What is meant by "gentleman" and "chivalrous" in women's OLD profiles?

[elaine567]

....................

[kendahke]

1) Curiosity. Just like I was curious what "420 friendly" meant.

 

It means weed/marijuana friendly.

[TheWoman]

I think it means if you are a bitter, woman hating, MGTOW - then please do go your own way.

 

When I go out with current boyf, who is a big 6.4" Id be v hungry to eat and drink a 1/3 of what is ordered. So why should I always pay 1/2?

 

Be fair, that's a gentleman to me.

[Gaeta]

I've actually dated many different types of women from those with little money to lots. Those with stellar looks to average. Those with jobs vs careers. Various ethnic backgrounds.

 

I'm sure you're picturing me going after makeup clad, breasts heaving out, high maintenance looking women and I can assure you nothing is further from the truth as I avoid those like the plague.

 

I've been out with some women who felt complelled to contribute but it didn't work out for other reasons. I've been out with others who turned into self serving leaches.

 

I'd rather focus on the former so trying to get the "lingo" down.

 

The responses from women are appreciated but tend to be from your point of view (i.e. What you would mean). The responses from men are hopefully based in their experiences.

 

By type and common denominator I did not mean their 'looks'.

 

If most of the time you come across women that expect you to become their wallet then like I said, look for the common denominator of these women.

 

I was on here 3 years failing big time and people said my picker was off, I needed to find the common denominator of these men I was dating and to eliminate it. It was hard at first but I finally got it! and now I am in a relationship.

[preraph]

Means doesn't want some crude misogynist person with bad manners or who just wants to have sex with them.

[Echo74]

It means they're letting it be known to those who are not in their lane to stay out of their lane and don't hit them up with a bs "hey" message. This has nothing to do with being a "princess", which is a lazy, pouty, tantruming fallacy.

 

And a sugar daddy has nothing do with being a gentleman. That conflation shoots a hole in that argument.

 

It's about warding off the f-boys who are in their lane, getting in the way and wasting their time. The men who understand this understand and aren't put off by it. The guys who don't, complain.

 

Exactly!

 

And any good guy will not make an assumption that using "lady" or "gentleman" means "Be my sugar-daddy", at least not from what I've experienced in the short ten days that I've been on OLD.

[salparadise]

 

When I go out with current boyf, who is a big 6.4" Id be v hungry to eat and drink a 1/3 of what is ordered. So why should I always pay 1/2?

 

I love it! That's probably the most rational argument that's been proffered. Thanks for the candor.

 

Be fair, that's a gentleman to me.

 

Yes, what fair means to the women we're talking about is, the gentleman always pays. I don't think there is a cure for it. We have to cull better.

 

I went to a first-meet this past weekend and the previous one, and both times they didn't even bother doing the slow-reach. I wish I could figure out the common denominator. When they just assume, it a turn off. It's not so much the money as the attitude... I'm female, so drinks and meals are always free. Pfffft.

[GemmaUK]

Wow. That's ... interesting. I couldn't imagine it.

 

Yesterday, I went to an antique store. Held the door open for three couples before going in myself. Each of the women said "thank you". The last guy insisted on holding the door for me. We went back and forth a few times. "No, you go ahead." "No, you go." "No, you go ...."

 

The South has its ways, but we are generally polite to each other. We do that for strangers. I couldn't imagine not holding the door for a date.

 

Maybe I should point the difference out between holding a door open?

 

A. Man walks to a door and goes through but holds door for you also - normal and polite.

B. Man gets to a door aware you are behind him (eg on a date) and grabs the door but let's the lady go through first - not common.

 

I do A and B with either gender but I find dates and most men go first then hold the door for me to catch once they have gone through - A.

Younger men and men with decorum do B.

At my company for instance there's maybe 70 plus men and about 4 who do this.

B is a lot nicer from either gender.

 

Opening a door but being either side is a different scenario (and not the norm on a date) - sounds more like your antique shop scenario.

[stixx]

I've found quite a few female profiles stating they are looking for a "gentleman" or someone who is "chivalrous".

 

At quick glance this may seem like they want a guy to open doors for them and not be a jerk, but upon further reflection it appears to be code for "sugar daddy / meal ticket".

 

I drew this conclusion after dating a couple girls who used the phrase "I'm not a gentleman" or "I thought you were chivalrous" when I voiced my issues with the lack of them ever paying for anything. For reference, I always opened doors for them

 

Am I correct in assuming this is what women mean when they use those words in an online profile?

 

How I behave online may seen controversial. This is how I always act when I try to meet a woman for a simple date and what I look for,,,all the little simple things are simple afterward. These things I mention are really easy to identify.

 

-Have a job and independence.

-No long term mental health issues of impairment.

-No drugs at all. Not even pot, but a few drinks on weekends are ok.

-No children - Its baggage.

-How loose is a woman. If you even want a kiss from me your gonna wait a bit. If you want sex(even with safe sex,,,I do not care today. I want a blood test, and I mean FULL bloodwork). Reason. I do date but I only slept with a few and I knew them all very well.

 

I will never kiss/sleep with any woman that I may think is dirty. Wont happen. If the last woman I dated simply and said ok. Then a 3 month blood test period is not a problem if she is a nice gal.

 

I am not paranoid. I play it safe and an educated woman will feel the same way. Woman are a dime a dozen and there are more single women today then men,,,but how many are drug-disease free-educated-not on meds-etc.

 

If you have herpes -- be honest and tell me.

If you was a IV user -- be honest and tell me.

If you have regular bouts of depression -- be honest and tell me.

 

 

Its easy stuff and a good guy will not run if your honest(at least I wont).

 

Having a companion in life is not hard if your honest(A GF/BF takes more effort). We might not be a match together, but I will respect you and you may get a good friend to be. I good person understands friendship aside from a bar hop drunk and a fast one night stand.

 

There is nothing to lose in truth!

[kendahke]

Yes, what fair means to the women we're talking about is, the gentleman always pays. I don't think there is a cure for it. We have to cull better.

 

Newsflash! Many men prefer to pay because that's how they were raised by their gentleman of a father and that's the example he was shown.

 

The easy thing is to stop dating women and only date men. Problem solved.

[Imajerk17]

maybe you should ask them so it's clear from the start

 

I know eh what a concept. Careful with this advice though. If this were to actually happen, traffic on this site would go way *way* down

 

My thoughts OP is that you hardly ever should take what someone puts on the text of their profile too literally (although someone putting HARDLY ANYTHING does tend to say that they just aren't serious about this/expect to get by on their looks). Most women (and people for that matter) date by attraction first and foremost, most women want to be treated right, and most women will have sex with you early on if "it feels right"--nevermind what they said about "no hookups". You'll find out their real views on dating by talking with them and meeting up with them observing their behaviour.

 

[by the way, I learned a while back that guys should be careful about describing the woman they are looking for by using the word "adventurous" in their OLD profiles. Just as "chivalrous" in a woman's profile is taken by some guys to mean that she is looking for a platonic meal ticket, "adventurous" in a man's profile is taken by some women to mean that he is looking for kinky NSA sex early on. Go figure. But I digress.]

Edited August 22, 2017 by Imajerk17

[JuneL]

A friend of mine was looking to set me up with a woman he knew and her first questions were "How much does he make and does he have a boat"?. Needless to say I wasn't interested after that obvious sign of gold diggery.

 

However, some are not looking for a sugar daddy in the traditional sense, but still expect men to finance their entertainment. These are harder to spot at first glance so I filter as best I can.

 

 

I've personally always been financially independent and have always paid my own way. But I wanted to point out that the kind of men these women you described above are looking for don't mind covering for absolutely everything (including expensive vacations and gifts) anyway. When you are making the top 0.1% salary, that kind of money is nothing.

 

Maybe a good way to screen out these women is to take them to relatively inexpensive restaurants during the first few dates, so that they won't be misled to believe you're much more well-off than you actually are.

Edited August 22, 2017 by JuneL

[S_A]

Newsflash! Many men prefer to pay because that's how they were raised by their gentleman of a father and that's the example he was shown.

 

The easy thing is to stop dating women and only date men. Problem solved.

 

Post of the day IMO.

[kendahke]

Maybe a good way to screen out these women is to take them to relatively inexpensive restaurants during the first few dates, so that they won't be misled to believe you're much more well-off than you actually are.

 

Best first meeting suggestion:

 

Meet in a public park on a weekend afternoon at a park bench, each of you bring a thermos of your favorite brew or coffee and bring a book you've read and share both with each other. If she balks at doing this, then you know what she was after. You keep your money in your pocket and continue your search. Win/win.

[SevenCity]

It means weed/marijuana friendly.

 

Was, I had looked it up.

[SevenCity]

Newsflash! Many men prefer to pay because that's how they were raised by their gentleman of a father and that's the example he was shown.

 

The easy thing is to stop dating women and only date men. Problem solved.

 

That's great for them. Though I think it's a far cry to change sexual orientation, no?

 

So where does this "gentlemanly" behavior end? You move her in and feed her Bon Bons all day while she doesn't do anything but take? You work hard to pay the mortgage and all the bills while she puts all her money in the bank?

 

Then if you divorce you pay out the nose in alimony because you have to maintain the lifestyle you created for her?

 

Let me give you another version. You meet a woman who is happy to spend time with you and doesn't feel entitled to anything. You act as equal partners and build a life together. She actually is concerned about you spending your money. She cares about you as a person and not only as her entertainment provider.

 

You see her lack of selfishness manifest in all aspects of your relationship as she cares more about "us" than herself.

 

I know this can be a foreign concept to many, but it can happen.

 

I think I'd rather wait for one of those rather than turning gay.

[SevenCity]

By type and common denominator I did not mean their 'looks'.

 

If most of the time you come across women that expect you to become their wallet then like I said, look for the common denominator of these women.

 

I was on here 3 years failing big time and people said my picker was off, I needed to find the common denominator of these men I was dating and to eliminate it. It was hard at first but I finally got it! and now I am in a relationship.

 

No, it doesn't happen most of the time but it does happen often enough. When I was younger it was less of a problem as I was able to spot them easier IRL. My dating is limited to OLD due to location so what I was looking for was to see if my filter needed to be broadened or if I was correct with my assumption. It's difficult to ascertain someone without meeting them in real life.

 

This question somehow turned me into a bitter, un-gentlemanly, dic pic sending, misogynistic, MGTOW that is only looking to use women for sex and would be better off dating men (though I'm not even clear on the gay dating dynamic of who pics up the tab )

 

This further reinforces the rampant entitlement of a lot of women. Because I don't want to pay ALL THE TIME FOREVER that makes me unworthy of dating in their eyes.

 

I've seen many women posters on other threads state how they like to contribute so they do exist.

 

I personally will be happy to wait for one of these women before settling down. I refuse to get involved with an entitled leech.

[SevenCity]

I love it! That's probably the most rational argument that's been proffered. Thanks for the candor.

 

 

 

Yes, what fair means to the women we're talking about is, the gentleman always pays. I don't think there is a cure for it. We have to cull better.

 

I went to a first-meet this past weekend and the previous one, and both times they didn't even bother doing the slow-reach. I wish I could figure out the common denominator. When they just assume, it a turn off. It's not so much the money as the attitude... I'm female, so drinks and meals are always free. Pfffft.

 

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

 

The solution is for us to date men apparently!

 

And it is a HUGE turn off and only will get worse as time goes on.

[SammySammy]

Maybe I should point the difference out between holding a door open?

 

A. Man walks to a door and goes through but holds door for you also - normal and polite.

B. Man gets to a door aware you are behind him (eg on a date) and grabs the door but let's the lady go through first - not common.

 

I do A and B with either gender but I find dates and most men go first then hold the door for me to catch once they have gone through - A.

Younger men and men with decorum do B.

At my company for instance there's maybe 70 plus men and about 4 who do this.

B is a lot nicer from either gender.

 

Opening a door but being either side is a different scenario (and not the norm on a date) - sounds more like your antique shop scenario.

 

I'm not sure I needed a detailed explanation of what it means to hold a door open for someone.

 

I've done both of those versions, but when I think of holding a door open for someone I think of standing aside and letting them walk through first. I do it for men and women, young and old, without really thinking about it. It's a habit.

 

One of the reasons I think some men no longer do it is because of the reactions they get from feminists. Rude, unappreciative, and often outright mean about accepting a common courtesy. Why put up with all of that negative attitude when you're simply trying to do something nice for someone?

 

I've gotten rolled eyes, snorts of disgust, and sometimes refusal to walk through the door. But, I won't give up my "home training" as we call it. Be polite to folks anyway.

Edited August 22, 2017 by MidKnightDreams

[HarmonyDriven]

I've found quite a few female profiles stating they are looking for a "gentleman" or someone who is "chivalrous".

 

At quick glance this may seem like they want a guy to open doors for them and not be a jerk, but upon further reflection it appears to be code for "sugar daddy / meal ticket".

 

I drew this conclusion after dating a couple girls who used the phrase "I'm not a gentleman" or "I thought you were chivalrous" when I voiced my issues with the lack of them ever paying for anything. For reference, I always opened doors for them

 

Am I correct in assuming this is what women mean when they use those words in an online profile?

 

 

I have not read all of the responses, but I wanted to chime in.....

 

For me, I thought "be a gentleman or chivalrous" was about being polite and courteous, (ie opening restaurant, car doors, etc...) I never thought of it as a meal ticket of any kind.

 

Back in late 2011, while early in my OLD days, I was on date with a man and we were walking on the sidewalk on a busy street. I started walking along the outside/toward curb when he took my hand and guided me inside the sidewalk so he could be near the curb/near traffic. I asked him why he did this AS I HAD NO CLUE.....and he said, it was the "gentlemanly thing to do" noting it is viewed as the man protecting the woman (so to speak) in this case....traffic.....(Well you never know nowadays.....?)

 

I thought it was very cool! Something I will always fondly remember.

[salparadise]

Newsflash! Many men prefer to pay because that's how they were raised by their gentleman of a father and that's the example he was shown. The easy thing is to stop dating women and only date men. Problem solved.

 

Post of the day IMO.

 

Want to see'em turn egalitarian on a dime... change the subject to housework and mopping floors :laugh:

[SevenCity]

I have not read all of the responses, but I wanted to chime in.....

 

For me, I thought "be a gentleman or chivalrous" was about being polite and courteous, (ie opening restaurant, car doors, etc...) I never thought of it as a meal ticket of any kind.

 

Back in late 2011, while early in my OLD days, I was on date with a man and we were walking on the sidewalk on a busy street. I started walking along the outside/toward curb when he took my hand and guided me inside the sidewalk so he could be near the curb/near traffic. I asked him why he did this AS I HAD NO CLUE.....and he said, it was the "gentlemanly thing to do" noting it is viewed as the man protecting the woman (so to speak) in this case....traffic.....(Well you never know nowadays.....?)

 

I thought it was very cool! Something I will always fondly remember.

 

It is nice and I tend to do the same. I'll even put the woman behind me in a crowded place so I can push through for her. I have zero issue with doing that type of stuff and rather enjoy it.

 

My experiences with OLD tend to lead me to believe that is not what they mean.

 

Who even uses the word "chivalrous"? Again, it was defined to me by one girl I dated meaning that she refused to pay for anything until we were engaged (her words). Fat chance!

[Cookiesandough]

Well, I think this is before many times before, but how about if you want to go Dutch and see nothing wrong with that, do it. At the end of the date, make it clear you are splitting the check.. You'll see your number of second dates shrink substantially, but at least you're loving by your principles. I think a hardcore feminist woman might like this idea a lot.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Let me give you another version. You meet a woman who is happy to spend time with you and doesn't feel entitled to anything. You act as equal partners and build a life together. She actually is concerned about you spending your money. She cares about you as a person and not only as her entertainment provider.

 

 

Yea, almost all women have some entitlement. It's up to you to find one that has the degree that you're happy with.

 

I've never dated a woman where it's been anywhere close to her footing 50% of the dating tabs. But the one I'm dating now reaches for the check a decent amount of the time, and I'm generally happy with the situation.

 

Some of buddies are married to (not dating) straight up princesses.

 

My friend just told me about his one buddy who's married to a woman he supports quite comfortably and still insisted they get a nanny three days a week so she could have regular 'me time days'.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well, I think this is before many times before, but how about if you want to go Dutch and see nothing wrong with that, do it. At the end of the date, make it clear you are splitting the check.. You'll see your number of second dates shrink substantially, but at least you're loving by your principles. I think a hardcore feminist woman might like this idea a lot.

 

A lot of women these days actually offer to split the first date check.

 

The 'standard' I would say is ... man reaches ... woman reaches too ... man says "I got it." ... and woman nods.