CaliBabe Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Yes I do delay some of the healing process by emailing her to work things out, but I really can’t help it. I’ve been 3 weeks no contact, and usually every 3 weeks I send an email. It’s really hard to let go of the woman I loved so much. I cannot find the inner strength to let go of her completely. Till this day, she hasn’t spoke to me once, and she never wished me a merry Christmas or happy new year. You just said you only contact her on major holidays and once or twice general ones, however in this post above you said you usually email every 3 weeks. That is monthly. Actually more than monthly because there are 4 weeks in a month. I feel like you are not being honest with yourself and are making excuses for your poor behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 22, 2018 Author Share Posted January 22, 2018 You just said you only contact her on major holidays and once or twice general ones, however in this post above you said you usually email every 3 weeks. That is monthly. Actually more than monthly because there are 4 weeks in a month. I feel like you are not being honest with yourself and are making excuses for your poor behavior. In the beginning I would message once ever three weeks. Then I stopped and just wished happy holidays, and since then I haven't reached out to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 In the beginning I would message once ever three weeks. Then I stopped and just wished happy holidays, and since then I haven't reached out to her. Assuming you messaged her on Jan. 1st, that means you made it 21 days, tomorrow will be 22 and so on. One step at a time, you can do it. Just stay "No Contact" and I know you'll feel better. And don't contact her on your birthday... come on the forum and we will all share our birthday stories with you. We'll keep your mind off of her. I'm sure I'm not the only one with some crazy & unique birthday stories... Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 I see what you're saying in the aspect of what I want. Of course I'm going to want what makes me happy, but the way she left, by blindsiding puts me in a confused place. How can she tell me five days before she broke up saying she would never leave me for just any reason and that she would never give up on me? The lies and hypocrisy of her totally killed my mental thoughts of trust towards her. I don't constantly email her every day. The emails I only sent were on the holidays last year, and maybe once or two general ones. Yeah, I may be delusional when it comes to my birthday, but what do you expect? To spend every holiday the first time around without someone is going to be the worst. I haven't contacted her in 3 weeks, and I plan not too. Like I said, the only reason I sent emails was to wish happy holidays. I thought your emails were to tell her you were willing to work things out? What are you hoping to accomplish by continuing to contact? If she doesn’t want to be with you, continuing to write her will not make her fall back in love. She can’t fabricate feelings that she doesn’t have. You can make her love you. And about you Birthday, wait and see what happens. My ex didn’t text me on my birthday and it hurt, in fact, it hurt so bad that it angered me and helped me get over it. I am still not completely over it but it was a Huge Non-action on her part that made a huge statement to me. So, don’t contact anymore and see what happens. Then when you don’t hear from her, you know you can block her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 22, 2018 Author Share Posted January 22, 2018 Assuming you messaged her on Jan. 1st, that means you made it 21 days, tomorrow will be 22 and so on. One step at a time, you can do it. Just stay "No Contact" and I know you'll feel better. And don't contact her on your birthday... come on the forum and we will all share our birthday stories with you. We'll keep your mind off of her. I'm sure I'm not the only one with some crazy & unique birthday stories... That is the goal. I won't contact her, even though I'll feel the need too. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 That is the goal. I won't contact her, even though I'll feel the need too. Great Job... You can do it!! Stay "No Contact"... we'll all get you through it, especially on your birthday!! Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Also, if you truly love her, think of it this way, you will not contact her out of love for her... you are giving her what she wants by leaving her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
VisionL09 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Damn, the feels of your story. I'm sorry for what has happened to you as well. Yeah, I put my ex on a pedestal because I love her. I know I shouldn't do that. I'm trying my best to not contact her again. It's really hard not too. I also had my ex on a pedestal and kept her there way too long because i loved her. I'm pretty sure we all have done that but you need to put yourself and your health before your ex and go no contact.. forever. It isn't easy at all and some days will be extremely hard but no contact made me stronger. Of course i still miss her and what we had but today the urge to contact her is pretty much gone and soon with time and effort you will be there too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 Great Job... You can do it!! Stay "No Contact"... we'll all get you through it, especially on your birthday!! Thanks, I should be able to push through Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 Also, if you truly love her, think of it this way, you will not contact her out of love for her... you are giving her what she wants by leaving her alone. I know, it's just hard to let go of someone you care about deeply. You have to force detach yourself from someone and that's really hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 I also had my ex on a pedestal and kept her there way too long because i loved her. I'm pretty sure we all have done that but you need to put yourself and your health before your ex and go no contact.. forever. It isn't easy at all and some days will be extremely hard but no contact made me stronger. Of course i still miss her and what we had but today the urge to contact her is pretty much gone and soon with time and effort you will be there too. Thats good that you've become better. It is extremely hard to give up on someone you love deeply. You have to force detach yourself from them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 In the beginning of the break up, I would constantly have dreams of her. Down the road they have stopped. Now , all of a sudden, they start reappearing and are giving me a urge to contact her. I’m trying to stay strong and not break the 22 days of no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 I’m trying to stay strong and not break the 22 days of no contact. Great Job on the 22nd day!! Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 In the beginning of the break up, I would constantly have dreams of her. Down the road they have stopped. Now , all of a sudden, they start reappearing and are giving me a urge to contact her. I’m trying to stay strong and not break the 22 days of no contact. What would you say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 What would you say? I don’t know anymore. I’ve tried so many times to make things work, but she never replies. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 I don’t know anymore. I’ve tried so many times to make things work, but she never replies. Please let that be your answer to if you should contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Why not wait 5 or 6 months and if you still feel the need to contact her then reevaluate Link to post Share on other sites
OutKast100 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Why not wait 5 or 6 months and if you still feel the need to contact her then reevaluate No dont do that. 5 or 6 months is not that long and it's a bad idea to contact her after only 6 months. I suggest that you never contact her first, only respond to her if she contacts you and if she actually has something genuine to say to you. Otherwise don't do it. If anything wait at least 3 years but theres really no point. Im almost at 7 months since my breakup and I still dream about her from time to time too. Usually all of the dreams involve a situation where shes cold with me or shows absolutely no interest in me. One time I had a dream that I saw her at a pool with some people around her. I started to wave to her but she didn't wave back so then I started shouting her name and she just sank her body completely underwater to avoid hearing my voice, then I woke up. It's depressing dreams like that which I still have from time to time but that usually happens if I think about her a lot the day before I go to sleep. You have to try to avoid thinking about her as much as possible. I still think about her everyday but not as much as I used to. Just keep taking it one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 Please let that be your answer to if you should contact. True that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 Why not wait 5 or 6 months and if you still feel the need to contact her then reevaluate It’s been 5 months since the break up Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 No dont do that. 5 or 6 months is not that long and it's a bad idea to contact her after only 6 months. I suggest that you never contact her first, only respond to her if she contacts you and if she actually has something genuine to say to you. Otherwise don't do it. If anything wait at least 3 years but theres really no point. Im almost at 7 months since my breakup and I still dream about her from time to time too. Usually all of the dreams involve a situation where shes cold with me or shows absolutely no interest in me. One time I had a dream that I saw her at a pool with some people around her. I started to wave to her but she didn't wave back so then I started shouting her name and she just sank her body completely underwater to avoid hearing my voice, then I woke up. It's depressing dreams like that which I still have from time to time but that usually happens if I think about her a lot the day before I go to sleep. You have to try to avoid thinking about her as much as possible. I still think about her everyday but not as much as I used to. Just keep taking it one day at a time. It’s the same for me. It is depressing dreams that I get of her rejecting me or showing no interest. It’s hard not to think of them late at night. I am taking it one day at a time. Problem is I keep holding onto hope. That hope is killing my mental state of mind and I can’t seem to shake it off. Granted it’s only been 5 months, I speculate it will take me about a year to truly feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Oh, I am sorry, I didn't realize it had been that long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 Oh, I am sorry, I didn't realize it had been that long. No worries Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 No worries How is day 23 of NC going?? You are doing it!! 23 days and counting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jxmpy Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 How is day 23 of NC going?? You are doing it!! 23 days and counting. I'm doing not so bad. The dreams of her do urge me to contact, but I am restraining myself to not contact, even though I really want to. Link to post Share on other sites
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