How do I get my ex back?

[Slayur]

Look at it this way dude.. You found out who she was, if someone doesn't want to be with you believe them. Don't force anything. Simply let her go.

 

You are at your prime time, you're in college for **** sakes. Plenty of fish there. Don't get hung up on this one. You sound like a pretty decent guy. Just because this broad didn't see that in you doesn't mean other girls won't.

 

Be good to yourself, focus on your studies. The right person will come in your life and stay. Don't be chasing the wrong people..

 

You're right, it's just hard to let go, after 3 years of being together

[Slayur]

Ex girlfriend left me 3 weeks ago. We've been together for 3 years. She left me, because I couldn't " step up". We were long distance the whole time. I would make countless trips to her, paid for mostly everything, helped her financially, took her out to dates: movies, dinner, pottery, raves, and much more. I was a loyal man to her, I always told her how beautiful she was, and how much I loved her. I'm a full time college student. I have worked little jobs here and there but nothing serious. I have never depended on her for money. When I wasn't working, I saved all the money I had, and was never broke around her. She could always count on me for money. A week before she left me, she said that it was bothering her that I wasn't working at the time. I then said okay, so that next weekend I go to apply for the job. I told her about it, and she was really happy. The next day happens. We were having a good time, and laughing together. On that they she goes to therapy. She goes to therapy once a month. After she came out of it, she flipped a 180. She came out resenting me. On that same day, I got accepted for the job. She then says she needs space and ignores me for 4 days. After the 4 days, she leaves me. I tried talking her out of it, but ignores it. It's bull**** to see her do that to me. I stepped up and got the job. Even before that, I am a full time college student. I'm about to graduate in 3 months and I was going to move into her state with her. Money has never ever been an issue and she's complaining? I have been nothing but good to this woman. I have tried texting her, writing letters. She blocks my number and blocks me on all social media. How the **** can she just throw me away as if I never existed? She has a huge flaw, and that is her anger. She can get mad easy, and when she does, she explodes. She doesn't know how to express her anger without exploding. She has always commended my patience with her. I would love to see the next guy deal with that. Not many guys would. It just shatters my heart how she can throw away someone who would go to the moon and back for her. I feel rejected and like nothing. She hasn't spoken one Word to me. Late at night I feel depressed and lonely. I go out during the day with friends, but it doesn't help completely.

[d0nnivain]

Working part time & being careful with your money in college are good things.

 

 

The long distance thing takes its toll on many relationships. I suspect she liked having you far away. Now that you are close to graduation & planning to move close to her, this became real & she dumped you. I'm sorry about that.

 

 

As much as it hurts, look at it this way -- you are now free to job search wherever you want to live. You are not pigeonholed into moving by her. You are a free man as you step into the next phase of your life. It's a clean slate.

 

 

Do mourn the loss but embrace all the new opportunities.

[Slayur]

It has been a month since my girlfriend broke up with me. The first 2 weeks I tried fighting for her and she never replied. The last 2 weeks I have been doing no contact and she still hasn't said a word to me. I was a great man to her, loved her dearly, treated her with respect and she always said how much she loved me. We were together for 3 years. It just feels like it went down the drain. She was my everything. I was always loyal and caring for her. I found happiness in her. I just feel like I am nothing to her. She left because she said she was burned out. This happened after a therapy session she had. A month later, she goes back to therapy and I find out that it didn't go well. I wonder that the reason that it might of not gone well is because she possibly misses me. Then again, she would have contacted me that very night. I'm just a little depressed. I have beeen going out with friends and doing my daily life things. I just miss the woman I truly loved.

[preraph]

Obviously she wasn't telling you the issues she was having with being in a relationship with you and chose to break up and go into therapy instead. Let her go. She was unhappy or this wouldn't have happened.

[ExpatInItaly]

It has been a month since my girlfriend broke up with me. The first 2 weeks I tried fighting for her and she never replied. The last 2 weeks I have been doing no contact and she still hasn't said a word to me. I was a great man to her, loved her dearly, treated her with respect and she always said how much she loved me. We were together for 3 years. It just feels like it went down the drain. She was my everything. I was always loyal and caring for her. I found happiness in her. I just feel like I am nothing to her. She left because she said she was burned out. This happened after a therapy session she had. A month later, she goes back to therapy and I find out that it didn't go well. I wonder that the reason that it might of not gone well is because she possibly misses me. Then again, she would have contacted me that very night. I'm just a little depressed. I have beeen going out with friends and doing my daily life things. I just miss the woman I truly loved.

 

Burned out from what, specifically?

[Slayur]

Burned out from what, specifically?

 

She didn't say. I'm guessing just the relationship.

[OutKast100]

I'll share a good comment that I found on a youtube video which might help you out:

 

Understand first that she has almost certainly had the break up on her mind for some time before delivering the news to you - that is to say, she made the decision BEFORE announcing it to you, could have been days, weeks, months, I've even heard of cases where she pondered carrying it out for a year or more in advance. Point is, the girl already 'knew' deep down that it was over, the only lingering question from then onward was, of course, "when?" Ask yourself how many times she actually had a heart-to-heart with you and discussed breaking up. If none, then you go ghost for being so considerate to blind side you with the sudden newsflash that it's over out of nowhere. If you two did discuss splitting, if it seemed apparent that the relationship was headed straight for a gruesome ending, then you still go no contact to remove yourself from a situation that no longer benefits you, especially when your emotions are still raw and the wounds are fresh. In either case, she has had time to prepare for life without you, and you likely have not, unfortunately, so this will probably blast you like taking several rounds from a semi-automatic. You'll probably want to stop her from going through with the break up, but that's why it's crucial to comprehend that she has weighed out her options for a good deal of time now and is determined to follow through with her decision by the time that she tells you - it was NOT a snap decision. She's probably consulted friends, family, co-workers, people on forums, you name it, she's analyzed it to death...quite literally. What you want to avoid is getting trapped in that purgatory where you recycle and replay the break up from every possible imaginable angle - "what just happened? why did she do this?", questions which typically all funnel straight into the pit of despair (translation: FALSE HOPE) in the form of the question - "can I win her back?" The answer to that is "perhaps", but I'll get to that in a moment. What you do once she tells you that she wants to go separate ways is you quietly accept her decision, agree with it, and move along like it's no big deal. Why do you do this? Well, for starters, this will get her to question her decision much, much more than if you fight it or accuse her of being (insert derogatory term). She's EXPECTING you to fall apart. Crying or begging is probably the worse way you can react, but all of those - fighting, crying, begging - ALL OF THEM will confirm to her that she made the right decision and that you NEED her in your life. Take a moment to think about how much power you are admitting to her having over you by behaving this way. Do you really think your ex wants to run straight back into the arms of a dude who cried like a little girl once she said it's over? And if it did work, she'd be getting back with you out of PITY and NOT out of STRENGTH. How much longer do you think the relationship would last for after that took place? Furthermore, how enjoyable do you think the relationship would be within that frame - you, the one who now has to be on his best behavior and not **** it up, the one who has to PROVE HIMSELF or momma dukes is gonna kick you to the curb again, and her, the supreme judge, the one holding the whip, ready to shoot you down again at the drop of a hat as soon as you screw up once more. She's done it before, you can take it to the bank that she'll do it again. As I wrote somewhere down below, you DO NOT want to remain friends with her after the break up. She may extend this olive branch to you, but understand that she is doing this for HER and NOT FOR YOU - she's doing to it relieve herself of the guilt of breaking up with you and/or keeping you on the backburner in case it doesn't work out with whoever else she gets involved with. Remember, she's been preparing for some time for this day - YOU HAVEN'T! What she probably wants is to let you down as lightly as possible, so she will offer to remain friends and that maybe, just maybe, one day you two can get back together, just not now... This is in all likelihood COMPLETE BULL****. Don't let her keep you around for emotional support as she jumps back out into the market in pursuit of a new guy(s). She will keep feeding you false hope while you stupidly wait on the sidelines for her to make up her mind until she lands herself a new dude, then you're out for good - "Thank you former boyfriend turned emotional tampon, but I have a new guy now. Are you mad at me??? Gosh, I hope not! You're going to make the best boyfriend for some girl some day!! I miss you soooooo much!! Hope you understand!" and just like that you're gone, no longer of any use to her as she'll now have someone to satisfy her both physically AND emotionally. You're dead weight dude. Beat it (no pun) By going no contact you are sending out a few messages of your own. First, you are not a revolving door. A girl who you are romantically involved with is either with you or she is not. These are YOUR TERMS - STICK BY THEM. You do not put up with wishy-washy behavior (ex. "I need some space" "we should take a break") **** or get off the pot girl. There's no in between. Life is too short and your time is too valuable to be with a girl that cannot make up her mind about you or simply does not care to be with you any longer. Second, you have more value and self-respect than to ask/beg a girl who has dumped you to take you back. When a girl dumps you, this ought to be treated as the highest form of disrespect because she is essentially saying "I know you through and through, I know the REAL YOU, not a glimpse of you from a cold approach or from a few dates, but the TRUE YOU, and I want that person, YOU, GONE, OUT OF HERE, OUT OF MY LIFE." If you were fired unexpectedly, would you grovel back to your boss and beg for your job back? If you didn't have any other options and lacked any self-respect, yes, probably. If you knew you were desired elsewhere, you had options, or you simply weren't willing to continue contributing for someone who no longer desired your services, of course not. Talk all the smack that you want about Lebron James, but for the sake of argument, how do teams react when HE goes on the market as a free agent vs some third year Eastern European shooting guard whose played a total of 12 games his entire career? See my point? The former can create his own destiny, the latter has to take whatever he can get. Third, be on the look out for "bread crumbs" from her post break up. This can be a text or a phone call that will essentially lead to nowhere, although it will probably increase your sense of hope that maybe she's preparing to run back to you. Chances are, she's just checking in to see if she still has you in her back pocket or out of sheer guilt, and to that I ask you, how does it make you feel that your ex girlfriend actually feels bad for you because she is depriving you of what she has the audacity to believe are the cancer-curing properties of her v@gina? You don't chase, you REPLACE, as Biggie Smalls once wisely said. She had her chance, and she blew it. With that all said, to reiterate, what you do is you shut her out COMPLETELY. She wanted out, she got it. Let her live with her decision. You might be thinking now "but wouldn't no contact make me look butt hurt?" The answer to that question is "who cares??? There is no more 'us', only YOU. Her opinion of you does not matter any longer, only what you think of yourself." You should only take her back if she returns begging for you back, admitting that she made a massive mistake, but remember, she dumped you, and if she did it once, she very well can (and probably will) do it again - this is why it's not advisable to get back with her. Plus, you will have to live with the resentment that your girl rejected you on the most fundamental level possible along with all the issues that led to the break up to begin with. Since she's had her time to emotionally unplug, you need yours, and no contact is the best way to do it. Now that you are broken up, realize that YOU DO NOT OWE HER ANYTHING. NOTHING. Not a single response to any of her texts, not picking up when she calls, NOTHING. Don't text her, don't email her, don't call her, remove her from all social media, DO NOT STALK HER SOCIAL MEDIA, and go ghost. Don't respond to anything she sends in your direction either. You need to heal, and she's only going to interfere with the process. Screw closure if you didn't get any. I say the best closure is to assume that you need to work on improving yourself in every way possible and GET ON IT. Work out relentlessly, excel at your job, rekindle any relationships with friends or family that may have fallen by the wayside while you were with her, immerse yourself in hobbies and interests, become the best possible version of YOU. The discipline required to do this is not easy, not by a longshot, but ride it out, ride out the pain, the anxiety, the fear, the sadness. Why? Because that is training in itself for when you get back out into the dating world. You will now have a crushing break up under your belt, but I assure you, it's for the best as you will have first hand knowledge that you CAN and you WILL get past the chaos, it won't kill you much as it may seem like it will, plus it will make rejecting anyone in the future who does not meet your standards much, much easier. The way to fulfilling the commonly peddled phrase that the next girl will be better is by following through with an extreme devotion to improving yourself. If you stick by it, you will actually see that your ex has, in fact, done you the biggest favor in the world by knocking you on your @ss and forcing you to rise stronger than ever. Remember, no contact is NOT some sneaky little strategy to get your ex back - it's to get YOU BACK!!!

[CeciliaCylara]

Holy **** you need to break up your story into paragraphs. This is too much of a block of text to comprehend.

[Slayur]

My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me a month ago. Since then I have always hoped she would return. She has always cared for me and gave me the most thoughtful gifts. I have learned today that she is already on ****ing tinder and looking at other men! How can she move on so damn quickly. I was a gentleman to her. Treated her right. Took her out on dates. Paid for mostly everything. Told her how beautiful she was every day, and this is what I get? We were long distance. She lives in AZ and me in CA. I would drive 6 hours to see her all the time. I would spend summers with her. I was always loyal to her and did everything in the best of my ability to make her happy. I'm a full time college student. I have never been broke and I have always helped her with money. Before she broke up with me, she said she resented me for not having a job. She said I had until the end of th year to get one. I graduate in December and was planning on moving to her state. So I said I would get one. I did, and she lies to me and says it to late. She changed her mind after her therapy session she had. I feel betrayed and back stabbed. I just don't get how someone can stab you in th heart. I'm filled with rage. I have been doing no contact to try and get her back and I find out what's been going on. I'm so broken hearted by this.

[PegNosePete]

How can she move on so damn quickly.

This is a frequently asked question on here. The fact is, she didn't begin the "moving on" process at the same time you did. When she dumped you, she had already decided that she didn't want to be in the relationship any more. She had most likely been thinking about it and considering her options for a long time before that; most people don't break up on a whim. So whilst it came as a shock to you, she was already ready to start the single life.

 

I just don't get how someone can stab you in th heart.

You have to understand that she didn't do that deliberately. She didn't have a light bulb above her head one day and think "hey I know! I'm going to stab Slayur in the heart today!". Very few people in this world would do that to someone. No, more likely she did what she thought would make her happy in the long run. Unfortunately her plans for future happiness don't involve you. And unfortunately she ended the relationship in a way that wasn't very considerate of your feelings.

 

I have been doing no contact to try and get her back

Then you are in for a nasty shock. No contact is not a trick to win an ex back. Where did you get the idea that it was? No, no contact is a method for helping you move on from the relationship and help you heal in the best possible way.

[gpete3008]

I am very sorry you are going through this, especially since it appears you really invested a lot in the relationship and really cared about her. Have you considered talking to a pastor or a counselor about this? They are specifically trained in helping you navigate through this tough time. Maybe someone like that could help you not only move on but also look back at this relationship and find positives that will help you with your next one. It might sound a little cliche, but time does heal all wounds. And, there are a lot of other women out there. I am sure you will find someone else since you sound like a loving and passionate person. Hang in there. I am praying for you.

[Slayur]

Girlfriend left me a month ago and I'm having a really hard time accepting that she's gone. We were together for 3 years and I have just been in pain and discomfort. I treated her well, and loved her with all my heart. She left, because she said she was burned out. Now she's already on tinder. It's only been a month and she's already on a dating app. I've been doing no contact for about 3 weeks. She has me blocked on everything social media and my actual phone number. Yesterday she did unblock me on Facebook. I'm sure she did just out of curiosity. I do want her back very much. I'm tired of this ****ing pain. I did nothing wrong to her. I want to reach out to her, but in the first 2 weeks she has ignored my letters I sent her. Since then I have been doing NC for 3 weeks.

[Slayur]

It's almost been 2 months since my ex girlfriend left me. I have mostly done no contact the whole time. I have sent a couple emails here and there, but she has never replied. Finally yesterday, she replied. She said that she has moved on and maybe in the future we can be friends. That killed me inside. We were together for 3 years. I loved her with all my heart. I was always a gentleman to her and treated her well and was loyal. She left me, because she said she was burned out. Just last week before she left she told me that she loves me and that she would never trade me for anything. It was all a lie and she betrayed me. She acts as if we were never together. She moved on like nothing. When I first met her, she was in pieces. Her ex had cheated on her. I came to comfort her. I gave her hope that not all men are savages. I was the first man to love her, and treat her well. Now in the end, she just throws is away. It hurts to know that she didn't love me as I thought she did. I tried fighting for her, but it didn't workout. I can't let go no matter how hard I tried. She was the only woman I wanted, a,d we even had plans to move in together.

[Goodguy05]

Sounds like she strung u along till she was sure what it was she was feeling. Sorry dude I been there and am there currently I gotta feeling u were a rebound.

[Slayur]

Sounds like she strung u along till she was sure what it was she was feeling. Sorry dude I been there and am there currently I gotta feeling u were a rebound.

 

I wasn't a rebound. That happened 2 years before I met her. She just gave up on me, and didn't care enough to fight through everything.

[Buriall]

Believe her when she says she's moved on. You are still hung up on her, you are only digging yourself a deeper hole.

 

There is nothing you can do except learn to be strong.. You did all you can fighting for her, being loyal and so on. One thing you have to keep mind is that she doesn't feel the same way and that's okay people change and so their feelings towards another being..

 

Let go before you can't escape the emotional blackhole.. Accept there is absolutely nothing you can do to change these circumstances... Accept and let it go

Edited October 20, 2017 by Buriall

[Goodguy05]

I wasn't a rebound. That happened 2 years before I met her. She just gave up on me, and didn't care enough to fight through everything.

 

Ok bro just the way I read it. Agree tho wth the above don't beat your head against a wall it's like flogging a dead horse when they leave u.

[Slayur]

Believe her when she says she's moved on. You are still hung up on her, you are only digging yourself a deeper hole.

 

There is nothing you can do except learn to be strong.. You did all you can fighting for her, being loyal and so on. One thing you have to keep mind is that she doesn't feel the same way and that's okay people change and so their feelings towards another being..

 

Let go before you can't escape the emotional blackhole.. Accept there is absolutely nothing you can do to change these circumstances... Accept and let it go

I know, but its very hard. 5 days before she left, she said she wanted to be with me for the rest of her life then all of a sudden she leaves.

[Buriall]

People say all kinds of things when they are happy. Look at her actions though.. She left..... My ex made all kinds of promises, funny I remember telling her exactly this "don't make promises you can't keep" its like right there I knew it was all B. S

 

I know you are very attached to this girl. However she doesn't deserve your love. Some girls would kill to have someone like you in their life. Trust in life and don't force anything you will be exactly where you need to be nothing more nothing less.

[Beachead]

It's almost been 2 months since my ex girlfriend left me. I have mostly done no contact the whole time. I have sent a couple emails here and there, but she has never replied. Finally yesterday, she replied. She said that she has moved on and maybe in the future we can be friends. That killed me inside. We were together for 3 years. I loved her with all my heart. I was always a gentleman to her and treated her well and was loyal. She left me, because she said she was burned out. Just last week before she left she told me that she loves me and that she would never trade me for anything. It was all a lie and she betrayed me. She acts as if we were never together. She moved on like nothing. When I first met her, she was in pieces. Her ex had cheated on her. I came to comfort her. I gave her hope that not all men are savages. I was the first man to love her, and treat her well. Now in the end, she just throws is away. It hurts to know that she didn't love me as I thought she did. I tried fighting for her, but it didn't workout. I can't let go no matter how hard I tried. She was the only woman I wanted, a,d we even had plans to move in together.

 

 

 

Hey,

 

Seems like everything you wrote here sounds like everything I went through with my ex. Mine went back to her ex 2 months ago and made a promise to him, never to talk to me again. I also believed all her "In the moment" feelings as well. It hurts everyday.

 

Our exes weren't meant to be in our life. No matter how great we could have been, they would have left anyway, because their head wasn't really in it. They had one foot out the door. Even during those intimate, special moments. And..they were full of it.

 

You have unfortunately discovered just like many of us that words don't mean much. People say all kinds of things when they are in the moment feeling good. As I told many others on this forum, my ex was looking me dead in the eyes after we had sex when she told me she loved me. She just blurted it out. A smile on her face. I remember how she looked like when she said it. She even talked about kids, future, travelling together. Set up plans for me to meet her sister. Talked about me meeting her parents. She pushed for all of it. It both hurts and perplexes me how someone could feel all this and yet abandon someone with such ease. The only conclusion I can come to is that they were confused, lost and full of it and because of that recklessness, I have to now spend probably a year or more healing from it.

 

The lesson here for both you an I is to take what people say lightly because this is evidence that people say all kinds of things when they feel good. Feelings change. Moods change. People change. And for both of us, we have to ensure that the next person we choose will respect that our trust and love has to be earned over time because of situations like these. Anyone, who doesn't acknowledge that and tries to rush us is not worth our time.

Edited October 20, 2017 by Beachead

[Slayur]

People say all kinds of things when they are happy. Look at her actions though.. She left..... My ex made all kinds of promises, funny I remember telling her exactly this "don't make promises you can't keep" its like right there I knew it was all B. S

 

I know you are very attached to this girl. However she doesn't deserve your love. Some girls would kill to have someone like you in their life. Trust in life and don't force anything you will be exactly where you need to be nothing more nothing less.

 

That was well said. Yeah, I am very attached to her. 3 years is a long time together. It's really hard to let her go, though I am trying.

[Slayur]

Hey,

 

Seems like everything you wrote here sounds like everything I went through with my ex. Mine went back to her ex 2 months ago and made a promise to him, never to talk to me again. I also believed all her "In the moment" feelings as well. It hurts everyday.

 

Our exes weren't meant to be in our life. No matter how great we could have been, they would have left anyway, because their head wasn't really in it. They had one foot out the door. Even during those intimate, special moments. And..they were full of it.

 

You have unfortunately discovered just like many of us that words don't mean much. People say all kinds of things when they are in the moment feeling good. As I told many others on this forum, my ex was looking me dead in the eyes after we had sex when she told me she loved me. She just blurted it out. A smile on her face. I remember how she looked like when she said it. She even talked about kids, future, travelling together. Set up plans for me to meet her sister. Talked about me meeting her parents. She pushed for all of it. It both hurts and perplexes me how someone could feel all this and yet abandon someone with such ease. The only conclusion I can come to is that they were confused, lost and full of it and because of that recklessness, I have to now spend probably a year or more healing from it.

 

The lesson here for both you an I is to take what people say lightly because this is evidence that people say all kinds of things when they feel good. Feelings change. Moods change. People change. And for both of us, we have to ensure that the next person we choose will respect that our trust and love has to be earned over time because of situations like these. Anyone, who doesn't acknowledge that and tries to rush us is not worth our time.

 

It's hard to take words, from a person you love, lightly. I trusted her, especially being with her for 3 years. It's crazy how a person can change within a couple of days or weeks. I could never do that to someone, especially if they were sincere and loving towards me.

[Hoosfoos]

I know the feeling man. Trust me I do. 2 weeks before my ex left me she was chatting about a friend of mine about wanting him to be the best man at our wedding if we were to ever marry. 2 weeks after that she was gone. A long time later, I find out she is pregnant.

 

If there's anything I implore you to do, it is to maintain no contact.

 

The only way.

[Highndry]

It's going to hurt, there's no way around it. It's part of the healing process. I'm sure you have a million questions, but they make no difference now. She was not honest with what she said, for whatever reason. Her actions spoke loud and clear: She does not want you in her life anymore, she thinks she can do better.

 

The best thing for you to do is to not ever contact her again, and put some effort into yourself, get in shape, and just try to heal. Time has a way of sorting these things out. You're going to have ups and downs. Sometimes you'll feel strong and think "what the heck was I even doing with her?" Other times you'll feel like you aren't going to make it through life without her. It's normal. You just need to battle and you'll come out of it a stronger man.

 

I recently went through a breakup that's of course painful, but when I think about a past breakup with a woman who was my greatest love, this pales in comparison, and I made it through that. I draw strength from it knowing I can endure, and I'm trying to make myself comfortable with the fact that I may be alone for some lengthy period of time after having lived with her for a few years. We need to comfort ourselves. We cannot rely upon others to offer that, or derive our self esteem from external sources.

 

These are just some of my thoughts, but know you are not alone, almost every adult has been through this at some point. When they said "love hurts," they weren't kidding.

Edited October 20, 2017 by Highndry