Cant accept it ***Updated***

[Trust666]

It's hard as said above it takes some time. I still have my moments but then remember I am thinking of pre betrayal. We all deal differently, I loathe my ex which is not healthy but helps me for now.

 

The thing that gets me is my ex had 2 marriages fail due to cheating husbands, she was a mess. Insecure, hard with trusting people and was with me because she trusted me as we knew one another. For 6 months I was on cloud 9 again, we dated before and we each others' first serious relationship in college.

 

In the end she did to me what had been done to her and ran away from it, in the end she simply said she was sorry but is damaged...and I told her I understand, because now I am damaged too.

 

It'll take time and you'll always have some hurt from it BUT don't dwell, and try not to analyze try and find anger or something to motivate you. All you can do is move on, and she will not be all smitten and in love in the months to come and will go through some crap herself.

 

People are allowed to move on, it's how they end things before doing it that matters. Remember the ending not the good stuff and begin to heal. Full NC, any contact will make things worse....also don;t do what many do, hope her new relationship ends or try to figure out if it's a rebound.

 

You'll get there with time. Best of luck. Sorry for your pain.

[Jxmpy]

It's hard as said above it takes some time. I still have my moments but then remember I am thinking of pre betrayal. We all deal differently, I loathe my ex which is not healthy but helps me for now.

 

The thing that gets me is my ex had 2 marriages fail due to cheating husbands, she was a mess. Insecure, hard with trusting people and was with me because she trusted me as we knew one another. For 6 months I was on cloud 9 again, we dated before and we each others' first serious relationship in college.

 

In the end she did to me what had been done to her and ran away from it, in the end she simply said she was sorry but is damaged...and I told her I understand, because now I am damaged too.

 

It'll take time and you'll always have some hurt from it BUT don't dwell, and try not to analyze try and find anger or something to motivate you. All you can do is move on, and she will not be all smitten and in love in the months to come and will go through some crap herself.

 

People are allowed to move on, it's how they end things before doing it that matters. Remember the ending not the good stuff and begin to heal. Full NC, any contact will make things worse....also don;t do what many do, hope her new relationship ends or try to figure out if it's a rebound.

 

You'll get there with time. Best of luck. Sorry for your pain.

 

Thank you, I really appreciate it. She was damaged also when I first met her. She was cheated on, and I was the first man to show her that not all men are savages. I gave her a man to trust and love. I was the first gentleman to her. Yet she still leaves. I don't understand why they ant look at all the positives the person has died for them.

[BC1980]

Yes, it will take many months. The pain truly sucks and I'm trying to get by it day by day.

 

That's really the only thing you can do. Take it day by day. Eventually, those days get better, and, somewhere down the line, you end up creating a new life without her. I won't lie and tell you it's easy. A lot of it's rocky, especially in the beginning, but you will get stronger as time goes on. It's a process.

 

Right now, I'd focus on making sure you have a structure to each day. Make sure you have activities, so you don't sit around and stew in your emotions. Finding a new hobby is good too because it's something new that you can do apart from your relationship. A lot of people start volunteering or take up exercise goals. When I was going through my toughest times, I would force myself to get up everyday I was off from work and go exercise. It made me get out of bed, got my endorphins going, and gave me a positive goal to work towards.

[Jxmpy]

That's really the only thing you can do. Take it day by day. Eventually, those days get better, and, somewhere down the line, you end up creating a new life without her. I won't lie and tell you it's easy. A lot of it's rocky, especially in the beginning, but you will get stronger as time goes on. It's a process.

 

Right now, I'd focus on making sure you have a structure to each day. Make sure you have activities, so you don't sit around and stew in your emotions. Finding a new hobby is good too because it's something new that you can do apart from your relationship. A lot of people start volunteering or take up exercise goals. When I was going through my toughest times, I would force myself to get up everyday I was off from work and go exercise. It made me get out of bed, got my endorphins going, and gave me a positive goal to work towards.

 

I already have been working out before I met her. Working out Does help and the endorphins do make you feel a lot better, but on rest days is when you dwell on it. I have gotten better from the beginning, but it is a slow process. It sucks that I will go through the holidays alone from her. That's when it'll hit me again.

[Beachead]

We feel your pain OP. Most of us are in this crap together. The same feelings of betrayal. Same emptiness. Wanting to reach out to them in hopes that if we could explain how much they hurt us or convinced them to be with us, we'd get them back. "If they only understood" we think.

 

They know what they did and they just don't care. Plain and simple.

 

Like others have said, she met this guy while she was emotionally checking out of the relationship with you. By the time she collected enough strength to finally make the move and leave you, she was already a 80% over you. That's why she's cold as ice. She had a headstart in healing while you hadn't even started.

 

So yes, feel betrayed. I would. Out of all the people in the world, you went out on a limb and trusted this girl with your heart in untrustworthy world like this and she took that for granted and handled it like it was nothing. When we lose people, a part of us disappears with them. You'll heal but you won't be put together the same way again. So don't let her off the hook so easily. To do so would deprive you of the remorse and anger you should be feeling and you're going to need that to help you accept what happened and heal from it.

 

I don't know what kind of environment created these types of personalities but I know the world would be a better place without them. They are reckless and stupid with their words and emotions.

 

From here on, all your energy should go to detaching yourself from her. Block her off of everything and go strict no contact. She's done.

 

Goodluck

Edited October 25, 2017 by Beachead

[Trust666]

//Thank you, I really appreciate it. She was damaged also when I first met her. She was cheated on, and I was the first man to show her that not all men are savages. I gave her a man to trust and love. I was the first gentleman to her. Yet she still leaves. I don't understand why they ant look at all the positives the person has died for them.//

 

You'll probably never know why she did what she did or what went through her head. We tend to look for closure any way we can and often times we never truly get it from the betrayer types.

 

You work on you, some woman will love you someday but be prepared by working on yourself now, this woman has moved on.

 

Every time we are single it is an opportunity to improve ourselves. Folks who jump from relationship to relationship often hit a wall they never take a break and it's not always a good thing for them or their SOs.

 

I understand your frustration, I was the same with my ex, I tried to be patient and realize she was fragile BUT in the end I let me guard down and never realized how vulnerable I left myself.

 

I'm almost at 2 months like you and it does seem a little better, one day I will be happy again but I will always have the pain and hurt this caused me and I am OK with that...it's a reminder to stay motivated and love yourself.

[Jxmpy]

We feel your pain OP. Most of us are in this crap together. The same feelings of betrayal. Same emptiness. Wanting to reach out to them in hopes that if we could explain how much they hurt us or convinced them to be with us, we'd get them back. "If they only understood" we think.

 

They know what they did and they just don't care. Plain and simple.

 

Like others have said, she met this guy while she was emotionally checking out of the relationship with you. By the time she collected enough strength to finally make the move and leave you, she was already a 80% over you. That's why she's cold as ice. She had a headstart in healing while you hadn't even started.

 

So yes, feel betrayed. I would. Out of all the people in the world, you went out on a limb and trusted this girl with your heart in untrustworthy world like this and she took that for granted and handled it like it was nothing. When we lose people, a part of us disappears with them. You'll heal but you won't be put together the same way again. So don't let her off the hook so easily. To do so would deprive you of the remorse and anger you should be feeling and you're going to need that to help you accept what happened and heal from it.

 

I don't know what kind of environment created these types of personalities but I know the world would be a better place without them. They are reckless and stupid with their words and emotions.

 

From here on, all your energy should go to detaching yourself from her. Block her off of everything and go strict no contact. She's done.

 

Goodluck

yeah, they know what they did, and yeah it seems that they don't care. Especially that I cared for this woman through it all. I just can't comprehend how they can leave a guy who would do anything for them. I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to date again to get my mind off her.

[Jxmpy]

//Thank you, I really appreciate it. She was damaged also when I first met her. She was cheated on, and I was the first man to show her that not all men are savages. I gave her a man to trust and love. I was the first gentleman to her. Yet she still leaves. I don't understand why they ant look at all the positives the person has died for them.//

 

You'll probably never know why she did what she did or what went through her head. We tend to look for closure any way we can and often times we never truly get it from the betrayer types.

 

You work on you, some woman will love you someday but be prepared by working on yourself now, this woman has moved on.

 

Every time we are single it is an opportunity to improve ourselves. Folks who jump from relationship to relationship often hit a wall they never take a break and it's not always a good thing for them or their SOs.

 

I understand your frustration, I was the same with my ex, I tried to be patient and realize she was fragile BUT in the end I let me guard down and never realized how vulnerable I left myself.

 

I'm almost at 2 months like you and it does seem a little better, one day I will be happy again but I will always have the pain and hurt this caused me and I am OK with that...it's a reminder to stay motivated and love yourself.

Yeah this woman has completely moved on. I was beyond patient with her, and she would always compliment my patience. She took my patience for granted. A lot of guys don't have patience out there. I have grown stronger and better. I just wish she could see that, but then again she must not care about me if she can just leave and never look back.

[rickwman]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Part of dating and entering into a relationship is understanding one another. Since you seem like a very responsible, mature person, it's possible she isn't as mature and if she is not honest with you about why she left and her expectations, then I understand moving on without her could be a blessing for you. Better learn about any emotional or relationship flaws now vs. if you married her. Love is a two way street, with honesty and understanding each other's expectations as cornerstones. I'll pray for your emotional healing and that another fulfilling relationship will come your way BUT be at peace and move slowly.

[Jxmpy]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Part of dating and entering into a relationship is understanding one another. Since you seem like a very responsible, mature person, it's possible she isn't as mature and if she is not honest with you about why she left and her expectations, then I understand moving on without her could be a blessing for you. Better learn about any emotional or relationship flaws now vs. if you married her. Love is a two way street, with honesty and understanding each other's expectations as cornerstones. I'll pray for your emotional healing and that another fulfilling relationship will come your way BUT be at peace and move slowly.

 

Apparently I lacked "initiative" she told me that, which doesn't sense for all that I have done for her.

[Jxmpy]

Update: So I've been trying not to contact her. Everyday I think about her. It has gotten a lot better the past 2 months. The last time I did contact her I said it would be the last time, but she never replied. I hate knowing how she probably doesn't care.

[Beachead]

Update: So I've been trying not to contact her. Everyday I think about her. It has gotten a lot better the past 2 months. The last time I did contact her I said it would be the last time, but she never replied. I hate knowing how she probably doesn't care.

 

Good. That's hope right there. Keep at it.

 

Don't let your mind build her up into this beautiful princess you've lost. See it for what it is.

Edited October 31, 2017 by Beachead

[Jxmpy]

Do they ever comeback? Do they realize that they had a great guy who loved them and was loyal? I just feel like I won't find another great woman. I'm still struggling after 2 months. Time goes by slowly and every day I think about her. Can't comprehend how they just stop caring when I treated them right.

[Jxmpy]

It's been 2 months since my ex girlfriend left me. We were together for 3 years. I was kind, sweet and loving to her. She left because she was burned out. Apparently I lacked drive. We were long distance and I constantly made trips to her, stayed with her for weeks, and did everything a man should do. I was loyal and I constantly reminded her how much I loved her. The first month I try to get her back and she rejects me. Then the second month I try and she rejects me again. I've been in no contact for the past 2 weeks and im getting the urge to try again, but I know it will probably be the same outcome. I just can't let go of her. She was perfect in so many ways to me with minimal flaws.

[HumanMachine]

You’re wasting your time. She has someone else, stay nc and move on.

[alterest]

It's been 2 months since my ex girlfriend left me. We were together for 3 years. I was kind, sweet and loving to her. She left because she was burned out. Apparently I lacked drive. We were long distance and I constantly made trips to her, stayed with her for weeks, and did everything a man should do. I was loyal and I constantly reminded her how much I loved her. The first month I try to get her back and she rejects me. Then the second month I try and she rejects me again. I've been in no contact for the past 2 weeks and im getting the urge to try again, but I know it will probably be the same outcome. I just can't let go of her. She was perfect in so many ways to me with minimal flaws.

 

Hi, bro. I was in your position 2 years ago (and somehow again nowsday). I tried to got back with my ex and I made it for about 6 months. It consumes me like hell. Worst semester of my life. Someday she was completly douche to me using an account that I allowed her to use to reach out other guy. I discoverd that said to her that I didn't think I should do this anymore (did not tell why, cause she does what she want) and she was a bigger douche than before. So, after 2 months she tell me she was missing me and we got back together for almost 4 months, then she broke up again for the same reasons, cause she changed nothing to make our relationship work.

I don't know the circumstances of your break up, but if she was aggressive or something like that, don't do it to yourself. Doesn't matter how much you improve yourself, she will be the same. The best you can do right now is go full NC, invest in yourself. If you think that is a hard thing to do, look for a therapy it will help you a lot.

There's nothing you can do right now, cause she doesn't want to be with you right now. And, man, don't put her on the pedestal. She IS NOT perfect... Neither you, neither me, neither anyone in the world... We all have issues, we all have problems, we all have shadows to deal with... And that's ok... We only need to accept the other, but we need to see our partners as real people, not an idealistic person. Take her off off the pedestal and improve yourself... It's the best you can do right now. Think that way:

- You improve yourself and she not return = You move on from her

- You improve yourself and she return = You will be a greater person then you were

- You don't improve yourself and she not return = You will be in this misery forever

- You don't improve yourself and she return = You will be need and cringe, you will be in the same spot and you have no chance to make everything work

 

Focus on you... You can only change yourself.

[lostsoul4286]

Hi, bro. I was in your position 2 years ago (and somehow again nowsday). I tried to got back with my ex and I made it for about 6 months. It consumes me like hell. Worst semester of my life. Someday she was completly douche to me using an account that I allowed her to use to reach out other guy. I discoverd that said to her that I didn't think I should do this anymore (did not tell why, cause she does what she want) and she was a bigger douche than before. So, after 2 months she tell me she was missing me and we got back together for almost 4 months, then she broke up again for the same reasons, cause she changed nothing to make our relationship work.

I don't know the circumstances of your break up, but if she was aggressive or something like that, don't do it to yourself. Doesn't matter how much you improve yourself, she will be the same. The best you can do right now is go full NC, invest in yourself. If you think that is a hard thing to do, look for a therapy it will help you a lot.

There's nothing you can do right now, cause she doesn't want to be with you right now. And, man, don't put her on the pedestal. She IS NOT perfect... Neither you, neither me, neither anyone in the world... We all have issues, we all have problems, we all have shadows to deal with... And that's ok... We only need to accept the other, but we need to see our partners as real people, not an idealistic person. Take her off off the pedestal and improve yourself... It's the best you can do right now. Think that way:

- You improve yourself and she not return = You move on from her

- You improve yourself and she return = You will be a greater person then you were

- You don't improve yourself and she not return = You will be in this misery forever

- You don't improve yourself and she return = You will be need and cringe, you will be in the same spot and you have no chance to make everything work

 

Focus on you... You can only change yourself.

 

 

Like altrest said, seek therapy. Sometimes our support group isn't enough. Trust me. Live life, pursuit a passion, be skillful, and you'll see what the universe brings you.

[StephenV]

Stay NC. She hasn't changed her mind the past two times, so she isn't going to now.

[Beachead]

Do they ever comeback? Do they realize that they had a great guy who loved them and was loyal? I just feel like I won't find another great woman. I'm still struggling after 2 months. Time goes by slowly and every day I think about her. Can't comprehend how they just stop caring when I treated them right.

 

If you don't reach out to her again, I have a feeling she will reach out to you but it won't be because she realized what she lost. That's only in the movies. From my own experiences and many others' , a round 2 is typically motivated by selfish reasons like loneliness or fear to be alone.

 

In regards to healing, 2 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things OP. It's really just the beginning. You're going to be up and down for a long time.

I'm going through it myself. This isn't the kind of state we'd want to talk to our exes in anyway. We want to clear this crap and get back to who we used the be. It may take several months of processing through all the pain you are feeling before you finally give up hope and start moving on. You'll know you're getting better when you start catching yourself noticing other girls.

Edited November 5, 2017 by Beachead

[Highndry]

Do they ever comeback? Do they realize that they had a great guy who loved them and was loyal? I just feel like I won't find another great woman. I'm still struggling after 2 months. Time goes by slowly and every day I think about her. Can't comprehend how they just stop caring when I treated them right.

 

No, they don't come back when they were the ones to break up. Contrary to all of that nonsense about how no contact makes people magically want you back, it's not true. When a woman ends it, she's pretty much done with you.

 

She knows you loved her and all of that. She's not deaf or stupid, but she doesn't care. You are no longer somebody she wants to spend her life with. It's a rejection of you, and something you have to come to terms with. It's a real blow to your ego, but it's life. Contacting her would do nothing but reduce your value to her as you look like a needy loser. The best thing to do is maintain your dignity and never contact her again, or even respond to contact from her should she reach out. Even if she decided to recycle you, she would dump you again. It's important to understand this so you don't get hurt even worse down the road.

[Jxmpy]

Stay NC. She hasn't changed her mind the past two times, so she isn't going to now.

 

I just feel like if I ignore her it will make her go further away.

[Jxmpy]

Hi, bro. I was in your position 2 years ago (and somehow again nowsday). I tried to got back with my ex and I made it for about 6 months. It consumes me like hell. Worst semester of my life. Someday she was completly douche to me using an account that I allowed her to use to reach out other guy. I discoverd that said to her that I didn't think I should do this anymore (did not tell why, cause she does what she want) and she was a bigger douche than before. So, after 2 months she tell me she was missing me and we got back together for almost 4 months, then she broke up again for the same reasons, cause she changed nothing to make our relationship work.

I don't know the circumstances of your break up, but if she was aggressive or something like that, don't do it to yourself. Doesn't matter how much you improve yourself, she will be the same. The best you can do right now is go full NC, invest in yourself. If you think that is a hard thing to do, look for a therapy it will help you a lot.

There's nothing you can do right now, cause she doesn't want to be with you right now. And, man, don't put her on the pedestal. She IS NOT perfect... Neither you, neither me, neither anyone in the world... We all have issues, we all have problems, we all have shadows to deal with... And that's ok... We only need to accept the other, but we need to see our partners as real people, not an idealistic person. Take her off off the pedestal and improve yourself... It's the best you can do right now. Think that way:

- You improve yourself and she not return = You move on from her

- You improve yourself and she return = You will be a greater person then you were

- You don't improve yourself and she not return = You will be in this misery forever

- You don't improve yourself and she return = You will be need and cringe, you will be in the same spot and you have no chance to make everything work

 

Focus on you... You can only change yourself.

 

I have been focusing on myself, it's just i can't comprehend why she would do this.

[Zahara]

I just feel like if I ignore her it will make her go further away.

 

You're afraid to let her go. Accepting the finality and reality that someone does not want to be with you anymore is difficult.

 

She won't be going further away -- she's already gone and wants to be gone. Time to seek acceptance.

[alterest]

I have been focusing on myself, it's just i can't comprehend why she would do this.

 

Because she's not interested right now.

She need to miss you before she want to be with you (and that could never happen), and you stay in her life only make her more sure about your break up.

[ExpatInItaly]

I just feel like if I ignore her it will make her go further away.

 

She's already gone, my friend.

 

I am sorry, as I can see you are in pain. But you aren't ignoring her if she's not reaching out to you about getting back together, anyway.