Suspicious Bruises on Butt

[jay1983]

No, you're wrong. She's freaking out because she has something to hide. If she agrees to transparency, he would have access to all her devices and accounts. She'll have to confess or leave.

 

But there IS more to it than that and he has to learn to think like a cheater to stay ahead of her. If she knows he's on to her and will check her devices, she shouldn't have opportunity to delete anything.

 

The problem is that cheaters who are caught rarely confess all. They change the story and admit to just enough to be credible. She would be hoping to regain his trust but then delete everything incriminating first chance she gets.

 

So his job is to stay ahead of her. If she confesses (something), he goes then and there to check her devices to read email and messages, read phone and bank records showing multiple calls/texts to the same number or gas purchases at odd locations, even hotel stays to look for. But I doubt it will get to any of this.

 

 

 

For starters I didnt say that she wasn't hiding anything. Hmmm...... Think like a cheater, stay ahead of her, gain access to all her accounts. You serious dude? Why would anyone wanna live like that? Why would any man want to marry someone they couldn't trust?

 

Whatever, you got your opinion, I got mine. And I think what you're suggesting is ludicrous. I say he needs to drop everything and go. Women cheated on her ex husband, then spent every other month staying with a new guy while leaving her kids at home in another country. And that story that the body builder cheated on is her side of the story. She cheated on him, he dumped her is probably what really happened.

 

He needs to dump her and go back to his house before it's sold.

[usa1ah]

No I didn't put the bruises there. Right or wrong, and in this case more wrong, I was wanting to believe her when she said she didn't know how the bruising got there.

I would like to share a photo to get opinions. As I still can't figure out how if was physically possible. That said it looks very suspect and her behaviour backed that up.

 

It is not possible.

 

You are blinding yourself from the truth of what is going on.

 

What do you want to know. Look at the pic, if it looks like a hand print then it is. If you didn't put it there then someone else did. If someone else did it then your wife is cheating on you. Are you wanting video proof or what?

[usa1ah]

Im trying to work on things and she just gets more angry and closed

 

Pointless

 

What will it take to see the writing on the wall?

 

She has pulled the plug already.

[usa1ah]

Here are the living arrangements, just to make this situation spind even more messed up. I'll probably confuse people trying to explain things.

 

She and her husband split up about 2.5 years ago. Due to her cheating and then the damage done from the open marriage. She wanted to save it but he said.. no way! They have two kids together, now 12 and 14.

 

She then met a bodybuild, over IG, who lives in North Carolina. We live in Alberta Canada. She dated him for about one year and spent every other month down there. That relationship went south after he cheated on her, shocking I know, and she fought for months to get him back. He said no way. She of course had spent a lot of time stateside and away from her kids.

 

When she was home in Canada, until we met, she lived in the same house has her husband. Separate rooms so she said. And her mom also lives there.

 

She and I met a few months later and things moved pretty fast. She essentially moved I with me and would go see her kids. We did this for about 6 months at which time her husband, soon to be ex, moved out and I moved into her place.

I have since put my house up for sale.

 

So she moved me in, wants to get married, openly professes her love...and still is secretive and I'm sure cheated on me. I don't get it.

 

I couldn't make this sh*t up!!

 

Ok so you know what is going on.

 

Move back into your place. Take it off the market. Tell her that you can't trust a thing she says anymore. Tell her to have a nice life and run.

[merrmeade]

Ok so you know what is going on.

 

Move back into your place. Take it off the market. Tell her that you can't trust a thing she says anymore. Tell her to have a nice life and run.

I agree. You don't need to investigate. You know. You should just leave.

[Friskyone4u]

You are in denial stage my friend. This could not be more obvious what is going on but you apparently refuse to believe it .

 

There is no advice here that anyone can give you that is going to change what she is doing. Only you can change your reaction and actions to it.

[40somethingGuy]

You are in denial stage my friend. This could not be more obvious what is going on but you apparently refuse to believe it .

 

There is no advice here that anyone can give you that is going to change what she is doing. Only you can change your reaction and actions to it.

 

 

 

I am not so sure it is denial rather than shock and trying to process this all the best he can. I definitely think he knows what is going on in his gut but with a reaction and lack of respect she has shown, trying to work this out with her will only hurt him worse in the long haul...especially if they get married. She is just not marriage material. She wants to have sex with many men. She was in an open marriage. She cheated before that and since. Hopefully his eyes have opened to the fact that there is nothing here to work with. She will always be a revolving door looking for the next big thrill.

[Brett Hatton]

In response to the last post, I think you're right. It is more shock than anything. It may seem like it but I'm not a fool.

 

Here was a gorgeous, brilliant, witty, funny, engaging and what I thought was a loving and trustworthy partner...which blinded me. As sad as this is to say, I let my guard down and trusted and loved her like I've never done before.

 

The more I think about it the more I feel I may have been used. My house as an eacape her kids that she didn't want to deal with, from a mother who was hard on her and a soon be ex husband that didn't want anything to do with her. The ex and I actually get on quite well, seems like a nice guy...she simply messed up and has done so many times! There is a pattern.

 

I know what I need to do, it is just hard to pull the trigger!

 

This forum / discussion has been good for me and whilst it is difficult to explain in detail for ppl to understand what has transpired, it seems obvious to everyone here what has happened and what is the right course of action for me to take.

[road]

Here are the living arrangements, just to make this situation spind even more messed up. I'll probably confuse people trying to explain things.

 

She and her husband split up about 2.5 years ago. Due to her cheating and then the damage done from the open marriage. She wanted to save it but he said.. no way! They have two kids together, now 12 and 14.

 

She then met a bodybuild, over IG, who lives in North Carolina. We live in Alberta Canada. She dated him for about one year and spent every other month down there. That relationship went south after he cheated on her, shocking I know, and she fought for months to get him back. He said no way. She of course had spent a lot of time stateside and away from her kids.

 

When she was home in Canada, until we met, she lived in the same house has her husband. Separate rooms so she said. And her mom also lives there.

 

She and I met a few months later and things moved pretty fast. She essentially moved I with me and would go see her kids. We did this for about 6 months at which time her husband, soon to be ex, moved out and I moved into her place.

I have since put my house up for sale.

 

So she moved me in, wants to get married, openly professes her love...and still is secretive and I'm sure cheated on me. I don't get it.

 

I couldn't make this sh*t up!!

 

Why are you still there?

 

This woman does not appear stable. Take the for

sale sign down and move back into your old house.

[40somethingGuy]

In response to the last post, I think you're right. It is more shock than anything. It may seem like it but I'm not a fool.

 

Here was a gorgeous, brilliant, witty, funny, engaging and what I thought was a loving and trustworthy partner...which blinded me. As sad as this is to say, I let my guard down and trusted and loved her like I've never done before.

 

The more I think about it the more I feel I may have been used. My house as an eacape her kids that she didn't want to deal with, from a mother who was hard on her and a soon be ex husband that didn't want anything to do with her. The ex and I actually get on quite well, seems like a nice guy...she simply messed up and has done so many times! There is a pattern.

 

I know what I need to do, it is just hard to pull the trigger!

 

This forum / discussion has been good for me and whilst it is difficult to explain in detail for ppl to understand what has transpired, it seems obvious to everyone here what has happened and what is the right course of action for me to take.

 

I hope you pull the trigger on this toxic relationship TODAY. You are only prolonging the inevitable and if she cries and tries to give you assurances that she will give you transparency etc it will be BS. She has a well established pattern. You are in a great position to take care of you and she made the choice you don't matter. Love sucks in so many ways and when we let our guards down like we naturally want to, we so often open ourselves to hurt and agony. I hope your next post is that you kicked her to the curb and stood your ground.

[BluesPower]

In response to the last post, I think you're right. It is more shock than anything. It may seem like it but I'm not a fool.

 

Here was a gorgeous, brilliant, witty, funny, engaging and what I thought was a loving and trustworthy partner...which blinded me. As sad as this is to say, I let my guard down and trusted and loved her like I've never done before.

 

The more I think about it the more I feel I may have been used. My house as an eacape her kids that she didn't want to deal with, from a mother who was hard on her and a soon be ex husband that didn't want anything to do with her. The ex and I actually get on quite well, seems like a nice guy...she simply messed up and has done so many times! There is a pattern.

 

I know what I need to do, it is just hard to pull the trigger!

 

This forum / discussion has been good for me and whilst it is difficult to explain in detail for ppl to understand what has transpired, it seems obvious to everyone here what has happened and what is the right course of action for me to take.

 

I get this... and you are not the only one that has done this with this type of woman.

 

Some people wonder why men get so hard in the dating scene, well, this is a perfect example of the reason why.

 

She has been screwing you over from the very beginning. I hope you got tested for STD's.

 

For me, at this stage of my life, all it takes is one issue or one red flag and she is gone, no talking about it, no whining, none of that, just hit the bricks and lose my phone number.

 

Brother, you need to lose her like a bad habit, yesterday...

[anika99]

In response to the last post, I think you're right. It is more shock than anything. It may seem like it but I'm not a fool.

 

Here was a gorgeous, brilliant, witty, funny, engaging and what I thought was a loving and trustworthy partner...which blinded me. As sad as this is to say, I let my guard down and trusted and loved her like I've never done before.

 

The more I think about it the more I feel I may have been used. My house as an eacape her kids that she didn't want to deal with, from a mother who was hard on her and a soon be ex husband that didn't want anything to do with her. The ex and I actually get on quite well, seems like a nice guy...she simply messed up and has done so many times! There is a pattern.

 

I know what I need to do, it is just hard to pull the trigger!

 

This forum / discussion has been good for me and whilst it is difficult to explain in detail for ppl to understand what has transpired, it seems obvious to everyone here what has happened and what is the right course of action for me to take.

 

Why did you believe she was trustworthy when you always knew she cheated on her husband.....for three freaking years?!! Someone who cheats for that long is a well practiced seasoned cheater and liar. What about that sounded trustworthy to you? I think you were just taken in by her looks and charm and never gave much thought at all to her trustworthiness. In the future look try to look deeper than the superficial

[aliveagain]

Friend, there are enough red flags in your post to stampede a herd of Buffalo. Take your home off the market, the market in Alberta is the sh*ts right now(I live in Calgary)and move back into it until you decide what it is you want. How do you get identical bruising on each side of your butt, easy, rough dogie style porn star sex. Are you dating my ex?

 

If she hasn't sought out professional help for her previous cheating guess what you can expect from her, more of the same because her cheating bruised as* is still broken. You don't need anymore evidence, her behavior to date should be enough. If she can lie to you she can do a he*l of a lot more. This is the least complicated and cheapest time to take yourself out of infidelity. You know her history, no one man will ever be enough for her. Get tested for all STD's, run.

[Rose.1977]

Her extreme defensiveness would be very suspicious to me...

 

I agree with you

[Brett Hatton]

The red flags are clearly there. I simply chose to ignore them for reasons as meantiones above.

Agree on the bruises...it is obvious someone, other than me, was grabbing her a$$ and doing as you said. She would know what caused this kind of bruising, low on the butt cheek crease area and high on the butt. She denied experiencing and feeling anything that would have caused the bruising. You don't get that from sitting on a bench as she tried to suggest.

Do you mind if I ask what your ex did for a living?

 

As weird as this sounds, I am feeling better and getting ready to take the actions necessary to move on from this toxic relationship.

[Cephalopod]

What was her explanation for the used condoms?

[Brett Hatton]

The condoms weren't used. They were expired but in her purse. Srry if I confused everyone. Thing is I know they weren't on there a couple months prior to my finding them and the bruising.

[WilyWill]

She wants you there to provide and help take care of her kids while she lives an open marriage that you don't know about. She's very foolish for thinking she can fool you through hostility and defensiveness. A cheat, and not the brightest bulb either. Cut her loose.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Brett, your situation seems quite sad. I wanted to ask you how old you were and how old your GF is? I'm guessing both of you must be late thirties or early forties considering that your GF has two sons the elder of which is now 14. You have been given sterling advice by most of the posters responding on your thread and I am a little non plussed as to why you want to continue burying your head in the sand.

 

I am going to ask you outright as to whether you are a closet c....old? I do not mean this to be offensive. Let's be frank, there are people with all kinds of sexual orientation who are coming out of the wood these days. Something about the passive way you are writing about this makes me think that you could possibly be a closet c...d. That would explain why you are so passive about the matter because, at a subliminal level you may actually be enjoying your situation. If I am wrong, and I admit that I may be completely off the mark I apologize. However, if I am indeed wrong, then I think that you are in an extremely untenable position with regard to your GF. If you are looking for a stable monogamous partner with whom you can raise a happy family then you are barking up the wrong tree. Your GF is more suited to being a Hotwife than any other cheating wife or GF I have seen on this forum in a while. As the say 'If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck swims like a duck and quacks like a duck it is a DUCK.' If you are a closet c....d and are looking for support and encouragement then you should search out the alternative lifestyle forums of which there are plenty where you will get all the appreciation and advice on how to handle your situation for maximum satisfaction and reward. This forum certainly will not provide you with that kind of support as it is primarily a forum for helping betrayed spouses cope with the devastation that cheating and infidelity plunge them into. Warm regards.

[harrybrown]

Get on a rocket out of there.

 

Go back to your house.

 

by the way, Go NC and get tested.

 

 

Wake up and find someone new.

[Brett Hatton]

I do appreciate all the thoughts / feedback. It has helped confirm what I truly knew all along. I may come across passive and that may be in part due to the fact the I do not treat relationships as disposal. I prefer rational convos,rather than blow outs. But f**k with me, and I will eventually take you out!

 

I have been in unhappy relationships before. I wasn't able to hide how I felt, I had essentially checked out and wasnt able to pretend to care and be loving. So...right or wrong it somehow escapes me how a person could do what she clearly has done, yet most of the time be so very loving and caring. Perhaps I'm just too naive!

 

But a closet c....d?! The answer is, no. I have no idea where at any point in this dialogue, how or why you could come to that conclusion. Other than the fact you're being a troll and adding no value.

[Brett Hatton]

After I found the condoms and bruises, I went and got tested. All good!

[40somethingGuy]

I do appreciate all the thoughts / feedback. It has helped confirm what I truly knew all along. I may come across passive and that may be in part due to the fact the I do not treat relationships as disposal. I prefer rational convos,rather than blow outs. But f**k with me, and I will eventually take you out!

 

I have been in unhappy relationships before. I wasn't able to hide how I felt, I had essentially checked out and wasnt able to pretend to care and be loving. So...right or wrong it somehow escapes me how a person could do what she clearly has done, yet most of the time be so very loving and caring. Perhaps I'm just too naive!

 

But a closet c....d?! The answer is, no. I have no idea where at any point in this dialogue, how or why you could come to that conclusion. Other than the fact you're being a troll and adding no value.

 

What actions have you taken? How did last night go?

[spanz1]

We had a bit of a blow up today. I simply asked if we could talk and share a bit more rather then spend time on social media. She got even more upset and said tha following

"I'm locking EVERYTHING DOWN

And will not use my phone around you.

EVER

I'm putting my phone on silent.

My business is now none of your business"

 

Clearly not wanting to become more open

 

So, what do you want to know after that?

she is a "spankee"...loves to be abused and spanked. Since you can see handprints on her butt, it is spanking with a hand on her bare skin, so she is obviously cheating on you with some other man or woman.

 

Any other bruises, like on her breasts? And pin holes on her nipples?

 

the problem is...she has a deviant kinky side to her that she has chosen to hide from you. what else is she hiding? Who knows.

 

IF her playing sexually with others is not a big problem for YOU, then talk it all over with her. Find out her sexual kinks, and try to join in. You will have to become pretty dominant to please her though.

 

There IS the possibility that she is "owned" by some other man, though, and HE controls her sex life now.

[Brett Hatton]

I have seen and experienced her “kinky” side. She doesn’t hold back and likes it rough and hard. She has been with women, two guys a the same time, which were both married. She doesn’t hold back on sharing this stuff not what she likes. I’ve done my fair share as well, just not c....d!!

 

We’re there misgivings from the start, absolutely! I was able to shut off wanting to date everything out there and have multiple experiences because I thought I found someone who was sexually compatible with me. Let’s face it, open marriage, different and new partners always on tap, etc. If that was her vice...it can be a hard thing to turn off. I didn’t have an issue and was willing to settle down with one woman. She can’t shut it off. Not sure where I’m going with this.

 

I didn’t do anything about this last night. She was loving and affectionate and it sucks me in. If the trust must been known, I’ve never felt this weak and pathetic.