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Breakup before or after the holidays with a very nice person?


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I have never been in this girl's shoes, but a few of the posters replying to this thread have. If their responses are any indicator, this breakup is likely going to leave an emotional trauma on the girl for months, if not longer. In the grand scheme of things, what you're going to say or when you're going to pull the trigger may make only an insignificant difference, it seems.

 

The odd thing about having a nice break up was although I hated the person less, I miss them more because it makes me feel like I lost such a quality person. Someone who treated me well. I was a nice girl and my ex thought I deserved a nice break up and he couldn't really think of anything too bad that I did wrong but it still ended.

 

I am still hurting after a year and half though I am not pinning I guess. So yes if she is like me, then she will hurt, but maybe she is stronger than I am and it won't even bother her. Maybe she will feel relief.

 

I still think the proper way is the best way to do it for her.

 

I wonder if she will find herself on this site too...

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Paradoxically, the easiest way for her might be for you to be the "bad guy". That's prehaps why some of us found your initial posts a little offensive (wanting to "give" her a nice X'mas, wanting to stay friends).

 

The odd thing about having a nice break up was although I hated the person less, I miss them more because it makes me feel like I lost such a quality person. Someone who treated me well. I was a nice girl and my ex thought I deserved a nice break up and he couldn't really think of anything too bad that I did wrong but it still ended.

 

I am still hurting after a year and half though I am not pinning I guess. So yes if she is like me, then she will hurt, but maybe she is stronger than I am and it won't even bother her. Maybe she will feel relief.

 

I still think the proper way is the best way to do it for her.

 

I wonder if she will find herself on this site too...

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You can not choose who you fall in love with, you can't make yourself fall in love with someone. Im not sure any one really knows how it happens, but when it does, you know it. It doesnt mean a person isnt a good person if you're not in love with them; I have many really good friends that Ive known for years, we're great friends...but Im not in love with them. It why you date someone, to see if an initial interest will blossom into something else. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesnt. You cant force it.

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Any update yet?

 

Sorry for the delayed update, All. It did happen. Considering the crappy situation, it went the best it could. She was in love with me, but saw how it was not a good romantic relationship if I did not feel the same and said she wanted to be friends. She also chose to still come for Christmas and said she had a really nice time. We will still be in contact due to the bond we formed over our lost family. I let her ask any questions she wanted, but she didn't have many at all. She said it was pretty clear to her what the situation was and was very gracious about it all. I am glad to still have someone like that as my friend.

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Good to know that things turned out well op.

I just think you should hold off on the friendship until she is able to move on, because a lot of dumpees take the friendship route as a way to "get back" with the dumper. So she might end up getting hurt. If you think this is not the case then i'm glad that everything worked out.

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