Does anyone here know of any stories of guys being raped by girls?

[RecentChange]

The sad thing about child molestation is that it is often a cycle repeating it's self.

 

I am NOT saying what woggles mother did is excusable in any way - but sometimes it's easier to heal with understanding.

 

Maybe she was simply born a monster who was destined to do terrible things.

 

Or perhaps she was molested and abused, and did not have the support, the tools, or the strength to deal with it constructively - and in turn became a monster.

 

I doubt she was a child and said "one day I want to have children and do terrible things to them", more likely she was and extremely damaged person, who instead of doing the right thing - like wiggle did, deal with it and grow as a person - acted out in the most atrocious of ways.

[somanymistakes]

Okay I am reeeeally hesitating posting this.... But here it goes.

 

At least be old school definitions of rape meant intercourse - penetration.

 

So, yes I wondered how would a woman rape a man?

 

I am not a guy, so please pardon my ignorance, but can a man get erect against his will? Could he be forced to be erect and then forced into intercourse?

 

Not sure how graphic we're allowed to get outside of the sex subforum, but:

 

Obviously one simple way for a woman to rape a man would be using an object to anally penetrate him, which would be pretty uncomfortable. This doesn't seem to be very common though, or at least not reported much.

 

Sticking to plain old PIV, the easiest way is to go after a guy who's having a sleep erection. It's already there and ready and he's groggy and confused and will not know how to react. This can be done non-violently but is still nonconsensual. It's most likely to happen to a college boy who sleeps at a house party with a bunch of strangers, some of whom may be untrustworthy.

 

There are cases of women attacking men, restraining them, and violently stimulating them to force an erection. If they make the news they tend to get circulated with the 'weird news' section as people tend to find the idea slightly funny, even if the men were badly injured and/or intentionally infected with diseases in the process. There was at least one case where a crazy lady drugged a priest, kidnapped him, and handcuffed him to a bed to have her way with him. (I bet at least one person who read that sentence just snickered.)

 

The other scenario that I hear about at times is more of the "murky consent" sort of sex. Same kind of thing that happens to women sometimes. Your date aggressively jumps you, you're not really into it, you try to stop them a few times but they keep going and, well, some people decide it's easier to just let them get it over with. This does happen to men but they are often very reluctant to admit that it happened or that it made them feel bad, because hey, they got laid, right? Even if it was kind of bad sex with someone they didn't really want to have sex with, they weren't hurt or anything so why complain? And if you admit that you felt bad about it then people would just ask why you didn't stop them so... better to keep quiet.

[somanymistakes]

The sad thing about child molestation is that it is often a cycle repeating it's self.

 

It's also important to remember that it doesn't have to be that way.

 

To anyone reading this who has been through something like that as a child - you are NOT doomed, you are NOT destined to become a monster. you can go on to live a happy and loving life.

 

(Sorry to jump on that but I know I have heard from some survivors that they felt like they were tainted, and that they heard these stories about victims growing up to be monsters and therefore hated themselves or thought they should never be allowed to be in relationships or thought they'd be better off dead, things like that. So I feel compelled to say that it does not have to be that way.)

[amaysngrace]

It's also important to remember that it doesn't have to be that way.

 

To anyone reading this who has been through something like that as a child - you are NOT doomed, you are NOT destined to become a monster. you can go on to live a happy and loving life.

 

(Sorry to jump on that but I know I have heard from some survivors that they felt like they were tainted, and that they heard these stories about victims growing up to be monsters and therefore hated themselves or thought they should never be allowed to be in relationships or thought they'd be better off dead, things like that. So I feel compelled to say that it does not have to be that way.)

 

Thank you. I had thought that mine must've been hurt at some point in his life which helped me to find forgiveness in my heart for him but I'd still prefer it if they just didn't exist.

 

But like my Irish grandpa use to say, "wish in one hand and sht in the other and see which one you get first."

[dichotomy]

O

 

I am not a guy, so please pardon my ignorance, but can a man get erect against his will? Could he be forced to be erect and then forced into intercourse?

 

 

Can a woman be wet but not want the sex being demanded or forced ?

 

One of the difficult issues for victims - real difficult for molestation victims - is the body responding differently than mind and heart. Or a break from body and mind - and putting those back together much later after the abuse or rape.

[amaysngrace]

Can a woman be wet but not want the sex being demanded or forced ?

 

One of the difficult issues for victims - real difficult for molestation victims - is the body responding differently than mind and heart. Or a break from body and mind - and putting those back together much later after the abuse or rape.

 

See you get it but some people just don't understand. They can only pretend to.

 

I give them credit for trying but lack of understanding is the last thing a survivor needs especially when feeling safe matters so much.

[ZayKayWill]

Man. This thread blew up fast. O_o

[knabe]

I don't see why there has to be a separation by gender on this topic. Victims are victims. Perpetrators are perpetrators. Crimes are crimes.

 

Exactly. All assault is bad. All lives matter. All people are valuable.

[ZayKayWill]

Exactly. All assault is bad. All lives matter. All people are valuable.

 

Exactly but people don't see it that way, now do they?

[SoulCat]

Can a woman be wet but not want the sex being demanded or forced ?

 

One of the difficult issues for victims - real difficult for molestation victims - is the body responding differently than mind and heart. Or a break from body and mind - and putting those back together much later after the abuse or rape.

 

 

You're absolutely right.

It's entirely a physiologically reaction that causes 'arousal' during a sexual assault.

It's a bit like laughing when someone tickles you.

You may hate it (I know I do) but you can't help giggling, howling or crying with laughter.

 

It doesn't mean you're enjoying it.

[somanymistakes]

Exactly but people don't see it that way, now do they?

 

All assault is bad - the question in some circles is whether you're bringing that up in order to try and help more people, or in order to try and shut other people up so they get less help.

 

"These people also need help!" good. "It happens to everyone so stop complaining!" not good.

 

"Stop trying to help group X unless you give at least as much attention to group Y!" is a problem because it distracts everyone into having to argue over who needs help most so they waste a lot of effort on arguing rather than helping anybody. In a peeing match everyone loses.

[TheWoman]

Men are usually stronger, by a lot, and they need an erection to have sex, penetrative sex cannot happen without it. So it might happen with v young men/boys and a predatory woman who could achieve this. But the vast majority of male rape is perpetrated by other men and involves forced anal sex.

[Overtaxed]

Given the current definition of rape, yes, I have been, many times. Given the old definition of rape, yes, twice, when I was younger.

 

Old definition, I had a group of girls pull my pants off when I was in about 7th or 8th grade and have their way with me. I did not consent, my clothes were ripped up, and I was embarrassed but excited about it at the same time. Clearly rape, it had all the characteristics, overpowered (there were 5 of them), torn up clothing, although, I don't think I ever said "No", I just tried to get away from them. Had a similar experience about a year later, again, clearly rape.

 

Current definition of rape, yes, many times in college and the years that followed. I was drinking way too much and was far too drunk to consent many, many times. Sometimes it was awful; a few times it was the start of a relationship. I'm sure, to not sound like I'm without blame, a lot of the time (not all) the girl was too drunk to consent too, it was college, we were all drinking a lot, and there was a lot of sex.

 

None of those experiences really "haunt" me today. The forced rapes when I was younger (and 100% sober) I still remember, but they don't bother me, more just a reminder that "this can happen" and to be careful around other people.

[elaine567]

Dictionary defintion of rape - unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.

 

According to the law (England), rape occurs when one person penetrates another with their penis without the consent of the person being penetrated.

 

Rape in the United States is defined by the Department of Justice as "Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim."

 

 

 

So those girls penetrated you?

[wmacbride]

My guess is those guys are trying to downplay the women, or some bs way of saying..."hey, it happens to US too!!"....as to make it not all about them(the women)...

 

I'm not saying it's never happened, and I am sympathetic moreso when children involved, but logistically, its almost impossible for this to happen, unless there was a gun involved...and at that point, well...I dunno...A drunken homeless guy can still fairly readily overpower even a fit woman...

 

I've been unwittingly groped by women a bunch of times, not sure if that counts, or ?? I survived it without emotional scarring.... #notmetoo

 

TFY

 

and folks, this attitude right here, is why more men don't speak up.

 

why do you write off a man's experience just because you don't think it could happen?

[wmacbride]

BUT too often it seems to me that the problems in general women have in society or with men in particular are deliberately sabotaged by the "what about the men" argument.

It derails the discussion and weakens the female voice.

It is a ploy to shut women up.

Harvey Weinstein and his like, were not abusing men, they are/were abusing women yet we now have to put up with "Oh the poor abused men"...

 

There is definitely a space needed for the poor abused men but not at the expense of the poor abused women who were at the centre of the initial discussion here.

It is a misdirection born out of the need to take the heat off men in power who abuse their positions by sexually assaulting women...

 

 

How about instead of it being seen as "poor abused men" or "poor abused women", society reframes it as " poor abused PEOPLE". It doesn't have to be all the attention paid to one gender and not the other.

 

Geeze, why does it turn into a conflict between "he" and "she" all the time? Both men and women who will force themselves on others have a porblem, and it likely bleeds over into other areas and how they treat other people.

 

In all honesty, I think it's high time society did pay more attention to men who say they have been sexually assaulted. Even on here, there has been a dismissal of men who say they were raped or sexually assaulted. It's no wonder more don't come forward. If they do, they just get sniggered at. Can you imagine going to the police, as a man, to say you'd been raped by a woman? That would be very difficult.

[stillafool]

For the most part, I would say that any guy who has been raped, has been raped by another guy. Unless you want to count statutory rape, in which case quite a few teenage kids are being raped by women, but those teenage boys don't seem to mind. In fact, that is the biggest difference between men and women when it comes to this sort of thing. Often, when this stuff does happen to men, we just don't care. I have had women grope me, sexually assault me, sexually harass me at work, and try to rape me by the legal definition, and I just don't care. Most guys don't even think about this sort of thing. We just let it go.

 

You shouldn't just let it go but file a complaint if for no other reason than for the next young man who doesn't appreciate being treated like a piece of meat.

[elaine567]

How about instead of it being seen as "poor abused men" or "poor abused women", society reframes it as " poor abused PEOPLE". It doesn't have to be all the attention paid to one gender and not the other.

.

Because society is not actually very equal and sometimes women do need to take centre stage to get their point across.

In the same way black people needed to do with their "Black lives matter" movement,

They tried to highlight the problems BLACK people were having, but that was quickly countered by the "ALL lives matter" brigade...

[Overtaxed]

Because society is not actually very equal and sometimes women do need to take centre stage to get their point across.

In the same way black people needed to do with their "Black lives matter" movement,

They tried to highlight the problems BLACK people were having, but that was quickly countered by the "ALL lives matter" brigade...

 

Warning, this is going to trigger some women.

 

Yes, all lives DO matter. And no, society is not equal. Men are something like 10X more likely to die on the job than women. Men are 10X more likely to be in prison than a woman. And (here's the triggery part) because of the last statistic, I'd say that it's VERY likely that men are more often raped than women; we all know it's "har har" rape for people in prison, so much so that phrases like "don't drop the soap" have entered the lexicon. But there are 2-3 million people in prison in the US, the vast majority of them male. In the overall population, there are ~300-400,000 rapes reported. So, of the 3 million men is prison, how many do you think are raped while they are there? Anything over ~10% means that there are more male victims of rape than female. And I'd argue the real number is far higher than that in prison (no, I've never been, but I have friends who are officers in prison and the stories they tell are shocking).

 

Either way, even if my numbers are way off, there are a LOT of male rape victims a year, even if you narrowly define rape as was done above (basically so the only person who can rape is one with a penis, a definition I do NOT believe in any way. Would it not be rape if I held a woman down and performed oral sex on her, or held a gun to her head and made her masturbate me with her hand? Or is that only for men that the "if you didn't get penetrated, it wasn't rape") I'd still argue that it's possible that more men are raped every year than women.

 

So yes, it's a "people" issue, not a woman's issue and not a man's issue. And yes, men are raped, and if you disagree that having a few women hold me down as a young man and force me to penetrate/sexual acts with them isn't rape, we're simply not ever going to be able to come to any kind of terms on this. Just like, as an older man, I was clearly "date raped" because I was far to drunk to consent, which is now called rape when a man does it to a woman.

[knabe]

Exactly but people don't see it that way, now do they?

 

No they don't. In fact, this idea that men cannot be raped and that women cannot be "real" perpetrators smacks of that third wave angry brand of feminism that says it is about equal rights but is really just about wanting men to go away and shut up.

[RecentChange]

Men are 10X more likely to be in prison than a woman. And (here's the triggery part) because of the last statistic, I'd say that it's VERY likely that men are more often raped than women;

 

One out of every FIVE women in the US will be raped at some point in their lives (source linked), that is 20%.

 

One out of every SEVENTY ONE is the number for males, that is 1.4% .

 

Now lets assume all of those prison rapes are not making into these figures. 9% percent of American males go to prison (source linked). Now lets assume EVERY male that goes to prison does get raped, and it does not get reported. That would put male rapes at 10.4%

 

Still much lower than the rates at which women are the victims of sexual violence.

 

Sexual violence statics:

https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf

 

Incarceration figures:

https://bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/Llgsfp.pdf

 

 

Either way, even if my numbers are way off, there are a LOT of male rape victims a year

 

Yes, your numbers are way off - but I agree, it is a men's issue too. Time for men to start talking about it. Coming forward, doing something about the rape culture, because yes women do commit rape (I am very sorry to hear you have been through something terrible) but the numbers of female committed sexual violence pale compared to the male on female, and male on male sexual violence in our society and world.

 

I friend described it well - "Women are prey Animals" :

 

With regard to the #metoo tag. Trying to explain this to spouse, occurs to me that the analogy is that (for better or worse) with regard to human society, how we interact with others and our environment...women are "prey animals" . Like horses or deer, we need to be constantly vigilant of our surroundings, where we walk, where we park, etc....ready to react quickly. Like prey animals, safety in numbers and stay toward the center of the herd for maximum safety.

 

We are not the apex predators.

 

A lot of men frankly do not realize this and don't get why we get cranky about the limitations on our lives and a result from this position in society. You can educate us, teach us how to use weapons and martial arts, but I would argue that we are still considered "prey" by a significant % of our own society and it drives our behavior and that of the "predators" (men)

 

Thoughts?

[elaine567]

Of course men get raped all the time, all over the world, but the definition of "rape" is clear and what you experienced was not rape in the correct use of the term, unless they actually penetrated you.

 

In the UK the penetration has to be by a penis in order for it to be termed rape, if penetrated by something else it is termed assault by penetration

[Woggle]

No they don't. In fact, this idea that men cannot be raped and that women cannot be "real" perpetrators smacks of that third wave angry brand of feminism that says it is about equal rights but is really just about wanting men to go away and shut up.

 

I have heard a few of them outright say they are misandrists and I actually respect them. At least they are honest about it.

[GorillaTheater]

Of course men get raped all the time, all over the world, but the definition of "rape" is clear and what you experienced was not rape in the correct use of the term, unless they actually penetrated you.

 

In the UK the penetration has to be by a penis in order for it to be termed rape, if penetrated by something else it is termed assault by penetration

 

 

In Texas at least, it doesn't matter who's penetrating who if there's no valid consent. In the recent spate of female teacher and student (male and female minors) cases, teachers are often charged with sexual assault (i.e., rape).

 

 

I'd hazard a guess that female adult - male minor cases make up the vast majority of female-on-male rape cases.

[knabe]

When did this become some man v woman contest? The lack of compassion from women is....sad and kind of embarrassing.

 

Assault is a traumatic thing, no matter whose definition of which body part we are talking about. If a man posted that a woman wasn't "really raped" and minimized her paint, the femme fatales would be screeching with rage.

 

We can do better than that.