 % man by Corey Wayne. you'll understand what I'm saying once you do

 

I was only acting like that in a way because sometimes after work she finishes at 4 am she would usually text me on my way home or I’m home etc. Some days I didn’t get it and it became for frequent so I asked her if she was okay after an hour or so like a caring boyfriend. She would usually say I’m sorry I fell asleep or I had to stay later at work.. I wasn’t being insecure about her self I was just worried if she was OKAY. I don’t understand how that is a bad thing. Anyway she had as much freeedom as she can I’m not even in the same country.. come on. Smothering..? Give me a break. I never stopped her from going out with friends or anything i always said have fun let me know when you get home... I find these excuses bs. I know I had my faults she wasn’t perfect either. To make a relationship work it needs to be worked on now just quit like that. I truely had no bad intentions she knows it so any irritation she had was something more than me that I don’t know about I feel... anyway I won’t contact her or anything she probably sees me on Facebook etc but I’m not saying anything. Not sure why she hasn’t blocked me out “if it was that serious” and were done...

[python23]

I was only acting like that in a way because sometimes after work she finishes at 4 am she would usually text me on my way home or I’m home etc. Some days I didn’t get it and it became for frequent so I asked her if she was okay after an hour or so like a caring boyfriend. She would usually say I’m sorry I fell asleep or I had to stay later at work.. I wasn’t being insecure about her self I was just worried if she was OKAY. I don’t understand how that is a bad thing. Anyway she had as much freeedom as she can I’m not even in the same country.. come on. Smothering..? Give me a break. I never stopped her from going out with friends or anything i always said have fun let me know when you get home... I find these excuses bs. I know I had my faults she wasn’t perfect either. To make a relationship work it needs to be worked on now just quit like that. I truely had no bad intentions she knows it so any irritation she had was something more than me that I don’t know about I feel... anyway I won’t contact her or anything she probably sees me on Facebook etc but I’m not saying anything. Not sure why she hasn’t blocked me out “if it was that serious” and were done...

 

I'm reading this with my past self from 2 years ago in mind, I know right now you're not seeing things rationally and you're only seeing it from your point of view but there will be reasons why she's ended it and only she will know why.

 

over time like me, I think you'll see where things went wrong, I'm not saying its all your fault, I have every belief that you do love her a lot, thats plain to see. but unfortunately our behaviour over time can be weak and we don't realise it. over time women pick up on these things. I don't know your relationship. only you and her do, but please follow Corey Wayne on youtube and watch his ex back videos, he explains it better than I do,

 

a behaviour that is caring to you doesn't always come across that way to her.

 

right now you're heartbroken and seeing things through emotion, but once the dust settles you'll see things for what they are

[rkc2]

You need to remove her from your life completely. Delete her off all social media, her phone number, etc. This is only way to distance yourself from her. The last thing you need to do is log on and see her latest posts with her friends and other guys. It’s toxic for you and accompiishes nothing.

 

You also need to get your neediness and clingyness in check. No girl, no quality girl wants a whining, weak minded, complaining, entitled guy for a boyfriend. She wants a MAN. She doesn’t owe you anything. Your burning desire to do anything and everything for her is HUGE TURN OFF. She’s a grown woman. She can handle herself.

 

Until you get these issues resolved, you need to check yourself out of the dating game.

 

Sorry for being so barbarous, but this needs to be said. If she really liked you would hear from her. You wouldn’t be left in limbo. You’re worth so so so much more than this. Believe me. She’s not that special. Stop wallowing in self-pity, grab yourself by the balls, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re the man and finally MOVE on from her.

[python23]

You need to remove her from your life completely. Delete her off all social media, her phone number, etc. This is only way to distance yourself from her. The last thing you need to do is log on and see her latest posts with her friends and other guys. It’s toxic for you and accompiishes nothing.

 

You also need to get your neediness and clingyness in check. No girl, no quality girl wants a whining, weak minded, complaining, entitled guy for a boyfriend. She wants a MAN. She doesn’t owe you anything. Your burning desire to do anything and everything for her is HUGE TURN OFF. She’s a grown woman. She can handle herself.

 

Until you get these issues resolved, you need to check yourself out of the dating game.

 

Sorry for being so barbarous, but this needs to be said. If she really liked you would hear from her. You wouldn’t be left in limbo. You’re worth so so so much more than this. Believe me. She’s not that special. Stop wallowing in self-pity, grab yourself by the balls, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re the man and finally MOVE on from her.

 

I couldnt have said it better. love is blind and weak needy behaviour gets us left behind.

[Hockey52]

You need to remove her from your life completely. Delete her off all social media, her phone number, etc. This is only way to distance yourself from her. The last thing you need to do is log on and see her latest posts with her friends and other guys. It’s toxic for you and accompiishes nothing.

 

You also need to get your neediness and clingyness in check. No girl, no quality girl wants a whining, weak minded, complaining, entitled guy for a boyfriend. She wants a MAN. She doesn’t owe you anything. Your burning desire to do anything and everything for her is HUGE TURN OFF. She’s a grown woman. She can handle herself.

 

Until you get these issues resolved, you need to check yourself out of the dating game.

 

Sorry for being so barbarous, but this needs to be said. If she really liked you would hear from her. You wouldn’t be left in limbo. You’re worth so so so much more than this. Believe me. She’s not that special. Stop wallowing in self-pity, grab yourself by the balls, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re the man and finally MOVE on from her.

 

FYI I was not being whining or clingy, I just simply wanted communication like we had before. I never double texted “Are you tbere? “???” Or anything I simply gave her a call or a text after a long time like 8-10 hours to wonder why and what’s going on.. I wasn’t being crazy. Maybe I freaked out a few times but that’s normal no one could always be calm or perfect. It guess it’s over but it’s only been 2 days. I’m sad she didn’t happy new year to me nor did I but that was only the next day. Anyway I’m not holding onto anything but I don’t know why my gut tells she will contract me. I wonder why she didn’t cut me off on anything..?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

FYI I was not being whining or clingy, I just simply wanted communication like we had before. I never double texted “Are you tbere? “???” Or anything I simply gave her a call or a text after a long time like 8-10 hours to wonder why and what’s going on.. I wasn’t being crazy. Maybe I freaked out a few times but that’s normal no one could always be calm or perfect. It guess it’s over but it’s only been 2 days. I’m sad she didn’t happy new year to me nor did I but that was only the next day. Anyway I’m not holding onto anything but I don’t know why my gut tells she will contract me. I wonder why she didn’t cut me off on anything..?

 

I wish there was a "slapping my forehead" emoji available here.

 

She hasn't cut you off....yet. Probably because she doesn't want to hurt you any more than she already has. She's being sensitive to your feelings and giving it time to sink in before she deletes you completely.

 

ETA: The definition of "clingy" doesn't have to be 100% how YOU define it. You might not know all of the ways people appear clingy.

[heavenonearth]

FYI I was not being whining or clingy, I just simply wanted communication like we had before. I never double texted “Are you tbere? “???” Or anything I simply gave her a call or a text after a long time like 8-10 hours to wonder why and what’s going on.. I wasn’t being crazy. Maybe I freaked out a few times but that’s normal no one could always be calm or perfect. It guess it’s over but it’s only been 2 days. I’m sad she didn’t happy new year to me nor did I but that was only the next day. Anyway I’m not holding onto anything but I don’t know why my gut tells she will contract me. I wonder why she didn’t cut me off on anything..?

 

I just don't see how any of this matters now.

 

It's over.

 

Why rehash things that you did or didn't do, could or couldn't have done?

 

She does not want to be with you.

 

If, IF, she actually will contact you again to rekindle some sort of flame, as you wishfully think, that flame too will fizzle out. This is not about love.

This is about an incompatibility (she does not want what you want) and inconvenience (distance). Bad mix. Not much prospect.

 

Either way, it's over. Go NC, move on.

[GemmaUK]

OP, you may think you were compatible but she came to realise that you're not and she is perfectly entitled to end this relationship

 

Nothing matters from how she used to be, it's how she feels now that matters.

 

Her not removing you from social media means nothing - you said she has barely been on it anyway,, she has probably forgotten or thinks doing it may cause a storm from you.

 

Smothering can happen even at distance by the way.

 

You need to just move on.

[basil67]

I was only acting like that in a way because sometimes after work she finishes at 4 am she would usually text me on my way home or I’m home etc. Some days I didn’t get it and it became for frequent so I asked her if she was okay after an hour or so like a caring boyfriend. She would usually say I’m sorry I fell asleep or I had to stay later at work.. I wasn’t being insecure about her self I was just worried if she was OKAY. I don’t understand how that is a bad thing. Anyway she had as much freeedom as she can I’m not even in the same country.. come on. Smothering..? Give me a break. I never stopped her from going out with friends or anything i always said have fun let me know when you get home...

 

I'm sorry Hockey, but considering that you don't even live together, this is totally smothering. Completely over the top. Frankly, unless it was a particularly dangerous night I was heading out on, I wouldn't have entertained your expectations for a minute.

 

I can see why it all got too much for her. Not only was she having to care for sick relatives, but she had a needy boyfriend to take care of too. Why did you think she was unable to look after herself?

Edited January 3, 2018 by basil67

[lolgorgeous]

OP: I'm sorry you're going through this. That being said, I agree completely with Marc878 and some of the other people who posted here. This woman, for one reason or another, is simply is not attracted to you.

 

She already gave you the friends spiel and said "I need to work on myself".. blah blah blah. It's another way of saying "It's not you, it's me"

 

This woman simply is not attracted to you. And honestly, she probably isn't the best choice for you since she is using this recent trauma to conceal her true feelings.

 

Don't contact this woman. Do your best to move on and find someone new.

[Hockey52]

I reached out to her on Thursday just saying how’s everything with your self and your grandmother? She answered quite fast saying she passed away last week and her funeral was that the Thursday (2days ago) I contacted her. I told her I’m her I’m sorry to hear that and I told her I’m here for you and if you want to talk or anything we can. She replied saying Thank you, and yeah maybe.

I responded back saying call me anytime, I know you have been going through a lot, it would be nice to hear from you.

All she sent to that is “ : ) “

And I never responded to the happy face not quite sure what it meant. But opened the doors again to communication and now I haven’t heard from her since it’s been 2 days now. What do you think here?

[rkc2]

It’s over. Move on. You gave it some time, texted her, and her response was Luke warm at best. If she really wanted to talk she would’ve took you up on your offer.

 

You might think you opened the doors to communication but she quite clearly closed them by sending that “” in her last message.

[Marc878]

She'll be blocking you soon I suspect.

 

Stop projecting your feelings onto her. She first have any.

 

She being nice for now but that'll stop with the more pestering you do.

 

Quit acting like a lovesick puppy

[Noproblem]

Desperate, clingy, needy, thinks too much of his love and abilities, and treats a woman like a queen!

 

What woman or girl wants such guy?

 

Mr. Nice Guy

 

Mr. Perfect!

 

Mr. Clingy

 

Mr. Needy!

 

Mr.never giving up on love!

 

Mr. Can't live a day without her, but here you are!

 

Alive and well!

 

Stop it!

 

Treat a girl how she wants to be treated, not a princess, not a queen but a human being! Don't put on her too much love, care, she is not your pet!

Don't put her on a pedestal! She is not a statue.

 

This is a lesson for you!

 

Don't ever do that again with a girl!

 

They all dump Mr. nice guy in the end!

 

Don't give your all in a relationship, then what is left of you if things went thought? Nothing!

 

 

 

But she found another guy just so you know

 

and when she was drunk on the 25th, she probably kissed another,

 

so she realized, she doesn't want to be a cheater!

 

She ended it!

 

If she is college, that means you both so young, just focus on your life, success, family and friends!

 

Move on!

 

then when you are ready, find another!

 

and don't ever be this clingy and needy and nice ever again!

 

Be a normal guy with faults and flaws who does nice things occasionally!

Edited January 14, 2018 by Noproblem

[Hockey52]

Man you guys got nothing good say but just knock me down. Even though I don’t know but I don’t think she has done anything what are you talking balky the 25th? What? Just stop talking you absolutely don’t know what my situation is and all you say is it’s over. Easy for you to say and you telling me this crap give me a break. What a joke

[GemmaUK]

Sorry Hockey but the smiley face ended the conversation.

 

If you are so convinced this opened up communication then wait for her to contact you but a good indicator that she won't is that she didn't feel any need to speak to you at the time her grandma died.

 

Don't hold your breath waiting for her to get in touch.

[whichwayisup]

I reached out to her on Thursday just saying how’s everything with your self and your grandmother? She answered quite fast saying she passed away last week and her funeral was that the Thursday (2days ago) I contacted her. I told her I’m her I’m sorry to hear that and I told her I’m here for you and if you want to talk or anything we can. She replied saying Thank you, and yeah maybe.

I responded back saying call me anytime, I know you have been going through a lot, it would be nice to hear from you.

All she sent to that is “ : ) “

And I never responded to the happy face not quite sure what it meant. But opened the doors again to communication and now I haven’t heard from her since it’s been 2 days now. What do you think here?

 

She didn't call you to tell you her grandmother had passed away. That's very telling on where her mind is at these days. Sorry to say this and I'm sad for your sake, but her actions are actually is showing you that she isn't interested in keeping in touch or spending time with you anymore. If there was any hope she would've reached out on a friend level. She hasn't done that and right now she's still wanting space. So, give it to her. Focus on yourself, your friends and keep busy. Stop contacting her. If she is interested in pursuing or picking up where things were left before her grandmother got sick and passed away she will contact you and want to see and speak to you. In the meantime don't wait for her! Live your life and detach from her. Her signals for the past while say she isn't wanting you in her life. Sorry I'm sure reading that hurts, but I'm going by all that you'd said about her and that's the feeling I get from it all.

[ExpatInItaly]

Man you guys got nothing good say but just knock me down. Even though I don’t know but I don’t think she has done anything what are you talking balky the 25th? What? Just stop talking you absolutely don’t know what my situation is and all you say is it’s over. Easy for you to say and you telling me this crap give me a break. What a joke

 

That's because you continue to live in extreme denial. We are not knocking you down but rather trying to stop you from making a total fool out of yourself. How will you feel when you find out she is dating someone else? You'll kick yourself for clinging on to false hope when we all tried to warn you.

 

Proceed if you want, but you are not going to get the results you want with her.

 

She is not interested in you.

[Boomerang3378]

I am sorry you are going through this. That message from your gf must have wrecked you psychologically speaking.

 

The things you need to consider is that she is done with you (and I am truly sorry that it turned out this way)

 

Those words that she has written will mess your mind up pretty bad maybe even cause you to consider ending your own life. But let me tell you that almost ALL the girls use somewhat similiar lines to what she sent to you. You are taking those words extremely seriously. Due to this, you will not be able to eat, you will not be able to sleep, it will affect your job/school work and pretty much its going to destroy you mentally. You will not be the same with people and you will start to push people away.

 

But in order to win in this situation you need to be able to see beyond what your mind is allowing you to see. That message she sent you is laughable. It is completely useless and it should NOT have any power over you. It is easy to say all these things but difficult to set into practice. But I know the outcomes of these situations and it could be terrible for you if you do not slowly cut yourself away from this girl.

 

You can say to her something like " I do agree with you that we should be friends. And I am sorry with all that you are going through this time. I also had some of the best days of my life with you. Wish you all the best in your life"

 

Now be a man, and start to pursue something with some other girl. If you could get this girl, you can get another. Do not try to see what she is doing or who she is going out with. Please continue to eat/sleep and live your life properly. This girl has made up her mind. Do not ruin your mental health and life on the decision of this girl who you spent some good days with. The reality of life is quite different to what we perceive it to be when we are growing up. This isn't Cinderella or beauty and the beast or some other disney love story. So please do not sit down in some corner and cry like a prince who has lost his princess. Men do all those things because our minds are too connected to all those fairy tales and less with reality.