Boyfriend has nudes of his ex....

[Cobra_X]

I'm with you. I think keeping such items is at least a little dysfunctional and voyeuristic. Keeping such sensitive images/vids is counter-productive to the idea of healthy, in my mind. If it's of your current gf/bf, okay, but your ex(es)? Nope. That clearly indicates to me that you are still yearning for your ex and not ready for me. If I saw that, I would be out.

I completely agree with boundaries....it is disheartening how so many do not realize the importance of boundaries. It is shocking at times what people accept or view as acceptable.

 

I'm not so sure this is true. My personal experience is that at some point it just becomes memories. I am always nervous about controlling this kind of content however. I don't want to find my personal sex tapes floating around the internet.

 

YOU have to protect yourself first and foremost.

Yes it was nice that he saved you, but if he is now sending you right down the same path from whence you came, then that is not healthy for you.

 

Here is the thing... if you go snooping around people's stuff. You then have to face the consequences of that. She did this to herself.

[Highndry]

The point is not that he has pornographic pics and videos of his ex, the point is that in his Gallery the ONLY pics and videos he has are those of his ex and the fact his old phone, that he continually keeps charged up, is full of those pics and videos too.

She is NOT in the past, She is right there in the present.

 

Everyone has little mementoes of their ex that they keep around, but this is not a tshirt or a watch that is hidden away in a drawer in the attic, this is like having a cupboard full of the ex's stuff lovingly stored in the middle of the living room...

NO woman can compete with that.

 

I think you're making assumptions. He could simply have forgotten to delete them. We'll agree to disagree, but as a man I do not think he has done anything wrong. The intimate details of his last relationship are nobody's business.

[Gaeta]

Is it the same guy from your August thread?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/632526-should-i-tell-gf

[Versacehottie]

The only thing to do, in my opinion, is be honest with him and tell him you were on his device and found the stuff when you looked in his gallery, and it made you uncomfortable.

 

From my point of view as a man, I do not think he has done anything wrong. Your relationship is in its infancy. If your expectations are that a man should delete any hint of a previous long term relationship mere weeks after meeting you then I think you're going to be sorely disappointed in life.

 

All that being said, nobody wants to see their new flame having sex on video with their previous partner. Like somebody else mentioned - you can't unsee that, and I'm sorry you did. Not a lot of good comes from snooping, and you learned a painful lesson.

 

I agree. I think it's incorrect to assume that his feelings for you are related to and influenced by pics he has of his ex. Are those two "events" related and/or caused or influenced by one another? Maybe, maybe not. IDK, i'm going to guess that a lot of guys don't really get around to cleaning off their devices as a high priority, certainly not when it comes to nude photos. I mean they might be thinking "why?!??!". In a certain respect, it's a trophy and nice to look at from time to time--that's what a guy might be thinking. Doesn't necessarily have to do with his feelings for you. You would probably need to ask him and feel like his answers were sincere to know where you ACTUALLY stand with him--and his behavior will tell the real story anyway. That would mean you need to cop to snooping or come up with a creative story as to how you saw them--which at 2 months in is going to perhaps make you look irrationally jealous. He might be able to spin it that way in his mind whether it is a justified characterization or not.

 

Plus it's a new relationship, things can go a lot of ways for various reasons--no real way to predict the outcome. If you are looking for predictive signs, I personally would be much more worried that he was seemingly trying to get back with her just months ago and she shut him out. To me, that coupled with the way he spoke about her (and secondarily that he still has the photos perhaps), say he might still have unresolved feelings for her. He sounds like he was forced to look for a new relationship not that he wanted one--had no other choice because she won't speak to him. Carries a torch. Good luck.

 

BTW, which device it's on makes really no difference. I absolutely think you are overthinking that one. Guys are pretty simple. It's on the old phone because that's where she sent them when they were together.

[elaine567]

I think you're making assumptions. He could simply have forgotten to delete them. We'll agree to disagree, but as a man I do not think he has done anything wrong. The intimate details of his last relationship are nobody's business.

 

He doesn't need to delete them, I am no fan of deleting stuff that are part of a person's history, in fact I am pretty much against it.

But there is a big difference between stuff hidden away on a hard/flash drive or other storage solution or buried in a cloud somewhere and it being the ONLY stuff in his Gallery.

That is where the OP's problem lies, not that he has it, but that is it so accessible and current.

[Emilia]

I would have it out with him and admit to the snooping. It would be a difficult conversation and potentially painful but you have no other option.

 

If anything, this is lesson in why you need to take it slower and give a guy at least 6 months before you consider him serious. It's easy to pretend and play house for 2-3 months, it's harder to sustain over time.

 

It's too much too soon and there is absolutely no way of telling how serious he is about you just yet.

[Space Ritual]

OP,

 

As others have stated, at 2 months into a new relationship he should be really intro you. I mean at 2 months into most of my relationships, I'd be doing anything possible to keep my girl in bed and horny...lol.

 

That's just me though, being I am a cretin. But I digress.

 

I am not a big fan of being sentimental about past relationships or keeping nudes, or whatever else.

 

Exes are exes for a reason. In most cases men keep these mementos for masturbation purposes or to be able to hold their own in Locker Room talk we guys tend to have about our sexual conquests when we get to the Compare and Contrast round of the convo. Which we men all have done at some point or another to try to one up another guy.

 

That being said, this guy still seems somewhat attached to his ex. It is incumbent on him to be able to prove to you that he has gotten past her and is into this relationship with you. If not then please stop wasting your time with him. Let him go jerk off to the Way Back Machine of his tablet and move forward.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I'm not so sure this is true. My personal experience is that at some point it just becomes memories. I am always nervous about controlling this kind of content however. I don't want to find my personal sex tapes floating around the internet.

 

Here is the thing... if you go snooping around people's stuff. You then have to face the consequences of that. She did this to herself.

 

Memories of naked pictures and sex videos of your ex? I don't see how that is fundamentally a healthy thing to keep around when one is presumably focusing their attention on the new relationship at hand. Since they are readily and freely available on his ipad, it seems to me that he visits them. How often? Don't know, but he likely does to fulfill some yearning. It's just in bad taste.

[phineas]

This is why you don't go snooping around in other people's belongings. He gave you a key to his home, an act of trust, and you decide to spend that time snooping.

 

This is why you hide that stuff like the guys who buried Hoffa.

srs. all my media of past women is hidden away deep deep deep on my server.

 

plus i got kids.

can't have them stumbling onto something.

[coolheadal]

OP,

 

As others have stated, at 2 months into a new relationship he should be really intro you. I mean at 2 months into most of my relationships, I'd be doing anything possible to keep my girl in bed and horny...lol.

 

That's just me though, being I am a cretin. But I digress.

 

I am not a big fan of being sentimental about past relationships or keeping nudes, or whatever else.

 

Exes are exes for a reason. In most cases men keep these mementos for masturbation purposes or to be able to hold their own in Locker Room talk we guys tend to have about our sexual conquests when we get to the Compare and Contrast round of the convo. Which we men all have done at some point or another to try to one up another guy.

 

That being said, this guy still seems somewhat attached to his ex. It is incumbent on him to be able to prove to you that he has gotten past her and is into this relationship with you. If not then please stop wasting your time with him. Let him go jerk off to the Way Back Machine of his tablet and move forward.

 

But some women I have been with had everything they did with their ex. I said why do you keep all these photo's and such. Some had naked pictures of themselves. I don't want those pictures because I didn't know you back then plus that was for some other man to see you naked. Why would you keep those still. But can't say all men are like that. I have pictures but put them in a folder called THEM inside that are what I found on OLD, Fake, Real, Liars, Still Married Ex, Strange, Like I was writing a book. I need to delete those pictures the fakes ones use naughty women I don't want that on my PC if you want such things you have a real woman you love to be like that with. Come on men what to you want stuff like that on you PC or for keep sake. Let those women or for women let those men go no need to compare to what you have today.

[BaileyB]

Is it the same guy from your August thread?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/632526-should-i-tell-gf

 

If this is true, then you have bigger problems with this guy than the nude photos you found on his phone. You have moved way too quickly in this relationship and you have not set healthy boundaries for yourself. He is clearly not over his ex girlfriend and he has not treated you with the respect that you deserve.

Edited October 15, 2017 by BaileyB

[Addius]

I feel bad for the girl. That’s just WRONG. He doesn’t get to look at her naked body after the relationship is over. He sounds like a terrible person anyway.

[smackie9]

If this is true, then you have bigger problems with this guy than the nude photos you found on his phone. You have moved way too quickly in this relationship and you have not set healthy boundaries for yourself. He is clearly not over his ex girlfriend and he has not treated you with the respect that you deserve.

I'm gonna have to agree with this^^^

 

There are certain steps to take in order to make sure nothing gets overlooked, and keeping ex GF porn and crap at the bedside is an issue. come'on now, time to let that s*&^ go I say, the ex is gone. In with the new and out with the old. That is pure emotional attachment to be keeping that around. He ain't ready for a relationship. I think he is just looking for something to keep his bed warm at night TBH. Some guys just like to say whatever just to get it going on ya know?

[Cobra_X]

Memories of naked pictures and sex videos of your ex? I don't see how that is fundamentally a healthy thing to keep around when one is presumably focusing their attention on the new relationship at hand. Since they are readily and freely available on his ipad, it seems to me that he visits them. How often? Don't know, but he likely does to fulfill some yearning. It's just in bad taste.

 

Maybe it is in bad taste. I'm not going to delete my files because it bothers someone else. The one thing I've learned is that you should never change yourself or your history to suit someone else's insecurity.

[darkmoon]

why don't you just quietly delete them - and - then see what happens?

 

I would do that for fun, but then I know my partner can take a joke as long as I make it, you are a bit downtrodden though, look, just delete them, he might have forgotten about them anyway

[Divasu]

Not a pleasant thing to find two months in. I'm not sure how you erase that image from your mind. I'm not sure why people keep those sort of things post break-up and when dating someone new.

[smackie9]

I'm guilty of having maybe one a photo of few guys I dated when I was a teenager, socked away in a shoe box of other photos in my closet. No emotional attachment, just part of my history growing up. But never would I keep any videos or pornographic images of any of them stashed. That's just tasteless. I'm glad I'm of a different generation where you didn't snap chat your junk.

[d0nnivain]

why don't you just quietly delete them - and - then see what happens?

 

Do not do this!

 

Snooping is one thing. Destroying things that don't belong to you is a whole other ball game.

 

darkmoon -- would you advise the OP to cut up the new BF's favorite shirt if she didn't like it or if she found out he wore it the day he met his EX? Your advice isn't really different.

[Highndry]

Do not do this!

 

Snooping is one thing. Destroying things that don't belong to you is a whole other ball game.

 

darkmoon -- would you advise the OP to cut up the new BF's favorite shirt if she didn't like it or if she found out he wore it the day he met his EX? Your advice isn't really different.

 

Exactly. What's not being talked about is the fact that the snooping alone is going to be an issue for him. It changes things. I know, because I dealt with that. Unbeknownst to me, she was rummaging through my things when I was busy or gone. It eroded trust.

[smackie9]

TBH he's an idiot to be leaving that out in the open for anyone to check out. It's nature of the beast...people snoop. So I feel this is all suspect.....Maybe he is testing her to see if she would be a paranoid snoopin cray cray....so as to eliminate her as his next GF.

[darkmoon]

Do not do this!

 

Snooping is one thing. Destroying things that don't belong to you is a whole other ball game.

 

darkmoon -- would you advise the OP to cut up the new BF's favorite shirt if she didn't like it or if she found out he wore it the day he met his EX? Your advice isn't really different.

 

they are different - shirts are not the same as sexy photos of exes, they are different

 

deleting the photos will resolve this one way or another, we can find out if the photos matter - or not - to the guy

 

no need for the OP to struggle or suffer any longer

[Divasu]

I agree with Smackie aside from the snooping part.

 

Should not be snooping 2 months in, and keeping nude photos of an ex is equally damaging. If it was a "test", that is a negative too.

[smackie9]

None of this all around doesn't feel right.

[mortensorchid]

Don't go through other people's things. Ignorance is bliss. We learn that the hard way. I'm sure a lot of others out there have these same things on their phones and tablets and whatnot.

 

That being said ... You sound like a rebound for him. Go forth with caution.

[JEG88]

Ethics of snooping or whatnot, just the fact that he has kept pics around is enough to know he isn't over his ex.if I were the OP I'd be out of there in a split.