How do I get my ex back?

[Beachead]

I know it's not about me, but in a relationship you should always fight for each other. Before she let, she told me that she'll give me to the end of the her to find a job. Next day I get a job I've been trying to get and she goes to therapy that day. She comes out being blunt and distant. Mind you we were just laughing together before she went into therapy. We hadn't fought at all. Then she comes out and says she needs time to think. In 3 days she decides to leave and lied about her promises. She told me she wouldn't trade me for anything. She lied about giving me to the end of the year. I had gotten a job before she went to therapy and yet she still does this. She said I was too late.

 

I know the pain and the confusion you feel thinking about the good times and promises you believed and the effort you made to find that job because the thought of giving up never crossed your mind. Meanwhile, there she was looking for a way out and worse, a way out with someone else. The whole thing makes you feel sick.

 

And you know what OP? Who can blame you? That's 3 years of giving everything you had in your life to someone who decided "Meh..I can do better."

 

What does that tell you about her?

 

If you don't know where to begin, let this atleast be the thought to start on. Let it sink in and let the pain of it piss you off and pull her off of the pedestal you've put her on because she doesn't deserve to be on it. Don't forget that you are equally as important as they are.

 

Stay Strong

Edited October 22, 2017 by Beachead

[Slayur]

I know the pain and the confusion you feel thinking about the good times and promises you believed and the effort you made to find that job because the thought of giving up never crossed your mind. Meanwhile, there she was looking for a way out and worse, a way out with someone else. The whole thing makes you feel sick.

 

And you know what OP? Who can blame you? That's 3 years of giving everything you had in your life to someone who decided "Meh..I can do better."

 

What does that tell you about her?

 

If you don't know where to begin, let this atleast be the thought to start on. Let it sink in and let the pain of it piss you off and pull her off of the pedestal you've put her on because she doesn't deserve to be on it. Don't forget that you are equally as important as they are.

 

Stay Strong

 

Its hard to let anger overcome my love for her. I was emotionally attached to her. She was everything I ever wanted, and the thought of another guy possibly getting intimate with her kills me. I have tried fighting for her and a month and half later she sends a email saying she's moved on. Just can't believe how someone can leave a person who would have done anything for them and make sacrifices.

[Beachead]

Its hard to let anger overcome my love for her. I was emotionally attached to her. She was everything I ever wanted, and the thought of another guy possibly getting intimate with her kills me. I have tried fighting for her and a month and half later she sends a email saying she's moved on. Just can't believe how someone can leave a person who would have done anything for them and make sacrifices.

 

I know. It changes people. Sadly, it happens far too often. If you read all the stories on here, you'll know what I mean.

 

Anyway, with regards to anger and healing.

 

The anger comes later. Right now you're shocked and in overwhelming pain and will continue to be for weeks until your mind shuts your heart down and takes over to protect you from losing your sanity.

 

Forgiveness and compassion are hard in the beginning because of the overwhelming hurt so your mind uses the next best thing to get the job done..anger. It'll also feed you extremely small quantifiable doses of reality/truth every few days which will hurt but will be maneagable enough to process and the anger will then numb you out. You will repeat this cycle 1000's of times over. Time will pass; perhaps a year or more. Each time you complete a cycle, you will understand a fraction more, heal a fraction more , return to yourself a fraction more. You won't notice it several months but it'll be happening. It'll be like placing one piece at a time onto a big complicated unsolve puzzle and each piece will bring a clearer idea of what the picture is. After a long while..you'll see it, understand it, and will be strong enough to accept it and that's when you'll be strong enough to forgive and move on.

 

It's not going to happen overnight or in a month or a few months even. Do not give it a time limit. It'll happen when it happens but the good news is, it will happen. You just have to make sure you keep rolling forward in life.

 

Goodluck OP

Edited October 22, 2017 by Beachead

[Slayur]

I know. It changes people. Sadly, it happens far too often. If you read all the stories on here, you'll know what I mean.

 

Anyway, with regards to anger and healing.

 

The anger comes later. Right now you're shocked and in overwhelming pain and will continue to be for weeks until your mind shuts your heart down and takes over to protect you from losing your sanity.

 

Forgiveness and compassion are hard in the beginning because of the overwhelming hurt so your mind uses the next best thing to get the job done..anger. It'll also feed you extremely small quantifiable doses of reality/truth every few days which will hurt but will be maneagable enough to process and the anger will then numb you out. You will repeat this cycle 1000's of times over. Time will pass; perhaps a year or more. Each time you complete a cycle, you will understand a fraction more, heal a fraction more , return to yourself a fraction more. You won't notice it several months but it'll be happening. It'll be like placing one piece at a time onto a big complicated unsolve puzzle and each piece will bring a clearer idea of what the picture is. After a long while..you'll see it, understand it, and will be strong enough to accept it and that's when you'll be strong enough to forgive and move on.

 

It's not going to happen overnight or in a month or a few months even. Do not give it a time limit. It'll happen when it happens but the good news is, it will happen. You just have to make sure you keep rolling forward in life.

 

Goodluck OP

 

I have seen a lot of stories. It seems like a lot of women blindside the man. I feel like I cycle. I am angry one day and then the next I'm sad and depressed. I just wish she wouldnt have done this. Do you think they all regret it later down?

[Beachead]

I have seen a lot of stories. It seems like a lot of women blindside the man. I feel like I cycle. I am angry one day and then the next I'm sad and depressed. I just wish she wouldnt have done this. Do you think they all regret it later down?

 

Yep, that's the healing cycle.

 

I don't know if they will feel regret OP. It really depends on the person and the relationship dynamic. What I can tell you is that it's very likely she's using her new man to help her get over this breakup. She's not dealing with the guilt, the void, thoughts about what happened. It's all been buried and pushed aside to make room for this new relationship. But, sooner or later, she'll start to think about it. Whether she contacts you or not is an entirely different story. In most cases, exes who come back and talk, do so for selfish reasons. It's happened to many of us. It's happened to me too. So be careful. This is why people cut ties and block every avenue of communication with their ex after breaking up. Her regretting things and coming back for a second run isn't something you should hope for. Protect your heart and mind because you'll need them for you.

 

Stay Strong

Edited October 22, 2017 by Beachead

[ExpatInItaly]

I know she felt guilty, because she would tell everyone that she felt bad for doing this.

 

So? That means nothing unless she actually stopped the behavior.

[Slayur]

So? That means nothing unless she actually stopped the behavior.

 

That is true, its hard not to justify her actions because i care for her so much

[Slayur]

Yep, that's the healing cycle.

 

I don't know if they will feel regret OP. It really depends on the person and the relationship dynamic. What I can tell you is that it's very likely she's using her new man to help her get over this breakup. She's not dealing with the guilt, the void, thoughts about what happened. It's all been buried and pushed aside to make room for this new relationship. But, sooner or later, she'll start to think about it. Whether she contacts you or not is an entirely different story. In most cases, exes who come back and talk, do so for selfish reasons. It's happened to many of us. It's happened to me too. So be careful. This is why people cut ties and block every avenue of communication with their ex after breaking up. Her regretting things and coming back for a second run isn't something you should hope for. Protect your heart and mind because you'll need them for you.

 

Stay Strong

Its hard to let go of her completely. I wish she would just come to her senses and realize who she lost. We have 3 years together, and i have always fought for us to last and always spoke about the future for us.

[Slayur]

I cant seem to stay off her social media. I do a good job at not contacting her at all, but I just can't stop looking at what she's doing. It kills me everytime I see a new picture of herself looking beautiful. It makes me miss her a lot, especially since I cannot have her. I dont know how to stop.