elaine567 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Well I may be blindsided but my gut tells me she’s making a mistake and I will realize how much I actually helped her and loved her. I feel she will be back..... Just about every dumpee says that, it is rarely true. IF she really loved you, grandma or no grandma, LDR or no LDR, college or no college she would not be writing break up letters and telling you she just wants to be friends. She would be sticking to you like glue as no-one truly in love wants to chance losing the one they are in love with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I understand... but all of this doesn’t make sense she threw away someone who would love and support her anyway possible ... I can’t wrap my head around it. I don’t think it’s abot being “free” she did tell me earlier last week “all I feel is sad right now and I can’t make myself happy or you right now” there is definitely something going on with herself and the family I feel.. but it isn’t right to leave me because of this. I absolutely did nothing wrong. She knows I’m the best for her.... "Sigh". You still don't get it. This is what she wants!!!!! Her words and actions tell you this. She's dumping you in a nice way. This happens all the time. Nothing at all special about it other than its happening to you. Get out of your denial or you'll just linger where you are. The only one that can keep you in limbo is you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Well I Hope so because this situation is very weird. I absolutely did nothing wrong but offer my support and I love to her. I truely believe if your set free and they come back it’s meant to be.. I know her feelings are playing a big part here and I perfectly understand she is WAY overwhelmed but leaving me and the things she said to me is not right... I’m not hanging on hope but her social media accounts shows the same thing barely any activity... If you're smart you'll block her on everything and go your own way. Stalking and pain shopping won't get you a thing but like a lot you probably won't listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 "Sigh". You still don't get it. This is what she wants!!!!! Her words and actions tell you this. She's dumping you in a nice way. This happens all the time. Nothing at all special about it other than its happening to you. Get out of your denial or you'll just linger where you are. The only one that can keep you in limbo is you. I Guess your right..... nothing I can do I’ll try to move on, but I hope she somehow she sees what she’s done.. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I Guess your right..... nothing I can do I’ll try to move on, but I hope she somehow she sees what she’s done.. The worse thing you can do is hope. It'll keep you bound longer and you need to move on. Like she has done already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I Guess your right..... nothing I can do I’ll try to move on, but I hope she somehow she sees what she’s done.. What exactly has she done? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 The worse thing you can do is hope. It'll keep you bound longer and you need to move on. Like she has done already. I know I guess so..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 What exactly has she done? She ruined a perfect relationship, I know were meant for each other, the way we talked and when we were together pysically she wouldn’t ever let me go saying how much she loves me and Shekept asking me you promise you will never let me go.. I told her I would stand by her side always.. I can tell she has some self esteem issues due to her family because her dad left her mom early when she was young.. that’s why I can’t comprehend how this happened..... I absolutely treated her ROYALTY and like a queen. I’m not saying anything but I can guarantee she will never find a guy like me. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 She ruined a perfect relationship, I know were meant for each other, the way we talked and when we were together pysically she wouldn’t ever let me go saying how much she loves me and Shekept asking me you promise you will never let me go.. I told her I would stand by her side always.. I can tell she has some self esteem issues due to her family because her dad left her mom early when she was young.. that’s why I can’t comprehend how this happened..... I absolutely treated her ROYALTY and like a queen. I’m not saying anything but I can guarantee she will never find a guy like me. What did your relationship look like on a day to day basis while you were long distance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 What did your relationship look like on a day to day basis while you were long distance? We were talking non stop, and FaceTime etc it was good! And Then ever since her grandmother and her school got very busy I understood but this now going on for a month and bit I then could barely get a hold of her on the phone, we would text but no FaceTime. Texts would take over 6 hours to Respond most the time. I got frustrated a few times asking if everything was okay.. especially on days I wouldn’t hear till the next day.. all these events made a darastic change in her behaviour and led to this .. she kept saying that means to much to me etc my support and then she drops a bomb like this .. I don’t understand. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 We were talking non stop, and FaceTime etc it was good! And Then ever since her grandmother and her school got very busy I understood but this now going on for a month and bit I then could barely get a hold of her on the phone, we would text but no FaceTime. Texts would take over 6 hours to Respond most the time. I got frustrated a few times asking if everything was okay.. especially on days I wouldn’t hear till the next day.. all these events made a darastic change in her behaviour and led to this .. she kept saying that means to much to me etc my support and then she drops a bomb like this .. I don’t understand. OK. And what would you like your relationship to look like on a day to day basis while being long distance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 OK. And what would you like your relationship to look like on a day to day basis while being long distance? Well I understand times like this come and it’s stressful but it got stressed and she saw it when we barely talked 1-3 messages a day ever since this all happened.. I only wanted a 5-10 min call at night or whenever just to talk... she changed ever since this all happened and I assume to due high stress and her feeling she’s not making me “happy” which I assured her she is but you need to focus on family right now and I’m here for you for anything you need. I didn’t do anything wrong and she chose this route.. that’s why I say besides her text she sent me saying all that to me I truely believe it’s highly due to an emotional imbalance because it really doesn’t make sense. Again all I wanted during this time when she changed was only to check in i didn’t mean to cause her more stress or anxiety. We had everything planned.. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Well I understand times like this come and it’s stressful but it got stressed and she saw it when we barely talked 1-3 messages a day ever since this all happened.. I only wanted a 5-10 min call at night or whenever just to talk... she changed ever since this all happened and I assume to due high stress and her feeling she’s not making me “happy” which I assured her she is but you need to focus on family right now and I’m here for you for anything you need. I didn’t do anything wrong and she chose this route.. that’s why I say besides her text she sent me saying all that to me I truely believe it’s highly due to an emotional imbalance because it really doesn’t make sense. Again all I wanted during this time when she changed was only to check in i didn’t mean to cause her more stress or anxiety. We had everything planned.. And she was telling you that it was still too much for her. Just because you say you don't mean to cause her stress or say you weren't expecting to talk/face time all day like before, she of course knows you'd prefer that. You even said yourself that you got frustrated with the delayed responses to the texts and asked if everything was OK. That reiterated to her that it wasn't enough. You can say all you want that you're OK with getting scraps from her, but that doesn't mean she isn't still stressed about not being up to what she knows you would ideally want from her. It's a load off her shoulders to take away all expectations then. This isn't about how you treated her like royalty (which is not even possible living on another continent) or how much you love her. She's telling you she is spent and making some cuts in her life, starting with the pressure from a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 We were talking non stop, and FaceTime etc it was good! And Then ever since her grandmother and her school got very busy I understood but this now going on for a month and bit I then could barely get a hold of her on the phone, we would text but no FaceTime. Texts would take over 6 hours to Respond most the time. I got frustrated a few times asking if everything was okay.. especially on days I wouldn’t hear till the next day.. all these events made a darastic change in her behaviour and led to this .. she kept saying that means to much to me etc my support and then she drops a bomb like this .. I don’t understand. This was your mistake right here. She felt pulled by you when what she really needed was for you to give her as much space as she needed. She was already overwhelmed. It was all too much for her. Sometimes the best support is just a kind word and then allowing the person some space. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I have no idea of the course she was studying or its intensity, but a guy texting me all day when I was trying to study would do my head in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 And she was telling you that it was still too much for her. Just because you say you don't mean to cause her stress or say you weren't expecting to talk/face time all day like before, she of course knows you'd prefer that. You even said yourself that you got frustrated with the delayed responses to the texts and asked if everything was OK. That reiterated to her that it wasn't enough. You can say all you want that you're OK with getting scraps from her, but that doesn't mean she isn't still stressed about not being up to what she knows you would ideally want from her. It's a load off her shoulders to take away all expectations then. This isn't about how you treated her like royalty (which is not even possible living on another continent) or how much you love her. She's telling you she is spent and making some cuts in her life, starting with the pressure from a romantic relationship. Ya well If thsts her decision I told her I respect it but I think we should still stick together... because it’s really not the right choice at all.. I really just feel it’s her emotions right now despite what she said.. my gut is telling me that.. because the person she is now and before are WAY different and I tried everything I can..yeah I had my expectations or what i was used to with but I said sorry about everything and I told her I am committed to adapt to the change right now to make it work. Love is about making sacrifices... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 This was your mistake right here. She felt pulled by you when what she really needed was for you to give her as much space as she needed. She was already overwhelmed. It was all too much for her. Sometimes the best support is just a kind word and then allowing the person some space. Then what do I do I guess I won’t contact her until she contacts me... because I KNOW this is a mistake on her end. It’s my gut feeling. She will be back after she misses me I know it. I’m not even hoping I know it... Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 You need to respect her choice. She was clearly feeling smothered. I understand it hurts right now but leave her be and cancel that flight. It's over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Then what do I do I guess I won’t contact her until she contacts me... because I KNOW this is a mistake on her end. It’s my gut feeling. She will be back after she misses me I know it. I’m not even hoping I know it... Well, the only option you have is to leave her be. Who knows. As a musician I’ve played more weddings than I can count and I’ve heard countless stories, including some where couples break up and ultimately tie the knot. It happens, bro, but not very often. Just be realistic. Your only hope of getting her back is to disappear and give her the chance to miss you. If you beg, plead, etc, etc, you will push her even further away. But also keep in mind, if she broke up with you now, what’s to say she won’t do it again during the next family crisis? Maybe this is the time to be by yourself and think long and hard about whether a long distance relationship is really the best for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Well, the only option you have is to leave her be. Who knows. As a musician I’ve played more weddings than I can count and I’ve heard countless stories, including some where couples break up and ultimately tie the knot. It happens, bro, but not very often. Just be realistic. Your only hope of getting her back is to disappear and give her the chance to miss you. If you beg, plead, etc, etc, you will push her even further away. But also keep in mind, if she broke up with you now, what’s to say she won’t do it again during the next family crisis? Maybe this is the time to be by yourself and think long and hard about whether a long distance relationship is really the best for you. I will leave her be then for now... I’m not begging or I would of been still contacting again.. all I know if you set it free and comes back it’s meant to be.. and well I honestly do love her more than anything. But I understand it is what it is for now but I don’t feel it’s an absolute deal breaker 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I will leave her be then for now... I’m not begging or I would of been still contacting again.. all I know if you set it free and comes back it’s meant to be.. and well I honestly do love her more than anything. But I understand it is what it is for now but I don’t feel it’s an absolute deal breaker Your best chance at getting her back is definitely to leave her alone right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Your best chance at getting her back is definitely to leave her alone right now. Will do.... as hard as it is 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Will do.... as hard as it is I feel for you. I’m sure it hurts like h€!!. Maybe hit the gym. Get some good exercise. It feels good to do something for yourself. Stay strong, bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 I feel for you. I’m sure it hurts like h€!!. Maybe hit the gym. Get some good exercise. It feels good to do something for yourself. Stay strong, bro. I’m trying thank you! But I’m not relying on hope but I do truely feel when I’m gone maybe in a week or 2 she will miss me.. because she knows how good I am for her and would take care of her. Her saying those words that I deserve someone who will give me the right attention and that person can’t be me” broke my heart, but I really really don’t feel she means it.. maybe now in he moment... but I don’t feel it’s permanent because there wasn’t really any “true” real issues. She was supposed to be here for Christmas she had my gifts and everything packed ready to go then this happened out of no where Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Sometimes family crises bring into sharp relief what's really important in your life and what isn't. I have been this stressed out from them more than once. Once I went and got tranquilizers so I wouldn't blow up at someone and the other, I cut off an LDR. It just didn't seem important anymore. Seemed like work and was only adding to my stress. Stop being persistent with her. Wish her the best and tell her you understand. Then move on. She knows where to find you if she wants to reach out once things settle down, but don't wait for it because she may be moving on and not just temporarily overwhelmed. Just move on and be civil about it. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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