NO remorse for [wife's past] cheating

[rog]

I have discussed the many postings with my psychologist and told him that many of the opinions were interesting to read. But the answer I’m looking for just seems to elude me. How do I stop obsessing 24/7, short of a lobotomy, about my wife’s sexual past? There isn’t a day that goes by that something hasn’t triggered mental movies of her past sexual activities with a guy or group of men. February 14 is an especial difficult day for me. She spent that weekend exchanging bodily fluids with someone she just met? Unaware of what occurred with her earlier, I proposed to her later that day, after her lover had left her apartment. After she said yes and I gave her the ring and to celebrate we made love. If I had only known the truth?

 

When my wife told me about her sexual activity over that Valentine Day weekend, many, many months after it occurred, I felt degraded as a husband, lover, and friend. That lone sexual encounter brought every detail I knew about her sexual past merging into a rage of anger I never felt before. Up until that disclosure I believed I was able to accept that her sexual past had nothing to do with me. After many counseling sessions the realization came to me, it did! As much as I tried to suppress the thoughts of her and her sexual past, I couldn’t. My therapist said they were always there subconsciously. The betrayal of my love and trust, that day I proposed to her has haunted me. Since she told me everything they did together in detail, the pictures are always there, clear as day. Her disclosers of what she did may have eased her conscience; but only hurt me emotionally.

 

When she slept with that guy, it was a kick in the gonads. The fact that I had decided to ask her to marry me on Valentines Day also has a lot to do with what I feel. On the day I proposed I was nervous. This was going to be a happy life changing event for the both of us. Valentines Day is now a memorial to her finding orgasmic pleasure with a stranger and not me. Her intimacy with that guy has stayed with me all these years. When something, anything triggers me to think about her sexual past, images real or imagined pop into my head of them enjoying each other. There is never a waking moment I don’t think about her and him together. Something always triggers these thoughts and counseling has never brought closer for me.

 

I know I’ve rambled, but I want to find a way to be content with the years left to me. I know, I probbily should have taken some action then. I loved her and we had children when all of this blew up in my face. Even if I left her, the anger of what she did would still be with me.

 

I believed that time would solve and heal my obsession; it hasn’t. Thinking if I did this or that then doesn’t apply now. I brought all this emotional hell on myself and now I live with it. I should have asked questions and dug a little deeper with her about what happened. I learned the type of person she was when I started dating her. She told me in her youth there were no sexual taboos for her; she was quite open about her past. The details she told me of her sexual activities she participated in would have satisfied any young man’s fantasies. She has been a great mother and faith full wife all these years. I should be content in my old age. But I can’t let go, the past just keeps haunting me. Why didn’t she just keep her secrets?

[jjgitties]

Dear OP, I am not sure what to reply with. I have not been in that situation and would not know how I felt if I was.

 

It does sound like you wife maybe was a sex addict. With people like that, these is not emotional connection to the act of sex with random partners -- they just do it and its completely disconnected from the human heart. Maybe take solace that she did obviously make a human connection with you as she did decide to marry you and have a child with you.

 

take care and dont dwell

[BarbedFenceRider]

I am still feeling that maybe if you pull your wife down off of her high and mighty pedestal. That YOU put her on, you can start standing up in your own right. To feel proud of yourself and your accomplishments. Screw Valentines. Make your own holiday that you and her share.

You have a 60s' lovefest wife who is now in her golden years and just too tired to care about the past. I feel she does love you, but you are not adored. Those days are long past. I would probably be safe to say that your grandkids hold you to that level. And thats okay.

Like she said...It is just a personal handshake to her. No need to give her any more power and control just for sex. Just start admitting to yourself that your wife was a "hippie whore" in the 60s and she settled down with you. Laugh and laugh out loud. You thought life was going to go one way. But it led you down a strange and eventful past. Its all good, we all get there in the end.

You may find a strange sensation of release when you focus your energy on you and less of her. She IS your wife, and 46 years is nothing to sneeze at! Congratulations. Now, be at peace.

[SammySammy]

I don’t have any sympathy for you.

 

There’s an old saying: “You can’t turn a w***e into a housewife.”

 

You knew what kind of woman she was long before you married her. You still married her and now you’re mad - nearly fifty years later - because she turned out to be just what she said she was.

 

You’re kinda silly for an old man. With age comes wisdom, but it seems you missed that too. The answer to your problem is simple. Forgiveness.

 

If you love her and you’re going to stay with her, then forgive her AND YOURSELF and move with your life.

 

If you’re not going to stay with her (which I don’t know why you wouldn’t after all of these years), then leave her, forgive her AND YOURSELF, and move on with your life.

 

Either way, the only way to truly stop tormenting yourself is to forgive. Forgive her for her indiscretions. Forgive yourself for making a poor decision. If you sincerely forgive, then that’s the doorway to finding peace.

[road]

I have discussed the many postings with my psychologist and told him that many of the opinions were interesting to read. But the answer I’m looking for just seems to elude me. How do I stop obsessing 24/7, short of a lobotomy, about my wife’s sexual past? There isn’t a day that goes by that something hasn’t triggered mental movies of her past sexual activities with a guy or group of men. February 14 is an especial difficult day for me. She spent that weekend exchanging bodily fluids with someone she just met? Unaware of what occurred with her earlier, I proposed to her later that day, after her lover had left her apartment. After she said yes and I gave her the ring and to celebrate we made love. If I had only known the truth?

 

When my wife told me about her sexual activity over that Valentine Day weekend, many, many months after it occurred, I felt degraded as a husband, lover, and friend. That lone sexual encounter brought every detail I knew about her sexual past merging into a rage of anger I never felt before. Up until that disclosure I believed I was able to accept that her sexual past had nothing to do with me. After many counseling sessions the realization came to me, it did! As much as I tried to suppress the thoughts of her and her sexual past, I couldn’t. My therapist said they were always there subconsciously. The betrayal of my love and trust, that day I proposed to her has haunted me. Since she told me everything they did together in detail, the pictures are always there, clear as day. Her disclosers of what she did may have eased her conscience; but only hurt me emotionally.

 

When she slept with that guy, it was a kick in the gonads. The fact that I had decided to ask her to marry me on Valentines Day also has a lot to do with what I feel. On the day I proposed I was nervous. This was going to be a happy life changing event for the both of us. Valentines Day is now a memorial to her finding orgasmic pleasure with a stranger and not me. Her intimacy with that guy has stayed with me all these years. When something, anything triggers me to think about her sexual past, images real or imagined pop into my head of them enjoying each other. There is never a waking moment I don’t think about her and him together. Something always triggers these thoughts and counseling has never brought closer for me.

 

I know I’ve rambled, but I want to find a way to be content with the years left to me. I know, I probbily should have taken some action then. I loved her and we had children when all of this blew up in my face. Even if I left her, the anger of what she did would still be with me.

 

I believed that time would solve and heal my obsession; it hasn’t. Thinking if I did this or that then doesn’t apply now. I brought all this emotional hell on myself and now I live with it. I should have asked questions and dug a little deeper with her about what happened. I learned the type of person she was when I started dating her. She told me in her youth there were no sexual taboos for her; she was quite open about her past. The details she told me of her sexual activities she participated in would have satisfied any young man’s fantasies. She has been a great mother and faith full wife all these years. I should be content in my old age. But I can’t let go, the past just keeps haunting me. Why didn’t she just keep her secrets?

 

rog, what does your "shrink" have to say about your position?

 

What does he say you should do?

 

Your wife did you wrong by not telling you before you

married her.

 

Would you of married her if she had told you the truth when

you saw her on Valentines day?

 

Did your WW tell you all the details at once or did she trickle

out the truth?

 

 

In favor of your WW she did tell you that she was breaking up

with you, told you about the OM asking her out on a date and

she was going out with him, at that point she hung up the phone.

Once that phone call ended she had dumped you. The relationship

was over.

 

So I can see her to this day believing that she not cheat on you.

 

Now I have to ask; you knew that your WW had a wild past and

if she went out with this OM chances are she did put out.

 

So the question is why did you not ask your WW that Sunday

when you got back if she went on that date, and what happened

on that date instead of just asking her to marry you?

 

Plus side for the both of you, she was honest and told you when

asked for details. That you had great sex and she was faithful

for the entire marriage.

 

You are 72, married 46 years, to old to start a new family,

throw the holidays and every other special event away of

your kids and grand kids.

 

 

I would be mad if I was you. Mad at my WW for lying to me.

She hid the truth, that is lying by omission, before she married

you. Though you need to be madder at yourself because 45

years ago once you had the truth you needed to decide to

leave her and start fresh with someone new or stay and let

the past go.

 

You did not go and did not let the past go. It is normal to have

the past comeback and trigger you. But at 46 years later

the triggers should be few, far in between, and be over in

seconds.

 

What is it that you need from your WW for you to let go of the

past?

 

rog, I hope you can answer all the points in this post.

[rog]

rog, what does your "shrink" have to say about your position?

 

I’ve been told that my asking her to marry me and making love with her just after some other guy did her has become an obsession of anger.

What does he say you should do?

 

My wife has never apologized; she perpetually states she did nothing to be apologetic about. He has suggested couples counseling; my wife will not participate in counseling. She says it’s my problem and I should just get over it. That what happened, happened, and I should just forget.

 

Your wife did you wrong by not telling you before you

married her.

Would you of married her if she had told you the truth when

you saw her on Valentines day?

 

Probably NOT! I would have never proposed. How could I accept what she did. She just spent the weekend having had unprotected sex. She then has sex with me; a few hours after her lover left his DNA in her and then I go swimming in his stuff. I could never have accepted what she did and what happened if I had known at that time.

Did your WW tell you all the details at once or did she trickle

out the truth?

She told me every minuet graphic detail of their week end together. She began to tell me a little, and I pushed in anger for the whole story. I got more than I needed to know. She told me that they didn’t use condoms because she liked the feel of his naked skin, the details of how he had a fantastic body and how he knew how to use it. As she divulged more I yelled at her and she just kept going. My anger turned into rage. She described their oral and other physical contacts. She was making comparisons of me and him and he was definitely the winner!

 

In favor of your WW she did tell you that she was breaking up

with you, told you about the OM asking her out on a date and

she was going out with him, at that point she hung up the phone.

Once that phone call ended she had dumped you. The relationship

was over.

I didn’t see it that way. I believed she was trying to get me to move on the question of marriage; she wanted children. She had been pushing for this. She stated over the phone that we hade been living together a long time and our relationship wasn’t moving to the next level and maybe we should stop seeing each other to sort out what we both wanted. I told her I didn’t want to do that. That I loved her and I didn’t want her going out on a date. My gut told me she would probably sleep with him. I was terrified of the possible truth, so I never asked when I got back.

 

So I can see her to this day believing that she not cheat on you.

 

Now I have to ask; you knew that your WW had a wild past and

if she went out with this OM chances are she did put out.

I knew there wasn’t a guy she wouldn’t have sex with if he pushed the right buttons with her. I slept with her on our first date and as a mater of fact, we spent that weekend together. My friend Nick had slept with her on his first date with her. I didn’t find this out until he told me after I started dating her. He told me that they hooked up over 3 years or more before she and I got together. At that time I was living in an other part of the country.

Right from the first date I had with her I believed we were exclusively only dating and sleeping with each other. I was naïve, I thought because we slept together on the first date it meant something special. This delusional concept of just us was blown apart about a month or more after we started dating. She had never mentioned that she was seeing anyone else and with all the time we were together I thought she was just dating and sleeping with me, that wasn’t true.

I found her having sex with some guy. I had stopped by her apartment without phoning. I got off work at 10:00PM that particular night and I thought I’d swing by her place and we’d go out for something to eat. We’d done that many times before. I hadn’t seen her or spoken with her in a few days because of my job. I got to her efficiency apartment, unlocked the door with her key that she had given me, walked down the hall and saw her and some guy having sex on her pull out bed. I was frozen like a deer in headlights. She told me to leave and she would talk to me the next day. She phoned me and we met at a restaurant to talk. She basically told me we were not exclusively dating each other. Why hadn’t she told me this earlier? I told her I didn’t want to share her with any other guys. She told me that she was dating others at this time and if I wanted to date her I would just have to accept it for now and things might change with time.

 

 

 

So the question is why did you not ask your WW that Sunday

when you got back if she went on that date, and what happened

on that date instead of just asking her to marry you?

I didn’t want to ask, I didn’t want to hear it.

I loved her. There was something about how she and I got along. She made me feel special and unique. She was beautiful and I was mesmerized by her. I felt comfortable with her. We would sometimes just talk and hold each other. She was a fascinating person to be with and talk too. I didn’t want to loose her, so I never asked.

 

Plus side for the both of you, she was honest and told you when

asked for details. That you had great sex and she was faithful

for the entire marriage.

 

You are 72, married 46 years, to old to start a new family,

throw the holidays and every other special event away of

your kids and grand kids.

 

I would be mad if I was you. Mad at my WW for lying to me.

She hid the truth, that is lying by omission, before she married

you. Though you need to be madder at yourself because 45

years ago once you had the truth you needed to decide to

leave her and start fresh with someone new or stay and let

the past go.

 

You did not go and did not let the past go. It is normal to have

the past comeback and trigger you. But at 46 years later

the triggers should be few, far in between, and be over in

seconds.

It isn’t. Through the years of our marriage when we were intimate and I would touch her I visualized him touching her. When I would look at my wife’s naked body I would see him taking her in his arms. Many times the graphic description she gave me of him and the things they did together seems to be quite real. When we stated dating I learned she was dating and sleeping with other men before we became monogamous. However the not knowing when we slept together if it was after someone else had made love to her made me feel cuckold, I hated not being her only lover. I told her of my feelings and she stopped dating others eventually. The trauma of knowing all of my wife’s sexual history plagues me. Anything can trigger a mental picture or movie of her and other men together having sex.

 

 

What is it that you need from your WW for you to let go of the

past?

I’m not sure I know, a lot of years have gone by and my anger has become the norm. We spend a lot of time together, but it’s casual, distant friendly time. Not the husband and wife romantic closeness of people who are intimately and passionately in love with each other. When we do connect with each other, it is functional and sometimes robotic. I feel she does what she needs to do to take care of both of our needs. Then scurries off to do other things she is passionate about. She says my expectation of our intimate time together with her is time consuming. That she never has enough time in the day to get everything done she wants. Maybe I need to know she has strong emotional feelings for me. In all the years we have been married she has never said she loves me.

I have often referred to myself as the default husband. She once told me the only reason she said yes to my proposal of marriage was because no one else asked. That her biological clock was ticking and she wanted children within a marriage. She told me all this years later after I found out she had continued to sleep with her last lover during our engagement period. He is the one she told me had a great body and knew how to use it to make her body explode when they were intimate. That she didn't feel the same emotional explosion with me as she did with him. That there was no comparison, that we were different men with different bodies. That sex with me was extremely different and that there were no fire works, but it was OK.

The answer might be, I’m angry with myself. Knowing what I knew then and what I know now; I should never have continued to date her or married her. She has for the most part, always been honest and up front about whom she was as a person and what she wanted out of life. I’m the one who had the blinders on, refusing or unable to see the reality of my life with her. Or maybe I was just mesmerized like an ancient Greek sailor by her siren mystique and never saw the destructive emotional reality of what I was getting myself into.

[JS84]

As you yourself have said you should have never married her. I imagine out of all the men who your wife has been with, most of them had enough sense to not even think about getting serious with her. Why you kept going back to that woman, let alone put a ring on it, I don't know.

 

I have to agree with what someone else said. I think you have a lot of anger at yourself and you project it on to your wife. Your wife is a Tiger who has always shown you her stripes. Granted the valentines thing, she cheated on you period, and I've always hated the whole "Oh I've been ****ing other people but we didn't say the word exclusive so...." thing when it comes to dating. But besides that?? You chose to marry her, you chose to stay with her after you knew what was going on, you've chosen to remain married to her.

 

Normally I'm not one to tell someone to move on or forgive but at your age, considering how long ago this was, and the fact that your wife clearly doesn't give a **** it's either that or walk away. But if it's been this long, how likely is it do you think you'll be able to ever move past this if you stay with her?

 

Have you ever tried spending time away from your wife? Living separately? Doing your own thing? I'm not saying divorce but maybe some time apart might help give you some perspective.

[Mikkall]

rog

 

Sorry, I'm new here. In fact, I registered here due to your story. I lurk a lot on these types of forums... it's old habit I guess.

 

If you care to hear my story, I'll be happy to share but in the interest of brevity, I'll just say my story with my former wife shares a lot of similarities with yours. Some exactly the same, some different. I'd say had it much better than you (although given the circumstances, that ain't sayin much).

 

So here goes. You're a Trooper dude, no doubt about it. You have endured a proverbial s#$@storm of extremely poor judgement, bad attitude, and miserable treatment from your wife. Don't fool yourself that she somehow deserves your tender loving touch regarding any conversations, actions or demands you decide on at this point. I'm not being mean, I'm being honest... let's review.

 

1) Accept it and get over it. (#1 response of a cheating spouse who doesn't want to deal with guilt, shame, or blame)

 

2) Has never said "I love you" (Really. Holy crap man!)

 

3) The BS she pulled the week you were away AND the day you proposed.

 

Enough. ENOUGH! 40 friggin YEARS? 40 some odd years of you enduring her EASILY puts you in a position to make some demands of your own and quite frankly, she doesn't have to like ANY of it. She does NOT deserve your kindness, regardless of how long you've endured her foul attitude. She is a user, and she is an abuser, pure and simple. If you don't think she enjoys seeing you hurt, I have news for you... you're the only one. Further, and as much as I hate to say it, if you really believe she never cheated on you post marriage, I have nice bridge for sale.

 

You're pretty dang late in life man, you need to do whatever makes YOU happy at this point. Do you REALLY think she would even CARE if you left? Go explore your own happiness! Be honest, and true with yourself. For once! Now, this is going to sound less than "nice" (and I'm sure to get clobbered for it), but I got ~lucky~. My former wife passed away over 10 years ago. I was at once horrified, devastated and completely destroyed. Oh sure, I'd pondered leaving her for over a decade. But, I loved her and made a friggin habit of lying to myself. When she passed, I moved on. It took awhile, but I met an absolutely wonderful woman. One who acted like she loved me, told me so, made me H A P P Y! I remarried... and I have ENJOYED LIFE in a EVERY way 100% more than I did with my previous wife. Looking back... 19yrs not ~completely~ wasted, but wow, I didn't know what I didn't know.

 

Good luck and God Speed man. Really, I hope the best for your future (which is more than I would dare suggest your wife would say).

[SCFenway]

I can't imagine that she was actually faithful throughout the marriage.

[Jamess1]

If I text what I really think I will just disapoint you, and yet it changes nothing. Goodluck

[Poutrew]

At this point, divorcing her is pointless. My thoughts would be to find something for myself that I could do that would equal in my mind the explosive passion she had for the other man, so you could go to your grave knowing 'what she had and deprived you of'. This would not necessarily be having sexual relations, or even involving anyone else. For example, you could tell her that you are going to go on a walkabout for a year, alone, to experience what this world has to offer. 'Walkabout' is (from Merriam-Webster) 1 : a short period of wandering bush life engaged in by an Australian aborigine as an occasional interruption of regular work —often used in the phrase go walkabout. the man who went walkabout was making a ritual journey.

 

You could take a year off without her. Go places, see the world alone. Learn why God gave you your particular destiny, and perhaps, find peace. If it bothers her, so much the better. But remember, you are doing it for YOU, not her. What she has to say about it is irrelevant. Good luck.

[doyathinkso]

So sorry Rog, but you have thrown your life away.

 

It could have been so much better with a good woman who really loved you.

[JS84]

At this point, divorcing her is pointless. My thoughts would be to find something for myself that I could do that would equal in my mind the explosive passion she had for the other man, so you could go to your grave knowing 'what she had and deprived you of'. This would not necessarily be having sexual relations, or even involving anyone else. For example, you could tell her that you are going to go on a walkabout for a year, alone, to experience what this world has to offer. 'Walkabout' is (from Merriam-Webster) 1 : a short period of wandering bush life engaged in by an Australian aborigine as an occasional interruption of regular work —often used in the phrase go walkabout. the man who went walkabout was making a ritual journey.

 

You could take a year off without her. Go places, see the world alone. Learn why God gave you your particular destiny, and perhaps, find peace. If it bothers her, so much the better. But remember, you are doing it for YOU, not her. What she has to say about it is irrelevant. Good luck.

 

That's what I'm saying. He's 72, who knows how much time he has left. Does he really want to waste it ruminating on his remorseless wife?? He should go do his own thing. Get away from her for awhile. Clear his head. Travel or whatever. Spend a couple of months in another country. Hell I just got back from Costa Rica and was hanging out with a 75 yo vietnam vet (I'm 33) who was there for a few weeks. He had a blast (he's been going there for on and off 14 years though).

 

If I was in his shoes at his age I sure as hell wouldn't be sitting around worrying about my wife if she was like his.

Edited January 29, 2018 by JS84

[Interstellar]

You dated for two years and she was bringing up marriage. She was telling you in no uncertain terms, loud and clear that she wanted commitment. You kept avoiding the issue. You should’ve listened to her. What was the hold up. You said you’re a jealous guy; arguing never raises interest level. Was there any red flags? If there was no red flags then you should’ve proposed and married her, which could’ve avoided all this pain you felt. If you were so concerned about the guys she slept with then you should’ve broken it up with her.

 

There’s nothing you can do about her past, forgive and forget. Learn to be at peace and it starts within you. Forgive her. Forgive yourself.

Edited January 29, 2018 by Interstellar

[Popsicle]

Where are all the betrayed spouses who stayed with their advice on how to stop replaying the images of sex in your head? What is your secret?

[Veronica73]

Wow. This is a sad story. I can’t give you any advice because the whole thing seems crazy to me. Do you somehow get off on feeling superior to her? Get over it. Obviously, I know that’s not helpful... but... wtf? It’s been what...46 years?And to whoever said he should leave her and he could find a 50 year old... that’s not likely. I’m getting close to 50 and there is no way in hell I’d date a 72 year old. Even if he was a millionaire and the healthiest 72 year old on the planet. But if you’d be happier alone than with her, then by all means leave her. Or forgive her and move on. Stop wasting your life being consumed with anger. She is who she is.

Edited January 29, 2018 by Veronica73

[road]

I just read the first post again.

 

Rog, how many times have you talked to your wife about

her cheating on you?

 

When was the last time you had talked to your

wife about what she did to you?

 

What do you want to do? Divorce her, in house separation,

move out of the house, what?

 

What do you want your wife to do?

Admit she was wrong, what?

[Noproblem]

And be sure to publicly disown the child you raised as your own all these years. I mean, fair is fair, and that kid is just collateral damage, along with any fake grandchildren you may have. Go nuclear baby.

 

Who would he do that!?

 

I mean the kid has no fault, are you serious!

 

What kind of advice is this?!

 

The kid is his, whether their DNA matches or not!

 

This would destroy the 45 years old man!

 

Hey son, you are not my son, your mom screwed up a random guy and I hate you for it so I am gonna disown you, you are not getting a penny out of my pocket because you are bastard, what are we? In game of throne or something!

[road]

Who would he do that!?

 

I mean the kid has no fault, are you serious!

 

What kind of advice is this?!

 

The kid is his, whether their DNA matches or not!

 

This would destroy the 45 years old man!

 

Hey son, you are not my son, your mom screwed up a random guy and I hate you for it so I am gonna disown you, you are not getting a penny out of my pocket because you are bastard, what are we? In game of throne or something!

 

I do not know why knabe said that. The OP never said that

his WW got pregnant from her OM.

 

I took a quick look back and could find no reference to that.

Though I did not remember this or forgot that his WW

kept having sex with her OM while they were engaged.

 

To find that out his future wife cheated on him that weekend

when she banged the OM many times right up to two hours

before with no condom, then has sex with her BH is extremely

hard to get past that.

 

Though to then find out that his WW kept banging the OM

while they were engaged should be the straw that broke

the camels back. Though the BH stayed because he found

out about this cheating after his son was born.

 

He did not want to be a part time dad.

He did not want his son to grow up without a dad from

a broken home.

 

The least his WW could of done was to fake remorse.

Instead she tells her BH that the OM was so much better in

bed then BH was or ever could be.

 

OP, you should be pissed off. Though at your age do you

blow up your family and marriage, your retirement income,

maybe have to sell you house, no more family holidays.

 

A lot to lose.

 

If you are that unhappy with your WW and do not want

to blow up your life and retirement then best thing to do

is to do an unofficial in the same house separation.

Have your own bedroom, do your own thing, take care of

yourself. Do what is known as the "180". You preside

as the head of the family for holidays and important family

celebrations.

 

Your WW in high school got the reputation for being easy.

She was able to get lots of dates. She married you because

you were the only one to ask her.

 

You were able to look past her behavior prior to you asking

her to marry you because you knew you were never going

to get a woman as hot as her.

 

She let you think that when asked her to marry you she would

stop being easy and would be faithful to you.

 

You are right to be mad at your WW. Though you have stay

with her for at least 40 years after you found out the whole

truth.

 

You are 72 years old. Think before you take action. Do not

damage your retirement just to get back at your WW.

[Fearful]

Sorry OP accept my sympathy.

At 72 it is very difficult or practically impossible to start afresh but if God grant you longer life you may still have up to 20years of active life

 

If you won't be crushed financial, I will advice you to divorce your whoring wife so as not to waste the 20years remaining of your life as you did the past 46years. Better being a fool for 46years than being a fool for the whole of your life time.

 

This woman have negative or Zero love for you. You wasted the most useful time of your life on her and at 72, correct me if I am wrong, you are now on a borrowed time. Spend it not in hating others or hating yourself for the wrong choice you made over 46years ago

 

Forgive yourself and the only way you can achieved this is by becoming a man whom you refused to be 46 years ago. Cancel her out of your life, do 180 on her, life your life as if she doesn't exist and divorce her if doing so will not destroy and will be in your advantage.

[Guildford]

If the OP is still reading this thread, then as one 73 year old to another, I would say forgive her and don't divorce her. As far as you know she has been a good wife during the marriage. You knew she was a sleep-around girl when you were dating her so don't expect perfection. You have committed one serious sin. You knew she wanted to get married, and you wanted to continue the relationship without getting married. You dithered and did not act. While she had been pushing for marriage, she gave up and officially ended the relationship and had sex with someone else and then you proposed.

 

Every girl, from the age of three up, wants to get married, unless life experiences convince her otherwise. If you are dating a girl for a year or more, and she lets you know that she wants marriage, you have had enough time to decide if you want a lifetime commitment. So propose marriage or cut her free to seek marriage with someone else. You played Hamlet and like Hamlet you were killed in the last act of bachelor hood.

 

She was not the ideal girlfriend and you were not the ideal boyfriend, but that was how many years ago. Forgive her and put the incident when you proposed behind you. Enjoy the remaining years of you life together. It is unlikely that you will find happiness alone in your seventies.

[doyathinkso]

Could not disagree more with the above poster.

 

It is unlikely he will ever be happy with this woman in his life.

 

He will only be happy when he is once free from her.

[road]

If the OP is still reading this thread, then as one 73 year old to another, I would say forgive her and don't divorce her. As far as you know she has been a good wife during the marriage. You knew she was a sleep-around girl when you were dating her so don't expect perfection. You have committed one serious sin. You knew she wanted to get married, and you wanted to continue the relationship without getting married. You dithered and did not act. While she had been pushing for marriage, she gave up and officially ended the relationship and had sex with someone else and then you proposed.

 

Every girl, from the age of three up, wants to get married, unless life experiences convince her otherwise. If you are dating a girl for a year or more, and she lets you know that she wants marriage, you have had enough time to decide if you want a lifetime commitment. So propose marriage or cut her free to seek marriage with someone else. You played Hamlet and like Hamlet you were killed in the last act of bachelor hood.

 

She was not the ideal girlfriend and you were not the ideal boyfriend, but that was how many years ago. Forgive her and put the incident when you proposed behind you. Enjoy the remaining years of you life together. It is unlikely that you will find happiness alone in your seventies.

 

 

She did break up with over the phone. She told him she was

going on a date the next night with the man she just met.

So that cannot be called cheating. Then she gives him sloppy

seconds 2 hours after she did the OM.

 

Easy to be upset over. Relative easy to get over.

 

Though she did continue having sex with her OM while engaged

to the OP. That is cheating.

 

Easy to be upset over. Hard to get over.

 

Then his WW for 46 years has been telling him that the

sex with the OM was the best ever. He was never near that

level. She just gives him duty sex and has never worked to

help him improve his skill level.

 

How does a BH come back after that? Super difficult.

 

Usually the high price of revenge remains long after the

sweet taste from revenge quickly fades from memory.

 

This is why I say do not divorce her and blow the rest of his

life apart. Just 180 her, in house separation, do his own thing.

Let his WW carry the load of recovery by herself for the

next 40 years.

[doyathinkso]

Let his WW carry the load of recovery by herself for the

next 40 years.

 

 

What??? Until he's 113?

[road]

What??? Until he's 113?

 

There is taking things to literal.