I need help with my girlfriend, I’m freaking out!?

[Hockey52]

Sometimes family crises bring into sharp relief what's really important in your life and what isn't. I have been this stressed out from them more than once. Once I went and got tranquilizers so I wouldn't blow up at someone and the other, I cut off an LDR. It just didn't seem important anymore. Seemed like work and was only adding to my stress.

 

Stop being persistent with her. Wish her the best and tell her you understand. Then move on. She knows where to find you if she wants to reach out once things settle down, but don't wait for it because she may be moving on and not just temporarily overwhelmed. Just move on and be civil about it. Good luck.

 

I know well as hard as it’s to let go because I know for a fact I want her and only her. I know she wants me but it boggles my mind how this happened.. I understand her family issues right now but if anything it should of brought us together even closer. I offered all my support I could. I really do feel it’s temporary and she is clearly confused and very overwhelmed right now. Everyone has there faults but I don’t feel this should of been the end. Your right she knows where I am and how I feel towards her.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I know well as hard as it’s to let go because I know for a fact I want her and only her. I know she wants me but it boggles my mind how this happened.. I understand her family issues right now but if anything it should of brought us together even closer. I offered all my support I could. I really do feel it’s temporary and she is clearly confused and very overwhelmed right now. Everyone has there faults but I don’t feel this should of been the end. Your right she knows where I am and how I feel towards her.

 

And your "support" became just one more thing on her to-do list for the day because your support came in the form of time out of her day. You weren't able to do things like drop a meal off for her, take her car for an oil change, run her errands while she visited with grandma. You became an extra responsibility, and I think this is what you're not getting.

[fred123]

i think some of the advice on here is a bit biased.

let me tell u wat i think.

she is manipulative her gf. using her grandma and rubbish as an excuse. she makes no sense and is being very disrespectful to u. let me explain why:

she cant be in love with you. lmao if my sister dumped her husband cos my mum was dying of cancer and she spilled some bull**** excuse like that id laugh if im honest. its obviously complete utter rubbish. a girl who loves u wants you there.

 

let me give u an example. my best friend lives in paris. his gf lives in london. 2 weeks ago his grandpa died and he came bak to london for the funeral. his gf was there for him. did he dump her? haha no. did he come out with kindergarden crap like " blablabla my emotions and my plate is fulll bla bla bla"

 

point made.

[fred123]

And your "support" became just one more thing on her to-do list for the day because your support came in the form of time out of her day. You weren't able to do things like drop a meal off for her, take her car for an oil change, run her errands while she visited with grandma. You became an extra responsibility, and I think this is what you're not getting.

 

all due respect please stop having a go at the OP. you are being unfair and making him think he has done wrong. this is complete and utter rubbish and another exampl3 of a female blaming the guys fault. this is ridiculous.

[Hockey52]

And your "support" became just one more thing on her to-do list for the day because your support came in the form of time out of her day. You weren't able to do things like drop a meal off for her, take her car for an oil change, run her errands while she visited with grandma. You became an extra responsibility, and I think this is what you're not getting.

 

Oh my I’m sorry for caring and offering what I could.. that’s an excuse if you love someone you do everything you can. That’s a little to delicate. Because if I could I would. I offered to go there! She said I need to do this on my own. The offer was there

[Cookiesandough]

some people react differently to emotional trauma. Some people want crowded support and some want space and everywhere in between.The bottom line of what CA and preraph could be true...it became more exhausting/a nuisance to remain in the rship and she didn't want it anymore

[fred123]

some people react differently to emotional trauma. Some people want crowded support and some want space and everywhere in between.The bottom line of what CA and preraph could be true...it became more exhausting/a nuisance to remain in the rship and she didn't want it anymore

 

if thats th3 case count yourself lucky. who needs girlfriends like this?!!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Oh my I’m sorry for caring and offering what I could.. that’s an excuse if you love someone you do everything you can. That’s a little to delicate. Because if I could I would. I offered to go there! She said I need to do this on my own. The offer was there

 

You did nothing wrong offering what she could, but you're also not seeing how it was still pressure on her end. And you offered to go there.....for how long?

[GemmaUK]

It seems you have a habit of smothering girlfriends.

I've been on the receiving end of that kind of behaviour and it's completely exhausting and a heck of a lot of pressure to put on a partner.

 

Get some therapy, get some help to stop you behaving this way. It kills attraction and results in the very thing that you don't want to happen.

 

You need to figure this out and learn to control your emotions and behaviour - please take a break from dating and sort these issues out first.

[Hockey52]

i think some of the advice on here is a bit biased.

let me tell u wat i think.

she is manipulative her gf. using her grandma and rubbish as an excuse. she makes no sense and is being very disrespectful to u. let me explain why:

she cant be in love with you. lmao if my sister dumped her husband cos my mum was dying of cancer and she spilled some bull**** excuse like that id laugh if im honest. its obviously complete utter rubbish. a girl who loves u wants you there.

 

let me give u an example. my best friend lives in paris. his gf lives in london. 2 weeks ago his grandpa died and he came bak to london for the funeral. his gf was there for him. did he dump her? haha no. did he come out with kindergarden crap like " blablabla my emotions and my plate is fulll bla bla bla"

 

point made.

 

You’re right that’s how I feel right now and I’m glad someone understands my view. Because I wanted to be there for her more than anything. I offered to fly there and be there with her not thinking of my self but to go because I love her and I wanted to take care of her... I’m just confused right now how this happened and why she did it like this.. I didn’t abuse her I didn’t do anything? Maybe a little annoying if you want to put it that way but everyone has those issues.. she always told me never let me go you promise you will be here etc I stuck to my promises because I love her and I’m still there’s for her even now but I won’t do any Contact till she does because I can guarantee she will be back

I was just to good and she knows it. Not to say anything it is hard to find people like me...

[Hockey52]

You did nothing wrong offering what she could, but you're also not seeing how it was still pressure on her end. And you offered to go there.....for how long?

 

I understand it could pressure her on her end but tb that’s very petty in the grand scheme of things. She knew it was only coming out love and I didn’t mean it that way. I even said a very long apology for anything that made her feel worse and I stopped it! Again she “thought” about it and felt the same. I don’t know why she’s so hard up on it now but I’m not forcing it anymore... I know for a fact she will miss me and contact me. And I was going to go for 1-3 weeks I was going to buy a one way and then a one way back because I didn’t know how long. But she said she wanted to be “alone” with this .. I offered what I could I don’t know what else

[Cookiesandough]

You’re right that’s how I feel right now and I’m glad someone understands my view. Because I wanted to be there for her more than anything. I offered to fly there and be there with her not thinking of my self but to go because I love her and I wanted to take care of her... I’m just confused right now how this happened and why she did it like this.. I didn’t abuse her I didn’t do anything? Maybe a little annoying if you want to put it that way but everyone has those issues.. she always told me never let me go you promise you will be here etc I stuck to my promises because I love her and I’m still there’s for her even now but I won’t do any Contact till she does because I can guarantee she will be back

I was just to good and she knows it. Not to say anything it is hard to find people like me...

That sounds a little biased, but going back through your threads, it seems like your gf has been checking out for awhile. Perhaps fred123 is correct that she's been looking for a reason to get out of it. Regardless, the best thing to do is back off right now. It may be beyond repair. It sucks to hear and say, but the reality is that chivalry alone is simply not enough for to garner and keep attraction and make someone want to be with you and stay with you. I wish it was.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I understand it could pressure her on her end but tb that’s very petty in the grand scheme of things. She knew it was only coming out love and I didn’t mean it that way. I even said a very long apology for anything that made her feel worse and I stopped it! Again she “thought” about it and felt the same. I don’t know why she’s so hard up on it now but I’m not forcing it anymore... I know for a fact she will miss me and contact me. And I was going to go for 1-3 weeks I was going to buy a one way and then a one way back because I didn’t know how long. But she said she wanted to be “alone” with this .. I offered what I could I don’t know what else

 

OK, well if you know for a fact she'll contact you, just wait it out until she comes to her senses I guess.

 

For the record, she's not being petty.

[Hockey52]

That sounds a little biased, but going back through your threads, it seems like your gf has been checking out for awhile. Perhaps fred123 is correct that she's been looking for a reason to get out of it. Regardless, the best thing to do is back off right now. It may be beyond repair. It sucks to hear and say, but the reality is that chivalry alone is simply not enough for to garner and keep attraction and make someone want to be with you and stay with you. I wish it was.

 

I know I understand it may be beyond repair, but I will back off for now until she contacts me. Because till this day I still don’t know why she wants to end this because it was a good bond she even said to me I never want to let you go, we are meant to be it was a blessing that we met.. and now this

[Hockey52]

OK, well if you know for a fact she'll contact you, just wait it out until she comes to her senses I guess.

 

For the record, she's not being petty.

 

I feel she will. I just honestly feel she is just beyond frustrated and just telling me all this out of guilt and being frustrated with everything.. that’s what I think.. and yes she is because people abuse there girlfriends and swear etc I never did anything I didn’t know by giving what I can is too much..

[Maggie4]

Something probably happened during that "talk" a week ago. Who wanted to have the talk? Did you ever show annoyance at a slow text response? Did you ever mention anything to her about her being different from before? My guess is you did react (as it's normal) when it seemed like she's pulling away for whatever reason.

I think when she mentioned being friends, you should have agreed. What does "friend" mean at this time? It means someone who's there for her but makes no emotional demands. You didn't listen, you said no. You could have countered with "take a break". You are not a negotiator, so her only choices are: all or nothing. She chose nothing.

People dating will tell you to protect yourself from hurt. Never be a friend, she'll find someone else, don't be used, she's playing you, etc. But you're past that dating stage. You're already all in, what have you left to protect? you will be hurt (are hurting) already. You seem very passionate but not a very good listener. This is sometimes the flipside of the confident guy. You're too much!

What to do now? Stay away. If she contacts you, be happy and don't be afraid to show it. More positive, happy, energy is needed. Less reproach, blame, stress. If all goes well, you'll be using that ticket in February.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I feel she will. I just honestly feel she is just beyond frustrated and just telling me all this out of guilt and being frustrated with everything.. that’s what I think.. and yes she is because people abuse there girlfriends and swear etc I never did anything I didn’t know by giving what I can is too much..

 

What is your definition of "petty?" Petty would be her breaking up with you because you drive a Honda instead of a Mercedes. Or not liking the way you pronounce "potato." Telling you she can't invest emotionally right now and has too much on her plate is not at all "petty." She is not nit-picking. You may not understand it and not want to believe it, though. It seems like you're now getting a bit angry at her for ending it because you don't think it's a valid enough reason. People profess their love and tell people they don't ever want to let them go all the time and still break up. Feelings and circumstances sometimes change and there are very few breakups that occur without at least one person in the couple getting hurt .

[elaine567]

For some reason I thought this was a long term thing but I find out you have only been dating/LDR for not even 4 months, 3 months you said on the 18th December.

Is that correct?

 

[GemmaUK]

This - and her reasons are not petty at all.

 

It seems you have a habit of smothering girlfriends.

I've been on the receiving end of that kind of behaviour and it's completely exhausting and a heck of a lot of pressure to put on a partner.

 

Get some therapy, get some help to stop you behaving this way. It kills attraction and results in the very thing that you don't want to happen.

 

You need to figure this out and learn to control your emotions and behaviour - please take a break from dating and sort these issues out first.

[Hockey52]

For some reason I thought this was a long term thing but I find out you have only been dating/LDR for not even 4 months, 3 months you said on the 18th December.

Is that correct?

 

 

It’s been 5 months but everything moved fairly very well until her birthday and she went out with her friends and got very drunk and for some reason after November 25 things we’re going down hill in terms of communication and everything... but anyway we had plans and we’re serious about each other because she said it too.. but I guess it’s probably over according to her message.. because I didn’t even hear Happy new years from her today nor did I send anything

[Cookiesandough]

But in this thread you say you are dating over a year. Was that just a mistake or is this another LD GF? Sorry we are web sleuths here just trying to understand the backstory to get the full pic

[Hockey52]

What is your definition of "petty?" Petty would be her breaking up with you because you drive a Honda instead of a Mercedes. Or not liking the way you pronounce "potato." Telling you she can't invest emotionally right now and has too much on her plate is not at all "petty." She is not nit-picking. You may not understand it and not want to believe it, though. It seems like you're now getting a bit angry at her for ending it because you don't think it's a valid enough reason. People profess their love and tell people they don't ever want to let them go all the time and still break up. Feelings and circumstances sometimes change and there are very few breakups that occur without at least one person in the couple getting hurt .

 

I’m not getting angry it’s the point how everything boiled Down for really a reason that was fixable there was far more serious issues people have work each other and they stick it out.. I thought we had a strong bond..

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It’s been 5 months but everything moved fairly very well until her birthday and she went out with her friends and got very drunk and for some reason after November 25 things we’re going down hill in terms of communication and everything... but anyway we had plans and we’re serious about each other because she said it too.. but I guess it’s probably over according to her message.. because I didn’t even hear Happy new years from her today nor did I send anything

 

OK, well with this new information, I think she might be using her life situation as an excuse and actually has just started to lose feelings for you, despite her declarations of love.

[Cookiesandough]

oops I misread. You were supposed to be ld for 1 more year.

[Hockey52]

But in this thread you say you are dating over a year. Was that just a mistake or is this another LD GF? Sorry we are web sleuths here just trying to understand the backstory to get the full pic

 

No I’m sorry it’s been 5 months that may have been my Ex before... she wasn’t LD. Only reason why I did it this time is because we when saw each other on vacation and the way we clicked I decided to do it.. now I love her more than anything... I honestly can’t bare a day without communication with her... i hope she comes around to her senses...