Author Brett Hatton Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 So it's that obvious to everyone here? I just I'm wanting to believe something other than the obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 So it's that obvious to everyone here? I just I'm wanting to believe something other than the obvious. Short answer: YES it's that obvious. Longer answer: Yes look at the evidence. You notice bruises then she: 1. looks for an excuse, as if she didn't realize they were there. 2. Gets defensive and attacks you. 3. locks up her personal electronics so you can't find evidence. 4. gets secretive. Can you get access to her cell phone bill? text and phone logs will likely show numbers to whoever she is with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miky Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 I would search for more evidence before pulling the plug here, there is a chance this is all innocent even though it is very clear from her behavior + the evidence, I would say gather more definite evidence before making a life altering decision Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 I would search for more evidence before pulling the plug here, there is a chance this is all innocent even though it is very clear from her behavior + the evidence, I would say gather more definite evidence before making a life altering decision If I have serious suspicious about my gf's cheating on me, and I suspect it's very serious, I would expect her to first let me access to all her electronics, and then, and only then, as a second priority (after I don't find anythng), she can accuse me, she can be upset about invading her privacy, she can be ritght with all the arguments in the world. But if she refuses to let me calm down my suspicious, it's over, man... It means that in the good scenario, my feelings mean nothing to her, and in the bad and reasonable scenario, she is cheating, and can't afford to let me see everything. So, I think this is not the stage of finding proofs, but more like admitting that what you see it what you see. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 I would search for more evidence before pulling the plug here, there is a chance this is all innocent even though it is very clear from her behavior + the evidence, I would say gather more definite evidence before making a life altering decision I would find incontrovertible evidence not for this reason but because you can leave with a clear conscience and won't get any flak from her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brett Hatton Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 We had a bit of a blow up today. I simply asked if we could talk and share a bit more rather then spend time on social media. She got even more upset and said tha following "I'm locking EVERYTHING DOWN And will not use my phone around you. EVER I'm putting my phone on silent. My business is now none of your business" Clearly not wanting to become more open Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brett Hatton Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 Im trying to work on things and she just gets more angry and closed Pointless Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 "I'm locking EVERYTHING DOWN And will not use my phone around you. EVER I'm putting my phone on silent. My business is now none of your business" This is no way of running a relationship. THis is a clear declaration "You mean nothing to me". And you still don't get it, do you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 We had a bit of a blow up today. I simply asked if we could talk and share a bit more rather then spend time on social media. She got even more upset and said tha following "I'm locking EVERYTHING DOWN And will not use my phone around you. EVER I'm putting my phone on silent. My business is now none of your business" Clearly not wanting to become more open That is basically the smoking gun. Go to Truth and Deception dot com. And you will only be around long enough to hold her over for the om to do what he has to do (he may be married, which is why you are not dumped). And don't believe this 'its my privacy' BS. You will hear it. Healthy couples without cheating issues or desires value transparency. She knows you are on to her and is getting defensive and will blame you for all her bad behavior. GTFO ASAP. You have feelings and all but she is poison. You likely ran the course with her and she is moving on. Just waiting to secure your replacement. Of all the cases of 'possible cheating' I have read on here, yours is one of the very most obvious. At least you're not married. It should be a no brainer (I am gearing up for divorce myself). You can and will do better. You may not like the idea of being alone but who needs cancer like this in your life married or not? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 Sounds like rough sex. You sure you didn't do it and they're just showing up a few days later? Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 She's cheating no doubt, and is not very clever about hiding it. The condom part is laughable. She'd have thrown them away in any case. These condoms might have been used while she was being spanked, sorry man. She's a mess. Have some self respect, dump her and move on. You are being cheaten on and played here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Inafishbowl Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 We had a bit of a blow up today. I simply asked if we could talk and share a bit more rather then spend time on social media. She got even more upset and said tha following "I'm locking EVERYTHING DOWN And will not use my phone around you. EVER I'm putting my phone on silent. My business is now none of your business" Clearly not wanting to become more open Who talks to someone they care about like that? By chance is she living in your place? Home or leased apartment? I can't see why anyone would stay if they felt like that unless they had nowhere to go. She clearly has no respect for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brett Hatton Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 The signs are so very obvious. What I don't understand is why she still wants to get married, has told all her friends we're getting married, why she posts pic of us on fb and IG and professes her love for me. Yes, she LOVES rough sex. As weird as it may sound I've tried to replicate the bruises, and .haven't been able to. And I'm a big guy 6'4" 230 with big hands . Not that you needed to know But the bruises look like they were only caused by hands. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 The only reason I can imagine for a woman who wants to marry you, and still telling you that her business is her business, is that she must think you are very stupid \ low self esteem \ a doormat \ no self respect. No reasonable woman does that. Now - think for a minute. She's in trouble. She understands that she cannot swipe it under the rug. But in order to prevent you from keep digging, she must raise the drama, and turn it as if you are controlling, you are the bad guy... It's all about making noise and fog so you wouldn't continue with this This is the explanation for her odd behavior. She knows she looks bad, and she is risking everything. But all that to get away from the "cheating accusation". She knows that if you know the truth, she's doomed. What she does, can be defined as "risk managment". You might want to forgive her in the future, I don\t know... But I strongly recommend you to disapear. Tell her that your business is your business from now on and ghost her, stay NC for at least a week, make all the nessesary actions for a break up. If you wish to fix things in the future, you better do it from a position of srengh, ont eakness. She must come searching for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 Stay with her. Get married. You will have made two people You don't even know very happy. Your future counselor and your future divorce lawyer. She's showing you exactly what she is. Marriage will not change her for the better. Much out of town travel for work? The perfect job for a cheater. And you at home wondering what she is doing. Not how I would choose to live. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brett Hatton Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 Here are the living arrangements, just to make this situation spind even more messed up. I'll probably confuse people trying to explain things. She and her husband split up about 2.5 years ago. Due to her cheating and then the damage done from the open marriage. She wanted to save it but he said.. no way! They have two kids together, now 12 and 14. She then met a bodybuild, over IG, who lives in North Carolina. We live in Alberta Canada. She dated him for about one year and spent every other month down there. That relationship went south after he cheated on her, shocking I know, and she fought for months to get him back. He said no way. She of course had spent a lot of time stateside and away from her kids. When she was home in Canada, until we met, she lived in the same house has her husband. Separate rooms so she said. And her mom also lives there. She and I met a few months later and things moved pretty fast. She essentially moved I with me and would go see her kids. We did this for about 6 months at which time her husband, soon to be ex, moved out and I moved into her place. I have since put my house up for sale. So she moved me in, wants to get married, openly professes her love...and still is secretive and I'm sure cheated on me. I don't get it. I couldn't make this sh*t up!! Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 Im trying to work on things and she just gets more angry and closed Pointless Well, getting more evidence IS a lot of trouble and maybe you don't really need it. If she didn't understand your boundaries for an exclusive, committed relationship before then she needs to understand them now. So if you are convinced and clear that the status quo has no future, then why not just tell her calmly and clearly she's crossed your boundaries and what they are. Tell her that you must have 1-monogamy, 2-transparency and 3-openness in an exclusive, committed long-term relationship. None of those are negotiable. Say that right now she has closed off #2 and 3 and you suspect her of #1, which can't be disproven or proven without #2 and 3. Also add that her extreme volatility and defensiveness when you asked for #2 and 3 conveyed the opposite attitude and deepened your suspicions of infidelity. The bruises and her defensivessly simply tipped the scale. Then, DON"T argue; just act. It's over and one of you moves out. There's 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Well, getting more evidence IS a lot of trouble and maybe you don't really need it. If she didn't understand your boundaries for an exclusive, committed relationship before then she needs to understand them now. So if you are convinced and clear that the status quo has no future, then why not just tell her calmly and clearly she's crossed your boundaries and what they are. Tell her that you must have 1-monogamy, 2-transparency and 3-openness in an exclusive, committed long-term relationship. None of those are negotiable. Say that right now she has closed off #2 and 3 and you suspect her of #1, which can't be disproven or proven without #2 and 3. Also add that her extreme volatility and defensiveness when you asked for #2 and 3 conveyed the opposite attitude and deepened your suspicions of infidelity. The bruises and her defensivessly simply tipped the scale. Then, DON"T argue; just act. It's over and one of you moves out. There's I think if her tells her that, she'll seemingly apologize, agree to the demands and he stays with her. She then does the same thing again maybe after locking in a marriage, which would hurt him and further complicate things. I think he should end things and go back to his house while it's still vacant. Otherwise they'll be married, his house will be sold and she'll cheat again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Here are the living arrangements, just to make this situation spind even more messed up. I'll probably confuse people trying to explain things. She and her husband split up about 2.5 years ago. Due to her cheating and then the damage done from the open marriage. She wanted to save it but he said.. no way! They have two kids together, now 12 and 14. She then met a bodybuild, over IG, who lives in North Carolina. We live in Alberta Canada. She dated him for about one year and spent every other month down there. That relationship went south after he cheated on her, shocking I know, and she fought for months to get him back. He said no way. She of course had spent a lot of time stateside and away from her kids. When she was home in Canada, until we met, she lived in the same house has her husband. Separate rooms so she said. And her mom also lives there. She and I met a few months later and things moved pretty fast. She essentially moved I with me and would go see her kids. We did this for about 6 months at which time her husband, soon to be ex, moved out and I moved into her place. I have since put my house up for sale. So she moved me in, wants to get married, openly professes her love...and still is secretive and I'm sure cheated on me. I don't get it. I couldn't make this sh*t up!! Crazy! The poor kids . Does her mom still live there? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 F investigating! F getting more evidence! Tomorrow morning you pick up the phone and call your realtor and take your house off the market. And then pack all your stuff and move back home. No words are necessary. Marrying this girl would be the biggest mistake of your life. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brett Hatton Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 It is a terrible situation for the kids. She isn't a great mother...obviously! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 The signs are so very obvious. What I don't understand is why she still wants to get married, has told all her friends we're getting married, why she posts pic of us on fb and IG and professes her love for me. Yes, she LOVES rough sex. As weird as it may sound I've tried to replicate the bruises, and .haven't been able to. And I'm a big guy 6'4" 230 with big hands . Not that you needed to know But the bruises look like they were only caused by hands. Tell her you're done with her shi.tty behavior and she can move out, that the wedding is off. Her actions don't meet her words. If she truly wasn't cheating or up to no good she wouldn't be reacting like this, she'd be hurt that you accused her but not angry to the point of shutting you out and being mean. Those who have nothing to hide don't act like she is acting currently. Time to call off the wedding, or at least put it on hold until you get the truth. Hire a PI. Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 It is a terrible situation for the kids. She isn't a great mother...obviously! Why would you marry or want to be with someone who isn't a great mother? You probably don't want to be alone and love the kids. But this lawyer will take you for what she can and clearly is not going to give you what you want and need. For God Sakes be grateful this is happening now and not after marriage. What's next? She will force you to watch her have rough sex with another man? Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 I think if her tells her that, she'll seemingly apologize, agree to the demands and he stays with her. She then does the same thing again maybe after locking in a marriage, which would hurt him and further complicate things. I think he should end things and go back to his house while it's still vacant. Otherwise they'll be married, his house will be sold and she'll cheat again. No, you're wrong. She's freaking out because she has something to hide. If she agrees to transparency, he would have access to all her devices and accounts. She'll have to confess or leave. But there IS more to it than that and he has to learn to think like a cheater to stay ahead of her. If she knows he's on to her and will check her devices, she shouldn't have opportunity to delete anything. The problem is that cheaters who are caught rarely confess all. They change the story and admit to just enough to be credible. She would be hoping to regain his trust but then delete everything incriminating first chance she gets. So his job is to stay ahead of her. If she confesses (something), he goes then and there to check her devices to read email and messages, read phone and bank records showing multiple calls/texts to the same number or gas purchases at odd locations, even hotel stays to look for. But I doubt it will get to any of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 SMH, jeeze man what do you want a 2x4 upside the head? There are more red flags than a commie battalion around this!!!! Your problem is you don't want to believe what you're seeing. Why????? Do you really want this in your life to deal with? My god man there are a lot of good women out there with this drama. No one in the right state of mind wouldn't run from this. You need some IC help or something. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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