Cant accept it ***Updated***

[Jxmpy]

I'm not suggesting finding another woman right away, and I'm not suggesting finding a new woman to get over your ex.

 

I'm suggesting that you let go of your ex, and give up the notion that she will one day realize her wrong and then come running back into your arms. You said yourself that you feel a sense of betrayal from her. Let me ask you, if she did come back to you, would you trust her like you did before after you feel betrayed? How about the scenario she comes back to you, only to do the same thing all over again? If you feel bad now, having history repeat itself by the same exact woman will destroy you.

 

Don't even worry about finding a new woman. Find a way to make peace with what happened, get your dignity and self-respect back. Heal yourself.

 

Right now your ex has 100% power over you, and that is power you are giving her. Every time you text your ex, if your ex doesn't respond the way you want, only you are the one who gets hurt. This needs to stop, because it's like you have a deep cut (metaphorically speaking), and each time you contact your ex, you pick the scab off that cut and it starts bleeding again. You need to start healing, start grieving your loss of your ex-girlfriend, and your relationship.

You probably don't like that I'm suggesting to cut her out of your life and move on, but remember, she did that too you already.

 

Edit: When I mentioned finding a new woman in my earlier post, I meant that in a way that your ex will try to weasel her way into your life after you have moved on without her. Your ex is not stupid, she knows on some level what she did to you.

 

I understand. I’m trying to let go. I not feel any sense of hope of her coming back. She already tried dating 2 other guys. Every once in a while I know she checks up on my social media, but nothing more. I am trying my best to let go, but it is really hard. It’s only been 2 and a half months. She let go of me like nothing. It Sucks that even nice guys get dumped because they weren’t enough for some reason. I’m not sure if I could trust her again, I believe I can, but it doesn’t matter, she isn’t coming back. I don’t exist to her.

[Beachead]

I understand what you're saying. It's hard not to lie to yourself believing that we are bettering ourselves for us when its for the other person. How do you feel about talking to new woman. Does it help?

 

It can but only when you finally start to catch yourself checking other women out. This will happen eventually. Initially, in the state that you're in, it'll just mess your head up. You need time to grieve, heal, accept the loss of her.

Edited November 11, 2017 by Beachead

[Jxmpy]

Since my last update, I’ve hit the low point again. Feeling emotional, sad, and unwanted. I’ve been missing her like crazy. It hits me hard at night when I have no one to talk to. She used to be the person I talk to all night. Now I’m just lonely. Sounds pathetic, especially as a man, but I cant help it. I truly loved her so much. While she’s out having fun and going to bars and clubs, I’m here missing someone who probably doesn’t give a **** about me. I was out at a club last week, but it doesn’t really help. Just trying to get through each day as best as I can. I’m trying to let go of every piece of hope I have of her coming back.

[Jxmpy]

My ex girl shared a post on Facebook that made me feel like ****. Yes I check what she’s up to every now and then, because I still want her back. Anyways the post went like this, “I think we need to fall in love with the wrong person. You need to fight, cry, sweat, bleed, and fail. You need to have bad relationships and bad break ups in order to know when the right person comes along.” That hurt me, because one it is telling everyone how I was the wrong person and two, I treated her good. She left because she was burned out and that I lacked “initiative”, when all I did for her. Made long trips to her state, she lives 6 hours apart. Always gave her money for help. She could always depend on me and yet I wasn’t enough? Never cheated on her and never did any type of physical or emotional abuse, and I graduate in a month from school. Such bull****.

[HumanMachine]

Why have you not blocked her on all social media? No wonder you “can’t accept it”

[Beachead]

My ex girl shared a post on Facebook that made me feel like ****. Yes I check what she’s up to every now and then, because I still want her back. Anyways the post went like this, “I think we need to fall in love with the wrong person. You need to fight, cry, sweat, bleed, and fail. You need to have bad relationships and bad break ups in order to know when the right person comes along.” That hurt me, because one it is telling everyone how I was the wrong person and two, I treated her good. She left because she was burned out and that I lacked “initiative”, when all I did for her. Made long trips to her state, she lives 6 hours apart. Always gave her money for help. She could always depend on me and yet I wasn’t enough? Never cheated on her and never did any type of physical or emotional abuse, and I graduate in a month from school. Such bull****.

 

That's how you're treated when a person is no longer into you. They make you feel like everything you do is wrong and you can do no right by them. You could have been the best version of you and still, she would have found something wrong with it. If she had feelings still, it would be very difficult to do wrong in her eyes. She'd support you, believe in you, defend you and would make you feel good about yourself and not like a pile of trash. She sees you two being incompatible together. Take comfort in knowing there's nothing you can do to change it. Your one move is to get through this one day at a time and slowly mend.

[Highndry]

My ex girl shared a post on Facebook that made me feel like ****. Yes I check what she’s up to every now and then, because I still want her back. Anyways the post went like this, “I think we need to fall in love with the wrong person. You need to fight, cry, sweat, bleed, and fail. You need to have bad relationships and bad break ups in order to know when the right person comes along.” That hurt me, because one it is telling everyone how I was the wrong person and two, I treated her good. She left because she was burned out and that I lacked “initiative”, when all I did for her. Made long trips to her state, she lives 6 hours apart. Always gave her money for help. She could always depend on me and yet I wasn’t enough? Never cheated on her and never did any type of physical or emotional abuse, and I graduate in a month from school. Such bull****.

 

Is there a particular reason you like torturing yourself by cyberstalking somebody who doesn't like you or want you in their life? Seriously, do yourself a favor and quit looking at her stuff.

[Jxmpy]

Why have you not blocked her on all social media? No wonder you “can’t accept it”

 

Not easy to do

[Jxmpy]

That's how you're treated when a person is no longer into you. They make you feel like everything you do is wrong and you can do no right by them. You could have been the best version of you and still, she would have found something wrong with it. If she had feelings still, it would be very difficult to do wrong in her eyes. She'd support you, believe in you, defend you and would make you feel good about yourself and not like a pile of trash. She sees you two being incompatible together. Take comfort in knowing there's nothing you can do to change it. Your one move is to get through this one day at a time and slowly mend.

 

It sucks knowing I cant change anything.

[Jxmpy]

Is there a particular reason you like torturing yourself by cyberstalking somebody who doesn't like you or want you in their life? Seriously, do yourself a favor and quit looking at her stuff.

 

I dont want to torture myself, its just I cant help it. It's my first real heartbreak and first love. Especially after 3 years, it feels as if everything I did meant nothing. I feel unwanted and worthless and i feel like I failed

[Beachead]

It's really a learning process and sometimes we just have to creep those photos and try to reconnect with them over and over again and learn it hard way. Mistakes have to be made to learn. And it's painful to learn but necessary and it will change you for the better in regards to dating and relationships. I promise it'll get better. In one years time, you are going to look back at this and you won't feel this crippling pain. You may feel some. Maybe you might still miss her. But it won't be like this. It will get better.

 

Trust me on that.

 

For now, focus on one day at a time. Do your best not to look at her pics and contact her but if it happens, don't fault yourself. You'll eventually get to that point where you can be strong and avoid these temptations. Stay balanced, stay open, keep pushing forward and develop yourself and you will see for yourself.

 

Goodluck OP

Edited November 15, 2017 by Beachead

[HumanMachine]

Not easy to do

 

Welcome to breakups

[stillafool]

I dont want to torture myself, its just I cant help it. It's my first real heartbreak and first love. Especially after 3 years, it feels as if everything I did meant nothing. I feel unwanted and worthless and i feel like I failed

 

What you are going thru is normal. We all get our hearts broken and have ended up where you are right now so it isn't anything unusual. In a way your gf was right in her post. She wasn't the right girl for you. The good news is the right girl for you is out there waiting for your heart to mend. Block your ex because it is over and there is no need to torture yourself any longer.

[Jxmpy]

It's really a learning process and sometimes we just have to creep those photos and try to reconnect with them over and over again and learn it hard way. Mistakes have to be made to learn. And it's painful to learn but necessary and it will change you for the better in regards to dating and relationships. I promise it'll get better. In one years time, you are going to look back at this and you won't feel this crippling pain. You may feel some. Maybe you might still miss her. But it won't be like this. It will get better.

 

Trust me on that.

 

For now, focus on one day at a time. Do your best not to look at her pics and contact her but if it happens, don't fault yourself. You'll eventually get to that point where you can be strong and avoid these temptations. Stay balanced, stay open, keep pushing forward and develop yourself and you will see for yourself.

 

Goodluck OP

What you say is true. I’m learning the hard way, but it’s the best way for me to learn I guess. This pain is truly the worst pain I’ve felt. I have broken my left collarbone twice and that pain is nothing compared to heartbreak. Bones heal while the heart remembers and endures while leaving a scar.

[Jxmpy]

What you are going thru is normal. We all get our hearts broken and have ended up where you are right now so it isn't anything unusual. In a way your gf was right in her post. She wasn't the right girl for you. The good news is the right girl for you is out there waiting for your heart to mend. Block your ex because it is over and there is no need to torture yourself any longer.

 

I do hope the right girl is out there. Right now my trust is going to be hard to earn. My ex was the love of my life and then she pulled a 180 and threw me away like trash. How can I be so sure that won’t happen again. I am loyal and I love hard. If I’m into a girl, I will do my best to keep the relationship going, which not a lot of guys out there will do. Why is it that nice guys finish last?

[Darkchan]

I feel you. I'm also heartbroken for the first time, I'm madly in love but he just threw me away. The previous releationships has always ended mutually and parted ways on good terms. This one was only me leaving with a heart shattered to pieces. I feel empty, sad, have anxiety and can barely eat. I'm also coping very bad and yesterday was my first 1st month since break up and also NC. I survived somehow to my own suprsie as the days are sooo long and feels like years passed but at the same time it also feels like it happen only yesterday.

 

Hang in there, I know it's not easy as hard to see the future. It's good to have such lovley people on LS that gives you advice or just an understanding comment.

[Jxmpy]

I feel you. I'm also heartbroken for the first time, I'm madly in love but he just threw me away. The previous releationships has always ended mutually and parted ways on good terms. This one was only me leaving with a heart shattered to pieces. I feel empty, sad, have anxiety and can barely eat. I'm also coping very bad and yesterday was my first 1st month since break up and also NC. I survived somehow to my own suprsie as the days are sooo long and feels like years passed but at the same time it also feels like it happen only yesterday.

 

Hang in there, I know it's not easy as hard to see the future. It's good to have such lovley people on LS that gives you advice or just an understanding comment.

Thank you for the comment. Im sorry youre going through it as well. It's really a terrible feeling. It's been 2 and a half months for me since she left. The days are really long and each night is The worst. No one to talk to and not feeling wanted ny the person you want most sucks. Especially with the holidays around the corner, it only makes it harder.

[Jxmpy]

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. It’s been 3 months since she left and I’m still hurt very much. Christmas and New Years is coming up and it’s been affecting me. For the past 3 years I’ve spent the holidays with her. Now I’m going to be alone without her. She doesn’t contact me at all. I try contacting her every 3 weeks via email. I know she reads them, but doesn’t respond. I don’t understand how they can ghost someone who loves them. We didn’t have a toxic relationship. I just wish she would come back even though I know she won’t, I was a good guy to her which bothers me a lot. According to her, I lacked drive, even though I picked it up, she said it was too late.

[Blanco]

Sorry it hurts, but deep down, you have to know you're only making things worse by continuing to reach out to her.

 

In a way, you're keeping yourself stuck, because this cycle of reaching out every three weeks means there's a build up to you messaging her, then a period of time after where you're probably expecting a response of some kind.

 

In other words, even if you're only messaging her every three weeks, there's so much time before and after sending the message that's dedicated to thinking about this contact that you're basically never in the state of mind that you're going to allow for real detachment and distance.

[alterest]

Sorry it hurts, but deep down, you have to know you're only making things worse by continuing to reach out to her.

 

In a way, you're keeping yourself stuck, because this cycle of reaching out every three weeks means there's a build up to you messaging her, then a period of time after where you're probably expecting a response of some kind.

 

In other words, even if you're only messaging her every three weeks, there's so much time before and after sending the message that's dedicated to thinking about this contact that you're basically never in the state of mind that you're going to allow for real detachment and distance.

 

 

Can't agree more with that. Blanco is completly right and I'm saying that cause I made a lot of stupid mistakes. I was holding hope (still hold a little bit), trying to stay in touch with my ex, stay in the same friend groups, keep her in my social medias and so on. And you know what? I only keep my wound opened and still open cause that. If I pushed her away like she did I would in a much better place right now.

I know you are hurt and that is a s**t pain. I have thoughts about end everything, but I have my reasons alive and I know that pain will fade away and someday will go away, so why I will lost my only precious thing for someone whom doesn't want to be with me? With all those holiday the pain increase a lot and, in my case, I will spend my NYE alone, cause I have to work and my family and friends will travel to somewhere. I'm hurt for that, but life goes on.

You have to stop to try reach her out. She doesn't want to be with neither talk to you and if she change her mmind in a future she will contact you. Pick everything that remember her, put in a box and store somewhere out of your sight. Delete all her messages and emails, delete her from your social media. If you want, send her a last email telling about your feelings and so on, but use it as a closure. And everytime you feel you have to send another thing remember "your closure already gone".

I'm so sorry, I'm really do. I feel your pain so much cause I want to be with my ex in those end of year hollidays and for the rest of my and I won't, neither do you. And as soon as you accept that, you will heal much faster.

[Jxmpy]

Sorry it hurts, but deep down, you have to know you're only making things worse by continuing to reach out to her.

 

In a way, you're keeping yourself stuck, because this cycle of reaching out every three weeks means there's a build up to you messaging her, then a period of time after where you're probably expecting a response of some kind.

 

In other words, even if you're only messaging her every three weeks, there's so much time before and after sending the message that's dedicated to thinking about this contact that you're basically never in the state of mind that you're going to allow for real detachment and distance.

 

I know I keep myself stuck. I can’t help it. I feel like I will never truly get over her.

[Jxmpy]

Can't agree more with that. Blanco is completly right and I'm saying that cause I made a lot of stupid mistakes. I was holding hope (still hold a little bit), trying to stay in touch with my ex, stay in the same friend groups, keep her in my social medias and so on. And you know what? I only keep my wound opened and still open cause that. If I pushed her away like she did I would in a much better place right now.

I know you are hurt and that is a s**t pain. I have thoughts about end everything, but I have my reasons alive and I know that pain will fade away and someday will go away, so why I will lost my only precious thing for someone whom doesn't want to be with me? With all those holiday the pain increase a lot and, in my case, I will spend my NYE alone, cause I have to work and my family and friends will travel to somewhere. I'm hurt for that, but life goes on.

You have to stop to try reach her out. She doesn't want to be with neither talk to you and if she change her mmind in a future she will contact you. Pick everything that remember her, put in a box and store somewhere out of your sight. Delete all her messages and emails, delete her from your social media. If you want, send her a last email telling about your feelings and so on, but use it as a closure. And everytime you feel you have to send another thing remember "your closure already gone".

I'm so sorry, I'm really do. I feel your pain so much cause I want to be with my ex in those end of year hollidays and for the rest of my and I won't, neither do you. And as soon as you accept that, you will heal much faster.

 

I’m trying hard not to reach to her. She meant everything to me, and I can’t find to the courage to accept that she’s gone. I hate the fact I was blindsided and never talked to again. I feel like I will never be over her.

[alterest]

I’m trying hard not to reach to her. She meant everything to me, and I can’t find to the courage to accept that she’s gone. I hate the fact I was blindsided and never talked to again. I feel like I will never be over her.

 

I know it's pretty hard. I'm face it right now too. But we have no option, right? And we need to look after us and heal and move on. Stuck in the past lead us to saddnes, and it's a terrible place to be with.

It will take a huge time to be over, but someday you will wake up and everything is going to be fine. Allow you to feel pain, to cry, to explore emotions. Don't hide it, cause it only increase your pain. But let your heart know that you will be over her sometime and you will find a new and excellent relationship if you want another one.

[DevastatedJDC]

Going through same thing here..... VERY hard facing the holidays without him. Had a huge holiday party that I thought would help, but it just made me miss him more and wish he was there with me. I just can't comprehend how someone I shared everything with for 11.5 years could just walk away and never contact me again - it's just left a huge hole in my soul that I'm starting to wonder if will ever heal. It has sloooooooooowly gotten better over the last 10 months, but the holidays are coming down on me like an avalanche. I was hoping I was better by now than I am..... It's just so hard to realize the relationship you thought was everything for so long obviously meant very little to the other person.

[DevastatedJDC]

We feel your pain OP. Most of us are in this crap together. The same feelings of betrayal. Same emptiness. Wanting to reach out to them in hopes that if we could explain how much they hurt us or convinced them to be with us, we'd get them back. "If they only understood" we think.

 

They know what they did and they just don't care. Plain and simple.

 

Like others have said, she met this guy while she was emotionally checking out of the relationship with you. By the time she collected enough strength to finally make the move and leave you, she was already a 80% over you. That's why she's cold as ice. She had a headstart in healing while you hadn't even started.

 

So yes, feel betrayed. I would. Out of all the people in the world, you went out on a limb and trusted this girl with your heart in untrustworthy world like this and she took that for granted and handled it like it was nothing. When we lose people, a part of us disappears with them. You'll heal but you won't be put together the same way again. So don't let her off the hook so easily. To do so would deprive you of the remorse and anger you should be feeling and you're going to need that to help you accept what happened and heal from it.

 

I don't know what kind of environment created these types of personalities but I know the world would be a better place without them. They are reckless and stupid with their words and emotions.

 

From here on, all your energy should go to detaching yourself from her. Block her off of everything and go strict no contact. She's done.

 

Goodluck

 

This is an excellent post and totally summarizes where I am now. I want so badly to contact him and let him know the pain he inflicted on me and lecture him telling him "you shouldn't tell people you love them when you don't".... The coldness and the sudden complete detachment is just overwhelming, but know I gotta get over it. I just want my life with him back. ugh..................