Boyfriend has nudes of his ex....

[salparadise]

I asked why he kept them and if he had some type of residual feelings for these women. He started laughing, he said no, not at all, he kept them because they're naked pictures and men like naked women, end of story.

 

If you think your bf keeps those because of sentimental reasons I think you're mistaken and you need to learn a bit more on men's thought process.

 

Exactly! I think it's hilarious that people (women, daisies, etc.) are vilifying the guy for keeping his little memory treasures. I'd be more concerned if he collected such photos that weren't of his ex (random stuff pulled off the net). I still have photos of from previous relationships and I'm not going to delete them because I start dating someone new, much less at two-months in. It means nothing, absolutely nothing. It only bothers OP because she attributes meaning that doesn't exist.

 

Furthermore, he gave her the key to go in and make herself comfortable, but he did not give permission to go through his drawers, closets or iPad. He trusted her, she snooped. Now she has to suffer the results of HER actions... either forget it and pretend to be an adult, or make a big thing out of it, outing herself in the process, and probably risking the new relationship.

 

If the only men worth having are ones who delete all the nude photos of ex's at the end of the relationship... well, good luck finding that needle in a haystack.

 

I feel a little sad for OP. She's now between a rock and a hard place. She can't unsee what she's seen, can't demand that he delete them, can't blame him for their existence. All she can do is own the consequences of her decision to snoop through his devices... and it's driving her absolutely nuts.

 

Takeaway: don't snoop, and that goes double if you're jealous and irrational.

[elaine567]

Again we have a whole bunch of guys trying to convince the "silly" and "insecure" woman that keeping a bunch of nude pics and porn videos of your ex in your current Gallery on two different devices is completely "normal" and nothing to worry about.

 

I guess if this was a man who had found his gf had a Gallery full of her ex's nude pics and videos of them ****ing and NO other pics or videos, no cute puppies, no family pics, no holiday pics, just wall to wall dick pics of her ex, and porn videos of her and her ex having sex, there would be no end to the insults levelled against her and he would be told to ditch the **** right away...

 

SMH.

[Shining One]

Again we have a whole bunch of guys trying to convince the "silly" and "insecure" woman that keeping a bunch of nude pics and porn videos of your ex in your current Gallery on two different devices is completely "normal" and nothing to worry about.

Just like a bunch of women trying to convince everyone that going through a significant other's things immediately after receiving a key to their place is completely "normal" and nothing to worry about.

[Gaeta]

Its quite a good thing she found out the way OP did. How else would she have found out what a scumbag he is? You're a rebound sweetie, sorry to break it to you. He's using you and you deserve better. Check your exits.

 

Wow! just wow! Now he's a scumbag and using OP! I am speechless!! They have known each other for 2 months! give the guy a break. For all we know he was gonna delete them soon. It's not because as women we don't understand a phemenomena that it makes it bad.

 

I don't understand why my bf did this so he's bad he's a scumbag!

 

The net is full of explanation as to why some men do this. It's mostly only personalized porn to them. It's not meant to disrespect anyone and it's not because he's hiding feelings.

 

IF OP had mind her own business chances are her BF would have deleted that porn once their relationship had solidified.

[umirano]

I don't know that he's a scumbag, but he could be. I don't think the OP was wrong for snooping, if you can call it that. He didn't put any effort into shielding it from her, it looks more like negligence or 'hiding in plain sight'. Personally I wouldn't be enthused about ex-nudes on a partners device. A serious talk is definitely warranted.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I have a friend who one day told me he had deleted all of exs nude pictures and some were as old as exs from 4-5 years ago.

 

That got my curiosity so I asked why he kept them and if he had some type of residual feelings for these women. He started laughing, he said no, not at all, he kept them because they're naked pictures and men like naked women, end of story.

 

If you think your bf keeps those because of sentimental reasons I think you're mistaken and you need to learn a bit more on men's thought process.

 

I'm a man and I don't feel it necessary to keep naked pictures of my ex. So, this is anecdotal. To suggest that this guy is keeping them JUST because he likes pictures and videos of naked women is anyone's guess. If it were porn of a porn star or porn stars, okay, but they are of his recent ex.

[Teo]

I think most people didn't read my 2nd post and even tho i know that many guys have pics like that it is weird to have them on 2 devices and nothing but that. If there were other pics id find it less disturbing.

A lot of people are mad at me for snooping but then again he gave me the lock code to the ipad and since he has pretty much nothing but some apps, no messaging apps and stuff he has on his phone i never thought id contain anything like this.

I would not go as far as calling him a scumbag***

and myself a rebound of that sort considering his behaviour but i obviously think he either has feelings for his ex or the sex with her was just so mind blowing he needs to keep it there. And tbh both things bother me. Im saying this because hes told me that hes a pervert and i know some of his pretty dysfunctional (in my opinion) fantasies out of which he shared some with her and no one else i think. (Now im just trying to act normal around him till friday when i hope i get the chance to say it)

[Teo]

Op had no reason to snoop aside from paranoia and she found no evidence of wrongdoing. She didn't find any conversations between her guy and his ex, just pics. This guy did nothing wrong. The OP can't say the same.

 

Yeah, if a guy had snooped into his GF's device and found a bunch of pics of her ex, and posted here because it upset him, I would advise he break up with the girl. Not because the girl did anything wrong, but sometimes we just cannot get over what we see. Snooping has likely ruined this relationship as it will ruin many others.

 

Snooping is not right. It is a betrayal of trust. It;s also worth noting that snooping will almost always show you something you don't want to see. Very rarely is it worth doing. The only time I suggest snooping is when you have cause to believe that your SO is cheating on you. I mean actual cause, not paranoia.

 

Im quite shocked that so many people find snooping to be worse than thr pics. Id personally have no problem woth him doing that out of curiosity because there is nothing that could hurt him... maybe he didn't do anything but the fact that he might be using me to forget her is painful

[joseb]

I have never done proper nudes or videos of myself with any guy. Maybe there is something wrong with me

 

I'm think the same thing.

It's not like the girls I've dated have been prudes, but none of then send me nude pics of themselves (and I have zero intetest in taking any)

[lurker74]

Im quite shocked that so many people find snooping to be worse than thr pics. Id personally have no problem woth him doing that out of curiosity because there is nothing that could hurt him... maybe he didn't do anything but the fact that he might be using me to forget her is painful

 

The way you described it, I don't think the snooping was snooping and I don't think the keeping the pics was that big of a deal either. You didn't snoop...you used his iPad for which he gave you access. It's his fault for letting those pics be findable. But it also isn't a big deal to a lot of people that he has pics of his ex. But then again, it doesn't matter if it's not a big deal to a lot of people...it matters if it's a big deal to you.

 

So if it is, have the conversation.

[Versacehottie]

Again we have a whole bunch of guys trying to convince the "silly" and "insecure" woman that keeping a bunch of nude pics and porn videos of your ex in your current Gallery on two different devices is completely "normal" and nothing to worry about.

 

I guess if this was a man who had found his gf had a Gallery full of her ex's nude pics and videos of them ****ing and NO other pics or videos, no cute puppies, no family pics, no holiday pics, just wall to wall dick pics of her ex, and porn videos of her and her ex having sex, there would be no end to the insults levelled against her and he would be told to ditch the **** right away...

 

SMH.

 

I'm a girl and I think that the snooping is more likely to be a deal breaker while the photos issue is surmountable and may be much more insignificant than OP is making it out to be. It seems like wanted us to line up on gender sides but it's not the case with my view about the subject. OP is creating a causal relationship between the photos and a measure of his interest in her where there may be no relationship between those two events. There is a causal relationship between her level of trust with this guy and her character with regarding to inherent insecurities that is playing out in this scenario. BTW in my computer/device life they data syncs up so that could be the reason it is on BOTH devices. And also some guys on the thread said they did not agree that he should be holding onto the pics. I certainly don't want to be included in bitter women's club with grudge against guys.

 

Just because we don't understand the mind of a guy completely doesn't make what they do wrong all the time. And this is not a pass for her guy's actions. OP needs to get more info and see if the conclusions she is drawing are correct. I think they may be but for much different reasons. She may be picking up on a vibe that she is second choice or a rebound--and that i do think could be true FOR OTHER REASONS stated in the thread.

[joseb]

I still have photos of from previous relationships and I'm not going to delete them because I start dating someone new, much less at two-months in. It means nothing, absolutely nothing.

 

.

 

I think thats fine. I too have photos, and I wouldn't want to delete them. But they are in albums somewhere.

 

This guy had only one folder of photos, and that folder was all nudes of his ex. Nothing else. I think that's very different than keeping old photos as part of all your other pics.

[Shining One]

You didn't snoop...you used his iPad for which he gave you access. It's his fault for letting those pics be findable.

I disagree. Plenty of women have given me their laptops, usually so I could determine why they were running so poorly. I went to the locations I needed to go to for that purpose. I did not go into their Pictures/Videos folders because that would be snooping.

[Gaeta]

I've missed a few of the details and i made him seem like a total ass but hes not. He dated one other girl after the ext thing ended... the rebound... and left her after a month. I might be that too not sure...

But its not like he is constantly ignoring me. we meet really often, he met my mom and he wants me to meet his. not of his 4 exes met her. I met all his friends and coworkers and was introduced as the gf. he's not using me for sex, waited till i was ready and never forces me, doesnt even try if im not well. he doesn't have any normal pictures of his ex just the sex ones...

it might be true that he still loves her and is trying to forget her and fool himself... so after discovering i told him that sometimes i feel like I'm some random girl he found cuz he was lonely. and he said he's hurt by that because he really cares for me

 

If he is all that wonderful then forget the porn pictures. He will delete them as your relationship grows and solidifies.

 

I would be much more worried if he had kept pictures of them on their Hawaii trip where they look in love. That would mean an emotional bound that's not quite cut. Home porn? nah. That's entertainment. You may not like that type of entertainment but it's not about still being in love with her.

[Teo]

I OP needs to get more info and see if the conclusions she is drawing are correct. I think they may be but for much different reasons. She may be picking up on a vibe that she is second choice or a rebound--and that i do think could be true FOR OTHER REASONS stated in the thread.

 

I agree with the snooping being a dealbreaker even if that wasnt really my intention and had zero problem with the ex before that. My insecurities might.play a big role in all this but i am curious to know what you think the evidence would be that he is still interested in the ex if not those pics.

[umirano]

Just talk to him, he can tell you more than the next dozen of guess-posts by internet strangers.

[Teo]

Just talk to him, he can tell you more than the next dozen of guess-posts by internet strangers.

 

You are right. He's the only one who ill say something useful but there are a few days left till i get my chance and i just wanna gather opinions. But I've heard pretty much every scenario possible

[Gr8fuln2020]

I just don't see how this is NOT significant:

 

the only pics in it were of his ex gfs private parts, pics and videos of them having sex etc.

 

The OP's bf gave her the keycode, right? Was there any expectation for her to avoid any other content on his ipad? Yeah, she was curious and she snooped...unfortunate. But after the deed, she found the above....more disturbing to me.

 

The ONLY pics were of his exposed/compromised ex. What?! Where are the nice bikini or business attire pic? The fun, happy, road trip pics? ONLY porn of HIS EX?!

 

The question at hand isn't whether she snooped or made a mistake in doing that. The question at hand, for the OP, is whether she needs to reassess the relationship. She was given the keycode, she was curious and found the pics and vids. She should explain that to the bf and figure out what is going on and how she feels about it.

[Shining One]

I can't speak for all guys, but we don't generally take all the pics you ladies do.

This has been my experience as well. On trips, my girlfriend is the one with the camera. I do a lot of IT work on the side for people. This often involves backing up a computer's contents. Most of the men's computers I've worked on have little to no pictures. The women's computers often have several GB worth. In fact, a common phrase I hear from women when they bring me a broken laptop is: "Please save my pictures".

[joseb]

This has been my experience as well. On trips, my girlfriend is the one with the camera. I do a lot of IT work on the side for people. This often involves backing up a computer's contents. Most of the men's computers I've worked on have little to no pictures. The women's computers often have several GB worth. In fact, a common phrase I hear from women when they bring me a broken laptop is: "Please save my pictures".

 

As I guy, maybe the fact that I used to earn a crust as a photographer and love photography is giving me a different perspective than the rest of the guys here.

 

I have 100s / 1000s of photos that have exes in them.

But none of them are in any secret folder where I can easily access them. And the only nudes I'd have are professional models. I would never photograph a gf nude

Just seems wrong. (likewise I've never taken a dick pic)

 

Now when my long time ex left me, I did keep some suggestive pics of her in a folder like this for a while. I didn't think much of it, but over time I realised it was probably unhealthy and deleted them

It definitely helped me put a line in the sand and move on.

 

For OP, really you need to talk to your bf.

Say you are sorry but you were bored and noticed a folder and clicked on it. That you didn't mean to snoop.

As someone else said, that will resolve this much better than any of us can.

[Teo]

I will tell him o course because it kills me. Hes been acting sweet these dys but no matter what he does i feel nothing from him.

The pics weren't even in a folder just the camera roll.... and my bf is the one taking pics. It doesn't apply to all guys. I usually dont take pics of us on our dates or so. He takes hundreds of pics of everything. Point is, iys very obvious that hedeleted or jut moved all the other pics he had in that phone to the new one and only left those disturbing ones there for whatever reaso

[Gr8fuln2020]

I can't speak for all guys, but we don't generally take all the pics you ladies do. I was just on a road trip with me GF a few days ago. She took many pics, I took none. I do have some topless pics of her on my phone though. OP and her BF have only been together for 2 months. That is not long enough to go through all of his pics and delete them on the off chance that she will snoop and find them.

 

I disagree. IMO, that is exactly the question. Why on Earth would someone betray the trust of someone in a budding new relationship and snoop through their personal belongings? I assume any girl I meet has pics of different dudes, especially with all the unsolicited penis pics dudes send these days. I don't go rifling through their devices looking for them though.

 

What the OP should do is take a valuable lesson from all of this. Don't go snooping around in other people's private property. Unless those pics were time stamped for when the OP was with her guy, then the pics are none of her business.

 

I agree to disagree. She did snoop. I will give you that. She was curious and possibly had some personal cause to feel that she needed to see more on the device that her careless bf allowed her access. The pornographic pictures of his gf IS ABSOLUTELY her business. It goes to the core of motive and intentions...frame of mind and how all that affects her and her standing in the relationship. A full healthy person, with an understanding of boundaries does not keep pornographic images and videos of his ex. on an ipad, unsecured and accessible to his current gf.

[Shining One]

A full healthy person, with an understanding of boundaries does not keep pornographic images and videos of his ex. on an ipad, unsecured and accessible to his current gf.

You're saying the "healthy" behavior is to secure your things against your significant other rather than trust them? In this case, you're probably right: He was wrong to give her a key and his passwords.

[Trip2TheSky]

OP, never snoop.

Lesson learned, right?

 

Can I add that your bf should not be judged or dumped over this?

Also, It is you decision to confront, but I advise you against it.

 

He's not cheating and that is the important key factor in this situation.

 

Please stop snooping and save yourself from your own destructive behavior.

 

Confrontation will do nothing but diminish his trust and leave you pining after him for years, because he will probably end the relationship.

 

Trust me on this and let what you saw go; give him his time to grieve over said ex and you may discover that your new relationship will begin to flourish.

 

Let it go and never mention this to him.

 

It's not lying, it's choosing to be a mature adult and your past will keep chasing you, unless you grow in this direction.

[Versacehottie]

I agree with the snooping being a dealbreaker even if that wasnt really my intention and had zero problem with the ex before that. My insecurities might.play a big role in all this but i am curious to know what you think the evidence would be that he is still interested in the ex if not those pics.

 

I'm going to try to go back and find things that were red flags to me and things to "get to the bottom of" from your OP. Will bold and explain from your own posts..