How do I get my ex back?

[Slayur]

Please don't contact her.

 

I understand, but I feel bad that I don't and I feel like it will make me look like I dont care?

[HarmonyDriven]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me a week ago. Her birthday is next week. She hasn't talked to me since then. I still love her dearly and wish she would come back.

 

OP: Don't do it. You two are no longer a couple. You owe her nothing. She owes you nothing. No Happy Birthday exchanges....nada!

 

As a side note, today is my ex BF birthday. I did wake up thinking about him, hoping he has a nice birthday. Break up was mutual. I have been in no contact for a couple of months. Sure, I thought about sending a Happy Birthday text but I knew deep down not gonna do it. I reminded myself why we are no longer together and I continue with no contact.

 

No contact is the best way to go.

[HarmonyDriven]

IMO, I would take down all photos on social media or otherwise and hide them/put them away once the break up is done. Since it has been a week since the break up, IMO, I would think now is a good time.

 

It's also part of the healing process....out of sight, out of mind, so to speak.

 

Good luck

[mossycup]

I'm sorry, that is so, so hard and awkward. Everyone is telling you not to contact her and that is probably the best option. It might be sad for her, and it might bge sad for you, but ultimately, that's ok. It's a sad time and you don't have to pretend otherwise. It's just one day of the year, and then it passes (I mean the birthday, obviously the sadness will go on for longer, but trust me, you will eventually feel better, especially if you don't drag it out with contact.)

Edited September 8, 2017 by mossycup
additional info

[LostOnes05]

NO...Absolutely no contact with her. Just another day on the calendar.

[d0nnivain]

I feel bad that I don't and I feel like it will make me look like I dont care?

 

It doesn't matter if you care. It matters that she no longer does.

[fred123]

At least you had pics of two of u!

[nothingsintheflowerz]

I understand, but I feel bad that I don't and I feel like it will make me look like I dont care?

 

I know, and I've been there before. But it really isn't worth it. I promise you she does not care if you care or not, and if she does end up being upset, it is because of her own ego.

[Slayur]

She left me feeling heartbroken. For only 2 days she felt bad about doing it, and after the second day, she was fine. We were together for 3 great years full of memories. Now she's going to bar with her girlfriends. Posting stuff on Facebook abut being single. Here's a post she shared which hurt me a lot. It goes like this, " no relationship is a waste of time, the wrong ones are there to teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones. I feel like that post was cold hearted. I did everything for this woman and always went out of my way. It hurts my soul that she pretends that I don't exist. She knows I can see what she shares on Facebook. It makes me feel unappreciative and like a piece of ****. She hasn't talked to me since. It's been a week.

[d0nnivain]

She doesn't talk to you because she knows talking to you will give you false hope. If she does anything other than ignore you, then you will take that as a sign she wants to get back together.

 

 

Stop reading her social media. Focus on you & your healing.

 

 

She's right about the wrong relationships teaching you lessons. What have you learned from this one?

[Slayur]

She doesn't talk to you because she knows talking to you will give you false hope. If she does anything other than ignore you, then you will take that as a sign she wants to get back together.

 

 

Stop reading her social media. Focus on you & your healing.

 

 

She's right about the wrong relationships teaching you lessons. What have you learned from this one?

 

Are you saying that the post applies to me not her? As in a backfire

[d0nnivain]

I don't know what you mean by backfire.

 

 

The lessons from a failed relationship apply to both people. I can trace some learning to every relationship I ever had, even the short ones. Some were big dramatic life lessons. One guy taught me to cook. Another taught me things about my chosen profession. just because the relationship didn't last until death do you part doesn't mean it was a waste of your time.

 

 

You are not worthless.

 

 

You will be happier & saner if you get off social media & truly implement NC across the board.

[fred123]

She left me feeling heartbroken. For only 2 days she felt bad about doing it, and after the second day, she was fine. We were together for 3 great years full of memories. Now she's going to bar with her girlfriends. Posting stuff on Facebook abut being single. Here's a post she shared which hurt me a lot. It goes like this, " no relationship is a waste of time, the wrong ones are there to teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones. I feel like that post was cold hearted. I did everything for this woman and always went out of my way. It hurts my soul that she pretends that I don't exist. She knows I can see what she shares on Facebook. It makes me feel unappreciative and like a piece of ****. She hasn't talked to me since. It's been a week.

 

Tag yourself in a new relationship and out a pic of u and a hot girl on your facebook.

[Slayur]

Ex girlfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. After about 2 weeks of no contact, I tried reaching out to my ex girlfriend to try and rinkindle our love. She responded with, "( I'm sorry, I'm still sticking with my decision, I don't want to get back together.") it hurts to see someone who you been with for 3 years not give a f**k about you anymore. She blindsided me. She wants to do her " own thing". I was a gentleman to her. I hope she realizes that one day. She doesn't talk to me at all.

[tnt41]

I'm sorry. It's not going to feel like it now, but you've got yourself an opportunity here to find someone that you want who wants you, too. If we can keep your kind busy during NC, let us. I'm finding the community support to be very helpful.

[d0nnivain]

Break ups are hard. They really knock you for a loop. But this acute phases passes.

 

 

Hang in there. You will get through this.

[Slayur]

Ex girlfriend broke up with me about 2 and a half weeks ago. We were together for 3 years. She blindsided me and left me saying that I didn't step up enough in the relationship. It broke my heart, because I have done everything for this woman. Been there in her hard times, helped her financially, and through everything. I had the most patience with her. Since she has broken up with me, she hasn't spoken a word to me. She doesn't acknowledge at all. She ends up blocking my number, blocking me on all social media. Today, I sent her a text about how I felt through instagram messenging. I stated how it's f*ucked up how she just threw away 3 years of a wonderful relationship. I stated how I was a true gentleman and I truly loved her flaw and all. I didn't call her any names. At the end, I said, " I hope you are happy, you got what you wanted." Then I see that she tells her friends that I'm a prick, and that this text reassures her about her decision. That broke my heart, because I was just trying to say how I find what she is doing to be f*cked up. I feel like I messed up my chance of ever getting her back. The pain is killing me, and I regret sending the text.

[Goodguy05]

Hey dude ur not what she said u were and to be honest walking on eggshells is not gonna bring her back. Uve probably heard the advice on these forums but I'm gonna reinforce it because after 25 yrs of relationships chasing trying to do and say everything right to no chasing the no contact rule really is the best way forward.

The reason we dumpees have a hard time accepting this is because we can't imagine doing this to them the mistake we make is that they feel different to how we feel they want out we want in two different wave lengths. The trouble we have is our thoughts overwhelm is wth our own feelings and take on it such as how can they feel like this wen I Don't? Hence there lies the problem.

Try and take the perspective of that it is then that are walking away not u and u have to let them go. Even better if they come back u don't give them a second chance well if it's been more than a few mths I've learnt it's pretty broken by then.

 

It's probably not what u want to hear but it the truth the reality when they split and break up

[Slayur]

My ex girlfriend of 3 years left me 3 Weeks ago. She blindsided me and left me out if the blue. She said that I didn't step up in the relationship. It hurt me a lot, especially since I was always there for her. Paid mostly for everything, listened to her problems, helped her financially, and been there for her hard times. We were long distance, and I would drive 6 hours just to see her. I had the upmost patience with her and was a gentleman to her. Since she left me, she has reached out to me once. Of course I tried to contact her and work things out. Yesterday I let her know how I felt about her throwing me away like I never existed and she just blocks me on social also has my phone number blocked. All I ever done was fight for this girl and yet she doesn't give one ****. It hurts that she won't even talk to me or acknowledge me. It seems as 3 years meant nothing. I can't sleep at night. I don't want her to hate me for no reason. It sucks when you love someone, but they don't love you enough back to stay.

[AndreaItalian]

I'm on the same boat as you.

Been dumped by my girl after almost three years together.

She told me she lost attraction to me. I guess it's a nice way to say she started feeling something for someone else.

I can't tell you how painful it was for me. The first two weeks i couldn't do anything but crying and drinking.

 

Now that a month has passed i feel a little bit better. Just a little bit.

When women behave this way they make you feel like trash, used, like you has no value because someone is better than you. I felt like a fool. I was so happy with her.

 

You will survive this break-up. It will leave a scar in your heart though. This is the time to understand why things have gone south and start a successuful path of self development and new achievements. I know it's clichè but it's true.

The hard part will be to let her go, especially from your mind. I'm struggling because i think about her everyday.

She is out there, cuddling and kissing another man and feel so happy about it while on the other hand I'm here utterly destoyed.

 

This is not justice. Not at all. But i guess this is what women do. They pass from man to man destroying hearts till they got the one they like the best.

They do this because they can.

 

The only revenge you can think of is "SUCCESS".

You have to become a successful person in the main areas of your life: socially, on the job, with family and with love too.

You will have to re-program your brain to concentrate on new challenges, new goals.

There is no other solution. Drinking will help just momentarily, i know it cause i did it. Travelling on the other can really work. You have to start connecting socially with other people. It will make you feel a lot better.

 

Searching like a desperate another girl won't work either. Even if you have sex with another girl you will not feel pleasure.

If you want to heal, and fast do this instead:

 

Be in a room alone, close your eyes and start imagine you being happy.

You are smiling and you feel good and alive. Maybe you are on a sail boat, it's sunny and you have friends with you. You have girls on board and one of them it's your new girlfriend. There is music, the water is a wonderful blue color and everything is just perfect.

 

Use your imagination to project the future life you want to be in.

You could even use this powerful tool to project images of your ex verbally abusing you and treating you like ****. Would you want this kind of person to stay beside you? Would you like to be treated this way?

 

You can and you need to deserve better.

 

The hard part is....it's on the long run. I know it sucks. I wish a week from now i could find another girl and feel in love again but i have to be honest with my self.

 

but i can say instead: a year from now i will be..... and set a goal that i want to achieve.

 

I hope this can help you. Writing to you has helped me to calm my rage, because, unfortunately, this is what i'm dealing with right now.

I'm struggling forgiving her at the moment.

[TwinFlameGone]

My ex girlfriend of 3 years left me 3 Weeks ago. She blindsided me and left me out if the blue. She said that I didn't step up in the relationship. It hurt me a lot, especially since I was always there for her. Paid mostly for everything, listened to her problems, helped her financially, and been there for her hard times. We were long distance, and I would drive 6 hours just to see her. I had the upmost patience with her and was a gentleman to her. Since she left me, she has reached out to me once. Of course I tried to contact her and work things out. Yesterday I let her know how I felt about her throwing me away like I never existed and she just blocks me on social also has my phone number blocked. All I ever done was fight for this girl and yet she doesn't give one ****. It hurts that she won't even talk to me or acknowledge me. It seems as 3 years meant nothing. I can't sleep at night. I don't want her to hate me for no reason. It sucks when you love someone, but they don't love you enough back to stay.

 

Same story here. About the same duration of the relationship as well. I took care of my ex-GF and did things the right way. Actually, I caught myself being too much of a pushover at certain points and pulled back to a great effect on keeping the relationship going. My ex-GF moved on pretty quickly too. There was a point when I was calling and texting and she asked I not contact her anymore. I stopped and she almost instantly reached out to me again. Big lesson learned there about letting her come to you..

 

I've been good since our official break-up of not initiating contact. If there were any issues that she had in the relationship - she'll carry them over to the next guy. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY and let things come to you. 3 years is a long time for someone to discard you like that. My ex-GF did it and the more thought I gave it I realize that she was projecting this anger from herself.

 

If you treated her well, she'll definitely think about you. After the smoke clears and she's "moved on" and hits the normal arguments that you run into in a relationship - she'll likely reach out. The question is that when she does, will you even want her back???

[AndreaItalian]

I'm sorry but i disagree. She won't come back. The never do.

They can and they will search for other guys.

The only thing you can do it so condition your mind not to think about her and just go on with your so it's quite the opposite. One month has passed and i still think about her. I caught my self smiling the other day just because i was thinking about her. I still love her so much.

 

I don't know why i'm not the man who can have her for the rest of his life. God only know how much i would like to be that guy.

[Slayur]

I'm sorry but i disagree. She won't come back. The never do.

They can and they will search for other guys.

The only thing you can do it so condition your mind not to think about her and just go on with your so it's quite the opposite. One month has passed and i still think about her. I caught my self smiling the other day just because i was thinking about her. I still love her so much.

 

I don't know why i'm not the man who can have her for the rest of his life. God only know how much i would like to be that guy.

 

Why do you say that they never do

[Slayur]

It has been 3 weeks since my ex girlfriend left me. I've tried messenging her, but stopped a week ago. Since then I have been doing NC. It is really hard to maintain it. I feel lonely, depressed and sad. I do go out with friends, and go to college, but I can't stop thinking about her. I miss the companionship and the feeling of someone loving you and caring for you. I keep trying to hold on for hope, I know it's not good. She hasn't spoken one word to me since she left. I feel rejected and like ****, especially since I was a great man to her. She left, because I couldn't " step up in the relationship". What a bull**** excuse, I was sincere to her and always told her how beautiful she was and was always there for her. It's sad how a person could leave someone who love them through their flaws and all.

[Buriall]

Look at it this way dude.. You found out who she was, if someone doesn't want to be with you believe them. Don't force anything. Simply let her go.

 

You are at your prime time, you're in college for **** sakes. Plenty of fish there. Don't get hung up on this one. You sound like a pretty decent guy. Just because this broad didn't see that in you doesn't mean other girls won't.

 

Be good to yourself, focus on your studies. The right person will come in your life and stay. Don't be chasing the wrong people..